Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by vniow, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. vniow macrumors G4

    Jul 18, 2002
    I accidentally my whole location.
    Everybody needs a vent thread right? I mean, something goes on in your life that really pisses you off maybe going onto Macrumors and posting about it isn't such a bad idea eh?

    My turn. :mad:

    After almost 6 months living in this apartment together, I'm kicking my roommate out. I've been thinking about this for awhile but now I'm just like **** it, I don't want to deal with it anymore. We've been on the rocks for awhile but now it seems like its going to hell.
    First off, for the past 6 months I've been paying most of her rent, we pay $900 for this studio and I've been paying $700 of it not including utilities which I also pay. I don't exactly make a ******** of money so while I was strained from time to time, it was manageable. She was getting welfare because she has a lot of anxiety problems and has a hard time even leaving the house. She's been trying to get on disability for awhile so I was just trying to hold out until then.
    Well now she's been kicked off of welfare so she has no money so now I had to pay the full $900 (which is leaving me pretty much flat broke this month and I had to post-date my cheque so it didn't bounce)

    It kinda started last December, she's been severely depressed for awhile and she gets her meds from this doctor who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about so she started OD'ing on them trying to kill herself. I then take the meds from her so she doesn't go through with it and put them somewhere where she can't find them.
    The next day she's pretty pissed that I took her meds so she calls up a friend so she can stay there a couple weeks. I convince her to let me drive her down there because I need to talk to the friends she's staying with about the situation and also to give a cheque to one of them since I already promised to pay for my roommate's trip to Disneyland for her birthday and since they were all going together it would be easier if I just went down there that day.
    So later that day after I've already driven three hours (1.5 there and 1.5 back) I get a a call from her saying that she lost one of the pills she was supposed to take (the ones that I took away and gave to her friends so that they could moderate them) so she can't sleep. And she has the nerve to ask me for more money because the $150 cheque I wrote apparently wasn't enough for Disneyland and the two NIN concerts that she was going to (apparently saving my money and not going to one of them could have been an option) but she has to call me at 9:00 at night to demand that I come down there and give her the rest of the meds and some food since she'll hallucinate and starve without meds and food :rolleyes:

    So guess what, I drive all the ****ing way down there (again) and give her the meds and whatever non-perishable food I can get out of the cupboard. 1.5 hours later I arrive and she looks at some of the food and says like" This is gross, do you really expect me to eat this?"
    Right now I'm fuming so I don't say much, I just grab my things and go. I don't get home until 1:00 in the morning or whatnot (oh and this was a Sunday night, I had to go to work the next day)

    A couple days later, she calls and apologises, its kinda a haphazardly attempt but I accept it anywayz and think all is better.

    Until today.

    She calls me up and tells me that she has no money and welfare cancelled her (not surprised honestly) and then she tells me that I forged one of her cheques. I stop right there. I remember writing out the cheque she was supposed to give me every month one morning because she was too tired to write it herself so she gave me her chequebook and told me to write it out.
    So right now I'm pretty ****ing pissed. I don't take kindly to people accusing me of stealing from them, the last time someone did that I filed a labour commission claim against them (they were a former employer).

    So in the past few months, I've gone out of my way to deal with her anxiety by driving her around to different appointments and whatnot, I've taken more than a few hours off of work to deal with that as well, not to mention driving her to the vet hospital so that she can get her cat looked at and paying for that appointment (and the follow up medication), taking off work early and driving down to pick her up in SF after her therapy appointment because there was a bit of a freak out, paying for every ****ing concert she went to for the past 6 months and paying for her ****ing Disneyland trip. :mad: :mad: :mad:

    I told the landlord that I was giving my 30 days notice earlier today and I told my roommate later on so right now I'm venting and I just want her out of my life.


  2. bousozoku Moderator emeritus

    Jun 25, 2002
    Gone but not forgotten.
    Good luck with whatever happens.

    I'm planning to move and I was thinking about possibly getting a roommate to make things manageable but after your story (and others), I'm not sure about it.
  3. clayj macrumors 604


    Jan 14, 2005
    visiting from downstream
    That sucks. I mean, all of it. She certainly doesn't deserve any more charity from you... it might be different if she was actually grateful and tried to help out, but it sounds like she's totally feeding off you. I agree that it's time for you to separate from her, by whatever means necessary.

    When I had a roommate (1992-1994), things were OK... we split the bills right down the middle, he was never late with paying me for anything, he cooked while I supplied all of the furniture and electronics. But after 18 months of sharing an apartment AND working together at Microsoft (which meant the only time we WEREN'T in close proximity to each other was on the weekend, if either of us was out), we had this exchange one night:

    Him: "I'm moving out."
    Me: "Good, get out."

    He moved in with another Microsoftie, and I got my own smaller place, which I lived in for two years until I bought my first condo.

    Roommates are sometimes a necessary evil, but if they are bringing nothing to the equation beyond annoying the heck out of you, time for them to go.
  4. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus


    Jan 9, 2004
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    *hugs and cuddles* I know that depression and anxiety are terribly difficult things to deal with, but I think that you have been entirely too nice to her, Ani. I don't think that's your fault at's so easy to fall into that trap.

    It almost sounds like you're fighting for her well-being way harder than she is. I'm glad you're getting out of the situation. For her, I hope that her remaining friends do not enable her, and that she starts making an effort herself. And for you, I hope that you are able to get your finances back to a place that gives you a safety net sometime very soon, and that the void she leaves in your life is filled by someone who cares more about you.

    *more hugs*
  5. ibook30 macrumors 6502a


    Jun 4, 2005
    2,000 light years from home
    Roommates are tough. Living with someone else in any form can be difficult. But paying bills is definitely a shared responsibility. In some cases I know it's easy to let someone elses lack of fiscal responsibility to slide for a while, then it gets to a boiling point.... :eek:

    Good luck with the new place.
  6. iBlue macrumors Core


    Mar 17, 2005
    London, England
    wow, that sounds horrible. i am truly sorry you have to deal with that kind of crap. i'm glad you're kicking her out. i think it's time that she get out and learn to take care of herself... the world doesn't owe her a damn thing and her obnoxious sense of entitlement is childish and absurd. (sorry, i have a friend sort of like this and i am fed up with it all, so i take it to heart)

    i hope you find a new roomate with less problems, or are able to make it without one. my fingers are crossed for you.
  7. Lacero macrumors 604


    Jan 20, 2005
    While I never had to share living accommodations with a roommate, I don't think I would ever tolerate late payment for half the rent and utilities from the roommate. I'd choose a roommate like I would choose a job candidate... very carefully. Anyway, don't let the bad experience with this roommate ruin it for you. If you seek to find a reliable roommate, you'll find one. Preferably one without a mental illness.

    Here's to the Crazy Ones [​IMG]
  8. mcarnes macrumors 68000


    Mar 14, 2004
    USA! USA!
    My ex had anxiety / OCD problems. It is a serious condition and I feel bad for her. It's not the garbage can diagnosis that a lot of people think it is.

    But you gotta do what you gotta do. Sometimes you just have to walk away. That's what I had to do, and it was harder than hell.
  9. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
  10. Dr. Dastardly macrumors 65816

    Dr. Dastardly

    Jun 26, 2004
    I live in a giant bucket!
    Wait... she has a cat?! Oh you should have kicked her out like six months ago!

    Seriously though sorry for all the drama. She sounds like she just became a leich over time. But why would you let her walk all over you? Driving 1.5 hours to give her food? Then she has the audasity (sp?) to complain that it was gross. If it were me she would have gotten a nice Hormel Chili imprint on her skull. But I'm not very nice. ;)

    Just think the next roommate you will have couldn't get any worse right. :p
  11. vniow thread starter macrumors G4

    Jul 18, 2002
    I accidentally my whole location.
    It really isn't, after living with her for almost the past year I've certainly realised how serious and real it actually is. After the first time she really pissed me off, I was very distraught and considered kicking her out then but then I thought where is she going to go? She's almost suicidal, has no money and no place to stay if I were to kick her out. I mean, I would feel pretty ****** if I saw her out on the street one day. But after everything that recently happened, I'm finding it very difficult to feel any sympathy towards her after what she's done and accused me of. I don't care how ****ed up you are, that doesn't give you the right to treat your roommate like ****! :mad:
  12. iBlue macrumors Core


    Mar 17, 2005
    London, England
    having problems and taking them out on others are two different things though. it was the huge sense of "entitlement" she seems to have that disturbed me upon reading that. you don't owe her a thing and for her to be a jackass instead of being gracious is beyond mental illness, that is just plain assholishness. mental problems i can almost sympathize with, personality problems just don't wet my eyeylases. <boo... hiss>
  13. virus1 macrumors 65816


    Jun 24, 2004
  14. Counterfit macrumors G3


    Aug 20, 2003
    sitting on your shoulder
    Wow, she must have been a massive bitch to get you saying stuff like that! :eek:
    Myself, well, I probably wouldn't have let her become my roommate. If your income doesn't exceed your share of the rent, you probably shouldn't try to live there...
  15. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
    Rough story. Roommates are a difficult situation. I've had 2, one was great, the other almost as bad as yours. Sounds like you did the right thing here. You certainly put up with a lot of sh**.

    When I got my own place, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Living alone is great.
  16. livingfortoday macrumors 68030

    Nov 17, 2004
    The Msp
    Every roommate I've had turned out to be a complete *** within a few weeks of us living together. Granted, i've never lived with anyone that had as many problems (except for my first roommate who has now become a woman. That was interesting), so it's obviously much worse for you, but I know that after moving out and having a cooling off period, I've managed to remain friends with them, even from a distance.

    I don't know if it'll work out that way for you, but maybe she'll start to shape up a little and care for herself when you're not around.

    Either way, best of luck to ya!
  17. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040


    Nov 5, 2002
    ok vniow, you have some problems here and there aren't any easy solutions but I suggest the following:

    1. No longer promise her things (concerts + trips + the like), if you owe her things that you can't afford, break the promise (tell her in advance as much as you can) this may seem like really bad policy but in the end its better to break promises to her than to the bank later on.

    2. you're not her parent or guardian or social worker ... its heartless but keep that in mind. compassion does not have to involve you going broke. If you give a mouse a cookie ...

    3. do something that makes you happy for the love of god! take a stroll around town or something (probably cheap) and just clear your head.
  18. bartelby macrumors Core

    Jun 16, 2004
    Unless, of course, you are a manic depressive where you can have times that you're either so up or so low that you can say or do "socially unacceptable" things.
    Plus most anti-depressives / anti-psychotics have side effects that can just make things worse.
    I'm not condoning her actions but neither am I condoning your's.
  19. LethalWolfe macrumors G3


    Jan 11, 2002
    Los Angeles
    You agreed to be her roommate, not her nurse maid. I think you've gone above and beyond trying to be caring and accommodating. I think you did the right thing. There's no point in letting her ruin your life.

  20. OnceUGoMac macrumors 6502a


    Mar 3, 2004
    :D :D :D
  21. XNine macrumors 68040


    Apr 7, 2005
    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

    But, you know what VNIOW? You have to worry about #1 sometimes. And if she isn't helping your situation out, well, that's just kind of tough. Both of my nephews, my sister, my father and myself all have some form of GADs (General Anxiety Disorder). I don't take med sbecause I've trained myself on what to do when my mind goes nuts. I have no sympathy for people who aren't able to do this. I live a normal, healthy life because I WANT to. So can she. But she doesn't, because she has no want or need to.

    Find another roomate. Save up some cash and btw who in the hell wants to go to disneyland?!?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
  22. yellow Moderator emeritus


    Oct 21, 2003
    Portland, OR
    Sounds like you're making the right choice. I know you have enough drama in your own life, no need to invest in someone else's drama too.
  23. Applespider macrumors G4


    Jan 20, 2004
    looking through rose-tinted spectacles...
    There are a lot of people here who obviously have never had anyone they know have a serious mental illness. True depression isn't something that people can just 'snap out of' even though if they were in the right mind, they'd be telling people to do just that. From speaking to those who have been in the grips of it, they just aren't motivated to do anything because there is no point, they can't see any way out of it and thoughts of what they are doing to the people around them don't come into it. It's like those who attempt suicide, the survivors say that they are so hellbent on taking their own life that they don't consider the effect on those who find them etc. It's not just them being selfish, it's not assholish beyond mental illness, it's a symptom of their illness.

    I'm not saying that Ani should bear the brunt of it, especially since it's just misfortune to be the girl's flatmate at this point of time, and it sounds like you've already done more than you would be expected to.

    But I do think that you need to be sure that this girl has somewhere to go (whether it's to other friends or family, or even a hostel) when you move out of your flat because I expect that, deep in the thrall of whatever condition she is suffering from, she won't be capable of organising that herself. You don't want to live with her and aside from a few month's acquaintance, you have no responsibility for her, aside from that which any person has for another.

    But unless you're prepared for the possibility of seeing her mugshot staring out at you from the news having been raped or murdered or finding her living in a doorway in months to come, please try to help her find somewhere to go.
  24. iSaint macrumors 603


    May 26, 2004
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    Sounds like you've gone beyond the call of duty as a friend.

    Where's her family??? Can they help?
  25. JW8725 macrumors 6502a

    May 8, 2005
    I'm really sorry for your situation. Some people are just evil plain and simple. Its good that you are getting her out of your life, would imagine that to be the best solution. Good luck hope it works out for you ok in the end! :)

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