How should children address adults?

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by iShater, Nov 1, 2012.

?

How should childress address adults?

  1. Using first name

    15 vote(s)
    22.7%
  2. Using title and last name? (Mr, Mrs, Ms) or title and first name if family? (Uncle/Aunt)

    37 vote(s)
    56.1%
  3. Ask the adult for how they want to be addressed?

    18 vote(s)
    27.3%
  4. Ms. Firstname or Mr. Firstname

    5 vote(s)
    7.6%
  5. No opinion

    6 vote(s)
    9.1%
  1. macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #1
    Our nanny introduced her 7 year old son to my wife and I and she used our first names to do it. So he when we met him again yesterday for trick or treating, he was told to say "Hi XYZ", using my first name, and he did.

    I, and many of my friends, grew up where we would address adults by their last name as Mr. or Mrs. and if they were family members or close friends as uncle and aunt. Using first names unless the person offered it to us, always seemed to be very rude.

    What about you? what are your thought on it?

    I'm surprised, but it really bugged the hell out of me. I'm not one of his little buddies. :eek:
     
  2. macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #2
    My friends' kids have always addressed me by my first name. Why would that bother you?
     
  3. macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2005
    Location:
    UK
    #3
    First name. That's how everyone introduces themselves.
     
  4. jsw
    Moderator emeritus

    jsw

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2004
    Location:
    Andover, MA
    #4
    After seeing so many PSAs in my youth, I am quite certain that they should include the ZIP code and print neatly.

    As far as the rest goes, I don't see an issue with using first names, nor do I see an issue with requesting that Ms/Mr/Mrs/Whatever Lastname be used instead.

    I think that respect is shown in better ways that whether or not your first or last name is used when addressing you, but that's just me.

    ----------

    Frankly, I seriously doubt he cares at all about how your friends' kids address you.
     
  5. thread starter macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #5
    It seems rude to me. As I stated in my 2nd paragraph, when I grew up I never did that and none of my friends have.

    Heck, to this day I call certain people Mr. and uncle and I am decades past being a kid.
     
  6. macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2007
    Location:
    Southern California
    #6
    I think the kids should take the cue from whoever is doing the introduction. So if my parents introduced me to someone as Mr. So and So, thats is how I would address them until instructed otherwise. Usually by the person saying, No, call me steve. etc.

    If I was given no clear introduction, I would use the last name until corrected otherwise. I find its always nice to be overpolite instead of underpolite, at least in person.

    On the net, screw you all! Now, the meet on the net and then meet in person meetings are always weird. I try to find out their first name as quick as possible because saying, hey TP3X45GSL just really sucks.
     
  7. macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #7
    Then that is your own issue that you're projecting onto others. It has nothing to do with anything in reality. I suggest you find a way to get past it.
     
  8. macrumors 65816

    myrtlebee

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    #8
    It was always "Ms. Firstname" or "Mr. Firstname". (You should add this to your poll-- it's very common). That is, unless someone insisted on their last name (pretty rare, except certain high school teachers), but even then it was always "Ms. Lastname" for women, never "Mrs. Lastname". It's the same etiquette I use now for anyone, say, 20+ years older than me. I've heard this is a Southern thing, though, so I would say it depends on where you live for what is acceptable.

    During my time in New England, it was usually more formal -- always Mrs. if married and usually the last name instead of the first (if not using the prefix). That said, nowhere have I heard it acceptable for kids to just use a first name to address adults, except family members in certain situations.
     
  9. thread starter macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #9
    That is very true (nice hiding of references there). Maybe I am old fashioned here.

    For the purposes of this poll I do. ;)
     
  10. Guest

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    #10
    I said Using title and last name? (Mr, Mrs, Ms) or title and first name if family? (Uncle/Aunt). That is how I was brought up.

    IMO, it's just basic politeness. If they weren't family it was (and still is) Mr. <Last name> or Mrs. <Last name> or Dr. <Last Name>.

    Family is always Uncle <First Name> or Aunt <First Name>.
     
  11. thread starter macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #11
    That is your opinion, and you are projecting me having a different one as a delusion. But in reality from what I have been reading, a lot of people have 1) the confusion about what the current social norm is, 2) have different opinions depending on what part of the country they are from, and 3) have very specific preferences.

    Oh yeah, forgot about that one. If I knew how to edit the polls I would. I'd like to fix the typos too. :p
     
  12. macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #12
    I more say the title part. Only time that changes is if told other wise. It more how the parents introduces to them.

    For example a friend of mine her kids call me Mr. Rodimus (change rodimus to my real name)

    Now the hardest part for me personally is dealing people I have known for a very long time and got to know them by their last name when I was younger. Now nearing 30 I have to force myself to switch to first names as in my mind they are still Mr or Mrs So and so. Yet I work with people well older to them that I will default to first name and go by it that way.
     
  13. macrumors G5

    yg17

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    #13
    First name is fine with me. I hate it when people say Mr. [last name]. One, because they always butcher my last name, and two, because I don't like formalities. I'm a laid back guy, calling me by my first name is fine.

    Family is...interesting. My grandmothers were always Grandma [first name]. The one grandfather I've ever known somehow got the nickname "Pa Pa" when we were all kids so that's stuck. Due to some family issues that have come up in recent years, I don't talk to my aunts, so I never say Aunt [first name]. They don't deserve that respect, so when I'm talking about them, it's either their first name, bitch, or a four letter word that begins with c and rhymes with bunt.
     
  14. macrumors 68030

    ericrwalker

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Location:
    Albany, NY
    #14
    On my father's side of the family we seem to use their title and first name, and on my mother's side it's title and last name. I think as long as a child respect their elders, especially immediate family it should be fine. A child should never disrespect an adult who isn't disrespecting them, and if an adult is, they should walk away and not get involved in most cases.
     
  15. macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #15
    You're right, it's my opinion. However, it strikes me that there are far more important issues in the world that deserve a lot more attention than this.

    What do you propose to do? Correct your nanny and insist that this person's child address you a certain way?

    That would seem to be rather petty to me. So if you're not going to correct her or her child, it would be in your best interest to let it be and not let it bother you.
     
  16. macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    #16
    I don't think the name they use matters much as long as it's in a respectful manner.
     
  17. thread starter macrumors 604

    iShater

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    #17
    Of course there are, but then again people are complaining that port types changed on the iPad.

    How else can I get a non-scientific poll going?

    I thought about it, and I am still not sure. My daughter always refers to adults using Uncle and Aunt or Mr. and Mrs, and if this kid going to be around my kid then it is a bit more than just about how I feel. Kids pay attention to EVERYTHING other kids do.
     
  18. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Location:
    Among the starlings
    #18
    I was brought up to say Mr/Ms Lastname unless the adult said otherwise (teacher who told us to call her by a nickname; friend's parents whom we've always called by their first names). Now that I'm an adult, the friends' parents who used to go by Mr/Ms are on a first-name basis.

    We were never brought up to sir/ma'am people, though (except for strangers in, for instance, a retail setting, or to catch the attention of an elderly person to ask if they want a seat on the bus). I'd say 90% of the time I use them it's in an ironic sense. And being called "ma'am" seriously weirds me out.

    My own parents are Mom and Dad, and the rest of their generation have gradually drifted from Aunt/Uncle Firstname to just first names, while the great-aunts and grandparents are still Aunt Firstname and Grandma Firstname to their faces, but discussed by just their first names when not present.

    I don't think there's anything inherently disrespectful about children calling adults by their first names, but some adults prefer the formality, and I think it should be up to each adult what they ask the kids to call them. If I had kids, I'd probably introduce them to my closer friends by first names (or possibly call my friends "aunts" and "uncles"), and anyone else by Mr/Ms Lastname, and let the other adult correct them if they have a different preference.

    Yes, a certain amount of respect is appropriate, but formality and respect aren't the same thing, and respect isn't always deserved -- and as kids reach their teen years they tend to become painfully aware of the cases in which it isn't. Forcing formality on them doesn't change that.
     
  19. macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #19
    True.

    Then this is what you need to ask yourself- does this really make that much of a difference? Is it really that much of an issue?
     
  20. macrumors G4

    flopticalcube

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Location:
    In the velcro closure of America's Hat
  21. macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #21
    I take it you prefer Mr. Eddie's father. :D


    Dude!
     
  22. macrumors 68020

    brad.c

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    50.813669°, -2.474796°
    #22
    I don't consider myself old-fashioned, but I think the nanny should have introduced you formally, leaving it to your discretion to offer your first name.

    Speaking of politeness, why don't people say "good-bye" when hanging up the phone on television? What is that teaching our children?

    Then again, before too long, kids won't use "telephones" or "television".
     
  23. Ugg
    macrumors 68000

    Ugg

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2003
    Location:
    Penryn
    #23
    I think it's a matter of degrees of separation. Unless you have an extremely formal relationship with your nanny (that seems very 19th century) then your first names are appropriate. Actually, have you not instructed the nanny how you want her to introduce adults to your kids?

    To be honest, it seems as though you might be blaming her for your own oversight. Tempest in a teacup and all that.
     
  24. macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2011
    #24
    I grew up on the west coast and I remember addressing adults as Mr./Mrs. <Last name>. My neighbors insist that their kids address adults as Mr/Mrs <First Name>. It seemed odd to me but if the kids called us by our first names, we would be fine with it.
     
  25. macrumors G4

    Mord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2003
    Location:
    Old York
    #25
    I always found that kind of formality weird, I favour being addressed by my first name by everyone.
     

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