She is gone. She was too confuse about herself and she was doing too many things in the wrong way and I just have to let her go. I can not be with some one that instable on my side. Is too bad. When we were in my country in December we were in the car driving and this song by Did "white flag" as on the radio and she said: that is how I feel. Last night I was here in New York buying something to eat at Subways. It was abou 11PM, I was alone in that place, I was siiting there wondering about our life and the song came up. I just had to pack my things and get out of there because I didn't want to cry in public. She wrote me once that only brave people could love. I was brave but she wasn't. She rather stay in Germany, she does not want to say if there is a future or not. If you are in love you create that future with that person and if things doesn't happend well... but at list you tried. I do not want to waste my time, specially in my situation. I'm in a oreing country, locked in my appartment, I do not have friends around here, everybody are bussy. My roomate doesn't know the people that leave in the appartment beside us and he have been here for 10 years already! I wshed I could bring her over, I wish I could cry on some one but not even that. All I have is this place and 2 Powerbooks because I'm running out of money too. Yes, the girl was the girl from Germany, the one that was my "what ever" 10 years ago. What a way to trow such incredible relationship to the garbage.