Inconsiderate Roommates and Houseguests

Discussion in 'Community' started by strider42, Jun 13, 2005.

  1. strider42 macrumors 65816


    Feb 1, 2002
    Am I crazy, or is it too much to expect a roommates houseguest to not play his acoustic guitar at 5 in the morning when people are sleeping not 15 feet away. My housemates brother did that this morning and woke me up. Just what I needed. I asked him to stop and he did, but by then I couldn't get back to sleep. I would think something like this would be really obvious, but apparently not.

    Not to mention my housemate had her music playing late last night (till 3 in the morning or so) as she was having sex with her boyfriend. Good not to hear her having sex, but a little consideration, you know. They could have started earlier. Felt akward about asking them to quite it down, since they were probably all over each other.

    I'm the only person in the house who cleans anything. I found a broken glass left NEXT to the garbage yesterday. Apparently the extra 4 inches was too much effort (and broken glass sitting on the counter didn't seem like a bad idea to them for some reason). Dishes get left in the sink all the time. I clean them because I refuse to be the house cop or parent, hunting them down to do their chores. its faster just to take care of it myself (plus at least then I know it gets done right. When did everyone forget how to load a dishwasher anyway).

    Like I said, I like my roommates, nice people, but basic consideration for other people just seems to be lacking. Maybe its because I'm a few years older than them. I certainly used to have my issues getting my chores done in other living situations in the past. Its annoying though. And no good solution. I can either stop cleaning up after them (which mipacts me because then its dirty in the house), constantly get on them about cleaning up after themselves (which would make me the house cop and take longer anyway), or just do it myself (which allows them to keep acting the way they do).

    One time we had a houseguest of my other roommate basically invite himself to stay an extra week and started using another roommates phone to make long long-distance calls. Then the guy thought I flipped him off at a bar (I scratched an icth with my middle finger, completely innocently) and he wouldn't let it go.

    Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Anyway one else got inconsiderate but basically good roommates. Ever had houseguests that just couldn't understand that they were guests and should be considerate of the other people in the house. Am I just being too anal about this stuff.
  2. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Jan 6, 2004
    time to get out of that place or get new roomies

    my roomate freshman year in college in the dorms was completely horrible, showered only once a week, dry shaved in the room, never left, washed his sheets once the whole year, and he had black sheets, disgusting, and he left open food all over the place..... get out asap

    i had other roomates who weren't considerate, but at least if i just left their stuff they learned that they had to take care of it and that i wouldn't.

    sorry to hear that you are having problems, i hope you can get things sorted out
  3. iGary Guest


    May 26, 2004
    Randy's House
    You need to vent at them, not us.

    5 a.m. is not reasonable.

    So glad that portion of my life is over.

    I had a room mate that chewed tobacco and left his spit cups all over the place. I get the idea. I took all the cups laying around the house and dumped them in his bed.

    He never left one laying around again. ;)
  4. e²Studios macrumors 68020


    Apr 12, 2005
    I had a roomate once that smoked.. he thought it would sty in his room but failed to realize that the vents carried the smell to other rooms.. my remedy was to block the vent in his room, in the summer when it was 100+ outside and that room wouldnt get cooled he learned real fast to take a qucik smoke outside and not live in a boiler room.

    I agree with you Gary, im glad im done with that part of my life.

    I would say have a brief conversation with them, if they are nice people that have respect for others they will understand. Good Luck!

  5. neildmitchell macrumors 6502a


    May 21, 2005
    Def. time to move on and get out of there, but before you do...

    You should have one of your friends pretend that they are working on some sort of reality show, and video tape what goes on there for about a week or so if possible. Buy some air time on a local station to features the footage Have a friend write an article in a local rag about the living situation and announce the station and time of the footage (By then, you should be moved out of there).
  6. broken_keyboard macrumors 65816


    Apr 19, 2004
    Secret Moon base
    I totally understand dude. A friend of mine whom I had known for 6 years and thought was a pretty ok guy moved in with me. He turned out to be a total incosiderate sloth, and one day I just blew up and him and he left. Now, several years later, I pity his poor wife!
  7. strider42 thread starter macrumors 65816


    Feb 1, 2002

    Its such an awesome house, I really don't want to leave. The rent is cheap, my room is huge with lots of privacy (only room on the lower floor, its like 40 feet long by 15 feet wide, private deck). We are in the Oakland hills, where its just beautiful (trees everywhere, you can see the golden gate, bay bridge, alcatraz, angel island, etc check out some photos: bet you didn't know Oakland could be like that), and like I said, they are generally good people and I get along with them well socially.

    I think you guys are probably right though, I need to have a conversation about this. I just don't want to end up being the house cop, enforcing people's chores. That's worse than cleaning, and takes longer too.

    On ther other hand, I just got a pretty heft salary adjustment today, so maybe my own place in the not too distant future isn't a bad idea. But I like saving the money right now so I could theorectically purchase a house in the future. Not that I'll be able to afford land out here anyway. But thanks for listening, and anyone else who wants to share stories should feel free.
  8. xli_ne macrumors 6502a


    Mar 3, 2005
    Center of the Nation
    damn, that sucks. I have have 2 different roommates so far, and luckly never had any problems. Going solo now, seems to be a lot easier. No one to bitch at but myself. :D
  9. russed macrumors 68000


    Jan 16, 2004
    London, England
    oh god, housemates, dont get me started on that! im going through the housemate problem at the moment!
  10. neildmitchell macrumors 6502a


    May 21, 2005
    I live in Sunnyvale, and I have a friend who lives in the Oakland hills, I think the Piedmont Pines area. She lives in a mother-in-law unit with a view of downtown Oakland and the penninsula, the view is wonderful. So I totally understand why you dont want to move. I loove Art Deco, and Oakland has a lot of Deco and 1920 bungalows, I wish I could afford one of the bungalows. :( Oakland hills are a well kept secret, so SSSSSHHHHHH Oakland is ICKY! ;)
    As far as the roomies, since they are good people that you like, then call a household meeting and see if you guys can come to some understanding about habits.

    Congrats on the wage increase

    Good Luck! :)
  11. Raid macrumors 68020


    Feb 18, 2003
    I've been there/kind-of-there. My previous two house mates were slobs, and like you I was tired of doing everything myself but also didn't want to play the clean up cop either. I sat them down and had a mature discussion about the state of our apartment. The result was we worked out a shared duty cleaning schedule, however that failed after 3 weeks. :mad: I recommend talking to your roommates about getting a maid to come in once a week or every other week instead. The extra cash will be easier to get out of them than the extra work! Suggest that they all pitch in for a big 'spring cleaning' of the appartment and then have the maid start the next week, and see how they like it... I wish I had done that...mind you when it's all said and done I'm glad I moved out. My roommates were much like yours with loud discussions at 3am and not very respectful of personal property or hygene. I moved out of there when I realized I didn't want any of my dates to see my place, or talk to my roommates.

    My current roomate is much better, he tries to be quiet, and clean but he doesn't have that tidy switch turned on in his head. The one saving grace is that if I tell him to clean up something he does it.

    Good luck with them, I hope everything works out.

  12. m-dogg macrumors 65816


    Mar 15, 2004
    You may not want to be the house cop, but right now you are acting like the house maid. which is worse? they probably don't bother doing anything on purpose because they know you'll take care of it sooner or later.

    while we never dumped spit cups in anyone's bed like iGary, we did put a sinkful of nasty dirty dishes into the someone's bed on a couple of occasions.

    I dealt with this situation in college twice - an apt. with 2 cleanish people and 2 slobs - and a house with 8 guys living there. that year in the house is without question the dirtiest place I have ever lived. no one did anything - everyone felt that everyone else was making the messes so they shouldn't have to be the ones to clean it, so nothing ever got done. that house should have been condemmed...from that point on, I promised myself never to live with more than 2 or 3 people again...
  13. apple2991 macrumors 6502

    May 20, 2004
    How dare you get in the way of artistic expression?

    Music is more important than sleep.
  14. Leeloo the 5th macrumors member

    Leeloo the 5th

    Apr 17, 2005
    This reminds me of my Communication course that I am supposed to be studying now. In it, it is said that in such a situation (to you the other person's behavior is not acceptable while the other person doesn't have a problem with it), you have to use the I-message. So, not "You're/You never/You always ....", but rather something like "It annoys me when you don't put your used dishes in the dishwasher, because I have to take the time to do it myself as I don't like to have a messy kitchen." Just an example.
    For the message to be complete, it should contain three elements: how you feel ("it annoys me"), what makes you feel like that (the fact that "you don't put your used dishes in the dishwasher") and the concrete effect it has on you ("I have to take the time to do it myself").
    I know that's all quite theoretical, but I think it's worth a shot if you're going to have a conversation with them about the problems you mentioned.

    But anyway, good luck with it and I hope you don't have to endure it for too long anymore.
  15. dotdotdot macrumors 68020

    Jan 23, 2005
  16. puckhead193 macrumors G3


    May 25, 2004
    I'm happy that i got a single room when i start school in september. :D
  17. wordmunger macrumors 603


    Sep 3, 2003
    North Carolina
    This may seem a bit over the top, but it worked. My college apartments and I set up a list of chores to be done once a week. When it was your week to, say, clean the bathroom, you had to have it done by 7:00 p.m. that day. If you didn't do it on time, you had to buy the others a six-pack of their choice.

    I think only about 2 or 3 six packs were bought that entire school year.

    Depending on your roommates' age/income/preferences, you could amend that rule all the way up to a case of wine.

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