I feel so terrible right now...traumatic experience tonight for me.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by macartistkel, Jun 19, 2006.

  1. macartistkel macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #1
    So upset right now and there is nothing I can do about it. I was driving on a dark two lane road about an hour and a half ago and out of nowhere a black poodle appeared. I could not hit my brakes or even swerve because there were three other cars on the other side of the road passing by me at the same time (which I think the cars blinded me because I never saw the poodle until the last second anyway). I CANNOT believe I hit the poor animal head on. I have never hit an animal before and I am completely a mess right now. I feel so guilty and I am so sensitive over animals and death anyway. I did not leave the dog behind--I took it with me in a box and I will go back tomorrow to find the owners if possible. It had a collar on but no tags and there were too many houses with the lights off this late at night. The only peace I have at this point right now is that I think it died instantly because I never saw it move or breathe after I stopped my car.

    I know this isn't the best thing to post on a message board but everyone I know is now asleep and I am pretty traumatized over it. Of course there is nothing I can do about it. I just keep thinking about the moment when I saw it, and hit it, and it's killing me right now. I am pretty sure I will never be able to go to sleep tonight.
     
  2. devilot Moderator emeritus

    devilot

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    #2
    I'm sorry that the whole thing happened. :( A very unfortunate accident. I really do hope you're able to get in touch w/ the owners, though, and I hope they are able to understand that you didn't do it intentionally and were kind enough to keep the poodle w/ you and find the owners. :(
     
  3. Counterfit macrumors G3

    Counterfit

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    Aug 20, 2003
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    sitting on your shoulder
    #3
    I think that you're feeling guilty is a good sign. It means you're alive and human. :)
     
  4. bousozoku Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Location:
    Gone but not forgotten.
    #4
    I've been through it a couple of times. Accidents happen and you'll be fine in a few days. Someone at work teased me about it for a day or two, noting that it caused me to solve a software problem by diverting my attention.

    Relax.
     
  5. swingerofbirch macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Location:
    The Amalgamated States of Central North America
    #5
    I'm so sorry to hear. I don't know you, but you sound like a very caring person, and I am glad you were not hurt. You are doing the best you can in a situation that could happen to anyone, but happened to happen to you, so you shouldn't feel like anyone is judging you and you shouldn't feel guilt, because you are the unlucky one who is having to deal with this. How hard you are on yourself does not equal your love for life and not wanting to harm life. So, I am sure you will go through guilt, but I hope you will be able to move on soon after.

    I would never suggest it is true, because I don't know, but some people believe that things happen for a reason. Trying to find meaning helps for some.

    You are a valuable person and what happened tonight changes you, but it does not diminish you.

    Let us know how you are feeling and if you can find the owner. I can suggest some online help for you if you're interested later. Right now you probably just need to grieve.

    EDIT: I just reread the last part of your post about seeing that image over and over.

    Try to refocus. When it comes into your mind acknowledge it, think of all the positive steps you took after that moment (and believe me they were very positive), and refocus onto something else--late night TV etc. I'm a night owl myself. At 2 AM on ABC, world news now comes on. ;)
     
  6. ibook30 macrumors 6502a

    ibook30

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Location:
    2,000 light years from home
    #6
    Sorry to hear about your accident. But I think you were right:
    There is nothing you can do about the events of the past. Get some sleep. A lot of good ideas have been posted, so take some time to process it all - but get a decent nights rest.
     
  7. macartistkel thread starter macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #7
    Thanks all of you SO much. This is exactly what I needed right now...just some thoughts and peace about it. I just keep thinking...what if I had been just one minute later, etc. Oh well, I know how much my pets mean to me and it will be very hard to tell the owners. I will offer to buy a pet memorial or ANYTHING that might help?? I am sure I will be just as upset as them at the time. :(
     
  8. devilot Moderator emeritus

    devilot

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    #8
    I don't think that that's necessarily called for. First of all, it's really quite expensive-- will you be prepared for that? Second of all, they may not be entirely free from blame, why was the dog running about in the dark? That's problematic as well. That said, the whole affair was an accident and I hope that the owners are willing or able to see that and that you've done all the right things, all you could do in your position.

    Good luck.
     
  9. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040

    MongoTheGeek

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    Sep 13, 2003
    Location:
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    #9
    Could be worse. I passed Bambi and his Mother on the way into work. Killed 20' from each other.

    Only recently have a killed a critter with the car and that was a bird with a death wish. I might have hit an armadillo a few years back but thats not a confirmed kill because riding by a couple of hours later it was gone.

    Don't feel too responsible about it. There are three entities that share blame in the dogs death. Here they are in order of Ascending responsibility

    1) You.
    2) The dog for running out.
    3) And most responsible, the dogs owners for letting their dog out of control onto the road.

    Also consider if its animal that doesn't eat carrion and its sitting in the road its probably sick.
     
  10. Deepdale macrumors 68000

    Deepdale

    Joined:
    May 4, 2005
    Location:
    New York
    #10
    Very good points were mentioned by devilot concerning a memorial. Contacting the owners is on your list and, despite their loss, they should be able to see how you were affected by what happened. The fact that the dog was out unattended at that late hour was a regrettable event, but it does not place any additional obligations upon you.

    Those ordeals are wrenching, but you have handled it responsibly and with a great deal of sensitivity. Let us know what happens when you meet up with the dog's owners.
     
  11. Killyp macrumors 68040

    Killyp

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2006
    #11
    my dad always talks about this time he hit a dog, and it was still alive, but obviously in a lot of pain. He said it was really upsetting and the only thing he could do to help it was to kill it the rest of the way. I hate death and killing, even on computer games (what a woss).

    I also once hit a dog on my bike and broke one of it's ribs, which upset me a lot. I don't know what happened to it after that, there were lots of people around and it just ran off... :(
     
  12. macartistkel thread starter macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #12
    Thanks again for the comments everyone....I feel a "little bit" better this morning. I asked my boss if I can leave for a couple of hours soon to check if it belongs to anyone in the houses where I hit the dog (this is going to be so hard on me but hopefully they will understand)....if no one is home, then I know I will have to bury it myself as soon as possible. That is true about the owners leaving the dog out---and not a good idea in this particular area--its just a two lane curvey road with lots of trees and very dark at night. (Possums and raccoons have always jumped out in front of me on this road but I have ALWAYS missed them). I will also be looking for my license tag too because its gone---that is one thing I never even thought to look at last night but I noticed this morning that the whole front of my car is wrecked. No big deal though, of course insurance can repair that kind of damage.
     
  13. jsw Moderator emeritus

    jsw

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2004
    Location:
    Andover, MA
    #13
    I'm happy to see you posting again but sad that this was the reason. :(

    I think that you did everything you could be expected to do last night and more. I'm sure the owners will be relieved once you find them, and I am also glad - in a relative sense, of course - that the dog died instantly.

    I don't think it's important to try to assign blame. Surely you don't have any - you were driving down a road at night and couldn't swerve. Not your fault.

    The dog clearly wasn't to blame.

    And the owners? Well, yes, if they just let it roam wild, then shame on them. However, it's entirely possible that the dog was let out inadvertently by a child, babysitter, accidentally-left-open-door, etc. These things happen, and it's tragic for all.

    I sincerely hope you find the owners and are able to move on.
     
  14. celebrian23 macrumors 65816

    celebrian23

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2006
    Location:
    Under the sun
    #14
    You know how some people say life is 10% what you can't control and 90% what you can? Well this goes in that 10%. It's unfortunate, it's was an accident though. I hope you can find the owners.
     
  15. macartistkel thread starter macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #15
    Oh you guys...I feel even worse now after reading the new comments. Anyway, I went back and there is a big mountain with like 20 houses scattered around and some look like shacks. I got really uneasy and I didn't want to start asking about the dog. Maybe I am being a baby but I was by myself and I was thinking of the other scenario that someone might be really upset and pissed off at me. You never know what people might do these days and I was out in the country. The last thing I need is to get hurt or something. I will definitely go back later but only if my b/f agrees to go with me. My dad is out of town right now too or he would.

    I also got pulled over by a cop on my way back to work...he said the reason he pulled me over was because my bumper is dragging the ground. (no kidding, you would think I hit a deer and not a 20 pound dog with how bad it looks??) Then I had to tell yet another person that I hit a dog last night. I felt like complete hell.

    I'll keep you guys posted on what happens but I hope no one thinks bad of me if I just say a prayer about all of this and bury the dog beside my old childhood dog Buffy. I really don't know what to do at this point. Of course I would want to know what happened to my pet, but maybe someone else would like to think its ok somewhere else. :confused: :( The dog was SO cute--it had to be a little sweetheart. :(
     
  16. Caitlyn macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2005
    #16
    Agreed. It is a sad situation and I'm sorry that it had to occur, but it's not like you deliberately wanted to hurt it. You had no choice but to. And as you said, at least you didn't make it suffer. And you were kind enough to go back. Most other people would not have had the guts.
     
  17. macartistkel thread starter macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #17

    Well that is the truth, and this was a time there was nothing I could have done but hit the dog unless of course it had just moved itself, but unfortunately it was frozen. I had other cars to deal in this situation so I had to stay on my side of the road or I risked killing people that were passing by me. This sucks. :(
     
  18. skoker macrumors 68000

    skoker

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    Aug 6, 2005
  19. macartistkel thread starter macrumors 6502a

    macartistkel

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #19
    Thank you for the suggestion...I will definitely do that!
     
  20. Boggle macrumors 6502

    Boggle

    #20
    You behaved very admirably, with caring and conscience. Guilt is a perfectly normal (albeit irrataional - b/c it so is not your fault at all) response. And I think it's a sign of great character when somebody like you does what they can in horrific circumstances.

    If anything like this ever happend to my Morgan, I would hope somebody would behave as you did.
     
  21. cycocelica macrumors 68000

    cycocelica

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    Apr 28, 2005
    Location:
    Redmond, WA
    #21
    Thank god you didn't swerve into oncoming traffic. I know so many people who would have done that just to save an animal but not think about the people in the car :rolleyes: .

    Who lets a black dog out at night though? They have to be complete idiots.
     
  22. Ugg macrumors 68000

    Ugg

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2003
    Location:
    Penryn
    #22

    You might also try to contact the local animal control office and put up flyers in the area as well.
     
  23. mannix87 macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2005
    Location:
    in the southeast
    #23
    you'll get over it. I've hit a dog and 2 cats in the 20yrs that I've been driving. I do a lot of countryside driving and I guess, unfortunately, it's a part of the driving experience in those parts. In fact, the last cat was actually a kitten and it happened just a few weeks ago. I was driving around 60mph and from afar I thought it was just a piece of paper being blown by the wind as it was slowly rolling along the middle of the road. it turned out to be a kitten that could barely walk, but by the time I realized it, it was too late, i felt the tires of my van crush the brittle bones of the poor animal. I looked at the rear view mirror and I knew that it died instantly. I felt so bad because if I realized it soon enough, I could have avoided the kitten and it might still be alive now. Oh well :(
     

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