Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom

Discussion in 'Community' started by Waluigi, Sep 5, 2003.

  1. Waluigi macrumors 6502

    Apr 29, 2003
    Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom
    (as seen on The Late Show with David Letterman)

    1. Do you realize that you can't play the game of life with sweaty palms?
    2. Sometimes it's hard to see your own face without a mirror.
    3. Perfectionism itself is an imperfection.
    4. You know your authentic self when you know who you truly are.
    5. If you're standing on a hot highway, you try to get off on the cool grass.
    6. It isn't about dreams, it's about a real clear plan, a timeline, and having some outcome criteria.
    7. It is what it is, the only time is now.
    8. I've had a vasectomy, and I've had it reversed!
    9. I wanna be Miss America.
    10. I'm gonna go back to my boyfriend when I get home.
    11. I do yell at my children and I don't know how to stop.
    12. I'm not even remotely qualified.
    13. From this point forward I want you to start living as a gay woman.
    14. Do you want a piece of me lady?
    15. You're fat, stupid, and a pig.
    16. Are you nuts?
    17. So I'm telling you now, I've had an affair.
    18. You bastard!
    19. You're not worth the trouble.
    20. Oh, I'm just casually taking heroin.
    21. Don't think you don't know what you don't know, only you know that.
    22. Don't give me that sarcastic crap!
    23. Cookin' is women's work.
    24. If I have to cry, then I'll cry. If crying doesn't get it done, then alright, I'll start choking.
    25. Boy, if I could get my hands on you.
    26. I would eat Coco Puffs if I got hungry enough.
    27. You say another word, I'm gonna fine you ten thousand dollars a word.
    28. Don't you ever talk to my wife that way again.
    29. A year from now, you're gonna weigh more or less than what you do right now.
    30. I'm offering you sex.
    31. I'm ready to throw up.
    32. (to a young girl) You're not a good person.
    33. I consider myself to perhaps be the worst marital therapist ever.
    34. You just have no redeeming qualities...no...nothing.
    35. I know one woman who cannot close her eyes.
    36. When I was like...4th, 5th, 6th, 7th grade, I raised pigeons.
    37. Put some leaves in my mouth and set 'em on fire.
    38. You've gotta kiss my ass now that I've got this money.
    39. Disaster is gonna befall you.
    40. You're a bitch!
    41. The day's OK, and then I smoke dope and get over it.
    42. Kids hate me.
    43. I want you to make two separate trips to the cemetery.
    44. Quit interrupting!
    45. Daddy loves you.
    46. You can't fire me, I quit!
    47. Yeah, whatever.
    48. (talking to a man) I want you to know I love you and I think you're special and I'm gonna tell you that a lot.
    49. I'm a drunk pimp.
    50. I don't care what I weigh!
    51. I hit my head and I was dizzy.
    52. I can't believe you aren't happy for me, you wretched bitch.
    53. You don't wanna be here, trust me.
    54. I've been miserable for 40 years.
    55. You're driving me nuts.
    56. What a complete and utter load of crap!
    57. I can't believe that she would have sex with you at all!
    58. I find you boring.
    59. You're just dumber than a rock.
    60. Get horny and call me.
    61. What?
    62. I'm a three-time loser and destined for a life alone.
    63. I in fact pick on weaker kids because I think it's funny.
    64. I'll beat the crap out of you.
    65. I don't know what I'm doing.
    66. Call your wife a bitch.
    67. Ninety percent of people are stupid.
    68. You know what? I'm a big boy.
    69. I couldn't care less.
    70. Are you people deaf?
    71. I was absolutely insufferable before you married me!
    72. I think I got the flu.
    73. Just lock the door and take a bubble bath.
    74. Why don't you shut up?
    75. You couldn't be any dumber if we cut your head off.
    76. Hey, look at me!
    77. Duh.
    78. My ears are getting red.
    79. Jay Leno is one of my favorites.
    80. Let's not hurt me, I'm a princess.
    81. I'm wondering if you got a hole in your head.
    82. One of us is a fool.
    83. Somebody is trying to kill me.
    84. When I spit at my mother, bad things happen.
    85. You are smug and insincere.
    86. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, can I get in bed with you?
    87. Come on.
    88. Hell, I don't know.
    89. You're a loser.
    90. You just are worthless.
    91. You're crazy.
    92. Just wanted to let you all know, I'm insane.
    93. I'm not actually bald.
    94. I am so boring and so dull.
    95. I want you to change, so do it.
    96. Call your wife a bitch.
    97. Are you people deaf?
    98. I'm smug and insincere.
    99. I'm not even remotely qualified.
    100. You're a big fat goony-bird.

    Which one is your favorite?
  2. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    Is he really a recognised doctor? I mean a doctor with an actual degree........in medicine?
  3. mactastic macrumors 68040


    Apr 24, 2003
  4. Waluigi thread starter macrumors 6502

    Apr 29, 2003
    No MD

    Dr. Phil does not have an MD degree. He does have a PhD though, most likely in the social sciences.

  5. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    Dr. Phil --- PhD in Geography. :p

    PS: I thought psychiatrists were considered medical doctors, that's all.
  6. RobVanDam macrumors member

    Jun 30, 2003
    The only reason he's popular is because he helped Opera when she was being sued by the meat farmers. She then put him on her show, then he got his own show because of her.

    Has anyone ever seen his show? His advice is either A) Worthless or B) Extremely obvious.
  7. wdlove macrumors P6


    Oct 20, 2002
    Psychiatrists are an MD first, then in a 4 year residency they specialize in psychiatry.

    "Dr. Phil and his three sisters grew up in Oklahoma and Texas, where their father worked as a salesman for an oil-equipment company and their mother was a homemaker. Dr. Phil was awarded a football scholarship to the University of Tulsa, and then finished his degree at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas. Later, he earned his doctorate in psychology at the University of North Texas. In 1979, Dr. Phil opened a practice with his father, who got his psychology degree at the age of 40."

  8. alia macrumors 6502a


    Apr 2, 2003
    Orlando, FL
    Psychiatrists have an MD and than a Psychiatric speciality. Psychologists don't have an MD.

    One of the biggest differences is that Psychologists aren't licensed to prescribe drugs. They specialize in Psychotherapy, which I guess is what Dr. Phil does - don't know much about him.

  9. G4scott macrumors 68020


    Jan 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    They wanted 6 freshman from my university to let them follow them around twice a month so they could do a show or something on the stresses of being a college freshman. If you ever see college freshmen from The University of Texas, just remember that I could've been one (If I wanted them to pry into my life...)
  10. Durandal7 macrumors 68040

    Feb 24, 2001
    All he has to do is constantly make up sayings and attribute them to his mother in Texas. "Like my mother always used to say, a cow without a cowbell is a disaster waiting to happen." The trick is to have the 'advice' make very little sense but have it sound meaningful. That way they don't figure out that it's crap until later when he's not around.
  11. wdlove macrumors P6


    Oct 20, 2002
    Nurse Practioners here in Massachusetts that specialize in psychiatry can prescribe drugs. They have to take an additional certification exam!
  12. cb911 macrumors 601


    Mar 12, 2002
    BrisVegas, Australia
    what is that guy on about? i've heard better things from that guru in Mystery Men.

    "To move forwards, first you must move backwards." :D :p
  13. solvs macrumors 603


    Jun 25, 2002
    LaLaLand, CA
    I've been unimpressed with his psycho-babble. I've always been wary of people who spout a lot of nonsensical rhetoric, claiming to be helping people. You can't help but wonder if a guy who sounds like he's doing an impression of Dana Carvey doing an impression of Ross Perot has ulterior motives.

    At least he's not Jerry Springer, but at least Springer is honest about what he's doing.
  14. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    That's what I thought, but I still thought that because it was a medical specialty, it was still considered somewhat of a medical degree. Also, they can prescribe medicine.

    Another thing: I thought he was a psychiatrist. If he's a psychologist, then he should mainly be involved in research in human psychology, not treatment. That's what psychiatrists do, not psychologists. Either way, the man is unqualified for what he does. :p

    He's famous because Oprah said she likes him. Its like Oprah recommending a book.....once she does it, the book shoots straight to #1 on bestseller lists. :rolleyes:
  15. Fukui macrumors 68000


    Jul 19, 2002
    Whats a meat farmer?

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