is cybersex cheating?

Discussion in 'Community' started by question fear, Apr 7, 2004.

  1. question fear macrumors 68020

    question fear

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    #1
    so i am curious about something i wish to pose to the tech savvy individuals of macrumors:
    is cybersex cheating?
    it seems at first blush not to be, as its sort of a form of interactive erotica, but since theres another person at the other end, is it cheating?
    just wondering what everyone here thinks. (and no, im not starting this thread because i engaged in/am dating someone who engaged in cybersex. its purely the sort of ethical hypotheticals i lull myself to sleep with.)
     
  2. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

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    #2
    Only if you get caught.
     
  3. mnkeybsness macrumors 68030

    mnkeybsness

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    #3
    I remember that on TechTV last summer they were airing the show "wired for sex" (not sure if they still do... I don't want tv), they were talking about how in Japan, prostitution is not considered cheating because it is a paid service and solely for the purpose of pleasure, having nothing to do with true feelings for the other person.

    This doesn't directly relate to cybersex, but I thought that I would throw it in there.

    Personally, if I found out that my girlfriend was having cybersex with random people, I would be very offended and yes, consider it a form of cheating.
     
  4. taeclee99 macrumors 6502a

    taeclee99

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    #4
    It depends what the meaning of the word is, is?
     
  5. question fear thread starter macrumors 68020

    question fear

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    #5
    ok...so if its cheating b/c its another person, is calling a phone-sex line also cheating? its interacting with someone, albeight someone paid to initiate fantasy sex..and if you acknowledge its fantasy, does that somehow make it less ok than porn?

    just throwing that idea out there.
     
  6. janey macrumors 603

    janey

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    #6
    hmm weird. I wouldnt consider cybering cheating...cuz its just realy...dumb...
    Then again, I dont mind pr0n, etc.
     
  7. Awimoway macrumors 65816

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    #7
    I have a hard time believing that. I'm sure some Japanese who get cheated on with a prostitute don't shrug it off as mere services rendered.

    Anyway, to the main question at hand, there is a form of dishonesty involved if fidelity is an explicit or implicit condition of the relationship. I guess mymemory's girlfriend wouldn't care if he did. :p I do not believe thought crimes are the same as actual crimes, though. If the actual opportunity presented itself, people wouldn't always necessarily make the same choice. Thought crimes are easier, with less long-term risks and damage. So it isn't as bad as physically cheating, but it is a degree of dishonesty.
     
  8. Hemingray macrumors 68030

    Hemingray

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  9. macka macrumors regular

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  10. gwuMACaddict macrumors 68040

    gwuMACaddict

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    #10
    yes... of course it is... on top of just being stooopid :confused:
     
  11. Krizoitz macrumors 6502a

    Krizoitz

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    #11
    While it may not involve physical cheating I think it violates the trust and care in the relationship that you have with your husband/wife.
     
  12. thatwendigo macrumors 6502a

    thatwendigo

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    #12
    It's a little disheartening to me to see so many people just pronouncing immediate and sweeping judgement on moral issues, without providing any basis for what they're saying. That being said...

    As with any sexual activity within the scope of a relationship, it depends on the circumstances. If you're doing it secretly, without their knowledge, and you don't even know (or worse, suspect they would be angered or hurt), then I would proably call it cheating. However, because of some slightly odd social circumstances, I've been exposed to a lot of polyamorous people and have absorbed some off their reasoning. It's entirely possible to maintain a relationship where partners knowingly have sexual contact with others, and I know more than a few who make it work pretty well.

    Personally, I don't know if I could handle it. I'm just jealous enough that I don't think I would react well to actual sex betweenn someone I was with and another, though I could probably stomach something virtual much more easily, as long as it was restricted to that alone.

    Also, if you think cybersex is stupid, then you just don't know the right people. Some really, really good erotica goes on in the form of interactive text. I speak from experience, and I know I have my fans out there. :D
     
  13. Krizoitz macrumors 6502a

    Krizoitz

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    #13
    He asked us for our opinions and provided the info that he wanted to portray to us. As for justification, as in most moral issues, you don't have concrete logical arguments, alot of it is based on values that people just have. For me I have certain religious beliefs. They color my views, not everyone will agree with them, but he will have to weigh the info for himself.
     
  14. thatwendigo macrumors 6502a

    thatwendigo

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    #14
    How much longer did it take you to type that you have certain religious beliefs that will color your answers? Isn't that worth nothing, especially in a format that's based on text and where you're not going to force anyone to sit there and listen to you if they don't want to?

    The problem isn't that people have beliefs, but that they often can't justify them to save their lives, and yet present them as cold, hard fact. You, yourself, just said that you expect moral issues to not function on concrete argumens, yet that's what I always strive for with my morality. It's based off of the most logically sound principles I can manage.

    Of course, one of my majors is philosophy. :cool:
     
  15. Awimoway macrumors 65816

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    #15

    It was one of mine too. And you're wrong. Your asking Krisoitz to logically justify his/her beliefs. But faith does not answer to reason. They are different disciplines, entirely different avenues to truth. They can coexist. They may not for you, but you are not the center of the universe. Not mine, anyway. ;)
     
  16. kiwi_the_iwik macrumors 65816

    kiwi_the_iwik

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    #16
    Hey - if EVERYBODY had the same point of view, don't you think the world would be a remarkably dull place?


    "Oh, yeah - I agree..."


    ;)
     
  17. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

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    #17
    I agree with you, Kiwi :p
    Anyway, to the question-If you are a Christian, then it could be considered cheating. Jesus says that even thinking about another woman is considered adultry. I think the exact phrase is in Matthew or Mark, I can't remember which book.

    My .02 :)
     
  18. jxyama macrumors 68040

    jxyama

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    #18
    it depends on the circumstances, obviously, but anything that you have to even consider whether or not it's cheating usually is.

    ...at least that's how i operate.
     
  19. sonofslim macrumors 6502a

    sonofslim

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    #19
    cheating isn't having sex with someone else, whatever form that sex takes, as was pointed out above in the side discussion of poly-whateverisms. cheating is breaking a trust you have with your partner. (or, to be fair, partners.)

    so if iChatting with one hand (if you catch my drift) falls into that category, then yeah... it's cheating.
     
  20. kgarner macrumors 68000

    kgarner

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    #20
    Exactly. It is all about the trust. Without trust you don't have a relationship.
     
  21. rueyeet macrumors 65816

    rueyeet

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    #21
    Would your significant other (the non-virtual one) be bothered or upset if they knew about your cyber-erotic adventures? Would you not tell them about it, because you're afraid they might be upset or bothered? Then yes, I'd say it's "real" enough to be cheating. In any case, this would be one of the things where, if it were me, I'd at least want to know how my s.o./partner/spouse felt about it before I went off and did anything.

    Open relationships take a certain sort of personality, as well as a very strong bond in which trust is based in emotional fidelity, rather than in sexual fidelity. More people attempt this than can actually make it work (though there are those that can).
     
  22. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040

    MongoTheGeek

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    #22
    Yep. I would say that that is probably the best definition. It is cheating if your partner considers it cheating.

    Personally I would say its a violation of trust but not adultery.
     
  23. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

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    #23
    well i feel the definition lies with the person. personally with me if there is emotion behind the whole ordeal it is cheating. i recently had a friends come to me and a say they felt the lost their chance with me and feel they have made am mistake with their current boyfriend. to me that is cheating, we didnt do anything physical and to her im suer she felt like she didnt cheat. now if both people in the relationship are into it and find the cyber sex and so forth exciting then i doubt it would be cheating. its all about certains peoples perspectives, morals, and opinions on the situation.

    iJon
     
  24. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    #24
    Cybersex is cheating. It's pornography and wrong. This is in the mind, but still wrong. I believe that the time should be spent with your own wife. In reality the enjoyment would be better.
     
  25. thatwendigo macrumors 6502a

    thatwendigo

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    #25
    We're going to have to disagree about that, then, since I believe reason to be the binding element for everything. Even faith must answer to it, as far as I'm concerned, though people are free to believe as they wish.

    They don't coexist at all, in any discipline of thought that has ever made sense to me. No major religion I have encountered is sufficiently stable, even by itself, to prevent it from falling apart under scrutiny. Even faith, as you attempt to defend it, falls to reason in any discourse that isn't reduced to 'I believe it, so it must be true.'

    Matthew 5:27-30
    You have heard it said that they were told, "Do not commit adultery." But what I tell you is this: If a man looks at a woman with a lustful eye, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes your downfall, tear it out and fling it away; it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for the whole of it to be thrown into hell. If your right hand causes your downfall, cut it off and fling it away; it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for the whole of it to go to hell.

    Interestingly...

    Matthew 5:31-32
    They were told, "A man who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of dismissal." But what I tell you is this: If a man divorces his wife for any cause other than unchastity he involves her in adultery; and whoever marries her commits adultery.
     

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