If It's Stupid and Causes Pain...

[CanadaRAM]

Not causes pain, but:

I wanted my coffee in a hurry this morning. I spent 10 seconds in front of the microwave deciding whether I should reduce the time to heat the milk from 80 seconds to 79 seconds.

 

[calculus]

I got my toe run over at work the other week. Thank god for steel toes.

Was it painful to have them fitted?

 

[RabidBear]

The most painful thing was falling out of a tree (ala Keith Richards) on the beach and landing on the only rock. It drove my hip bone right through the acetabular (Pelvis). I spent about three months in traction in a hospital. I haven't been in a tree since.

 

[jive]

I work in Homebase (a home improvement store un the UK) in the Garden Center part. I stepped on a rake causing it to fly up and hit me in the face

 

[cslewis]

Hmm, can you put ointment in your nostrils?

 

[Jaffa Cake]

Had been sitting so that one leg went 'dead' but then decided that I'd be able to walk to the kitchen for a drink. Trouble is that the 'dead' leg couldn't cope with any weight so 5 steps from the sofa... bang, I hit the ground. Still have a bruise on my thigh

I had a similar experience when I was in halls of residence. The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night, and I instinctively leapt out of my bed. Unfortunately, I'd been laying on my leg funny and it was completely dead, with the result that I ended up in a rather unsightly heap on the floor. Luckily it was just my pride that was hurt.

Fortunately – and all too commonly back in those days – I was in bed alone so no one saw me.

 

[SC68Cal]

Too many things for me to remember.

 

[Counterfit]

I'll say this: Toothpaste, masturbation.

 

[Mitthrawnuruodo]

The most stupid and painful thing I've done is trying to bite of the insulation on a live electric cord. Few things kick you in the teeth like shorting out a 16 amp fuse...

Mind you I was just 8 or 9 at the time and learned the shockingly painful way (pun more than intended) to always double check that electric equipment is off before I start messing with it.



I've also more or less stopped making all kinds of breakfasts that involves knifes or "ostehøvel", basically a form of plane to cut off thin slices of cheese for sandwiches, because I just cut and sliced my left hand too often. I just simply don't function well enough in the morning to to use any sharp objects...

 

[sushi]

Walked through another glass door. This time it broke.

Practice makes perfect!

Seriously, that be bad. Hope that you didn't cut yourself.

As for me, too many to mention. But one of the more stupid ones was accidentally running a pitch fork tine clear through my hand. I was rather pissed at myself for that wonderful move.

 

[atszyman]

I chased a home run shot in softball until I was stopped rather abruptly by the chain link fence.

Ended up with two stitches, sans anesthetic, in my right eyebrow for that one. The doc explained that it would be 4 pokes to put the stitches in, or 4-6 pokes for the anesthetic and another 4 for the stitches. I opted for the former.

 

[mad jew]

Practice makes perfect!

Seriously, that be bad. Hope that you didn't cut yourself.

Thank Christ for safety glass.

As for me, too many to mention. But one of the more stupid ones was accidentally running a pitch fork tine clear through my hand. I was rather pissed at myself for that wonderful move.

Ahh! Do your finger all still work properly?

 

[mpw]

Thank Christ for safety glass....

No you're thinking of Edouard Benedictus, the invention most often linked to Christ was...well, Christ himself.

 

[adk]

Was it painful to have them fitted?

Fitted? I don't quite understand. I think you're either asking A. did it hurt to find a size that fit, or B. did it hurt when the steel toe bent?

Well, A, no. B, The steel toe didn't bend. Fortunately, I was run over by a baggage cart that weighed only 1700 lbs.

 

[mpw]

Fitted? I don't quite understand. I think you're either asking A. did it hurt to find a size that fit, or B. did it hurt when the steel toe bent?

Well, A, no. B, The steel toe didn't bend. Fortunately, I was run over by a baggage cart that weighed only 1700 lbs.

or C. You had steel toes fitted rather than toe caps fitted to your boots.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how humour works.

 

[floriflee]

Thank Christ for safety glass.

You often walk around with safety glasses?

 

[paleck]

Back when I was a youngin in elementary school. I was riding my bike home and looked over at something..........WHAM! I crashed into a broken down VW Bug parked on the side of the road. Apparently I somersaulted over the car and landed on my shoulder. I don't remember it happening, so this is only what I've been told. I then called my mom and told her that I had been hit by a car, again not something that I remember.

I still have the scar on my shoulder it's shrunk a bit, but still about an inch long.


My second stupidity story was when I was about 6. We were at the swimming pool and I was watching the people go off the diving board and someone jumped off the diving board backwards. This of course put the idea in my head that I should do it too. Six stitches in my chin later I woke up in the hospital. Apparently I didn't realize that I needed to jump away from the board far enough so that I wouldn't hit it on the way down.

 

[Leareth]

uhhh I have done the leg-asleep-got-up-to-run-and-fell bit myself
last time it happened I tore the ligaments in left ankle, awaiting reconstruction surgery for that one too...

once by accident made mustard gas out of household cleaning products, Ok so we had to evacuate the building but the bathroom was spotless...

 

[sushi]

Ahh! Do your finger all still work properly?

Yes, luckily.

I suppose I might as well share how I did this. Really stupid mine you.

Back in HS, we had a stray cat that got under a small grain bin (5' x 5') in our bard and would not come out. My mission for the day was to get the cat out of the barn.

I decided to use a pitch fork since that is all that I had that could reach him. I started to use it in the normal way. However, I got to thinking that I might hit/poke his eye with the sharp end so I decided that I would use the pitch fork the reverse way by holding onto one of four tines and using the end of the handle to push him out.

Well, I tried and the cat just snarled at me and wouldn't move. I was getting a bit frustrated -- never a good thing mind you -- and decided to elevate the situation. I got a good grip, or so I thought, on the tine and really pushed hard. Unfortunately, under the grain bin was a supporting beam perpendicular to the pitch fork's travel direction. My aim was a bit off and instead of hitting the cat, I hit the beam pushing the tine right through my hand.

I was wearing strong leather gloves which is probably why it only broke the skin on the palm side. The other side looked like a tent (under the glove). I was a bit unsure of what to do at that point. I ended up pulling the tine out and then take off my glove. There was a huge hole in my hand. I could see the tendons and everything. I wiggled my fingers and watched them move. Really cool. Then the blood came and it was not so cool.

I can still see the scare over 30 years later.

Yes, I am one lucky SOB.

 

[mad jew]

No you're thinking of Edouard Benedictus, the invention most often linked to Christ was...well, Christ himself.

You often walk around with safety glasses?

I did until I found out who invented them...

 

[emaja]

Two of my personal favorites -

On a nice clear summer day, my wife and I decided to go looking for a convertible at the Mazda dealership. She had to go to the washroom and I was out admiring the Miatas when all of a sudden, she came back saying, "We have to go. NOW!" I think something serious is up, so we get in the car and she explains - after much prodding - that she walked face first into a freshly washed plate glass window, right where another couple were signing their papers. Scared the crap out of all three of them.

Being the supportive husband that I am, I laughed my ass off.

Next one is mine. Several times - apparently I don't learn - I have dropped stuff on the floor in the kitchen or the bathroom and bent over, so focused on the item I dropped that I whapped my head on the counter or vanity.

 

[exeterbohemian]

i once slit my finger right down the middle after one too many hours of practicing the sitar.

wasn't as bad as the time i was in paris and got the idea to try and, um, shave myself in, um, certain places... the razor itself didn't give me any problems, but the stubble that grew back a few days later made walking from place to place almost unbearable. i was itchier than sin and couldn't very well 'relieve' myself without calling obvious attention to my, um... you know. oh, torture.

 

[devilot]

When I was quite a few years younger, I'd stand and stare, hypnotized by the glowing orange of the stove's coils. Of course my parents told me to never touch it. Of course, I touched it. And burned my finger. And got a beating.

I did that another two times. For a total of burning my finger three times, and getting beat each time before I finally learned to not touch a hot stove.

I still get tempted from time to time.

 

[Black&Tan]

Too many incidents...

Removing hot oil from an overfilled deep fat fryer - with a plastic measuring cup. Second/First degree burns on my fingers from that!

Xacto Knife - plastic triangle - thumb. Enough said.

Trying to extricate my dog's leash from a shrubbery with a pair of lawn slippers. I got really frustrated with the dog's constant pulling, the "bushiness" of the shrub, and the unwillingness of the shears to cut. My finger ultimately got in the way...

Doing the dishes one night, trying to help my wife (last time I do that!!). Wiped the inside of a drinking glass with a sponge before I discovered that the glass had cracked and in turn sliced a large gash in my right hand. Ouchie. Assume fetal position right now....