Company Christmas Party

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by XNine, Dec 28, 2005.

  1. XNine macrumors 68040


    Apr 7, 2005
    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    yeah, I'm not one for posting mass emails into forums, but this is hilarious.


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    RE: Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the
    Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
    small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And
    don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
    Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
    can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
    the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
    for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family.

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    RE: Holiday Party

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
    coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
    from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
    applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still
    celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present.
    No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

    Happy now?

    Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
    to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
    "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
    handle this?
    Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
    union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
    $10.00 is a little chintzy.

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    RE: Holiday Party

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
    luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
    beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
    the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
    in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
    members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from The dessert buffet and
    pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
    allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay
    men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
    arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
    cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster
    seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a
    diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
    people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
    fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar"
    desserts. Sorry!

    Did I miss anything?!?!?

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Dam Employees
    RE: The Dam Holiday Party

    Vegetarian jerks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
    this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
    quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
    quaintly put it, and you'll get your dam salad bar, including
    organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream
    when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
    right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

    The Bi*tch from H*ELL!!!!!!!!

    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
    and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
    management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
    afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

    Happy Holidays!
  2. katie ta achoo macrumors G3

    May 2, 2005
    When I read this I thought this actually happened at YOUR company.

    :eek: :eek:

    But then, I re read the first sentence... it's funny now because there isn't some crazy HR rep going nuts on people. :D
  3. XNine thread starter macrumors 68040


    Apr 7, 2005
    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    heh, we've had our fair share of emails almsot like this at my company. lol
  4. ibook30 macrumors 6502a


    Jun 4, 2005
    2,000 light years from home
  5. Danksi macrumors 68000


    Oct 3, 2005
    Nelson, BC. Canada
    .. things would be a lot easier if it were simply. "Oi! We're headed down the pub, you're welcome to come."

    ...instead of all this faffing around being politically correct.

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