any ideas on how to get over her

Discussion in 'Community' started by mgargan1, May 11, 2005.

  1. mgargan1 macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #1
    So, it's been 5 months since my ex and I broke up, but I kept talking to her cause i didn't want her to do anything to herself (I'm not being vain, she's tried in the past and I was afraid something bad could have happened if she didn't have anyone to talk to, and at the time I was the only friend she could talk to). So i talked to her every day like we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but each of us knowing we weren't in a relationship.

    Well, about a month ago she found a new guy, which is great cause now I don't have to talk to her every night, but since i stopped talking to her, i've gotten pretty depressed and lonely. I know i'm not over her, but i need to be. Any suggestions?
     
  2. buryyourbrideau macrumors 65816

    buryyourbrideau

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2005
    Location:
    Chicago
    #2
    its always good to stay friends. however if you were together for a while and whatnot, you pretty much gave her a part of yourself. you are going to hurt whenever you see her with someone else. because you still might feel like its supposed to be you

    good luck man

    ive gone through this before and it sucks :(

    best thing that ever happened to me tho

    i found the love of my life after.....:)
     
  3. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    #3
    You've got to throw yourself into something new and all-consuming.
    (No, not a canyon or a lake!) :)

    Whether it's a new work project, job, relationship... whatever. Sounds like you've been the one that's had problems letting go.

    But you will get over her. It may hurt now but time heals all wounds.
     
  4. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040

    MongoTheGeek

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2003
    Location:
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    #4
    From the sounds of it you didn't really break up until she found a new guy...
    Maybe 5 months ago you stopped going out to eat together, or stopped copulating or stopped kissing but phone calls every night sounds like boyfriend girlfriend to me.

    You say she needed you. It also sounds like you needed her, and needed her to be dependent on you. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with it. (There are large numbers of people who would scream that I am wrong for saying though)

    The hobby idea is a good one. It makes a good distraction and can help you figure out what it is that you really want.

    Another option is self hypnosis. Say 20 times in a row "I am over X, she is a bitch and a skank." Anytime you start to think good thoughts about her repeat it.
     
  5. Nickygoat macrumors 6502a

    Nickygoat

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Location:
    London
    #5
    Things like this suck but there is hope. First off - do not contact her. I can't stress this enough. Let her develop her relationship with her new man. She will not thank you for seeing her.
    Second - get out of the house. Sport, sport and more sport. It will involve you in team games and help you interact with other people. It will also, depending on your priorities ;) , help you get in shape, or stay that way which is usually a plus.
    Or dive into work.
    Don't dwell on the situation it will only make it worse. There are worse things in life (although I agree it may not feel like it :D)
     
  6. mcadam macrumors 6502a

    mcadam

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2004
    Location:
    københavn
    #6
    Well, you already got a lot of good advice that I completely agree with - be active and sociable, do lots of stuff with your friends and so on... and don't talk to much with your ex. You need to get her out of your body and mind.

    Furthermore - in my experience the best remedy to get over a girl is, tadaaa, other girls... so perhaps you should also try and look around for sweet ones that might appear in your surroundings. No need to be over enthusiastic, just begin to discover that they exist, and then... who knows :rolleyes:

    A
     
  7. PickledSquirrel macrumors regular

    PickledSquirrel

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Location:
    Aarhus, DK
    #7
    I partially agree with nickygoat. Sports are a good thing. Especially ones that make you scream and sweat and bruise a lot. Combined with long hours spent with good friends (maybe having a few beers and complaining about the other gender in general) watching football, movies, playing computer, scratching crotches or whatever it is you guys do.

    Don't contact her. Don't spend time alone. Don't overanalyze.

    Do hang out with friends every day. Do have fun.

    I know for a fact that taking a few intoxicated buddies out for a trip, buttnaked through the nearest carwash (wax is optional) can do a man in your situation a world of good.

    :eek: :D

    -squirrel
     
  8. Nickygoat macrumors 6502a

    Nickygoat

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2004
    Location:
    London
    #8
    I don't remember suggesting that :p
     
  9. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #9
    in october i ended my two year relationship with my fiancee, and we still live together, best thing i did though was to avoid her and just not talk to her. i dont need her screwing up my life anymore. that being said, you can still be her friend, but realize from now on that is what you are, nothing more. the key i think is to realize that everything happens for a reason. maybe you two just weren't meant to be. it hurts, trust me i can relate. but moving on with your life is the best thing that you can do. get involved with other friends and get out. stay in contact, but dont get to close to her for now, let the wounds heal first before you two become good friends again. finding a new girl, art, writing, work, exercise, friends, whatever will be a great help in getting your mind off of her and into the world

    good luck, but you will make it though
     
  10. PickledSquirrel macrumors regular

    PickledSquirrel

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2003
    Location:
    Aarhus, DK
    #10
    he he he he
    maybe you were intoxicated? :D

    -squirrel
     
  11. mgargan1 thread starter macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #11
    thanks for all the advice guys. One of the problems is that:
    1. I work at a computer store where not too many females come by...
    2. I'm kinda shy when it comes to girls. (I happen to have been drunk when i met her at the beach, so i just went up to her and started talking. But I would never do something like that being sober) maybe I should start drinking again :).
     
  12. DXoverDY macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    #12
    best thing that's worked for me is find some new friends. keep yourself occupied and busy.. not so much to keep your mind off it, but just to be occupied and finding something new for example. an idle mind tends to not get enough stimulation, you get kinda depressed. read a good book, learn some new stuff. you'll benefit from it big time i'm sure of it.
     
  13. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #13
    well shyness is an issue, but you can overcome that, you just have to get into a relaxed and comfortable setting. go out with friends, they might have someone to hook you up with too, friends of friends of friends, your connected to so many people through your own friends its amazing, and hanging out with 'em will probably only brighten your spirits
     
  14. CanadaRAM macrumors G5

    CanadaRAM

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2004
    Location:
    On the Left Coast - Victoria BC Canada
    #14
    OK, Throwing yourself into more work is probably not the greatest idea.
    Team sports is good, I'll second (or 3rd) that. There are also sports that have mixed participation -- volleyball, slow-pitch, ultimate frisbee, badminton, curling are some off the top.

    Here's an off the wall idea for the shyness etc. :

    First of all, 2 concepts.
    1) It's easiest to overcome shyness when you have a topic of discussion you are comfortable with.

    2) Many people are shakey about using computers, email, internet, viruses, etc. AND they cannot stand (or understand) someone talking Geek at them. They want their questions and apprehensions addressed in language they can understand.

    If you were to develop some 1/2 hour - 45 minute talks about a particular computer subject, and write it in plain english without the show-off computerese and jargon; then you could present this to groups of people. (It's not much harder than what we do here on MacRumors - discussing topics and helping people, with some humor tossed in)

    I do this for some local businesses -- call it Lunch and Learn -- go in for a staff meeting or a lunch meeting, do my talk on Email Etiquette for example, answer questions, chat, and leave my cards & brochures.

    You could talk to neighborhood groups, seniors, service clubs, schools. There are dozens or hundreds of organizations that are starved for speakers.... even just ask neighbors or friends or parents of friends if they have some people they would like to get together for a Q&A.

    So, you'd get good at relating with strangers, you (or your boss) would probably see an increase in business, and all of those people you get to see are interesting people (+ may also have interesting single daughters and sisters)

    Thanks
    Trevor
    CanadaRAM.com

    Last thought: drunk is not better... IMO
     
  15. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Location:
    Colly-fornia
    #15
    The way to get over someone/
    is to get under someone else.


    Just kidding
    ;)
     
  16. mgargan1 thread starter macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #16
    If i could do that, then I wouldn't be having this issue :)

    But, again... thanks for all the advice. And, i'm not some loser who is just sitting at home all day moping around trying to get over her. I mean, I go to work all the time, go to school... I just got a new job which I start on the 23rd!! So I'll be moving to Chantilly, VA. I mean, I'm going to be starting a new life really. It's just that I'm not over her, and I need to be.

    I do need to stop any contact with her, which I've done for the past week. I like the sports idea, maybe after work I can play basketball with the neighbors, or go up to the gym (where there are plenty of girls).

    Only problem with the new job, I'll be selling PC's to the government, where I sell Mac's right now. Oh well, whatever gives me the paycheck. I'll still only use Mac's at home.
     
  17. superbovine macrumors 68030

    superbovine

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2003
    #17
    I agree with you. He seems to have kept the special connection with his x-girlfriend and remained emotionally intimate with her. They probably were both dependent on each other. It something like a girl keeping him in proverbial "friendzone".

    I like you idea of "I am over X,....." seems attacks the cause of the problem, his own perception towards situation. Although I am all for finding a new female distraction for him. maybe nothing serious, but just fun. live for today. I have friend that broke up his girlfriend and didn't want to date anybody that was not wanting a serious relationship because he kept wanting what he had with his x. what i am saying your the only person that can get out of the rut, so do it.
     
  18. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #18
    Well you are only doing this to yourself if you keep talking to her. Doesn't really matter what you say, if you keep talking to her you will only be hurting yourself. You need to cut off all contact if you want to move on. Also if you are so scared that she will do something to her self you need to get her help. You guys broke up, you owe her nothing. Stop worrying about her life and get on with your own.

    You were basically being used as her emotional tampon until she found a new cool dude to hang out with. It's over between you two. Whether this ends ugly or good is all up to you my man.

    jon
     
  19. skubish macrumors 68030

    skubish

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2005
    Location:
    Ann Arbor, Michigan
    #19
    Nothing that a drunk night at a strip club can't fix. :eek: :eek:
     
  20. mj_1903 macrumors 6502a

    mj_1903

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2003
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    #20
    I have been through that before and the best thing for me was to not be alone and to be constantly busy whether it be work, sport, music, movies, whatever. Being engrossed in old interests (for me clarinet and foreign movies) has definitely helped as well.

    Having had Rae die recently I knew what to do and now that the mourning is over I am moving on with my life. It was tough for a week or two but my friends were there and there is no way Rae would have wanted me to be upset. Unless your girlfriend is exceptionally mean, there is no way she would want you upset either so do what would make you both happy: live life and enjoy it. :)
     
  21. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #21
    Yeah, find another girl and never talk to this one again. Forget being good friends later. It won't happen for years and years. If it happens, then great. If not, then who cares? Go make new friends, even female ones you have no interest in, and go out and have them introduce you to their friends, and have those girls introduce you to THEIR friends, and so forth...

    F*** the sports and hobbies. You need a girl....another one......a hot Swedish tennis player who gets cold and wants to snuggle in the cold winter nights. Or a quirky girl who laughs a lot who's naturally quite flirty and acts a bit goofy and giggly, and gets cold and wants to snuggle in the cold winter nights. One who can make you happy, and one who doesn't mind it if you go out and put in a big effort at making her happy. A girl who has a great body, and yet wants....no wait....."BEGS" you to talk about all the things that interest you. She loves it when you use terms like "G5" and "CoreImage"....it makes her horny.....

    What was the point of this thread again?
     
  22. mgargan1 thread starter macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #22
    to talk about hot girls who get cold so they need you to hold them!! And to talk about hot girls who get off with terms like "hard drive"
     
  23. Mechcozmo macrumors 603

    Mechcozmo

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2004
    #23
    You seem to be doing just fine on your own... :rolleyes:
     
  24. XNine macrumors 68040

    XNine

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Location:
    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #24
    Oh my God. Seriously my friend. Get over her. IF you can't have the balls to go talk to women, turn to yoru good friend rosey and her five friends...by the way, her last name is palm.

    Don't get me wrong, I love women. But I'm also very aware of the fact that they will emotionally toy with you until they destroy everything. Then when they leave they take all of your crap that they said was "ours."

    I've heard people say that women are the pragmatic sex. I've experienced and know different.

    Don't hold on to her. Let her go. If she comes back, hit it and quit it. You have to look out for #1 my friend, and getting hung up on someone is a waste of time, money and emotion. Find yourself a woman who's willing to think as much about you as you do them. Until then, it's just not worth it.
     
  25. fitinferno macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Location:
    London, UK
    #25
    Wow...I felt, for some reason, like I had just watched an episode of Scrubs after having read this post.

    Isn't what you've said a bit cynical? And anyways, plenty could be said about men being the not-so-great part of the lot.
     

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