Funny tech quotes by the late, great Douglas Adams

Discussion in 'Community' started by Daveman Deluxe, Feb 13, 2005.

  1. macrumors 68000

    Daveman Deluxe

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    Corvallis, Oregon
    #1
    May he rest in peace.

    "I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: 'Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end."

    "The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%."

    "First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure."

    "I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just part of the way the world works. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things."

    "A nerd is someone who uses a telephone to talk to other people about telephones."

    "Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet"
     
  2. macrumors 65816

    stcanard

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    #2
    The man had a way with words.

    There's always his classic piece about Microsoft Word
     
  3. macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

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  4. macrumors 68030

    munkle

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    #4
    Ha, ha! Great article! Thanks for the link.
     
  5. macrumors 603

    zelmo

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    #5
    Ahhh, Douglas Adams...what a great writer. Sorely missed, he is. I love his anecdote about power adapters in "The Salmon of Doubt."
     
  6. macrumors 68040

    gwuMACaddict

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  7. macrumors 604

    clayj

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    #7
    "Sex: None. Well, in fact there is an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, banks, art or anything else that might keep all the nonexistent people of the Universe occupied."

    Urgh. I'm DEFINITELY part of the Universe. ;)
     
  8. macrumors Core

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    #8
    thanks for sharing those quotes Daveman, they were good to remember him by
     
  9. macrumors 68030

    homerjward

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    #9
    didn't arthur buy an apple of some sort in "so long, and thanks for all the fish?" im reading the ultimate hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy right now and they all run together
     
  10. macrumors 603

    Mechcozmo

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    #10
    Yeah... to look at the stars or something.
     
  11. macrumors 6502a

    Macaddicttt

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    #11
    Let's just hope that the movie coming out lives up to his great writing. If they ruin that book, I swear, it's going to get ugly... :D
     
  12. macrumors 603

    zelmo

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    #12
    They may make a travesty of a movie, but no one can ever ruin the book. :)
     
  13. macrumors 6502a

    Macaddicttt

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    San Diego, CA
    #13
    Good point. :)
     
  14. macrumors 65816

    stcanard

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    #14
    I also hope, in the tradition of H2G2 that the movie has significant changes over all the other versions.

    If there was ever a version of this story that was self-consistent with any other version, I think the universe would disappear and immediately be replaced with something ... well you get the idea.
     
  15. macrumors 603

    Mechcozmo

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    #15
    That's already happened.

    (Must read book to know what I mean. So read it.!
     
  16. macrumors 65816

    stcanard

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    #16
    I've heard that was only a rumor concocted by a wily editor of the Guide to increase sales! (as it is the only book with the words...)
     
  17. macrumors 6502

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    #17
    Thought i'd share these gems with you guys. I'm sure that you'd have seen them before, but they always make me smile.

    "The mere thought," growled Mr Prosser, "hadn't even begun to speculate," he continued, settling himself back, "about the merest possibility of crossing my mind."

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    "Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.

    "The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'

    "`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it?
    It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.'

    "`Oh dear,' says God, `I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.

    "`Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next
    zebra crossing.

    "Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book Well That About Wraps It Up For God.


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    "That drink," said the machine sweetly, "was individually tailored to meet your personal requirements for nutrition and pleasure."

    "Ah," said Arthur, "so I'm a masochist on diet am I?"

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    To summarize: it is a well known fact, that those people who most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

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    This was the gist of the notice. It said "The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate."

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    "Mr Beeblebrox, sir," said the insect in awed wonder, "you're so weird you should be in movies."

    "Yeah," said Zaphod patting the thing on a glittering pink wing,"and you, baby, should be in real life."

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    Even the sceptical mind must be prepared to accept the unacceptable when there is no alternative. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.

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    It's rather like a puddle waking up one morning— I know they don't normally do this, but allow me, I'm a science fiction writer— A puddle wakes up one morning and thinks: "This is a very interesting world I find myself in. It fits me very neatly. In fact it fits me so neatly... I mean really precise isn't it?... It must have been made to have me in it." And the sun rises, and it's continuing to narrate this story about how this hole must have been made to have him in it. And as the sun rises, and gradually the puddle is shrinking and shrinking and shrinking— and by the time the puddle ceases to exist, it's still thinking— it's still trapped in this idea that— that the hole was there for it. And if we think that the world is here for us we will continue to destroy it in the way that we have been destroying it, because we think that we can do no harm.

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    "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

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    "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

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    "So, ten out of ten for style but minus several million for good thinking ok?"

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    "The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair."

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    "Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort."

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    According to So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish, God's Final Message To His Creation is written in fire in letters thirty feet high on the far side of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains in the land of Sevorbeupstry on the planet of Preliumtarn, which orbits the star Zarss, which is located in the Gray Binding Fiefdoms of Saxaquine.

    The long path to the message is lined with souvenir stands at spaced-out intervals. The message reads, "We apologise for the inconvenience."

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    I'd say rest in peace Douglas but as the big man himself said through Arthur:
    He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

    If you've not yet read the Salmon of Doubt, i can highly recomend it, the actual unfinished bits are ok, its Douglas's articles and speaches included at the front of the book that really shine
     
  18. Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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  19. macrumors demi-god

    MacRy

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    Apr 2, 2004
    Location:
    England
    #19
    When I first purchased a computer and started to dabble on the internet I came across his website and sent him an email asking if he was going to be writing any more Dirk Gently novels. He sent me a really warm reply explaining that his time was being occupied with writing the film adaptation of Hitchhikers. I couldn't believe just how amazing the internet was because of this.....I had only just started using it and already I had spoken to one of my all time favourite authors!

    Then I got lost for a few years under the massive amount of 'adult material'.

    Fantastic first impression of an emerging technology though....
     

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