For Dads Only

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by xsedrinam, Jan 12, 2007.

  1. xsedrinam macrumors 601

    xsedrinam

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2004
    #1
    I know a thread like this may set itself up for a good dose of diss and ridicule from those who may think it’s too syrupy coming from a dad, but tonight, I don’t care. I miss my kids. They’re not “kids” anymore. Now 19 and 21, they’re on their way, finding their nitch and what scratches their itch at the U, and are generally happy campers. But flying off this time was different. For the first time in 19 years, they weren’t aboard, and with some 4500 miles of separation between us, tonight, I can feel the distance.

    There’s e-mail and Skype and Vonage and Pac10, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The wife and I are fine, and so are the kids, but through all the filing and rearranging, we got to going through boxes of pictures tonight and, there they were. One of those cliché but poignant moments of it all seems go by fast. Too fast.

    I wouldn’t wish to freeze time or go back in time. We’re doing the adjustment work necessary with focusing primarily on present and future. But there are those moments of reflection, even for tough dads, when I remember how we used to dance with our kids on our feet in the kitchen. It is those kinds of memories which catch like sweetened lozenges in the throat and remind us both of what a treasure it is to have been blessed with their presence if for just a brief spectrum of time.

    To those dads who have kids and they’re still young and “around the nest”, give’m a hug, coach their baseball and soccer teams, go to their musicals, help them fix their stuff, drive them all over God’s creation and have them over to your place for movies and parties all you can. It’s a good investment which may or may not yield dividends all that visible and immediate, but will come back as reassurance at moments when you miss them.

    Their arrival is so sudden, but does not seem nearly as quick as their leaving.
     

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  2. nospleen macrumors 68000

    nospleen

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2002
    Location:
    Texas
    #2
    Probably the most useful post I have ever read on MR. I have a 3 and 4 year old. We just put them to bed and we had one of those, "Damn, is this ever going to get easier" kind of days. This just reminded me to enjoy these times, no matter how tough they are... I am heading upstairs to kiss them goodnight one more time.

    Hang in there...

    **I'm back. I kissed the little buggers and now I am feeling a little sappy. Added some pics... The softy is coming out of me now. :p
     

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  3. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
  4. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #4
    I'm not a dad; it's physically impossible but I could be a mom and all I can say is that while there is nothing that would ever replace your children, take comfort in knowing that they are off on their own because you raised them right. They're succeeding at whatever they're doing today because you raised them right. They're the people they are because of the way they were raised. They'll continue to be the best people they can because they were most likely brought up in a house where the adults were always the best people they could be. They're alive and well and they owe it all to their parents. Don't think of them as being gone, think of them as being in another place where they are creating new memories and having new adventures that they will eventually come home and share with you. Their door to adolescence is closed and the door to adulthood is open. I'd sit back and watch your creations do the most amazing things that they will share with you and your wife.
     
  5. ToddW macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2004
    #5
    Good post, as a dad of a terrible three year old fixing to turn four in feb. i found your post to be pretty good. this past year i have been working on a few projects that have caused quite a bit of neglect from my family especially my son. i would go to work early in the morning and come home after he is all tucked in. it was hard and i find myself possibly changing careers to be with my son more. thanks for the post. my dad died when i was nineteen and we had our falling out a few months before his death, but i always wondered now that i wish things were different between the two of us before his death. it's been ten years but i still think about the horrible things we said to each other and wish he could see me now with what i've done. from your post i can tell your a good dad, sorry you miss your kids, but i know for a fact they miss you as well.
     
  6. freeny macrumors 68020

    freeny

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2005
    Location:
    Location: Location:
    #6
    Parenting is the most awesome experience ever! period!
    I will never be the same.
     

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  7. njmac macrumors 68000

    njmac

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #7
    First of all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY xsedrinam!

    Reading your post almost made me cry... it was very well said, and thanks for sharing :)

    My kids are just 2 and 3 years old but it feels like yesterday that they were born. Its hard to imagine my little ones off to college. That must a strange mix of sad and happy at the same time.
     
  8. iSaint macrumors 603

    iSaint

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    #8
    My son and I just went to a dance at his school. He's seven, and he told me before we left to 'disappear' when we got there so his friends could look at girls. He let me hang out some, but while I was at the snack table once these two determined they were boyfriend and girlfriend. (He usually smiles a little better than that)

    The thirteen year old was picked up for a movie before we left. She'll be out in five years.

    *sigh*
     

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  9. xsedrinam thread starter macrumors 601

    xsedrinam

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2004
    #9
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you, too, njmac! I hadn't even looked at the list, today, and just saw your name, there. :D
     
  10. MrSmith macrumors 68040

    MrSmith

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2003
    #10
    Girl's blouse. :cool:

    You bet.

    Couldn't have said it better myself.

    I feel for you xsedrinam. Mine are 3, 5 and 8 and just about every day I think to myself how lucky I am because I know that in the future I'll look back just the way you're doing now. I know I'll do that anyway, but I hope I won't have to say, "I wish I'd appreciated it when they were young" because I really do appreciate them and think about how lucky I am. We can't control wanting to go back, but we can make sure we appreciate our time with them when they're young. If you've done that (and not worked 100 hour weeks with golf at the weekends) then you have no regrets.

    But right now I can't wait to get back home every night to see my little ones. I know one day my daughters will make homes of their own and other men will take my place. I know my son will end up somewhere on the globe playing out his cards. But at that time I hope I'll still count myself lucky that I helped bring up three well-balanced, intelligent, kind people and that I will be able to enjoy them for what they have become, not what they were. Hang in there buddy. :)
     
  11. nitynate macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Location:
    Clearwater, FL
    #11
    I kinda feel bad for my parents.

    We were all these perfect little children, and now we are all sooo messed up.
    Sister gone wack with a kid and husband. Other sisters crazy. I suffer from c1 bipolar. My little brother is psycho....

    All while my parents quietly sit back, watch, and occasionally comment.
     
  12. pivo6 macrumors 68000

    pivo6

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2002
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #12
    What a wonderful post! I have three daughters 9,7,and 1 who will be leaving soon enough.

    Since everyone is posting pics.
     

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  13. ibook30 macrumors 6502a

    ibook30

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Location:
    2,000 light years from home
    #13
    Wow - beautiful prose.
    This is great perspective that I can use- thanks!
     
  14. Mammoth macrumors 6502a

    Mammoth

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
  15. SC68Cal macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2006
    #15
    Oh man, my dad totally feels the same way you do. When I went away to College I think he really missed being able to drive me to school and see me at sports practice and such.
     
  16. FleurDuMal macrumors 68000

    FleurDuMal

    Joined:
    May 31, 2006
    Location:
    London Town
    #16
    When my dad dropped me off at university on my first day, my dad started filling up. It's the only time I've seen him cry outside of funerals or upon hearing really bad news. Quite strange given that my dad's quite a reserved guy, and if anyone was gonna cry I thought it'd be my mum!

    Made me realise that leaving home is just as much about the parents as it is the child - which is sometimes hard to appreciate when you're setting off for uni.
     
  17. Scarlet Fever macrumors 68040

    Scarlet Fever

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2005
    Location:
    Bookshop!
    #17
    I'm on the other end of that story. I'm 17 now, and it has only recently hit me that before too long, I'm going to be 18. An 'adult'. I don't feel like an adult. :rolleyes:

    I looked on the wall the other day, and when I was a youngen, dad used to mark my height on the wall. I find it really hard to believe I was once about a metre and a bit tall, and only a few years ago as well. Now i'm 1.8 metres, I drive, I'm about to leave high school and go into Uni... it does go really fast.

    If you are a parent, and you are watching your kids take their lives into their own hands, feel proud of yourself. I really appreciate what my parents have done for me, and i'm sure others are as well. :)

    god, both my parents are nearly 50... thats scary as well :D
     
  18. letsgorangers macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2006
    Location:
    TN
    #18
    mothers and fathers, take note...

    for what it's worth, i'm 22 years old and i miss my parents just like they miss me
     
  19. JurgenWigg macrumors 6502

    JurgenWigg

    Joined:
    May 20, 2006
    Location:
    Delaware
    #19
    I'm not a dad, but, i'm 18 and just starting college and saw much of what you're describing in my own parents, and from time to time i just stop and look around and wonder whatever happened to the time? I blinked and my childhood is ending and i'm venturing into adulthood, making my own way in my life. While i'm nostalgic and I miss those pre-responsibility days, i know that my parents prepared me well for life and college has brought on a lot of new responsibilities and with it a lot of new experiences, both good and bad. Take heart all you parents! While we grow up fast, and while we realize it too late to stop it ;), we really do thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all you've done for us.

    Heartwarming.
     
  20. kerpow macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2004
    Location:
    London
    #20
    What a lovely thread!!

    To be honest, I can't imagine what it feels like to be where you are now. My little angel just laughs all day without a care in the world. I know that she (and maybe one or two more) will grow up quicker than I'd like but I'm just enjoying every minute of it right now. We took her to a swimming pool yesterday for the first time and I can safely say that I'll remember it until the day I die.

    [​IMG]
     
  21. Swarmlord macrumors 6502a

    Swarmlord

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    #21
    I have a 26 year old and a 10 year old and yes, time slips by quite fast once you have them.
     
  22. hotboiled macrumors member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    #22
    yes yes yes, and the day of birth is te most emotional day ever.
    it's better than getting married !!!

    this is my 2year old and 9 months old
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  23. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
  24. MultiM macrumors 6502

    MultiM

    Joined:
    May 9, 2006
    Location:
    TO. I've moved!
    #24
    I'm not a Dad and until I became a Grandad, I had no regrets about my choices. (I was recently married to a woman with grown kids). I love my grand daughter more than I thought possible. I'm with you buddy, although I didn't go through what you did. sounds like you did something right though....
     
  25. MrSmith macrumors 68040

    MrSmith

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2003
    #25

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