i need advice too.

Discussion in 'Community' started by janey, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. janey macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #1
    three questions.

    is it normal to feel absolutely crushed inside after a guy rejects you (sorta)?
    is it normal to have chest pains and shortness of breath at the same time too?
    is it also normal to be irate over little minutiae and to have this urge to destroy things as well as a result of that?
     
  2. clayj macrumors 604

    clayj

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Location:
    visiting from downstream
    #2
    Reversing the gender of your questions (as I am a guy), and based on my own past experiences, I'd say the answers to all three of your questions are a resounding YES.
     
  3. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #3
    absolutely normal

    i felt crushed all the time when girls rejected me for stupid reasons, because they just wanted to be friends, because i wasnt a bada$$ or something or other

    it sucks, makes you feel like crap, but then you realize that you are better off without those people, it might take awhile but you will feel better about yourself as soon as you realize it

    eventually you will love yourself, and when that happens, no matter what a person does to you, you wont be phased

    (thats me at least)
     
  4. brap macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    May 10, 2004
    Location:
    Nottingham
    #4
    Absolutely.

    Never been rejected, but I've been 'dumped' once, by someone I thought was fairly special - and it's not a nice feeling. Somewhat akin to said person having removed several vital organs.

    Go do something fun, like, I dunno. Take lots of drugs. Eat chocolate. Play video games. Actually, don't bother, just mope for a while - you'll get over it. :eek:
     
  5. CanadaRAM macrumors G5

    CanadaRAM

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2004
    Location:
    On the Left Coast - Victoria BC Canada
    #5
    1) Yes
    2) Yes
    3) Yes

    1) To the extent that we buy into the idea that our worth depends on the opinion of someone else, we are susceptible to being crushed. However, think this through... do I feel that I am worthless because my scratch-and-win ticket says "not a winner"? Nope, because I recognize that the ticket's opinion of me has nothing at all to do with my worth as a human being or my happiness. The sooner I can recognize that someone's opinion of me, although flattering, is ultimately as unimportant (and inaccurate) as that lottery ticket, the sooner I can get on with the next thing in my life that is important to ME.

    2) The body responds to the brain's signals of fear, panic, despair, rage, love. For example when someone is lying to me or trying to cheat me I get red in the face, my scalp line starts to prickle and I hear a rushing sound in my ears - I'm not sick or crazy, it's the fight/flight reaction kicking in. You've got the same thing going on -- you have "lost" something (in this case, you have lost only a phantasm - the vision of future romance and unconditional approval of this person) that your mind had vested a lot of hope in, and your body is reacting.

    3) A normal stage of reaction to a loss is anger - to blame someone or something else. You can help this stage through by setting up something that you can beat the $#!^ out of in a non-damaging way: Pummelling pillows while screaming every obscenity you can remember or invent works. Or do a really hard workout at the gym (sans obscenities please), or run, or engage in hard physical work that does not require attention to detail (using power tools and chopping wood are NOT recommended while in a distracted state of mind)

    Then, when you feel drained but less angry, call up a friend and go and do something social and non-romantically-related.

    HTH
    Trevor

    Edit: There's that Clay guy again - Gheeze he's a fast typer :D
     
  6. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
  7. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #7
    thats what we are here for, no problem, glad it wasnt you though
     
  8. clayj macrumors 604

    clayj

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Location:
    visiting from downstream
    #8
    Actually, the girl I mentioned in the Valentine's Day post (the one you all said I should give up on*) was over here late Sunday night, and as we were both working on our notebooks (her working, me surfing), she made the same comment: I'm an incredibly fast typist. :) Amazingly, it's not touch typing, but more of an improvised two-finger hunt-and-peck system.

    * I haven't given up. In fact, since we had our conversation, we've actually spent more time with each other than we did before, and we're going out on a date next weekend when she returns from New York. She may have been impressed with my very even-handed approach to her position vis-a-vis a relationship... heck, I don't know.
     
  9. Palomino macrumors member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    Location:
    Adelaide, South Australia
    #9
    So sad. Yet oh so so true :eek:
     
  10. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #10
    Maybe your friend has asthma too.
     
  11. AmigoMac macrumors 68020

    AmigoMac

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2003
    Location:
    l'Allemagne
    #11
    1 - I don't know, I only date girls :) ;) :D

    2 - it's normal when you're rejected, or wastelanded :eek: (That's a bad feeling and I'm sorry for whomever lives that, I had that a lot times)

    3 - Yes... after a very small discussion at the phone with my girl, I almost broke a chair, I pray to not have that feeling again... we're together again and having a good time, hope to continue so. :)
     
  12. gwuMACaddict macrumors 68040

    gwuMACaddict

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Location:
    washington dc
    #12
    you asked three questions, what advice did you need?
     
  13. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040

    MongoTheGeek

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2003
    Location:
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    #13
    I've seen girls crushed.

    As Doctor Q said perhaps asthma. Though both of those symptoms are consisting with high cortisol(stress hormone) and adrenaline levels.

    Again high cortisol and adrenaline levels. I once put my fist through the wall because my VCR was unplugged. No intention to do it what so ever. The crumbling of plaster and lathe was a rather strong shock back to reality.
     
  14. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #14
    Its normal, because I'm feeling the same way right now about a girl I feel absolutely crazy about. I still can't get my mind off her after all this time. It has been awhile. Problem is that I see her almost every day, and it sucks, although we still laugh a lot when we're together.

    The thing is this: I'm going to start dating another girl this weekend, so maybe that'll help me get over it. :cool:
     
  15. SFVCyclone macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Location:
    Pasadena, Ca
    #16
    Well i have read that it is actually women who are rejected more often than men. And reframing the situation as that person who rejected you as being some one that you most likely would not want to get to know is much better and has worked for me real good.
     
  16. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    #17
    Ditto.

    With my wife, I remember being so inlove as to be actually dizzy! As a pilot I was very atuned to getting vertigo, so I was taken aback by the intensity of it.
    It was a good signal, 15 years in Oct.
     
  17. janey thread starter macrumors 603

    janey

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Location:
    sunny los angeles
    #18
    groan..
    hormones, lust, love and attractive members of all sexes...screwing with my head..

    and i didnt really need advice, i just wanted to ask some questions. There just happened to be like ten other threads on like relationship and dating advice, so...
     

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