im in a long distance relationship right now, altho we arent that far away. she goes to berkeley and i go to uc davis so....yea. i think over all, it just cant be done long distance when we are this age, at school. i dont know what to think about how this is going to turn out tho. goodluck to you on everything
Got a tip for us?
Let us know
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.
I think I just broke up with my girlfriend
- Thread starter 0098386
- Start date
- Sort by reaction score
- Status
I just thought I would dip my toe into this thread. My girlfriend and I have just had our 4th anniversary (awwww) and we have had to deal with long distance relationships. We met in Bristol at univeristy but I live in Hull and she live in Plymouth (7 hours by train). When I graduated I got a job near Oxford and she moved back to Plymouth which was really hard and after a year of not seeing much of each other things where not looking good. But I made the decision to quit my job and go back to uni in Bristol and she has joined me and we are now living together and it is great. Just stick with it and do what you feel is right. I dont think anyone can ever say that they have not questioned a relationship they are in, the old Is this the right thing? or, Do I really love him/her? questions. I have found that those questions are the important ones to ask and they often make you realise how much you mean to each other. I think it also helps when you go through hard times together. Six months after I met my girlfriend her mother died but things like that make couples stronger and can help in the long run. Anyway I hope things work out for you.
I will say if you ended it with "I don't think I can do this anymore" and just hung up and turn off your phone it is a very bad way to break up. Hell I think it is a very inappropriate way of breaking up. Even worse due to the fact that you 2 had been going out for around 4 years. Anything that last more than 1-2 months breaking up I think should be done face to face but the phone is semi acceptable. When you have been dating for a year or more in person is the only appropriate way of doing it unless there is a very valid reason why you cannot (several 100 miles between the 2 of you and no real way to be able to drive out and see the person).
At the very least I do think you need to call her and talk to her on the phone. Even if it is to break up it really should be done. She needs to be allowed to say her piece and you need to explain yourself 2 her. It might be you 2 just really need to talk for a little while and figure everything out.
Lastly if you both break up I going to assume you really loved her and it is going to be gut wrenching. I honestly worried about you emotional state of being from it and having to deal with depression (which sucks). If things are not feeling better for you have a 2 weeks or so I strongly recommend you get some professional counseling. Chances are really good that you school offer a short term counseling for free. Also do be open minded to consider medication for short term (make it a more last resort).
The reason I saying that is when my last girlfriend broke up with me and the events that followed where enough to push me over the edge and yeah I went in to a very depressed state for months and just could not climb out of it. After being pushed and pretty much force by my friends I went to counseling at my school and didn't want to go on medication and avoided it for a while. After a while of trying the consoling thing I decided to try medication and between the 2 of them it really helped out. Also after talking with my mom for a while and looking back at my past I seem to suffer from depression most of my life so I was even more inclined to take on medication but remember it is not something to take on lightly.
At the very least I do think you need to call her and talk to her on the phone. Even if it is to break up it really should be done. She needs to be allowed to say her piece and you need to explain yourself 2 her. It might be you 2 just really need to talk for a little while and figure everything out.
Lastly if you both break up I going to assume you really loved her and it is going to be gut wrenching. I honestly worried about you emotional state of being from it and having to deal with depression (which sucks). If things are not feeling better for you have a 2 weeks or so I strongly recommend you get some professional counseling. Chances are really good that you school offer a short term counseling for free. Also do be open minded to consider medication for short term (make it a more last resort).
The reason I saying that is when my last girlfriend broke up with me and the events that followed where enough to push me over the edge and yeah I went in to a very depressed state for months and just could not climb out of it. After being pushed and pretty much force by my friends I went to counseling at my school and didn't want to go on medication and avoided it for a while. After a while of trying the consoling thing I decided to try medication and between the 2 of them it really helped out. Also after talking with my mom for a while and looking back at my past I seem to suffer from depression most of my life so I was even more inclined to take on medication but remember it is not something to take on lightly.
I guess the question is, do you love this girl? Or do you kind of just like her? Were you together out of habit, or because you really want to be together?
Trade in the ring for brass knuckles, and they'll never make that "safe" mistake again
Wait until you get married, it gets even worse!
Something about having a ring on your finger makes you seem safe. Weird.
Trade in the ring for brass knuckles, and they'll never make that "safe" mistake again
I think it's back off again
I've been trying to ring her all day. I finally get through, where is she? At a bunch of guys house who she has said "flirt with her". I trust her and that, but it feels a little strange to me. I said I needed to have a talk with her, trying to sort things out and that, but she's coming home at 2am. Which is useful.
I dunno anymore. I know she's busy but I kept help feeling pushed away. It hurts me so I feel things would be better if I was apart from her. I don't feel it would be a bad breakup. Again I'm just purely confused think I'll just forget about all this and go play some Half Life 2 to get my mind off things but not till 2am!
I've been trying to ring her all day. I finally get through, where is she? At a bunch of guys house who she has said "flirt with her". I trust her and that, but it feels a little strange to me. I said I needed to have a talk with her, trying to sort things out and that, but she's coming home at 2am. Which is useful.
I dunno anymore. I know she's busy but I kept help feeling pushed away. It hurts me so I feel things would be better if I was apart from her. I don't feel it would be a bad breakup. Again I'm just purely confused
think I'll just forget about all this and go play some Half Life 2 to get my mind off things but not till 2am!I think it's back off again
I've been trying to ring her all day. I finally get through, where is she? At a bunch of guys house who she has said "flirt with her". I trust her and that, but it feels a little strange to me. I said I needed to have a talk with her, trying to sort things out and that, but she's coming home at 2am. Which is useful.
I dunno anymore. I know she's busy but I kept help feeling pushed away. It hurts me so I feel things would be better if I was apart from her. I don't feel it would be a bad breakup. Again I'm just purely confused
I'm really sorry to hear this, mate!
To be honest, I've just recently (just over a month ago) got out of an 18 month relationship. Things weren't going as well as they could for the last month or so. I think we pushed it too much. When I first started thinking "maybe I'd be better of without her", I knew that it was over. It's not right to stay in a relationship with that frame of mind. Things like this are better off not pushed. It can be really hard at first, but it could be for the best...
The first couple of weeks, I pretty much fell apart, I didn't see the point in anything. Luckily I have some ace mates and they've really helped me out.
My advice mate, as negative and bad sounding it is, is just to not push it. If it's not working, end it.
Good work on the HL2 though. I tend to play CSS and blast terrorists to take my anger out!
Hope everything works out mate!
What's ironic is my student loan will be through soon, I've got a new job simply looking after my cousins pub at night and I've got a meeting with some BBC producers in December to talk about a show me and a friend are writing. So money will be in, hopefully I could buy a car and see her more. it's just not seeing each other that frustrates us both.
buddy, you gotta can this chick before you end up coming home and finding her on your breakfast table with another guy.
She's playing games man. Get out while you still have your sanity.
Hell, the woman I had a thing with this summer... all I do is think about her. The smell on her neck, her laugh, her smile, her... in bed. Ya know, the normal stuff. But that's ALL I think about. I'm sitting in interviews, I'm watching the news, I'm sleeping, and she's always on my mind. And I'm not even seeing her anymore.
GAH!
women=satan.
She's playing games man. Get out while you still have your sanity.
Hell, the woman I had a thing with this summer... all I do is think about her. The smell on her neck, her laugh, her smile, her... in bed. Ya know, the normal stuff. But that's ALL I think about. I'm sitting in interviews, I'm watching the news, I'm sleeping, and she's always on my mind. And I'm not even seeing her anymore.
GAH!
women=satan.
Thing is, it was our anniversary yesterday and we didn't even speak to each other. No fault of mine though, I rang when I knew she'd be free. ah well. we're back on again though.
going a little OT- I've always had strange relationships.
First girlfriend was a lesbian (don't ask!), I knew before too.
Second girlfriend had another online boyfriend (kids, I know).
Third was a mistake. best mates cousin. EEP.
Fourth is where I am now. And more mind games! Is it really always like this? any courses I can take to help?
going a little OT- I've always had strange relationships.
First girlfriend was a lesbian (don't ask!), I knew before too.
Second girlfriend had another online boyfriend (kids, I know).
Third was a mistake. best mates cousin. EEP.
Fourth is where I am now. And more mind games! Is it really always like this? any courses I can take to help?
Thing is, it was our anniversary yesterday and we didn't even speak to each other. No fault of mine though, I rang when I knew she'd be free. ah well. we're back on again though.
going a little OT- I've always had strange relationships.
First girlfriend was a lesbian (don't ask!), I knew before too.
Second girlfriend had another online boyfriend (kids, I know).
Third was a mistake. best mates cousin. EEP.
Fourth is where I am now. And more mind games! Is it really always like this? any courses I can take to help?
Yes, it's always like this. Except for southern (USA) chicks. A lot of them get dolled up jsut to be pretty for their guy. Some won't even get the mail unless they look pretty. And they're freaks too. But other than that. Yes. Women love to play with our minds and play games and leave us wondering.
Nice guys finish last, jimmi. All of the jerks and *******s get whatever woman (or women) they want, and they treat them like crap, and the women love it. That's how it is.
Me, you, never stand a chance against that guy.
@raggedjimmi
Only two hours away? What the frack are you doing shooting the breeze on the MR forums, you should be in your car and over there right away you crazy fool.
Reading between the lines (as I am want to do) I tell you to get your ar5e over there pronto and pour your heart out. Leave uni if you have to. Just get over there quick and take her on the washing machine, kitchen table, back seat, hedgerow or where ever the hell you are when your arrive.
my $0.02¢
Only two hours away? What the frack are you doing shooting the breeze on the MR forums, you should be in your car and over there right away you crazy fool.
Reading between the lines (as I am want to do) I tell you to get your ar5e over there pronto and pour your heart out. Leave uni if you have to. Just get over there quick and take her on the washing machine, kitchen table, back seat, hedgerow or where ever the hell you are when your arrive.
my $0.02¢
*whisper's in Dogbone's ear before he embarrasses himself*
He has no car.
Soooo.......she's not there on the phone with you on your anniversary? How are you back on? I'd be off for good if that happened.
But Dogbone is right, though. A 2 hour distance is nothing. Soon, I'm going to be 8000 km away from my girlfriend for 1.5 years, and while I haven't been through this long distance thing yet, you can safely bet that if I still cared about her, I'd still try and go see her every 6 months or so. You're 2 hours away! You should have took the bus up there and spent 1 day/evening with her on your anniversary!
He has no car.
Soooo.......she's not there on the phone with you on your anniversary? How are you back on? I'd be off for good if that happened.
But Dogbone is right, though. A 2 hour distance is nothing. Soon, I'm going to be 8000 km away from my girlfriend for 1.5 years, and while I haven't been through this long distance thing yet, you can safely bet that if I still cared about her, I'd still try and go see her every 6 months or so. You're 2 hours away! You should have took the bus up there and spent 1 day/evening with her on your anniversary!
2 hours can be as good as 24 hours away when you're flat broke! Seriously, right now I have £50 that has to last me until either my student loan comes through or a money rains from the sky. I still owe my parents for the EOS 350D I bought last year, oh and the iMac I just got too.
I know the whole phone/anniversary thing doesn't sound like much, but it's just that we had no communication over our anniversary at all. I managed to ring her before I went to bed and just said goodnight. And there is no bus there. Trains a nightmare. First its an hour on the bus, then up to an hour on the train, then 2 hours on the bus to her place! That's assuming everything is on time too. It's like planning some kind of military excursion, and costs roughly the same! Buses here are starting to take the p*ss.
Had a dream where I was some superhero kinda persons apprentice. like Batman crossed with Dracula. we infiltrated some big house in America, I found her there, working as a cleaner with 3 other girls. That was a little strange.
I know the whole phone/anniversary thing doesn't sound like much, but it's just that we had no communication over our anniversary at all. I managed to ring her before I went to bed and just said goodnight. And there is no bus there. Trains a nightmare. First its an hour on the bus, then up to an hour on the train, then 2 hours on the bus to her place! That's assuming everything is on time too. It's like planning some kind of military excursion, and costs roughly the same! Buses here are starting to take the p*ss.
Had a dream where I was some superhero kinda persons apprentice. like Batman crossed with Dracula. we infiltrated some big house in America, I found her there, working as a cleaner with 3 other girls. That was a little strange.
@raggedjimmi;3052839
I hear your pain, you have transport and cash issues. Hell, I spent five fracking hours on the train yesterday just so I could watch England have a bit of a knock about at the SCG. But I do sympathise with the exorbitant rail fares in the UK. However when it comes to the love of your life you'll just have to make do with brown rice for a few weeks. Or sell your 350D, I mean you buy a camera called a 'rebel' but you yourself appear to be a rebel without a clue. The girl is crazy about you ferchrissakes, get down there and be her hero. Pretend you are Jimmy Stewart or something. This is life it's more important than your petty worries.
Imagine yourself in the future, you are a successful photographer or university graduate earning a fat wedge but you are desperately unhappy and your life has been nothing but one long miserable regret as you ignored the sage wisdom of the MR forum and foolishly let another alpha male steal your true love's heart. But she was never happy.
Then years later you meet up in an old persons home, both of you nearing the end of your lives. Quite by accident you get to talking over a soggy scotch finger biscuit, having lost all your teeth ages ago. When suddenly, you realise that you were each others long lost love. The tears welling up in your wrinkled eyes...cont, p94
I thought he could maybe to that Flintstone thing, with the toy car and the feet sticking out the bottom.
I hear your pain, you have transport and cash issues. Hell, I spent five fracking hours on the train yesterday just so I could watch England have a bit of a knock about at the SCG. But I do sympathise with the exorbitant rail fares in the UK. However when it comes to the love of your life you'll just have to make do with brown rice for a few weeks. Or sell your 350D, I mean you buy a camera called a 'rebel' but you yourself appear to be a rebel without a clue. The girl is crazy about you ferchrissakes, get down there and be her hero. Pretend you are Jimmy Stewart or something. This is life it's more important than your petty worries.
Imagine yourself in the future, you are a successful photographer or university graduate earning a fat wedge but you are desperately unhappy and your life has been nothing but one long miserable regret as you ignored the sage wisdom of the MR forum and foolishly let another alpha male steal your true love's heart. But she was never happy.
Then years later you meet up in an old persons home, both of you nearing the end of your lives. Quite by accident you get to talking over a soggy scotch finger biscuit, having lost all your teeth ages ago. When suddenly, you realise that you were each others long lost love. The tears welling up in your wrinkled eyes...cont, p94
*whisper's in Dogbone's ear before he embarrasses himself*
He has no car.
I thought he could maybe to that Flintstone thing, with the toy car and the feet sticking out the bottom.
Dude.. it was your anniversary and she didn't even bother to call or answer. She also tried to make you jealous.
I know you've been involved for 4 years but you need to dump that broad.
I know you've been involved for 4 years but you need to dump that broad.
heh, I rang her and she said "call me back in a minute I'm making a cup of tea". So I ring back a minute later only to have her snappy house mate pick up the phone "she said a minute", I fell silent, confused. She shouted "ring in 5 minutes". 5 minutes later and she shouts at me on the phone for ringing too much
Looks like we're not out of the fog yet. And my EyeTV has stopped recording which makes for 2 very uncertain futures.
edit: just rang her. I'm lost here. She's said "**** off" to me 9 times now over the past few days. I said to myself once she hits 10 then I'm not going to bother at all. but anyways. I'm really confused here and I'd appreciate an unbiased view on this, since I can't really offer myself one.
She's feeling stressed over her work and stuff. She really has little to no money left since she's just started up archery, mountaineering and karate. Currently has no job. She goes out to her friends house (all guys, flirt with her, says they're her first true friends) and doesn't ring me before she goes, so by the time I'm asleep we wouldn't have spoken at all that day, maybe it's little but it's something we've always done. In the end there is basically no communication between us. She says she cant ring because she's at her friends place and can't understand that maybe I'd like to spend an hour or 2 on the phone with her. I ask her to ring me but she just says "nothing has happened" and thinks it's fine to have an hour long conversation whilst whispering as everyone is in bed. I really don't know what to do there. It just sounds like she's putting her friends infront of me? does it?
Looks like we're not out of the fog yet. And my EyeTV has stopped recording which makes for 2 very uncertain futures.
edit: just rang her. I'm lost here. She's said "**** off" to me 9 times now over the past few days. I said to myself once she hits 10 then I'm not going to bother at all. but anyways. I'm really confused here and I'd appreciate an unbiased view on this, since I can't really offer myself one.
She's feeling stressed over her work and stuff. She really has little to no money left since she's just started up archery, mountaineering and karate. Currently has no job. She goes out to her friends house (all guys, flirt with her, says they're her first true friends) and doesn't ring me before she goes, so by the time I'm asleep we wouldn't have spoken at all that day, maybe it's little but it's something we've always done. In the end there is basically no communication between us. She says she cant ring because she's at her friends place and can't understand that maybe I'd like to spend an hour or 2 on the phone with her. I ask her to ring me but she just says "nothing has happened" and thinks it's fine to have an hour long conversation whilst whispering as everyone is in bed. I really don't know what to do there. It just sounds like she's putting her friends infront of me? does it?
heh, I rang her and she said "call me back in a minute I'm making a cup of tea". So I ring back a minute later only to have her snappy house mate pick up the phone "she said a minute", I fell silent, confused. She shouted "ring in 5 minutes". 5 minutes later and she shouts at me on the phone for ringing too much
Looks like we're not out of the fog yet. And my EyeTV has stopped recording which makes for 2 very uncertain futures.
edit: just rang her. I'm lost here. She's said "**** off" to me 9 times now over the past few days. I said to myself once she hits 10 then I'm not going to bother at all. but anyways. I'm really confused here and I'd appreciate an unbiased view on this, since I can't really offer myself one.
She's feeling stressed over her work and stuff. She really has little to no money left since she's just started up archery, mountaineering and karate. Currently has no job. She goes out to her friends house (all guys, flirt with her, says they're her first true friends) and doesn't ring me before she goes, so by the time I'm asleep we wouldn't have spoken at all that day, maybe it's little but it's something we've always done. In the end there is basically no communication between us. She says she cant ring because she's at her friends place and can't understand that maybe I'd like to spend an hour or 2 on the phone with her. I ask her to ring me but she just says "nothing has happened" and thinks it's fine to have an hour long conversation whilst whispering as everyone is in bed. I really don't know what to do there. It just sounds like she's putting her friends infront of me? does it?
I really don't wanna be the bad guy again...but I really think you'd be better of leaving this relationship. It's not working. I'm not trying to be evil, but for your own sake. The mind games really aren't fun.
I had a girlfriend who generally ALWAYS put her mates before me. It got crap. I ended it.
My advice mate, end it. Again, sorry to be the bad guy/negative etc.
nono, it's absolutely fine. I'm open to all thoughts and opinions on the matter. I hate to sound mindless myself, but I'm finding it really hard to know what to do which is just making me trundle along like nothing is happening.
nono, it's absolutely fine. I'm open to all thoughts and opinions on the matter. I hate to sound mindless myself, but I'm finding it really hard to know what to do which is just making me trundle along like nothing is happening.
I know exactly how you feel mate. I've been in a very similar situation. I also just tried to pretend nothing was happening. I don't really know what else to say, I know I feel a lot better now that I'm "out". Friends are the best thing for you at the minute mate!
Open to all thoughts except the ones that matter. If you want this girl then you must go and get her. Trust me, one day you will come to understand women. Women are *not* female men. Really. You must walk into the storm. If you have the courage of your conviction you will phone back, demand to speak to her and tell her you are on your way and when you get there you are going to **** her brains out.
Dogbone - you are excellent
Alright alright it's spill time we don't do "it". we are (were?) waiting till marriage. God knows I'm gagging for it too I told her I respected her decision to wait to sort of show my love for her
(ah, security smilies making me feel safe still)
You know. I think I'm going to take a sneaky surprise visit to hers tomorrow... gonna phone her now.
Alright alright it's spill time
we don't do "it". we are (were?) waiting till marriage. God knows I'm gagging for it too I told her I respected her decision to wait to sort of show my love for her(ah, security smilies making me feel safe still)
You know. I think I'm going to take a sneaky surprise visit to hers tomorrow... gonna phone her now.
Women will test you and when you pass the test, you will be tested again. When will it stop? It doesn't. Whatever you do, do not collapse or you will fail the test. Just stay calm and strong you must show her that no matter the strength of the hurricane you will not cop out. If she didn't care she wouldn't be testing you. She needs to know that whatever happens whatever she does you will be there. At the very least you will know you have been true to yourself. Remember whatever the storm stay calm and focused however intense it gets do not crack.
Attachments
Interesting phone call. She can't come round to mine at the weekend, I'm going to hers for a weekend basically locked in the bedroom (her housemate is stuck to a chair in the living room , doesn't respond to stimulation). It completely messes up the plans I had this weekend. surprise meal in town, cinema etc, all on me. ah well.
Why o why do I still feel in the fog?
, doesn't respond to stimulation). It completely messes up the plans I had this weekend. surprise meal in town, cinema etc, all on me. ah well.Why o why do I still feel in the fog?
I think you should have sex with her sister, or her mother, then dump her and tell her what you did. Tell her "you told me to **** off and that's jsut what I did. And by the way, your sister was better."
I think you should have sex with her sister, or her mother, then dump her and tell her what you did. Tell her "you told me to **** off and that's jsut what I did. And by the way, your sister was better."
random fact - she's a triplet! and her mum has some record for giving birth to living triplets at 40!
Nice tips though
interestingly her sister used to flirt with me. waaay back in the day.- Status