Bil Gates Vista Introduction Spoof

Discussion in 'Apple, Inc and Tech Industry' started by swingerofbirch, Jan 23, 2007.

  1. swingerofbirch macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Location:
    The Amalgamated States of Central North America
    #1
    I wrote this the other night, hope someone enjoys it.

    A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BILL GATES, MICROSOFT FOUNDER AND CHAIRMAN

    "Windows Vista: Good Enough For Today, Imagining Tomorrow Again"

    Creating a new version of Windows is a complex proccess. We build not only for today but also for tomorrow. We ask ourselves questions like: will this operating system be relevant when people are flying their cars to work? We want our operating system to be ready for whatever our hardware partners come up with, be it a flying car, a flower vas that instantly updates you on your grandparents' blood pressure, or a pair of sneakers that tells you when it's time to let your dog outside. Or what if say for instance, you want to wave your hands in the air to control a computer like in Minority Report? Those are the types of things we at Microsoft are thinking and talking about.

    I've talked innovation; now I want to talk communication. In this day in age, information needs to move fast. And it not only needs to move fast, but it needs to get there quickly. If you're not fast and before the other guy, you're going to lose your job to a competitor. No employer would let someone who was always slow to respond to critical situations stay at his job for up to eight years. But let's look an entirely different scenario; let's look at the world's most important employee: the president. Say for instance someone is trying to tell the president that Osama Bin Laden has intentions of flying a plane into a large building. Well the president at his ranch may not get that message. Before Windows Vista, there was no way to communicate that message. E-mail, phone calls, and presidential daily briefings have become irrelevant in today's fast paced world and are inadequate. People don't just want to run countries from White Houses anymore. They want to run countries from the fields of their ranch compounds. So let's say Windows Vista were embedded in the chaps the president was wearing as he cleared bush out in Texas. The Vice President could use a rifle from the hills of Montana to text message the President's chaps and say, "Osama Bin Laden is going to attack the United States." We could even build motion sensing functionality and Bluetooth into that rifle so that he could use it to control an XBOX 360 using realistic motions. For example, he could play one of the hunting games available for XBOX 360 using realistic motions such as aiming and firing with the rifle, all while text messaging the President's chaps. We want to connect people, everywhere, all the time. And although the technologies I'm talking about may be a ways off, you'll find really interesting features in Windows Vista, like a really shiny, black interface. But at Microsoft, we don't want to just talk about what Windows Vista can do, but what it could do.

    Today I am truly honored to introduce to you all Windows Vista. It has been thoroughly tested by literally millions of users and is literally Microsoft's newest operating system. We're proud to announce that after six years of hard work, it's literally good enough to sell as a commercial product, and we think some of our customers will find it acceptable. We want them using Vista in really creative ways and saying to themselves, "This seems good enough, and I really like that shiny black task bar."

     
  2. swingerofbirch thread starter macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Location:
    The Amalgamated States of Central North America
    #2
    51 of you have read this and not one could muster a compliment on my clever writing skills? I mean, come on.
     

Share This Page