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Advice Regarding Spanking
- Thread starter rspeaker
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true777 said:
Children like that should stay at home--until they learn respect--and so should their parents. If the parents allow their children to do that at their home, that's one thing. If they allow it to happen somewhere else, they should be asked to leave immediately. There is no reason for children, or parents, to act without respect.
calculus said:
Spanking is not hitting.
I remember how, here in Canada, when they were updating some law about child abuse, they specifically distinguished between hitting a child and spanking them.
I gave my boy a swat on the butt one time for acting badly and he didn't like it. But now I just have to threaten him with another swat and he stops being bad. I have not had to spank him since.
Now if anybody else ever hit my kid for any reason I would knock them through a wall.
NEVER hit someone elses kids. PERIOD!
Now if anybody else ever hit my kid for any reason I would knock them through a wall.
NEVER hit someone elses kids. PERIOD!
It's sad that people still think it's OK to assault children, the most defenceless members of society. 
To be assaulted by those who supposedly love you is worse than being assaulted by a stranger
You can always tell the children who are from families who assault them, they're never very happy kids, as anyone who's assaulted on a regular basis isn't, in adults family relationships it's called domestic violence, but when it's children people think it's OK, it's not.
You do not want children to grow up thinking that it is acceptable to assault those who they love, this is how you breed domestic violence.
You should apologise to your sister and to the child, you should have never assaulted one of your own family members.
You'll just brush this off because you're obviously a thug who thinks hitting defenceless children is OK.
To be assaulted by those who supposedly love you is worse than being assaulted by a stranger
You can always tell the children who are from families who assault them, they're never very happy kids, as anyone who's assaulted on a regular basis isn't, in adults family relationships it's called domestic violence, but when it's children people think it's OK, it's not.
You do not want children to grow up thinking that it is acceptable to assault those who they love, this is how you breed domestic violence.
You should apologise to your sister and to the child, you should have never assaulted one of your own family members.
You'll just brush this off because you're obviously a thug who thinks hitting defenceless children is OK.
j26 said:
Right on.
No one should *ever* spank another person's child, not even their own nephews or nieces. And yes, spanking is hitting. Anytime a physical object is forced to collide with another, even if it is a hand an an ass, it is a hit. Calling it by another name does not humanise it.
I won't even raise my voice at someone else's child. Behavior-correction is a responsibility of the parents.
If the parents fail to do it, that's when you confront the parents, you don't try to compensate and go for the kids.
Personally, though I was spanked many a time as a child, I am very against it. It is not necessary.
If poor behavior cannot be dealt with in any other way than a painful strike, the child isn't the one with the problems.
Rewarding for positive behavior will always yeild better results than punishing for negative behavior.
The is a huge difference between [behaving good] and [not behaving bad]. A child who behaves well is better off than one who is just not behaving badly. There is a difference.
I don't have children yet, but I know for certain they will never be spanked. And if another person raised their hand to my child....may god have mercy...
Never presume that you know for certain what you will and will not do when you are sleep deprived and faced with a creature that you absolutely cannot reason with. While I entered fatherhood with the same kind of certainty you did, I will admit to having spanked my boys on a handful of very extreme occasions, and raised my hand before I walked out of the room on more.Josh said:
That said, if anyone else were to try corporal punishment on my kids they'd have some serious 'splaining to do. They're my kids and my responsibility, if you have a problem with them take it to me not them.
B
The more I read through this, I wonder if the real issue isn't between two siblings who've not done too well with completing their own parenting. Violated principles of loyalty, clear communication and healthy boundary setting on the part of two adults, left unresolved, is often acted out and projected upon little ones.
bousozoku said:
Are you trying to justify a non parent spanking a child? If so maybe someone besides your parents should spank you and show you how awful it really is.
I was in a store one day and this mother was pulling her little daughter by her ear and calling her a bitch and a brat and saying she can't stand her. I mean this girl was seriously upset, her ear was about to fall off. I walked over to smack that mother and my girlfriend practically jumped on my to stop me. I walked away in horror.
I broke up with that girlfriend and never forgave myself for not stopping that mother. May I see that again in a store someone will get a dose of their own medicine.
Children have an excuse for being bad and stupid. ADULTS DO NOT!
my mom always hit me with a brush or a wooden spoon...
sometimes a wire hanger, that totally sucked.
one time she threw a cat at my brother.
she threw her purse at me one time.
another time she kept trying to hit me with her hand
and i just kept blocking it. kinda like neo at the end of the matrix.
and it got funny to me so i just let her hit me to end the stupidity.
thats about the time the hitting stopped. when she knew i rose above it.
i was kinda immune after that.
sometimes a wire hanger, that totally sucked.
one time she threw a cat at my brother.
she threw her purse at me one time.
another time she kept trying to hit me with her hand
and i just kept blocking it. kinda like neo at the end of the matrix.
and it got funny to me so i just let her hit me to end the stupidity.
thats about the time the hitting stopped. when she knew i rose above it.
i was kinda immune after that.
obeygiant said:
Yes, same here but worse. My mother and father where both from abusive families and they were married very young. My father married my mother when he returned from Vietnam and my mother married him to escape her abusive parents. Recipe for abuse there.
I received daily horrifying beatings with my matchbox race tracks, belts, hangers, fists you name it. My mother left my father when I was 9 and I got beatings from every boyfriend she ever had. I finally got old enough, 15 to where I beat the living crap out of her boyfriend after he hit me for the last time. They called the police on me and I sat in jail overnight while I laughed the whole time.
All that turned me into a very violent person. I went through life giving beatings to every punk who looked at me funny, but after I got back from Iraq and left the Marines and went to college and dated some wonderful women with morals I snapped back into reality.
Violence begets violence. You are just teaching your child to be a bastard when you beat them sensless and abuse them. Luckily I am educated now and know its wrong and have proven that I can be a better parent than mine were.
Ok. Therapy session over.
macenforcer said:
Bad children become bad adults. Lack of discipline is a lifetime failure because humans rarely change their behaviour in adulthood.
There is a difference between spanking and beating and yes, I was treated to spanking by adults who were not my parents, when necessary. When I arrived home, I got it again. If some adult I knew saw me acting offensively or poorly in some way, they called my mother or my grandmother and I got it when I arrived home.
I didn't have bruises but I knew that my actions weren't acceptable.
That woman and the little girl in the store should both have gone outside to take care of the situation. There is no reason for there to be yelling like that in the store. The thing you're missing is that the little girl was probably being a brat but I'd be extremely surprised if the woman wasn't being a brat, too.
swingerofbirch
macrumors 68040
I just saw this post on Forum Spy and had to jump in.
I do not believe any person should ever hit another person (unless it is consensual as in a boxing match).
You mentioned that you had no idea why the children became so excitable.
You could try asking them.
My guess would be that it's because they are children.
Just let them be.
It sounds like you are stressed out by these people for whatever reason so I would just not have them over to your house.
If you're hitting someone, it's a sign you're too stressed out to have these people over. Take the sign.
I do not believe any person should ever hit another person (unless it is consensual as in a boxing match).
You mentioned that you had no idea why the children became so excitable.
You could try asking them.
My guess would be that it's because they are children.
Just let them be.
It sounds like you are stressed out by these people for whatever reason so I would just not have them over to your house.
If you're hitting someone, it's a sign you're too stressed out to have these people over. Take the sign.
Yup, I agree, one major rule in our house is not to misbehave in stores (also applies to other public venues like restaurants/movie theaters/...)bousozoku said:
If either kid does misbehave, our visit is cut short even if that means not picking up whatever it was that we went to the store for. On one or two occasions this has required abandoning a cart full of stuff, picking up a kid and leaving the store right then and there.
The misbehaving kid is then not allowed to go to that store next time and must stay at home with the other parent while his brother gets to go. Funny how the bad behavior doesn't repeat itself after that...
Another thing that many parents need to understand is that kids will often pay more attention if you speak to them quietly, almost in a whisper, rather than yell. So, I often reprimand my kids by dropping to their level and whispering in their ear rather than yelling at them.
B
Unfortunately it's not foolproof nor am I perfect, as I have already admitted to having spanked my kids on a small handful of occasions. Though by comparison to the folks who were beaten with coat hangers [viccles said:
x1000], I practically tickled them with a feather.B
macenforcer said:
That is horrific and I'm not surprised that you became violent as a result.
But there is a very big difference between daily beatings and a rarely given 'last resort' single slap to shock.
Kids need boundaries that are enforced (by reward, by withdrawal of privileges, by quiet time) and if they're not given them, kids can turn into brats. Note that slapping isn't in that list as a regular means of enforcement.
The mother did behave inappropriately in your store story but then, I'm sure her daughter did also, to provoke that level of reaction. Unfortunately, as parenting skills aren't taught, she may end up doing exactly the same to her child...
I have to say punishment depends on the type of kid as well. My brother and I were never ever punished and he's grown up to be a very successful man and I would like to think that I will be one day but we never rebelled or anything. We were never grounded, smacked or anything of the sort.
Applespider said:
Child abuse is subtle and insidious.
If you truely think that a "single slap to shock" is harmless and a good form of discipline then maybe you should suggest to your boss that he introduces it to your workplace.
It's also possible to be abusive and never lay a hand on the child, so what's your point. No contact at all. Not even hugs? Sounds abusive.The Mad Kiwi said:
B
balamw said:
I never said anything about not hugging your kids, don't know where you got that.
I said that slapping your kids to "shock" them is an insidious form of child abuse.
balamw said:
You know, that really does work. I did that with my son when he was small. Not only did the whispering get his attention, but I think it showed him respect, by not subjecting him to a public verbal thrashing. And by leaning or squatting down, you are getting yourself down on their physical level, not speaking down - literally - to them.
Unless I really felt the need to make the lesson public by saying what I had to say out loud (and occasionally it WAS necessary - other kids or adults needed to hear, or needed to hear that I was addressing the issue), I leaned over and (more or less
) calmly told him that the behaviour was unacceptable, and he had the choice of changing his behaviour, or that we leave immediately. (The point of it being a choice is important, too - shows him he is actually in charge of his own behaviour.)I'm not sure it would work with all kids, I was perhaps lucky - he was intelligent and very verbal. For kids who have other issues than the common learning-how-to-behave-by experience, something else might be necessary.
Do you have any children? A single slap is a very good way to get the attention of the child. Just the belief of a father of three.The Mad Kiwi said: