4 1/2 years and it's over

Discussion in 'Community' started by pseudobrit, Nov 5, 2003.

  1. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2002
    Location:
    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar
    #1
    My girlfriend of 4 1/2 years officially dumped me last night.
    She's virtually all I know in life anymore. I devoted my heart and soul to her.

    Now I have to hear her tell me she hasn't really loved me for the last two years and wants to date some guy in one of her classes.

    My life is about to change completely. I have to move out and start over. I have to pick through "my" stuff and separate it from "her" stuff, with the knowledge that only two days ago it was our stuff and was going to be "our" stuff for eternity.

    it hurts... bad

    god it hurts
     
  2. eyelikeart Moderator emeritus

    eyelikeart

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2001
    Location:
    Metairie, LA
    #2
    Dude...this just may be the best thing that's ever happened to u. ;)

    I understand your torment though, I went thru somewhat a similar thing last year. In fact, I posted about it here and got lots of support from the community. :)

    My advice to u is to keep yourself busy, and remember that the right thing is always happening. U will likely learn something about yourself that u never knew existed while with your ex. Don't dwell on what didn't become, but rather focus what can be now.
     
  3. medea macrumors 68030

    medea

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Location:
    Madison, Wi
    #3
    well, err, sorry. hope it makes you feel better posting your personal life online though.
     
  4. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3

    jelloshotsrule

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Location:
    serendipity
    #4
    i'm not expecting to ease the pain much... but i agree with eye for the most part

    a couple months ago, my girlfriend of 3+ years dumped me... was "changing"... etc.

    a month ago, i hit it off with an amazing girl... it happened for the best, for sure. i have no doubt about that now.

    of course, back in august, i was certain that my life was going to be **** for a while...


    anyways, the fact is, if she hasn't loved you for 2 years and has been stringing you along, then she's not worth spending your life with... easier said than felt i realize...

    hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel... keep your head up
     
  5. eyelikeart Moderator emeritus

    eyelikeart

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2001
    Location:
    Metairie, LA
    #5
    Well said jellow. Things can always be worse, just depends on how u want them to be. ;)

    When my last relationship ended, I got involved in a bunch of activities to ease myself a bit. Photography was the biggest thing that came out of it, aside from my decision to spend her engagement ring money on a new car. :D
     
  6. Powerbook G5 macrumors 68040

    Powerbook G5

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Location:
    St Augustine, FL
    #6
    Now that's a bright side that makes sense. If I could get a new car for leaving a relationship I would walk away (or drive away) a happy man. :)
     
  7. eyelikeart Moderator emeritus

    eyelikeart

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2001
    Location:
    Metairie, LA
    #7
    Absolutely. I got the car the next week actually. I posted about that here also. :D
     
  8. krossfyter macrumors 601

    krossfyter

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2002
    Location:
    secret city
    #8
    i know how you feel man. being in a similar situation i can tell you that the sun does come back up again. you may feel like life is not worth living anymore but that feeling only lasts for a short time and then you come out of it.. you always do... you just have to move man... move... dont settle on those thoughts.... know that the storm goes away. its only temporary. this will make you stronger... trust me. i know it doesnt feel like the sun will come back or you know you will regain yourself again right now but you have to realize that you will come out of this.... just move. better things do come out of this believe it or not.
     
  9. Moxiemike macrumors 68020

    Moxiemike

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2002
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA
    #9
    Re: 4 1/2 years and it's over


    Ever see "say anything"?

    "You need to find a girl who looks just like her, **** her, and then dump her. It'll make you feel better" was the advice Lloyd Dobbler's friends gave him.

    I bestow this upon you. Either that, or get the MR faithful to pitch in for a GOOD stripper for ya. I'll pitch a few bucks. ;) Anyone else??
     
  10. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2001
    Location:
    VA
    #10
    Sorry to hear that - but I've been there and it does get better. Eye's right, though, it could just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Only thing is you won't realize this until much later.

    Good luck and don't get bogged down in the 'mine' and 'yours' issues when moving out. When it happened to me we each made a list of what we wanted, that we had bought *together* and anything that we both wanted we traded for on other items. Worked out well in the end for me.

    D
     
  11. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    #11
    I'm sorry to hear about your breakup pseudobrit. Hopefully this will be the beginning of great things for your life. Sounds to me like she is not worth your time. I'm sure that you will find that someone special, just be patient.
     
  12. MrMacMan macrumors 604

    MrMacMan

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Location:
    1 Block away from NYC.
    #12
    Ah man, sorry bout that.

    Your gonna move on, always find someone better who really loves you.

    :)
     
  13. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #13
    i really can't add much to what has been said, but there's tons of great advice the above posts for you and like mentioned, the worst part is only temporary

    the basic optomistic nature of people is what makes us what we are
     
  14. eyelikeart Moderator emeritus

    eyelikeart

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2001
    Location:
    Metairie, LA
    #14
    Well, it's much like it was said back in the 80's...

    "When u reach the bottom line, the only thing to do is climb. Pick yourself up off the floor, don't know what you're waiting for." ;)
     
  15. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2002
    Location:
    Michigan
    #15
    OK, eye, what song is that from? You've piqued my interest. :)
     
  16. eyelikeart Moderator emeritus

    eyelikeart

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2001
    Location:
    Metairie, LA
    #16
    The Bottom Line - Big Audio Dynamite :)
     
  17. mymemory macrumors 68020

    mymemory

    Joined:
    May 9, 2001
    Location:
    Miami
    #17
    Re: 4 1/2 years and it's over

    pseudobrit

    I just broke up with my girlfriend too, we had been together for the same amount of time as you.

    Let me give you my analysis of the situation.

    Your pain is 50% ego broken and 50% chemistry. If you were the one that dumped her you wouldn't feel that bad, even if you did it a minute before her. That is the ego part.

    Then the chemistry, your body was in pleasure with her and now she is not there any more, that is the part that hurts the most because there is no more pleasure and security and your endorphins are gonna make you feel pretty bad to push you back to her.

    The only way to avoid that is with time and getting busy. It may take you from one week up to two.

    Just be aware that most of the feelings are biologically. The love will be there at the end but love doesn't hurt, chemistry does.

    Just put all her things in a box and do not look or recall her at all, it is the shortest way to fine the balance.

    And trust me, there is another cutie out there waiting for some one like you.
     
  18. agreenster macrumors 68000

    agreenster

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2001
    Location:
    Walt Disney Animation Studios
    #18
    Sorry to hear about this dude. Take some time to grieve. Just remember everything will be okay.:(
     
  19. NavyIntel007 macrumors 65816

    NavyIntel007

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2002
    Location:
    Tampa, FL
    #19
    Why she making you move out?

    Kick her cheating scumbag rearend out and you keep the apartment. Afterall, if she's breaking it off with you, she should move out.

    Women.... you give them an inch, they take it all.
     
  20. iGav macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2002
    #20
    :p :p :p :p :p
     
  21. chrisnturkey macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2003
    Location:
    Istanbul
    #21
    Symapthies, bro.

    Been through it too more times than I care to recall. My top 5 list:

    1) Get busy: Work. Eat out. Call the boys and hoist the pints. Play sports. Play backgammon. Just don't mope.

    2) Treat yourself: Go buy yourself some new clothes, a new cell phone, some new CD's, a wireless eighteen button ergonomic mouse - something you have wanted for a while but was never quite high enough on the priority list.

    3) Do a ritual cleaning: leave her the old place; you need new digs. Box and store (if sentimental) or ditch (if not) anything that reminds you of her. Don't hate her - forget her.

    4) Foster old relationships and build new ones: now is the time to spend some quality time with the boys. Talk to girls: not neccessarilly to sleep with them, but just to remind yourself that they are out there, some of them are pretty, others nice, and some even both. Finally, forget strippers - you'll just feel lonely afterwards. Go professional: some sweet, sweet lovin' with a girl whose real name you don't know and don"t care about is just the thing.

    5) Be patient: Time heals. Certainly, it is through pain that we grow the most. Remember what the great man said, "What does not kill me makes me stronger."

    :)
     
  22. mymemory macrumors 68020

    mymemory

    Joined:
    May 9, 2001
    Location:
    Miami
    #22
    The most importnat thing...

    Be a gentleman, always.

    That doesn't mean to kiss her a** but be as correct as you can be and treat her like a lady. That may leave the door opens for the future and in that future you will settle the rules then.

    Let me tell you that I can choose now from my pass 4 best girlfriends, just because I was a man when I was supposed to be one.

    Just positive energy, you are the correct one, and that is gonna make you feel a lot better.
     
  23. applemacdude macrumors 68040

    applemacdude

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2001
    Location:
    Over The Rainbow
  24. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Location:
    Colly-fornia
    #24
    Sorry to hear that Pseudo... You'll land on your feet though. This will be for the better, even if it don't look that way now.
     
  25. janey macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #25
    i understand why psuedobrit is so sad...but dude all you MALES are bashing women as if they were worthless or something.... :(

    psuedobrit cheer up. i dont know what its like to be in your shoes (and i hope i never do) but there's probably another person out there that you'll truly love, and one who will truly love you.
     

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