Corny Jokes and One Liners

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by renewed, Jul 14, 2011.

  1. macrumors 68040

    renewed

    Joined:
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    Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
    #1
    Read a few in a different forum and thought why not?

    "What'd the lamp say to the man?

    Nothing. A lamp is an inanimate object."

    "Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."

    Ok let's see what you've got.
     
  2. macrumors newbie

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    Under your bed
    #2
    What kind of shoes are made from bananas skins? Slippers.
    What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
    When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
    What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes? He burped 7-Up.
    Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
     
  3. macrumors 6502a

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    Boston
    #3
    Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you :cool:
     
  4. macrumors newbie

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    #4
    Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but I've heard its got no atmosphere...
     
  5. macrumors 6502a

    r1ch4rd

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    Location:
    Manchester UK
    #5
    Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
    A: Red paint.

    Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
    A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
     
  6. Firestar, Jul 15, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2011

    macrumors 68020

    Firestar

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    #6
    I bet you I could stop gambling.

    I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
     
  7. macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

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  8. macrumors 68040

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  9. macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
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    #9

    Or Henny Youngman. Poor guy gets no respect. :p
     
  10. macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

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    Location:
    Michigan
    #10
    A horse walks into a bar
    The bartender says "why the long face?"
     
  11. macrumors 601

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    #11
    I take no credit for this… just passing it on:

    "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
     
  12. macrumors 65816

    iStudentUK

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    #12
    "My friend has a world record for concussions, he lives very close. In fact, just a stones throw away."

    -Stewart Francis
     
  13. macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #13
    Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

    A: Dr. Dre.
     
  14. macrumors 68040

    velocityg4

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    Location:
    Georgia
    #14
    Why don't blind men skydive?
    Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.

    How do you turn a dish washer into a snow blower?
    Give her a shovel.

    The fight we had last night was my fault.
    My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan.

    Did you hear about the new French tank?
    Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
     
  15. macrumors 603

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    #15
    A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"
     
  16. macrumors 601

    mscriv

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    #16
    What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

    Dam! :D
     
  17. macrumors 68020

    Firestar

    Joined:
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    Location:
    221B Baker Street.
    #17
    That was pretty bad, but it did make me laugh. :p

    Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
     
  18. macrumors 6502

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  19. macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
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    #19
    Q: What's brown and runny?

    A: Usain Bolt.



    I don't know why I keep "going there".
     
  20. macrumors 68020

    Firestar

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    #20
    Two fish were in a tank. One said "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
     
  21. macrumors 603

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    #21
    "Hello.... Hello.... [tap tap] is this thing on? Hello??"
     
  22. macrumors 601

    mscriv

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #22
    That's my father in law's favorite joke. It's so corny, but it's great for a quick laugh. :)
     
  23. macrumors G3

    rhett7660

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    Location:
    Sunny, Southern California
    #23
    What does is smell like to go down on a 80 year old woman?

    Depends.


    A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
     
  24. macrumors 6502

    DollFaceDork

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    #24
    A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
     
  25. macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

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    Location:
    Michigan
    #25
    What did the birdy say when it flew over wal-mart?

    cheap cheap cheap!



    What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*"?

    someone laughing their head off.
     

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