ƒunny "Dear God" Letter

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Etrain, Aug 29, 2005.

  1. Etrain macrumors 6502

    Etrain

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Land of Cleve
    #1
    I found this letter while browsing and just had to share it with every forum I am a member of. I found it amazingly funny, hopefully you will to. This letter is made of real quotes and un-skewed references to the bible.


    Dear God,

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

    i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

    Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,
    Empty Pockets


    No owning Canadians eh? Whats that all aboot? :D
     
  2. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #2
    Yes, that sort of sucks -- but who would want to own one anyways?

    Plus, they'd probably expect a higher salary than Mexicans, and complain if they don't get generous health benefits. :p
     
  3. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #3
    Nothing like setting up a straw man and knocking him over. Christians are easy to discount when all you deal with are caricatures.
     
  4. vniow macrumors G4

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    #4
    Hypocrisy's a bitch ain't it?
     
  5. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #5
    I love being lectured about morals from someone who calls someone they don't even know a hypocrite. A bit judgmental tonight are we?
     
  6. vniow macrumors G4

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    #6
    I'm a little on edge from seeing someone post that its somehow less of a crime if a man murders a transwoman because he felt he was being deceived. So I'm a bit more apt to call things out as I see them and the subject matter of this thread is a perfect example of hypocricy.
     
  7. TheMonarch macrumors 65816

    TheMonarch

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    #7
    Funny. But I don't get the canadian part (why would his friend say 'except canadians'?). Exactly what religion is this? (sorry if its a stupid question). I'm a bit slow today :eek:
     
  8. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #8
    Well excuse me for asserting that you're jumping to an unwarranted conclusion calling me a hypocrite.

    No intelligent Christian argues along the lines of that letter. (blah, blah, there are no intelligent christians... I'm waiting for it).
     
  9. Diatribe macrumors 601

    Diatribe

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    #9
    I think the assumed hypocrisy in this is that most Christians condemn homosexuality for example while admitting at the same time that other parts of the bible are not progressive enough for today's times. Seems pretty selective to me...
     
  10. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #10
    I could explain it to you, but it sounds like you've already got your mind made up that its selective reading.
     
  11. Diatribe macrumors 601

    Diatribe

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    #11
    Well don't bother if you cannot differentiate between an opinion and ignorant beliefs. I am happy that everything is that easy for you, must be great. Nice talking to you. Have a good day.
     
  12. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #12
    What? You should get a bunny with a pancake on his head for that one. I was offering to explain it if you wanted to listen (that is, if you didn't already have your mind made up that whatever i said was BS).
     
  13. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #13
    is this a standard phrase or did you just make it up? i like it.
     
  14. Diatribe macrumors 601

    Diatribe

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    #14
    You haven't seen that pic yet?
     
  15. Diatribe macrumors 601

    Diatribe

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    #15
    You already implied that I had made my mind up. Who I am to argue that, if you begin a conversation like that? How does that make an intelligent start for a discussion?
     
  16. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #16
    i guess not. is it a bunny w/ a pancake on his head?
     
  17. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #17
    Ok, I admit, I should have worded it differently. The comment was supposed to be tounge-in-cheek. Tone doesn't come across in text and I intended a different tone than I ended up conveying.

    But the offer still stands if you want to know why Christians do not follow Old Testament laws "except" for ones like homosexuality.
     
  18. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #18
    Here's the bunny. its an animated gif so make sure you're allowing animations for full effect.
     

    Attached Files:

  19. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #19
    thank you.

    is that bunny wearing chainmail?
     
  20. Heb1228 macrumors 68020

    Heb1228

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    #20
    I always figured it was a tablecloth or something. And it looks more like a guinea pig to me than a rabbit, but that could just be because his ears are tucked under the pancake. How can you be sure in such a circumstance?
     
  21. Diatribe macrumors 601

    Diatribe

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    #21
    K, fair enough. Yes I always like to learn new things and hear other opinions. It's just that "my opinion is the only one and others who don't have the same one just don't listen to me" really bugs me but tone is different written, I admit that. ;) So yeah, let's start over.
     
  22. munkle macrumors 68030

    munkle

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    #22
    Ok, I'll bite...
     
  23. miloblithe macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

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    #23
    Yes please.
     
  24. Nickygoat macrumors 6502a

    Nickygoat

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    #24
    Count me in too.
     
  25. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    #25
    I'll join the chorus of those eagerly waiting to hear this... :)
     

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