help~! parents just got my grades...

Discussion in 'Community' started by janey, Sep 26, 2003.

  1. janey macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #1
    ...and they're about ready to kill me for getting 5 A's and one C.
    it's really frustrating...

    do you guys do anything in particular when your parents yell at you for having bad grades? or when something bad happens? do you go and talk to someone? do you take out all your anger on your siblings? do you meditate?
     
  2. MrMacMan macrumors 604

    MrMacMan

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Location:
    1 Block away from NYC.
    #2
    Whats the C

    That is really important in basing your defense.
     
  3. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #3
    english. 78%. screwed up on one test.
     
  4. MrMacMan macrumors 604

    MrMacMan

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2001
    Location:
    1 Block away from NYC.
    #4
    Hmmm...

    Besides saying that you only did baddly on one test (that will help) say that you speak and write very well and your teacher has told you this...

    Something to that effect.
     
  5. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #5
    this will not work with my parents. that's the problem. there are many solutions out there...the problem is that it's hard to find one that will work with my parents, even if i get every single one of my teachers, everyone who knows me to say something about this.
    all they care about are grades. they dont care about how much i learned. they dont care about the fact that i know and remember more about stuff i learned than the valedictorian or the straight-a students. it's the grade that counts for them. it's annoying.
     
  6. Les Kern macrumors 68040

    Les Kern

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2002
    Location:
    Alabama
    #6
    Five A's and one C? How can you go on? Your life is ruined, so why not quit now? Wal-Mart needs some more Associates. Seriously, if one C this early upsets you and your family so much, try to snag some Dr. Phil tickets, 'cause you all be needin' help. Buck up, make the C an A. If you don't make it, try again, but don't over-react. You'd be surprised what stress can do to even the youngest.
     
  7. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #7
    tell them to kiss your ass, thats what i feel like saying sometimes, but my dad, being from the military scares me and i never say anything.

    iJon
     
  8. pivo6 macrumors 68000

    pivo6

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2002
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #8
    Jane, unfortunately I don't think that there is much you can do, if your parents are not very understanding. If you tell them that you did your best, and that you had one bad test, and they won't accept that for an answer, then it is your parents that have a problem. :(

    Is there someone that you can talk to?

    I wouldn't take it out on anyone else, including your parents. Yah, they may deserve it, but it would probably make a bad situation worse.
     
  9. Durandal7 macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2001
    #9
    Can we say "over-reaction"?

    One can only be a slave to a piece of paper with a bunch of letters up to a certain point.
     
  10. G5orbust macrumors 65816

    G5orbust

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2002
    #10
    Take it from high school student like yourself, DONT FIGHT THEM! Parents have one view: their own. They will not allow their view to be changed under any circumstance; regardless of how strong your arguement is.

    1 C sucks, but its not the end of the world.

    Just trust me on this (coming from a guy who gets punished for low grades on TESTS), do not fight. Just take whatever they dish. They will eventually forgive you, so just dont make the situation worse by arguing.
     
  11. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #11
    hey i dont care about the C. it's close to a B so with a little effort it will become an A. My parents overreacted. I'm really glad that i just finished (now) 5 weeks of school. i'm even gladder that i have mostly all A's. Not my parents.

    There are plenty of people to talk to. Mainly some of my friends, who failed english, then others who are practically crying becuase they're used to getting 110%'s in the class and got a 90%.
    I mean i got a C in an honors magnet english class. just because of some stupid test. goddammit i wish my parents were less stubborn sometimes.

    I really want to tell them to kiss my ***. only slight prob is that i'd be completely f***ed if i do. they'd make things more miserable for me. after all they are the ones doing a LOT of things (ie clothes, food (most of the time), stuff, college, blah blah...) :(
     
  12. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #12
    my parents do this to me all the time. now i just sit down at the dinner table and i say i dont feel like defending myself and i get back up and leave. end of story. i tell them that i honestly dont give a s*** what they say so feel free to lay it on me.

    iJon
     
  13. 3rdpath macrumors 68000

    3rdpath

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    2nd star on the right and straight till morning
    #13
    not to start a fight in a house that i don't live in...but...

    c'mon...all A's and 1 C...and you're parents are ballistic?

    they need to get a hobby...

    i suggest you grade them on their abilities. it seems pretty obvious that they've already earned a "C" in priorities 101...:D :eek: :D
     
  14. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #14
    Oh no. They're tired of me not getting straight A's.
    They told me i couldnt see josh until i did, that if i "screw up on the next one" they'd drag me outta the school i'm in right now-http://www.lausd.k12.ca.us/NHHS_Highly_Gifted_Mag-and just dump me in the nearby high school which i'm not at all interested in going to because the teachers dont teach (seriously, they're worse than the worst teacher i've ever had) and I cant do what i want, and also that they'd divorce (i'm the only reason why they're still together :rolleyes:) and just leave me with nothing, and that they won't give a f*** about college or anything if i don't get straight a's for the rest of the year.

    Talk about being insane. I tried calling the counselor, since she's supposedly really good at dealing with stuff like this, but she wasn't there.
    So right now I'm just doing whatever, watching Bowling for Columbine, thinkign that i should go and pretend to work on something and lock my door before my parents find out.
     
  15. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #15
    if i piss off my dad he just comes and takes the ram out of my computer. your parents are just being dumb, dont worry about it. parents always do this, they are like you will never go to college, must do better. although it may be hard to do and really hurt you inside, just ignore it for a while, its normal. unless your like me, these convo's probably wont come up much. doesnt matter how you start, its how you finish, just bring it up before semester so they will shut up.

    iJon
     
  16. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #16
    yeah unfortunate thing is that tehy've been doign this ever since i was like in...1st grade?
    Oh well. I think i'll just go to sleep.
     
  17. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #17
    five As and one C is an overall strong grade point average anyway...good enough for the honor roll if the honer roll is at 3.5 gpa

    i once had a teacher who was a hard grader and he used to say...hey look, it's no big deal...will it make a difference five years from now? i had another teacher who used to love giving Cs and said, "a C is good..it's average and what is wrong with that?" another teacher, in college, gave students an A if they got a 100, 99 was a B (if your parents are so into As, realize that a lot of private colleges will not fail people out because they need the money..but on the other hand, they compensate by giving out very few As)

    don't worry about that one C

    in all of high school, i never once made 3.5 and i turned out ok:p
     
  18. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #18
    There is one good reason for your parents, and even you, to care about grades, whether they reflect your talent or not. It's that colleges care about such things too. It's not the only factor they consider, of course, and getting into a highly selective college isn't necessarily your goal. On the other hand, nobody ever says "I'm sorry that I worked hard enough to get that high grade point average."

    This must be just an intermediate report card, so maybe you just have a teacher who likes to grade down early to "encourage hard work". I had some teachers like that, including some who admitted that nobody got A's on the first report card.
     
  19. Gus macrumors 65816

    Gus

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2002
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #19
    Jane, from what you have said in the last post, it is not you that they are upset with. If they have truly tols you that they are together "just for you", then they have some very serious problems with each other. They are overreacting and overcompensating because you are the one thing that they have in common. You are not the reason they are still together, you are THE reason they are together. It is a crappy road to hoe, but it seems that you are stuck with this. You are the one thing that they commonly still love, and because of that, they are coming down on you harder than they probably should. If you are in that school and in that class, then you are obviously tanented enough and gifted enough to deserve it. If they will not listen to you at all, then your only recourse is to speak with the teacher of the class in private outside of class-maybe after school. Getting the teacher to think outside of the school framework is what you need to do, and kindly ask for a large amount of xtra work to prove you know the material.

    This sucks for you and I am sorry. I hope your situation improves.

    Regards,
    Gus
     
  20. G4scott macrumors 68020

    G4scott

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2002
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    #20
    don't worry, just tell your parent's that nobodody's perfect...
     
  21. shadowfax macrumors 603

    shadowfax

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2002
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    #21
    i asked an asian friend of mine about this--he recommended picking up bad habits like smoking and watching porn--thus making this problem much smaller.

    another idea is having a nervous breakdown--which you've already done--but dramatize it in front of them. when you have parents that are immature and bitchy, you have to take control, get the upper hand.

    your parents can't put things into perspective by themselves. so, you do it. start studying your ass off, but sob like a baby and don't actually do it--tell them that you feel like an incompetent, that you're not cut out to make the grades--you try to study, and it just doesn't work. you do it so much that it fries your mind. start getting all B's... then C's... when they start to actually encourage you to live a balanced life, do better. gauge your actions--if doing your best isn't good enough for them, start doing s**t and make them realize that your best really is good enough.

    this is especially good if your parents are respected in the korean-american first-generation social club, or what call you it. from what i understand, it's very common for them to be judged by their peers based on your talents as their child. when you start to turn into a freaking loser and making all their friends raise their eyebrows and what not, they'll start settling for more realistic expectations.

    ahh, cynicism...

    if you don't like this idea, i wholly understand. i hate being manipulative, too. but the one thing i hate more is being manipulated, especially by parents. and i don't believe that your parents are doing this for you at all. i think they're doing it for them. if they really cared about you (in terms of your "future prospects") they would take action to help you do better rather than get angry at you.

    your choice, of course. you should give your parents a copy of the joy-luck club and tell them that it's really not the end of the civilized world.
     
  22. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040

    Kwyjibo

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    #22
    I didn't get grads until 2nd or 3rd grade.... also taking responsiblity is part of growing up...you messed up and you have to deal with that I guess....just wait until your in college and all you've got is a few tests, mess one up and you coudl fail a course not even get a 78%
     
  23. scem0 macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #23
    wow..... I always thought you were smart uber....

    jk ;)

    Who cares. If parents are gunna act dumb then the best thing to do is just ignore them. Or force them to go through a year of what your going through, then they will know all the different kinds of **** you have to go through and put up with.

    scem0
     
  24. anneleonard macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2003
    Location:
    Reading, UK (a.k.a. Strongbadia)
    #24
    ahem, sorry? 110%?! how on earth do you get that? how can you score more than the maximum? mathematics gone mad i think.

    i think you guys must have very different systems of percentages in education, as i got 69.8% in my degree (Psychology) and got first class honours, whereas you get 90% and you think that's bad? weird. the highest amount i ever got (and we're talking essay subjects here, not tick and cross answers) was 85%, which i was blown away by, people wouldn't believe me i got so high.

    no wonder they say everything's bigger in america!
     
  25. kiwi_the_iwik macrumors 65816

    kiwi_the_iwik

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2001
    Location:
    London, UK
    #25
    Don't worry, über - you'll always be special to us...

    Sometimes you really wish that you can divorce yourself from your parents - I, for one, couldn't imagine how your parents reacted, however.

    I'm no psychologist, but what I CAN tell you is that your parents eventually come around to a "sensible" way of thinking. I know - mine did eventually. I was pretty much in the same position as you - my Dad was a real hard taskmaster.

    He'd be so demanding of everything that I did - I had to be the BEST, or FIRST, all the time. I don't think he really understood the pressures involved. It was hard enough to be good scholastically - I had to be in the top classes at school, and any drop in grades would result in a right-bollicking.

    I also did Judo at an international level for a long time - and he'd say things like "If an EYE falls out, jump on it...". Nice guy. He'd also do things like follow me in the car when I went running - just to see whether I'd slink off and sit in a park instead. I was such a small kid for such a LONG time - mainly because he made me diet and exercise to keep me under a certain weight category.

    One day, I went OVER that weight category, and had to fight in the next weight group. He was at work, so he didn't find out until he - and I - got home. In the end, I still got 3rd place. Not good enough - to him I was a failure. After that, I just did my own thing, and didn't diet any more. Within 8 months, I'd grown an extra FOOT in size, and gained about 15kg - my natural weight. And - get this - I was winning, all by myself, and happy to do so at my own pace.

    So the moral of this little anecdote is that you have to do things AT YOUR OWN PACE - if you set yourself a high rate, you'll burn out by the time you're 30. And that's no BS. All of those students that were in my classes who were EXCEEDINGLY intelligent all ended up in dreary jobs, or on the dole. I know of only ONE who made it - got an electrical engineer degree, and then got bored and became a medical doctor (but he did it ALL at his own pace, and when he was ready).

    Give them time - it seems they only want the best for you. Perhaps they're just trying to live vicariously through you, and your achievements. Maybe if you sat down with them - or even got in touch with the counsellor, so you can ALL sit down together - and talk about things, and how you feel, it may help. Tell them how much you understand why they want you to achieve - and that you want to as well. They'll have a hard time arguing with you if they know you're on the same wavelength as them.

    My father and I now get along fine - he's proud of the fact that I'm successful in my career, and a father myself (now he can sit back, point and laugh!). I suppose the fact that I'm 12500 MILES away from my family help a great deal - it's a great buffer zone!

    But seriously, only YOU know how much you can take. Be fair on yourself, and don't overdo it - otherwise you'll pay for it in the future. School's all good-and-fine - but it's NOT the real world. The REAL world involves a lot more than exams - it's dealing with people, making decisions, and knowing your limitations. Sort out THESE things, and when the time comes, it won't chew you up and spit you out.


    Of course, one other option would be just to tell them to "pull their horns in", or you'll put them in a home when they're old...

    Good luck!

    ;)
     

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