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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:16 AM   #1
j0hnnys
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Why salmonella is a b*tch?

**Warning. The Following Thread Displays Explicit Descriptions of Pain & Diarrhea and the Use of the Word: ****

So recently, there has been news of a new outbreak of salmonella in eggs across the United States that was linked to a farm in Iowa. Many people underestimate salmonella because they just think "What are the odds of it getting me?". I thought of the same thing of swine flu, but it paid off since I was never affected by it). BUT, I was infected with Salmonella Enteritidis (full name for salmonella). The following words will describe salmonella through a former infected patient, because hopefully you will have a different view of it than just reading the symptoms and effects and etc.

My salmonella case was one of the more severe ones, it took me whole week of nonstop pain to recover, so anything that seems exaggerated isn't exaggerated in my view.

---The Pain---
-Let me start off like this...the pain just ****s you in your stomach and it won't stop. You'll feel like **** within one day or less when getting salmonella. Once you do feel like ****, you first think it's a regular cold or something because of the fever (which makes you feel like you're in Russia, then Africa, and repeat non-stop). But the pain gets worse. That's when you realize it's no ordinary sickness. You can't sleep because it's like someone punching you in the stomach to keep you awake. You feel like killing yourself because your cranky from lack of sleep, the pain never, and I mean NEVER, eases for one bit. It's your normal stomach ache on crack x10 x10 (and x10 not exaggerating).

*(Fun Fact: Don't try to remove or play with the IV needle like I did. If you remove it incorrectly, lots of blood will come out. Leave it to the kind nurses to do that)

Q: Hospital have many drugs to ease and numb pain. Why didn't you use those?
A: It's true. They offered me morphine to ease the pain, which I took like 3 time and and let me tell you, it feels SO GOOD. Half the reason why it's good is because it sorta took the pain away (ANY relief of pain that time is your friend). The other half is because...it just ****ing feels good and you feel so chill and relaxed and lightheaded. I can see why there's morphine addicts these days. Okay enough of the morphine crap.

*(Fun fact: You can die from salmonella without proper treatment if the diarrhea is severe)

The reason why I stopped taking the morphine will be discussed in the next topic about salmonella. The diarrhea.

---The Diarrhea---
-Because salmonella affects your intestines (which becomes really inflamed), you will get diarrhea, lots of it. Diarrhea from salmonella is not like any other diarrhea you've had. It's not some diarrhea you get from eating too much fruits or any other liquidy stuff. It's not some stomach ache that turns out to be diarrhea then the ache goes away. The diarrhea from salmonella starts off bad and gets much much worse. During my week at the hospital, I'd say I had to go release the "liquid demons" a total of 50+ times (I'm not kidding). You will see so much liquid **** that diarrhea probably won't even disgust you anymore. Oh yeah, because your losing lots of liquid and nutrition from the diarrhea, they'll put you on Intravenous therapy (or just IV). For all of you who don't know what IV is, they stick a needle in your vein to pump liquid and vitamins into you (they pumped potassium along with antibiotics into me).
-So about every hour or 2 I would feel the diarrhea ready to burst outta my ass, so I go to the bathroom and release brown and sometimes green stuff that are 80-95% liquid. I just prayed for the pain to go away when I was done but it NEVER went away.

*(Fun Fact: My diarrhea never stank. Because salmonella affected my appetite + the bland food the hospital has to give you (not everything's bland, on my last 2 days i had some pretty good food), I hardly ate. So there was really no "waste" produced. All the diarrhea was mostly from the IV pumped in me.)

*(Fun Fact: Your butthole will feel raw and will hurt because of all the wiping. Lucky they nurses gave me ointment.)


Q: Okay, enough of the damn diarrhea. Why didn't you keep on taking morphine to ease the pain?
A: It would make me take a **** on my bed and patient gown. Why you ask? Because I felt the diarrhea come every time. It's not regular **** that you feel coming but can probably hold for an hour or more. Once I felt it coming, I'd say I can only hold it for 30 seconds while walking (Luckily I had my own bathroom right next to my bed) and probably for 5 minutes laying down with nobody bothering me (You really need to concentrate to hold it in). Lucky, the first 2 time I took the morphine for pain, the diarrhea didn't quite settle in yet. But the 3rd time I took morphine, I felt so relaxed and the pain was numb enough that I was FINALLY able to sleep. So when I woke up, I had a load of **** coming out my ass because the ****ing morphine took the pain away so I couldn't feel it coming and I had to burst to the bathroom. When I came back my sheets were all clean thanks to the kind nurses. So that's why I stopped taking the morphine.

*(Fun fact: I overheard nurses saying there's a national shortage of morphine while I was sick)

---Conclusion---
-Yeah, my salmonella experience was scary (since mines was very severe). They were pumping antibiotics for a week to stop it (and I had to continue to take a couple antibiotic pills after). I learned many things during this experience. Like cooking my eggs well (I NEVER undercook the yolk anymore). Also, I learned a lot about what the nurses have to do and have MUCH MUCH more respect for what nurses do. My doctor wanted to measure how much liquid I had to lose so I had to **** in a bucket that was put in the toilet. It was the nurses' job to measure it. The first few days I was to weak to walk myself to the bathroom, so I had to just press this button, which will give a ring to the nurses to come help me. They never got irritated and came quickly to help. The thing you got to know about nurses is they are trained to help patients with whatever problems they have and they do this every day. So don't expect any "Ewws" or "WTF?" coming from the nurses or anything else that you think might cause them to be be disgusted or unwilling to help you. It's they're job and they make bank from it . My family members visited me often to see how I was doing, which is common for everyone. But what surprised me was my Spanish teacher (a survivor from the Civil War in El Salvador) visited me. I didn't know he came until after I woke up from an hour nap. He really cared for all his students (he visited another student of his who survived from a near-fatal car crash) and he bought me some comic books if I wanted to read it. And because I was a very good student of his (I really was) he told me not to worry about my finals and gave me an A (I had a B or B+) for the semester. (P.S. When I recovered, there was only 1 week left of school, which was finals week.)

*(Fun fact: 1 day with salmonella feels like 1 week)

---The End---
-So that's it. That's my experience with salmonella. Hope you enjoyed it (Cmon I added fun facts for you). You can take it seriously or just laugh it off (Doesn't really matter to me, I do both). But just make sure that if you do have salmonella, be prepared for a very ugly week. If the salmonella isn't that severe or you recover quickly, then consider yourself lucky. Just don't underestimate it and I hope you learned a lot from this thread. Good luck out there and make your you cook ALL your food well and wash your hands. Peace!

Last edited by j0hnnys; Aug 20, 2010 at 05:38 PM.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:57 AM   #2
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Soooo....when is the book coming out?? Who's going to play you in the movie version?
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:02 AM   #3
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Soooo....when is the book coming out?? Who's going to play you in the movie version?
Peter Jackson will be directing this movie. The main actor will be George Clooney with a CGI facelift so he'll look as young as me. It's set to release somewhere in late 2010.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:24 AM   #4
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Peter Jackson will be directing this movie. The main actor will be George Clooney with a CGI facelift so he'll look as young as me. It's set to release somewhere in late 2010.
The movie will be released just in time for the Oscar buz season....

And sorry to hear of your unfotunate situation. I guess I should stop having sukiyaki now?
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:42 AM   #5
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The movie will be released just in time for the Oscar buz season....

And sorry to hear of your unfotunate situation. I guess I should stop having sukiyaki now?
Lol, no need to feel sorry. I just brush off the bad memories. This is thread is half educational half entertainment thread. As for the sukiyaki, just make sure the beef is cooked. The nurses told me to stop eating sushi with raw fish, even from restaurants, but that's wasn't enough to stop me. (Note: though I only, and ONLY eat any kind of sushi from restaurants or legit sushi places)

*(Fun fact: Sushi is delicious. No matter what you say.)
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 04:11 AM   #6
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Ugh, I'm glad I haven't had to suffer that (yet) *touch wood* (why do people say that, anyway?)
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 05:40 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by j0hnnys View Post
Why salmonella is a b*tch?
From what I hear, it's more of a pain in the ass.


Quote:
Originally Posted by j0hnnys View Post
Peter Jackson will be directing this movie. The main actor will be George Clooney with a CGI facelift so he'll look as young as me. It's set to release somewhere in late 2010.
I can barely contain my overwhelming excrementexcitement.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 06:05 AM   #8
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The one thing out of all that text that jumped out was you taking the IV out yourself. Are you insane? haha
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 06:57 AM   #9
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j0hnnys, you have a bright future on this site.

http://forums.macrumors.com/showpost...87&postcount=2
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 07:25 AM   #10
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^^^^ Haha ^^^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by j0hnnys View Post
I was infected with Salmonella Enteritidis (full name for salmonella)
Salmonella enteritidis. All in italics and lower case for second word. I came close to failing an assignment once for the wrong nomenclature !

P.s. Sorry to hear about your squirts.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 07:52 AM   #11
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Oh I feel for you! I really do. Your experience sounds awful.

I have campylobacter food poisoning a few months back and it's the worst I've ever felt in my whole entire life.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 10:20 AM   #12
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I can relate to a degree. A friend of mine had what I can assume to be food poisoning or some other similar acting disease. Anyways the day after cleaning his mess up my roommate and I came down with the same illness. I guess it was not food poisoning as the friend who was originally sick came back from hunting ill. While my roommate and I did not go hunting thus did not have any of the same food. Yes we washed our hands thoroughly multiple times after cleaning the mess.

Anyways this sickness caused constant diarrhea and vomiting even when there was nothing left for a couple of days. Even though you are already weak and aching since both want to occur at the same time you must remain ready change direction in an instant. For the first day there was almost no warning time, definitely no 30 seconds, you lived on the toilet.

I say I can only relate to a degree because that salmonella sounds much worse than whatever I had, at least pain wise and duration. It would be wise to heed your warning and not eat raw eggs.

Unfortunately brownie batter, chocolate chip cookie dough plus the dough for just about any tasty treat is quite scrumptious. Usually better than the final baked product.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 11:24 AM   #13
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I'm so sorry, I laughed my ass off at this.

I think I might be evil.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 11:37 AM   #14
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I have campylobacter food poisoning a few months back and it's the worst I've ever felt in my whole entire life.
OMG, I had a bout with campylobacter a couple of years ago and I wished for death as I went through it. The stomach cramps were horrible, which led to my back cramping up as well. The diarrhea was ungodly.

It turns out that there was a small outbreak in my town, caused by some idiot who was ill and returned to his foodservice job too soon and wasn't washing his hands properly. He spread it to a bunch of people, who then spread it to a bunch more. Yuck.

Wash your hands people!

And cook your eggs fully. Except for the yolk, because sunnyside-up eggs are delicious with toast.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:30 PM   #15
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And cook your eggs fully. Except for the yolk, because sunnyside-up eggs are delicious with toast.
I don't leaving the yolk raw for a better taste is worth it. The only thing raw that's worth taking the risk for is raw fish from sushi of course.

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From what I hear, it's more of a pain in the ass.
I can barely contain my overwhelming excrementexcitement.
LOL, XD

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I'm so sorry, I laughed my ass off at this.

I think I might be evil.
No no, it's okay. It's part educational, part entertainment.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:34 PM   #16
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OMG, I had a bout with campylobacter a couple of years ago and I wished for death as I went through it. The stomach cramps were horrible, which led to my back cramping up as well. The diarrhea was ungodly.

It turns out that there was a small outbreak in my town, caused by some idiot who was ill and returned to his foodservice job too soon and wasn't washing his hands properly. He spread it to a bunch of people, who then spread it to a bunch more. Yuck.

Wash your hands people!

And cook your eggs fully. Except for the yolk, because sunnyside-up eggs are delicious with toast.
Yeah! For nearly a week I went to the toilet every 15 minutes - and I'm not exaggerating. Bloody diarrhea and stomach cramps and a fever. Very unpleasant.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:38 PM   #17
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Thanks for the weight loss tips!
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 02:40 PM   #18
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Thanks for the weight loss tips!
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I lost about 10 lbs cause I hardly ate and I was losing so much liquid. Great way to lose weight in a week if your willing to take the pain.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:04 PM   #19
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j0hnnys, you have a bright future on this site.

http://forums.macrumors.com/showpost...87&postcount=2
I laughed my ass off while reading that. I read a similar about one guy and his experience with strawberry soup (should be a polish national dish).
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:09 PM   #20
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Ew.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 03:49 PM   #21
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Ugh, I'm glad I haven't had to suffer that (yet) *touch wood* (why do people say that, anyway?)
"Touch wood?" What exactly were you doing?
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 04:04 PM   #22
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Ugh, I'm glad I haven't had to suffer that (yet) *touch wood* (why do people say that, anyway?)
I've only heard the expression "knock on wood". Which I assume originated from checking timbers of sailing vessels for dry rot or insect damage. Though some tend to think it originated with letting wood spirits know you are there.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 05:19 PM   #23
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I've only heard the expression "knock on wood". Which I assume originated from checking timbers of sailing vessels for dry rot or insect damage. Though some tend to think it originated with letting wood spirits know you are there.
I've only heard of Mr. Wood Chuck.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 07:21 PM   #24
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This was a nice read.
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Old Aug 19, 2010, 08:31 PM   #25
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You got off lightly dude, my stepdad got salmonella and spent 3 months in hospital, he almost died. After he got out it took 2 years for him to get back his health and he's never got back to the same level of health he had before he got salmonella. He was a super fit guy kayaked every day ran etc, after he'd been in hospital he came out looking like one of those anorexic people his whole body wasted away.

He got it off a chiken curry, the chicken must have not been cooked properly, 2 other people ate the same food but he must have just eaten one piece that was just slightly under cooked.
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