Dating "Rules"

[CubaTBird]

Im curious, do you think the majority of women follow some sort of hard lined set of "rules" when dating a guy? I mean I will randomly browse a bookstore and find countless books, heck even a whole section, devoted to such dating and relationship "advice". Also with websites such as http://www.askmen.com/dating/index.html it makes it seem that men are at fault for everything that goes wrong with the woman they are dating and that they need to learn from it. What do you guys think?

 

[Applespider]

Speaking for myself, I don't and prefer just playing it by ear. I hate the stupid games that the 'don't call for x days' bring about.

Then again, I'm still single... heads for Amazon

 

[AvSRoCkCO1067]

Hmmmm...I'm probably the worst person to ask for 'dating advice' .

Lately, I've been avoiding the 'typical date scenario' - you know, going to the movies, spending the first 30 minutes of the movie trying to figure out how to grab her hand/put your arm around her, spending the middle hour shuffling because you're incredibly uncomfortable, and finally, when you get comfortable, the movie ends...

Case in point: I took a girl to the grocery store. Seriously. One of the most fun dates I've had in a while - we decided to pick up some brownie mix, and afterwards went to her house to make some kickass brownies .

Best part of the date: getting in a fight over which grocery store to go to. I used to work at King Soopers (Kroger), so ultimately I won the battle...but she was a Safeway gal .

Oh, and there are definitely rules...I should pick up one of those books...

 

[scem0]

I always feel bad for straight guys, they are expected to pay for their dates' meals, they are expected to open doors and be gentlemanly. And usually the girl doesn't put out . They need to realize that they are playing for the wrong team!

In the gay world you pay for your own meal and you only pay for theirs if you can afford it, if you want to, and if they let you. You don't have to open doors for people or anything silly like that, only if you want to. There's really no rules at all. The only rule is that you HAVE to put out on the first date. I kid, I kid. But if it goes well I'd say a good majority of gay men do sleep together after the first date. I, personally, am totally disenchanted with casual sex for some reason though, so that isn't for me. But I still like how I don't have to feel obligated to be or do anything if I go on a date.

Sorry straight guys . I feel for you.

e

 

[Jaffa Cake]

Who better to ask than a woman? I put your question to Miss Jaffa Cake...

"Er, what? Well, er... I suppose women have, er, well... like... boundaries and stuff, and... er... why do you ask?"

Based on this, either no they don't or they're all up to something and are just covering up. Personally, I'd pay no heed to all the relationship self-help books. They're just there to try to milk as much money as possible out of desperate folk who are after a partner and think buying a book and following a list of guidelines will solve their problem.

...it makes it seem that men are at fault for everything that goes wrong

That's because it's always us men who are in the wrong. Even when we're right.

 

[CubaTBird]

Hmmmm...I'm probably the worst person to ask for 'dating advice' .

Lately, I've been avoiding the 'typical date scenario' - you know, going to the movies, spending the first 30 minutes of the movie trying to figure out how to grab her hand/put your arm around her, spending the middle hour shuffling because you're incredibly uncomfortable, and finally, when you get comfortable, the movie ends...

Case in point: I took a girl to the grocery store. Seriously. One of the most fun dates I've had in a while - we decided to pick up some brownie mix, and afterwards went to her house to make some kickass brownies .

Best part of the date: getting in a fight over which grocery store to go to. I used to work at King Soopers (Kroger), so ultimately I won the battle...but she was a Safeway gal .

Oh, and there are definitely rules...I should pick up one of those books...

no need man, seems like that askmen site has truckloads of them "rules"...

 

[eva01]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

 

[CubaTBird]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

..and the oldest?

 

[w_parietti22]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

shoot. that means that I can oly date 14.5+ year olds

 

[CubaTBird]

I always feel bad for straight guys, they are expected to pay for their dates' meals, they are expected to open doors and be gentlemanly. And usually the girl doesn't put out . They need to realize that they are playing for the wrong team!

In the gay world you pay for your own meal and you only pay for theirs if you can afford it, if you want to, and if they let you. You don't have to open doors for people or anything silly like that, only if you want to. There's really no rules at all. The only rule is that you HAVE to put out on the first date. I kid, I kid. But if it goes well I'd say a good majority of gay men do sleep together after the first date. I, personally, am totally disenchanted with casual sex for some reason though, so that isn't for me. But I still like how I don't have to feel obligated to be or do anything if I go on a date.

Sorry straight guys . I feel for you.

e

no but see, when one overcomes the "rules" or the "challenge", the reward is all the much more fun.

 

[scem0]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

<--- doesn't like that rule

I prefer, divide 0 by your age and add 18, that's the youngest you can date.

e

 

[eva01]

..and the oldest?

well for the oldest they would have to also follow that one rule.

 

[scem0]

no but see, when one overcomes the "rules" or the "challenge", the reward is all the much more fun.

I guess I kind of agree, but i don't think of it in that way . I feel like one night stands are so pointless. Not memorable or particularly pleasurable. I get the same amount of pleasure from eating an ice cream cone as I do from a one night stand. So I always figure that I might as well eat an ice cream cone and masturbate (not at the same time ).

e

 

[katie ta achoo]

<--- doesn't like that rule

I prefer, divide 0 by your age and add 18, that's the youngest you can date.

e

Paging Dr. Q to explain to all of us why we can't divide by zero.. Paging dr. Q you're needed in community discussion...

Divide by zero...

DNE+18 sounds like my kinda man!

(sorry, sorry... I loves me my maths!)

 

[w_parietti22]

..and the oldest?

Your age -7 x 2

Example:

40 years old.
-7 (Subtract 7)
= 33
x2 (multiply by 2)

= 66

The oldest person a 40 year old can date is 66.

 

[scem0]

well for the oldest they would have to also follow that one rule.

Eek! I especially don't like that rule!

I could only date 31 year olds and younger according to that rule! And young guys are no fun at all. I like my men big, butch, and at least in their 30's .

e

 

[eva01]

Paging Dr. Q to explain to all of us why we can't divide by zero.. Paging dr. Q you're needed in community discussion...

Divide by zero...

DNE+18 sounds like my kinda man!

(sorry, sorry... I loves me my maths!)

Actually you can divide 0 by something. Which is what he is proposing because zero divided by anything equals zero.

So Dr. Q will do nothing to help you

No where in there was he proposing dividing by zero

 

[scem0]

Paging Dr. Q to explain to all of us why we can't divide by zero.. Paging dr. Q you're needed in community discussion...

Divide by zero...

DNE+18 sounds like my kinda man!

(sorry, sorry... I loves me my maths!)

I didn't divide by 0 though ! I divided 0 by your age. So 0/19 = 0 + 18 = 18 so I can date 18 year olds. Similarly a 40 year old: 0/40 = 0 + 18 = 18 so he can date 18 year olds too . That's the formula I use so that I'm not breaking any rules or their not breaking any rules if I decide to date a middle aged guy . I totally think guys don't really start getting hot until 30 .

e

 

[CubaTBird]

Can we somehow stay on topic? Anyway... I think societal pressures cause us, not just in the USA, but in other continents aswell to follow these pre-determined norms. Who created them? We did, via pop culture. Magazines, television, the Internet. It's sort of our own doing if you think about it. If you ask your older folks or even watch old movies from the 40's and 50's, getting the girl was almost a piece of cake. Why? Because the mass media did not enforce a certain dating "image" on people.

 

[scem0]

the image in the media at that time was that the guy always gets the girl too, which reinforces your point. Now there's a theme of female rejection in movies and in the media, I think.

e

 

[thedude110]

So Dr. Q will do nothing to help you

Psshaw!

I don't believe that for a second!

I think societal pressures cause us, not just in the USA, but in other continents aswell to follow these pre-determined norms. Who created them? We did, via pop culture.

Pop-puritan-culture.

Back in my halcyon days, I never had rules. And I didn't stick with the women who had rules because I didn't feel like living implicitly.

Don't get implicit on that statement either, people.

You look the other person in the eyes, you listen to them -- it shouldn't take more than two hours to determine if you can spend a few traffic jams together.

 

[Skeeball236]

del

 

[CubaTBird]

Online Dating

Adding more wood to the fire is online dating. This includes the whole mantra of what is match.com & myspace & even yahoo personals. Now with those sites people do not even have to leave their homes to meet other individuals. But think about it now, lets say you have been virtually "dating" someone over the Internet using one of these services for oh about a month or so, yeah? You do finally decide to meet up somewhere in a public crowded place for security reasons. When you finally do meet, talk about high expectations! It's like "yeah, so how are you? yeah... im so and so from that site.. yeah.. uhhh". And you don't know how to continue on from that because your so used to talking to them online. I think online dating is a bad thing to sum it up heh. It kind of makes it almost sound like you can order up a "wife". At least from those e-harmony commercials.

 

[Stridder44]

Im curious, do you think the majority of women follow some sort of hard lined set of "rules" when dating a guy? I mean I will randomly browse a bookstore and find countless books, heck even a whole section, devoted to such dating and relationship "advice". Also with websites such as http://www.askmen.com/dating/index.html it makes it seem that men are at fault for everything that goes wrong with the woman they are dating and that they need to learn from it. What do you guys think?

Well, it isn't so much our fault as it is both genders faults. See if a guy isn't doing the right things to attract a girl, how is the girl supposed to feel attracted? The guy gets upset because he can't get the girl and puts the blame on her, when in fact it's usually the guy who isn't sending the right messages/signals and not making her feel attraction.

 

[katie ta achoo]

I didn't divide by 0 though !

Whoops.. Can't read.

I think societal pressures cause us, not just in the USA, but in other continents aswell to follow these pre-determined norms. Who created them?

Societal pressures can be read through history.

She would never call upon an unmarried gentleman at his place of residence.

May help to explain why men are usually the first ones to make the move in a relationship.

Courtship advanced by gradations, with couples first speaking, then walking out together, and finally keeping company after mutual attraction had been confirmed.

Even that can be seen today... you meet, you date, you continue to date...

A KNIGHT AND HIS MAIDEN IN 14th CENTURY FRANCE. Courtly love in France was almost a cult that any self-respecting knight belonged to. The knight would fix his attentions on some women (usually married) and would pledge his protection to her. He would write poems, ballads and dedicate deeds of valor to her. Often this love remained unrequited, but often the practice of courtly love led to risky situations between fellow knights when a wife returned his affections.

That could be the birth of the love note.

while customs have changed (people in the 1600s would have perished at the thought of premarital sex) a lot of them still remain.
I'd cite more, but my aiport keeps dropping me.
just do a quick google for "courtship" and read a few of the synopses. It's really interesting to see how similar the modern day and the past are.