Badgers

Discussion in 'Community' started by Durandal7, Aug 5, 2003.

  1. Durandal7 macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #1
    Does anyone know where I could get a badger from? I'm stumped :(
     
  2. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    in transit
    #2
    As in the animal? :confused: :eek:

    Why on earth would you want one?
     
  3. Durandal7 thread starter macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #3
    Yes the animal, it involves a picture window.

    While we're on the subject, hypothetically, how much caffeine would it take to get a badger really wired?
     
  4. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
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    #4
    Errr...a 'picture window?' Maybe it's because it's 1AM in Houston, but I still have no idea what you're talking about. :p

    Do you want the animal itself or just a picture?

    I don't know if you want to get a badger wired. They are pretty pissed off animals as it is. And they smell terrible.

    Of course the real question is, how much drugs does it take to get a stoned chupa? ;) :p

    The aforementioned inside joke is only understandable if you read the Alien thread. :D
     
  5. Durandal7 thread starter macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #5
    Oh no, I want the animal itself. It's ultimate use will tie into a picture window, and yes it will need to be wired and angry.

    Ah, who could forget the alien thread, went a bit too fast paced for me to bother posting much in though ;)
     
  6. MacBandit macrumors 604

    MacBandit

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2002
    Location:
    Springfield, OR (Home of the Simpsons)
    #6
    You don't need caffeine with a Badger. Imagine a Wolverine crossed with a gopher. Now imagine he has a pair of vice-grips on his nuts. That's how freaky these animals can be. I almost stepped on one a year ago in Eastern Oregon while riding my motorcycle out through the sage brush. I was navigating a really stony drop off a butte when all of a sudden this little critter came out of no where and went tearing up the hill. I guess he figure that a 400lb motorcycle and rider was too much of a match that day. Trust me on a bad day or if I had ran over his tail he would have thought differently.

    I don't want to cast bad images of them though as they aren't an aggressive animal merely a very defensive animal that has the ferocity of an animal 10x it's size.
     
  7. WinterMute Moderator emeritus

    WinterMute

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2003
    Location:
    London, England
    #7
    Don't mess with badgers man, they'll tear your face off if you get on the wrong side of one, plus it sounds like you are planning to piss one off big time, they are stronger than Rottwiellers and less easy to handle, they're quick, mean and fairly bright.

    I saw a badger stand off three terriers at the entrance to its set on my grandfathers farm in 1977, my uncle shot it with a 12-gauge in the end, but he had to do it twice.

    They look cute, but they are very dangerous when trapped or annoyed. I'd imagine a wired badger would be slghtly less fun than a great white shark with a bad hangover.:D
     
  8. rainman::|:| macrumors 603

    rainman::|:|

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2002
    Location:
    iowa
    #9
    badgers = evil little bastards.

    i predict injury.

    pnw
     
  9. G4scott macrumors 68020

    G4scott

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    #10
    What is it about the use of a badger in a picture window just doesn't seem right?


    If you wanted to calm the badger down, I'd try tranquilizers, in small amounts...

    Or you could try to get him stoned ;)

    that would be kinda funny...
     
  10. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

    Joined:
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    Colly-fornia
    #11
    Oh goodie, no one's said it yet....

    Badgers? We don't need no stinking Badgers!
     
  11. sonofslim macrumors 6502a

    sonofslim

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2003
    #12
    assuming you're foregoing common sense and the advice of your peers, and you do procure a badger and decide to amp it up with caffeine, keep in mind the following:

    a 5oz. cup of coffee has anywhere from 50 to 80 mgs of caffeine, depending on how it was prepared -- instant coffee has less, drip has more.

    let's assume you're going to be preoccupied with keeping this badger from chewing your face off, so you won't have the time to brew a pot of coffee. you'll have to send someone out for Dunkin' Donuts. they percolate their coffee, so we have a mid-level caffeine content; assuming you get a small (12oz) let's estimate you now have 150mgs of caffeine at your disposal.

    a badger can weigh anywhere from 12 to 24 pounds (encyclopedia.com) and you'll want one that is neither too young nor too small to be effective, but not so big that it severs your fingers and toes while you attempt to control it. let's say you have a 20-pound badger on your hands. or in a pillowcase, or being catapluted through a picture window, or whatever.

    while some of us in the online community may be used to ingesting large amounts of caffiene on a regular basis, it takes considerably less to get an average (0 - 1 cups of coffee/day) adult wired. let's assume (again, this is all
    broad-strokes math) that three large cups of coffee, about 40oz. of coffee or 500mgs of caffeine, would conspicuously affect a non-coffee drinking person. and let's presume, for simplicity, that our badger doesn't ordinarily drink coffee either.

    if we divide average badgerweight by human bodyweight and multiply by mgs of caffiene, we see that it would take roughly 60mgs of caffiene, or about 5oz. of coffee (leaving 7oz. for you, or for your coffee-fetching assistant) to produce the same effect in a normal-sized badger.

    of course, you may want to adjust your numbers based on the assumption that you absolutely run the risk of OD'ing your badger on caffeine, and then you'd have the SPCA and your conscience to deal with.

    now, i'll leave the logistics of getting a badger to drink a cup of coffee to you, but PLEASE: make sure your badger is not pregnant or nursing!! caffeine has been linked to low birth-weights and delayed growth in infants!
     
  12. Durandal7 thread starter macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #13
    I was thinking more along the lines of espresso, that would simplify things.

    Do you still have the badger?
     
  13. sonofslim macrumors 6502a

    sonofslim

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2003
    #14
    don't be fooled -- espresso actually has less caffeine than regular coffee. the water is only in interaction with the espresso grinds for less than 30 seconds. a drip or percolate method allows water to soak in grinds for a longer period, thereby leaching out more caffiene.

    besides, i doubt badgers have the discerning palate necessary to enjoy a nice demitasse of espresso.
     
  14. Ambrose Chapel macrumors 65816

    Ambrose Chapel

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    #15
    personally, i'd go with turkish coffee. i mean, you want the little guy *wired*, right? ;)
     
  15. G4scott macrumors 68020

    G4scott

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    #16
    feed the badger some of this, and he'll be wired for sure.

    1oz = 100mg caffeine.

    whole bottle = 2450mg caffeine.

    1oz syrup + badger = antsy badger

    whole bottle + badger = hyperactive, possibly mutated, uncontrollable, psychotic badger (assuming his body can withstand the initial dose...)

    Now that'd be worth watching...

    Just be sure to get video of it, and you might be able to win on America's funniest home videos, and help pay off your hospital bill...
     
  16. patrick0brien macrumors 68040

    patrick0brien

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2002
    Location:
    The West Loop
    #17
    -Durandal7

    "get a badger"

    "involves a picture window"

    "how much caffeine would it take to get a badger really wired"

    What the hell are you up to??!?

    The name "Badger" is very apt. This is a creature that is born grouchy, strong, and smart. This just seems like a really bad idea.

    A ballistic Badger is a very dangerous thing. I believe the military experimented with "Pissed-Off Badger Launchers", the POBL-14's and they worked, the only problem is that once finished with the target, the Badger would usually be pretty pesky to reload, and if the soldier survived getting shot at while chasing the animal around on the battlefield, the Badger in question would, more often than not, shred the soldier once caught anyway.

    Ok, yeah, that last part was bulldooky, but it paints a funny picture. :D
     
  17. idea_hamster macrumors 65816

    idea_hamster

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    Location:
    NYC, or thereabouts
    #18
    Didn't the Simpsons episode about the new second area code for Springfield start of with Homer getting viciously mauled by a badger hiding in Santa's Little Helper's dog house?

    "Badger my ass. It's probably just Millhouse. OWW-HHOOWW-HHOWW!"

    What ever you're doing, you should film it -- the picture window will help protect the camera man until the wired badger finishes off his immediate surroundings. Maybe for Jackass. Or the Darwin Awards.
     
  18. WinterMute Moderator emeritus

    WinterMute

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2003
    Location:
    London, England
    #19
    some one give Durandal a badger for f*cks sake, I'm desparate to see how much damage they do to each other.

    Please have a vidcam ready, it'd be a real show.

    I've got £10 says the badger'll take him late in the third (mug of coffe that is).
     
  19. Ambrose Chapel macrumors 65816

    Ambrose Chapel

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    Location:
    Massachusetts
    #20
    yeah, check out that link i posted earlier up ;)
     
  20. Durandal7 thread starter macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #21
    I was thinking more along the lines of a short range trebuchet, maybe one of these on a larger scale.

    I have found a place in Nebraska that may give me a badger but I have to check the local laws to make sure it is legal for me to have a badger.
     
  21. MacBandit macrumors 604

    MacBandit

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2002
    Location:
    Springfield, OR (Home of the Simpsons)
    #22
    There should be at least a 7 day waiting period for a weapon of such power.

    Also no I don't have that badger anymore and thank god he didn't want to hitch a ride with me.
     
  22. legion macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2003
    #23
    sonofslim, you are a laugh riot!!!:D :D :D

    I really enjoy how you stick to your guns with your dry humour!

    As for the badger, I'm assuming that with the trebuchet that this is a revenge "badger-ing" As long as it's wired on coffee (you might as well give it a cig too), having it rabid could only make things better (or worse, depending on how you look at it)

    After the badger has shredded you apart and you can no longer type, please fill us in on the event and have your slave/nurse monkey type us a post...

    sees little monkey punching away at a powerbook, looks over at Durandal7 (well, what's left of him in the wheelchair) and then sees the monkey pondering how humans ended up being the dominant species on the planet
     
  23. patrick0brien macrumors 68040

    patrick0brien

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2002
    Location:
    The West Loop
    #24
    -Durandal7

    So what are you up to? Or are you hoodwinking us?

    If you really are planning something interesting, please have a video camera, a still camera, and webspace for all of us to see.
     
  24. mrjamin macrumors 65816

    mrjamin

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Location:
    Strongbadia
    #25
    apparently there's a german verb that means "to beat a badger".
     

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