First Date

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by 7on, Feb 3, 2006.

  1. 7on macrumors 601

    7on

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    Dress Rosa
    #1
    So I will be having my first date on Saturday at 1 PM. It's someone I've been working with for a while and only just recently realized I had an affection towards. I just thought I'd post so I can jinx it more ;P lol, nah if anyone has any advise to give a 20 year old on his first date please feel free. I want to change it up from a typical work convo though so I can't be discussing chitchat stuff.
     
  2. jsw Moderator emeritus

    jsw

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    Mar 16, 2004
    Location:
    Andover, MA
    #2
    Although it'll be almost impossible to do so, the best thing you can do is to be calm and yourself. Yes, it's a date, but... it's the two of you, just as it's the two of you at work. You're just in a different place and not surrounded by coworkers. Don't go into it with a lot of expectations. Just relax and enjoy the company.

    And don't worry about the kissing thing. It'll feel like the time is right when the time is right... maybe this date, maybe a future date, maybe never.

    Best of luck!
     
  3. Josh macrumors 68000

    Josh

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    Mar 4, 2004
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    State College, PA
    #3
    Avoid talking about work at all costs - let her see the real you, the person you aren't at work.

    Hopefully, she will do the same.

    People are very different out of work - naturally the same people, but more dimmensional, I guess is how I'd put it.

    Just have fun, don't over think it at all, and be cool. The less you plan things and the more spontanious you do, the more real it is and the better.

    Good luck - let us know how it goes!
     
  4. miloblithe macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

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    Nov 14, 2003
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    Washington, DC
    #4
    While spontenaity is good, sitting around asking each other, "what do _you_ want to do?" is not. I'd think up a variety of options for things you might do and see what makes sense at the time. Don't get attached to any of the options. Some light planning is often required for spontenaity.
     
  5. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

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    #5
    Listen more than you talk and you'll be fine.

    Have a great time and may it be the first of many!
     
  6. Applespider macrumors G4

    Applespider

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    #6
    Unless she's had the same advice after which it might get very quiet. If so, I'd suggest never saying more than 5 sentences or answering 3 questions without giving a chance to turnabout ;)

    Enjoy and chill. She wouldn't have agreed to go if she didn't like you.
     
  7. seabass069 macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2005
    #7
    Be funny and make her laugh. She liked you for who you are, so don't pretend to be someone else. She will notice that in the first 10 minutes of the date. If she offers to pay her portion of the date, let her. Don't feel obligated to pay for everything. At the end of the date walk her to her door and shake her hand. DO NOT kiss her. If all goes well, in another date or two she will wanting alot of kisses and them some!! Remember, women like to be teased. Don't jump into the good stuff on the first date. OH YA, don't expect anything :) from her. That will come later!!!
     
  8. xsedrinam macrumors 601

    xsedrinam

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    Oct 21, 2004
    #8
    Two deep breaths before you ring the bell, and be yourself. You'll be fine.
     
  9. runninmac macrumors 65816

    runninmac

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    Jan 20, 2005
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    Rockford MI
    #9
    Yes I was thinking the same thing, things could get awkward very fast shes not a talker. (But what girl isn't?) What youve suggested seems good.
     
  10. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    Jan 18, 2005
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    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #10
    My first date was laser quest. we were adventurous folk and the regular "restaurant" thing bored the both of us. but that's just me :) was a lot of fun. really get to know someone.

    remember...

    think differently ;)
     
  11. AmigoMac macrumors 68020

    AmigoMac

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    l'Allemagne
    #11
    Take your iPod and your Mac if you have a *Book. You will impress her. Don't forget to tell her how much you love Mac OS X and how much you hate/dislike Windows... :eek: ... I couldn't resist.
     
  12. Cooknn macrumors 68020

    Cooknn

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    Aug 23, 2003
    Location:
    Fort Myers, FL
    #12
    Doctor Q gave you the right prescription. From my experience, women want a man that listens. And that doesn't just mean refraining from talking - as much... Although it goes against our nature, we actually have to pay attention as well :D
     
  13. cwedl macrumors 65816

    cwedl

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    Jun 5, 2003
    #13
    It may also be good not to talk about macs as well. leave that for the second dates. Be yourself! You have more chance to be liked if you are! Normally I would suggest paying for everything on the first date, I certain do.
     
  14. Applespider macrumors G4

    Applespider

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    #14
    I have to kinda disagree on this one. If she offers (and you're interested in carrying on), politely tell her that it's your treat this time. If she's interested in you, she will let you pay and then in future you can go Dutch. If she's decided she's not interested, she'll insist on paying half at which point you can accept since it's not going anywhere ;)
     
  15. Sharewaredemon macrumors 68000

    Sharewaredemon

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    Cape Breton Island
    #15
    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM!

    hehehe good joke though.
     
  16. 7on thread starter macrumors 601

    7on

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    Nov 9, 2003
    Location:
    Dress Rosa
    #16
    We're both Graphic Designers so the Mac thing goes without saying.

    I don't know, I just think it should include something different than what we talk about at work. We talk about each other's day, antics of friends, etc. I already know that she loves chocolate, hates roses - but loves Freesias, favorite color is orange, she has intense patriotism (don't worry she's British), her dad works for Verizon, she likes painting and sewing, she has 2 bros and one sis, and most importantly she has my sense of humor - a humor ironically many people find annoying. I think I am a very good listener. I just want to say "I like you" to her and just get it out in the open. Maybe work it into something witty. People have all been saying just act yourself and you'll be fine - the problem is I don't know how I'm going to act on a date. I don't want this large mental barrier to keep me from getting closer to her. I know when I'm around her I am more myself than I am now, just because right now I'm in anxiety before the event. She's also in a Sorority if that helps. Oh well, if it's meant to be then it'll go along fine.

    The only other person I've told this to was my roommate, which was probably a bad decision. I think he and his gf of 4 years are having problems. Mainly because he mentioned "breaking up with her" while he was drunk, which is happening more and more often. If his drinking continues into next week I might try and get a counselor for him. Anyway, I think he's been telling people. Not thats it's a big problem or anything, I'd just rather it not get back to her that way. Kinda not romantic. At all.

    Anyway, she "dolled" herself up on Thurs and I think she was disappointed because I didn't throw a big deal and that's mainly because of that mental barrier I was talking about. I may just say something like, "I'm sure this is going to be a bit of a shock for you because I hid it so well, but I like you."
     
  17. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

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    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #17
    Good topics for conversations: your shared interests. Find out what shared interests you have. For example, ask her what type of music she likes, and go from there. Or ask what she thinks about the Oscar contenders. From that you'll learn more about her taste and opinions.

    Bad topics: work, politics, religion, impolite gossip about people you both know, or complaining about things you don't like.

    Don't forget the compliments, but go easy on them.

    Non-serious suggestion: Fumble a glass and spill something all over yourself. Then explain that you are nervous because you like her and wanted to make a good impression, and now it's all ruined. It'll remove all further tension and she's sure to remember the incident fondly (and tell all her girlfriends how clumsy you are). :D (No, that's not really a good idea. You don't need tricks or stunts any more than she does.)

    More seriously, assuming things go well, you might want to think ahead to Valentine's Day, and be prepared to ask her at the end of your date on Saturday if she'd like to do so-and-so (something you think you'd both like) 10 days later for Valentine's Day.

    Since you are more mature than somebody in their early teens would be, you won't have much trouble being natural about it. Younger daters can keep jitters and awkwardness to a minimum by having a date where you see or hear something, e.g., go to a movie, go to a concert, hit the amusement park, rather than simply hanging out at the mall or sharing a restaurant meal, which require a bit more skill in conversation.
     
  18. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

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    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar
    #18
    Forget that. Don't say that.

    It's very important that you be cool. I mean Bogart cool. Make her chase you a little. Not being awestruck by her appearance was the perfect play.
     
  19. adroit macrumors 6502

    adroit

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2005
    Location:
    Victoria, BC
    #19
    I'll second that.

    Ummm.... the "I like you" thing seems kindda middle/high school ish....
    You don't really have to tell her that you like her, especially when you're going on a date already. Just remember to always act interested, she'll know.
     
  20. Daveway macrumors 68040

    Daveway

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    Jul 10, 2004
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    New Orleans / Lafayette, La
    #20
    I don't know if you've seen the movie Hitch, but it nailed down some of the most important and basic principles.:D
     
  21. revenuee macrumors 68020

    revenuee

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2003
    Location:
    A place where i am supreme emporer
    #21
    lead, don't follow

    when she asks what you want to do ... DON'T say ... i don't know, what do you want to do.

    even if all you can think of ... lets just walk down the promenade or lets get some ice cream

    forget your are on a date --- i know that sounds weird ... but basically don't TRY hard to impress her, and don't think to much about acting in a way that will make her like you ... go out with the mind set of enjoying YOURSELF ... if you are having a good time and teasing her, and being playful ... she will enjoy herself and be play full

    don't worry about screwing up ... you won't -- she already on a date with you

    someone said ACT interested .... WORSE ADVICE ever ... be interested ... don't act it ... don't be eager ... play with her ... girls love it when you are a mystery ... they love to chase ... if you are to easy then it's no fun for her ...

    sit back ... don't lean in ... it communicates wussiness

    DON'T mention valentines day --- save that the possible second date (sorry dr.q BAD advice)

    OH ... and bring a condom ... i've made a lot of girls mad because i forgot one on the first date and they were all ready to go ... learn from my mistakes

    coffee and ice cream are great first date places ... there is no pressure, it's neutral ground,

    i'm a firm believer of paying ... BUT if you spend to much money on a girl right away it communicates the wrong things ... also ... coffee TO GO, and ice Cream to go and going to a beach, or somewhere really gorgious is really great. lots of lights are a huge hit.

    my last g/f asked me on our first date how i understood women so well an i responded.

    "women are like cats. If i make you do something you don't want to do, you'll scratch me. If i ignore you, you'll find me and want my attention. And if i wave something shiney infront of you, i'll have your attention for hours"

    she looked at me, started laughing and responded ... "thats the most horrible, AND INCITEFUL description i have ever heard a man make about women"

    i've said this since then to a lot of girls and they love it ... just remember it, and you'll be fine

    (remember shiny DOES NOT MEAN expensive jewlery. just something pretty that she can see and you can talk about)


    ON COMPLIMENTS
    since this is your first date, AVOID them complimenting can work against you ... make one, early in the night and THAT'S it ... and BE specific ... pay attention to what she is wearing ... accessories ... women LOVE when you notice these things ... THAT'S why they are wearing them .... don't make say anything about her eyes or smile ... she's heard this a million times ... BE different (you're a mac user for crying outloud)

    CONVERSATION
    , talk about gossip in the media, her last vacation, if she got a long with her siblings --- and tease her ... don't be mean ... just bust her balls a little. There is nothing wrong with talking about work ... but ask questions about her challenges, her dreams, not what she does.

    The truth is ... you can say ANYTHING to a woman, and as long as you are real with her ... she'll respect you for it ... if she calls you a jerk -- smile and say .. "YOU LOOOVE IT" if she gets pissed ... so what ... do you really want to be with someone that you can't have fun with. if there is something you do that she doesn't like ... say tough, don't change -- NEVER change

    if you do screw up like spill a drink --- just play it off like no big deal ... make a joke "i didn't like that drink" or "this place needed a cleaning anyway" (don't use them at her house though, if you don't know why then nevermind my entire advice)

    THE GOODNIGHT KISS
    first of all ... if you want to kiss a girl ... you do it when you want to do it ... THAT'S it ... but since you're going to be unsure ... here are a few things to do

    1. make sure you feel like the date is going well (was she laughing, was she teasing you, was she playfull) <--- YES --- THEN YES
    2. break the touch barrier without being crude -- make a comment about liking her hair, using two fingers take a lock of her hair and gently run it through your fingers and say, "you must spend a fortune on conditioner, it's so smooth" (or something along those lines) --- if she smiles doesn't pull away, just smiles and makes a joke ... you're closer continue to play with it in such a manner
    3. as you run your fingers down her shoulder and move in just a little bit, and pay attention to whether she is moving away or not, go back to the hair, and then up and down her arm ... move in closer --- by this point if she IS interested she'll be moving in closer too..
    4. the next step can be tricky because you're moving out of the innocent and into more intimate
    5. the thing to do not to bring to much attention to this, so a light conversation is always good to maintain, about her hair, about the night so far, just keep it easy
    6. go in as if you were going for a kiss and then when you are just close enough, miss, gently smell her, and say "mmm, it was you the whole night, what is it, and continue to act intoxicated by it, while smelling it (DON'T snort it) --- this step is actually pretty easy because chances are that she is wearing a REALLY nice perfume and you will be intoxicate.
    7. lean back and play with her hair a little more, run your fingers down her shoulders, ect ... if by this point the two of you almost touching, then you will be like a 3 feet apart and then you know the kiss is a bad idea.
    8. go in for the kiss, slowly, but don't pukker, and just do it --- good chance by this point she'll probably kiss you.

    this first one is good AT ANY POINT IN THE DATE

    ANOTHER ONE IS
    at the end of the date stick out your hand to shake hers and say "i had a lot of fun tonight"
    when you pulls out hers, start shaking it, and then lightly pull her into you, if she doesn't resist, then you're fine. (if you had a good time she won't)

    she might hug you, i'll get into what to do then in a sec

    so you are pulling her in, she's not resisting, pull her in close to your body hold her hand down next two the two of you, with your other, mover her hair aside from her face, or pull it behind her ear, if she doesn't pull back, go in for the kiss.

    IF she does hug you, hold her just tight enough to communicate physical strength and makes her feel safe and secure with you. then lighting smell her hair, say she smells great, smell it again, pull your neck back, look at her ... and trust me ... you'll both know what do them.

    HAVE fun on this date ... don't try to commit everything i said to memory, that's impossible and will just make it look rehurst ... instead ... read what i said and look at the main points.

    BE STRONG, BE A LEADER, BE CONFIDENT, BE PLAYFULL

    stick you're tounge out at her, if you are somewhere were there is snow, throw a snow ball at her

    she doesn't want a tight ass ... be there FOR YOU, that's the most important thing ... she'll appreciate that
     
  22. Cfg5 macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2003
    Location:
    California
    #22
    ^^^^^

    what he said

    just read that post, don't listen to anyone besides revenuee else unless you like failure.
     
  23. Glenn Wolsey macrumors 65816

    Glenn Wolsey

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    New Zealand
    #23
    Best advice on girls I have ever read...speechless...
     
  24. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    Jan 18, 2005
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    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #24
    ^^^ *2

    you've given me some tips and I've been with my girlfriend Caroline for 3 and a bit years now! :D cheers!
     
  25. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #25
    Perhaps 7on will need a cell phone or PDA with a web browser, so he can consult this thread every few minutes, particularly revenuee's post, during the date. :)
     

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