Help me help my dad. Please.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by TheAnoyingApple, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. macrumors member

    Apr 13, 2010
    My grandmother is extremely delicate and she could die any moment now. She lives with us, but doesn't live at all.

    Today I went to the dining room to have dinner with my parents. When I arrived, my Dad had been crying and I didn't notice first. I asked him if everything was ok, he said he was a little bit stressed.
    Then i remembered my grandmother and it all made sense. It really hurts me that my father is going through this, and i dont know what to do, how to approach him and hug him.

    Im sorry im asking this here, its just that I have built up a barrier against all my friends, and I no longer let them inside that barrier so i have nobody to talk to about this.

    Mods, just let one person reply before deleting, please.
    His sadness really hurts me :(
  2. macrumors 6502

    Nov 28, 2006
    try to confort him, hug him, talk to him.Tell him everythings gonna eb fine and that your there for him
  3. thread starter macrumors member

    Apr 13, 2010
    Thank you, I just want him to be happy. He was a week ago :(
  4. macrumors 6502

    Apr 16, 2010
    yeah just be brave and let him know that you love him and give him a hug.

    i know it can be hard but do your best to go hug him, also it would probably help you and your mom also.
  5. macrumors 6502


    Nov 10, 2007
    Left Coast
    tell him you love him, assure him, make him feel you are there for him as well
  6. macrumors 68000


    Sep 9, 2009
    Where the fresh snow don't go.
    You should gather your family and spend time with her. Nothing beats family in a time like this...
  7. macrumors 6502a

    Jul 5, 2007
    Yup. Just comfort your dad.
  8. thread starter macrumors member

    Apr 13, 2010
    Thank you for your responses, Tomorrow morning im going to hug him, something we only do when we havent seen each other in a while. Thank you for responding... like I said, its hard for me to open to a friends, i never share my feelings now and i needed to talk to someone.
  9. macrumors 6502

    Gorilla Power

    Mar 19, 2010
    I know how it feels my friend. I saw how my mom broke down when grandma died, I was a kid and felt totally helpless. Stay with your dad for now. Try sitting beside him, not thinking about any other work or compulsion, hold his hand and let him know you're there for him. Our parents are the sources of our lives, when we lose them the world seems to come to an end.

    We may be random strangers and the mods surely will close this thread down after a while but we're here for you.
  10. Moderator


    Staff Member

    May 3, 2009
    Wirelessly posted (iPhone 3GS: Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU iPhone OS 3_1_3 like Mac OS X; en-us) AppleWebKit/528.18 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/4.0 Mobile/7E18 Safari/528.16)

    Just be there for him. There's nothing you can do other then showing your love and support
  11. macrumors Core


    Jan 18, 2005
    Darkplace Hospital
    If it was my dad I'd try to take his mind off things. Even if its just going for a drive and chat, or watch a DVD.
  12. macrumors 68040


    Mar 27, 2009
    Seattle, WA
    You've received some great advice here already. The most important thing is for you to be spending some time with your dad. Talk to him about some future plans, what you would like to do, where you would like for your family to go for your next vacations, etc. Make him realize that even though he is losing something that was part of his past, there is so much more to look forward to in the future.
  13. macrumors newbie

    Apr 28, 2010
    I live in Chicago
    This is a hard time for your dad and your whole family. but we each have only so much time to be here. The hardest thing we can do is feel like we are losing a member of our family when it is time for us go leave. But you must remember that we are all a part of the Creator spirit and such we can not die. The only thing that dies is our body. Our spirit live on just, not here.

    I know it sadden us that we will not longer be able to touch that person and talk to and see that person. Just remember it is the body that will die not the spirit of the person. And that we will see our loved ones again when we make the journey.

    Maybe if you could get your dad to understand this and see it this way, it will help him. When my son made his journey unexpectedly at the age of 23, This comforted me because I know that it will only be a little while until we are reunited when I make my journey.

    You and your family have the time now to say whatever that you feel like you need to say to your grandmother before she leaves. She may be feeling sad about leaving too because she know it will sadden her family. So you know save a few hugs for grandmother too. You will remember the talks with her a long time after she is gone.
  14. macrumors 65816


    Mar 22, 2010
    Sounds like you could try doing it a little more often.

    Good luck.
  15. Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Sep 19, 2002

    You've shown a lot of character by wanting to help your father.

    Keep in mind that you can't protect your dad from this trauma or more grief that seems imminent, only lessen the pain, and that just being around your dad and showing that you understand how hard it is for him is worth a lot. If he wants to talk about his mother (I assume it's his mother) be prepared to be a good listener. Telling stories from happier days or looking at old photos can be a great comfort.

    When your grandmother is gone you'll feel her loss too, depending on what kind of relationship you've had with her. Ironically, your dad may be hoping to protect you from that pain while you worry about him. But that's a sign of a good family.
  16. macrumors 6502

    Aug 7, 2008
    Boston, MA.
    I always give my dad a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I have always done this even during those awkward teenage years when kids don't want to be seen doing this to their dad around their friends. Never cared what my peers thought though. Peer pressure can be hard, but you only have one dad and if he is hurting let him know that you love him and give him a great big hug. My dad and I are employed at the same place, I wont name it but many consider it a "manly" job. I still give him a hug at shift change. Guys I work with try to hound me over it but I shrug it off and realize they must live a sad existence if this form of affection (father/son) troubles them. You should try to do this more often. Life is so short and fragile and anything can happen at a moments notice. Sorry for what your family is going through and hang in there.
  17. macrumors 65816


    Apr 23, 2008
    Pennsylvania, USA
    It sounds to me that both your Dad and Grandmom are good people. Your Dad for his sense of family and your Grandmom for being missed so much.

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