Let's all play "Spin the Weather"!

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Thomas Veil, Dec 23, 2004.

  1. Thomas Veil macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

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    #1
    Donald Rumsfeld: "You go into snowstorms with the plows you have."

    Tucker Carlson: "We were hoping the snowstorm would be funnier. Come on, snow, be funny!"

    George Bush: "You know what would fix this snowstorm? Tax cuts!!"

    Michael Moore: "Congressman, would you be willing to send your kid into this snowstorm?"

    Swift Boat Veterans for 'Truth': "Decades ago, when your city employees were supposed to be clearing the streets, they turned and ran. We depended on them. They are unfit to plow."

    Ann Coulter: "Typical liberal weather! We should let them all freeze to death! That'd show them!"

    Red state voters: "This snowstorm is so gay. We're against it."

    John Kerry: "The wrong snowstorm at the wrong time."

    Rush Limbaugh: "It's Clinton's fault!"

    Bill O'Reilly: "Shut up!"
     
  2. Thanatoast macrumors 6502a

    Thanatoast

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    #2
    Rummy: We knew snow was coming, we just didn't know we'd need plows.

    W: Despite the unplowed streets, I know that Rummy is the best man for the job.

    Michael Moore: Why are we outside to begin with? Why aren't we inside next to the fire?

    Red staters: Despite not being able to get to work or the grocery store, we think the president has shown consistent leadership, and you don't change horses in the middle of a blizzard.

    George Tenent: Iraq has developed and deployed snow-making equipment in order to harm the United States.

    Tom Ridge: There may be weather occurring somewhere, at an indeterminant time. Stay calm, purchase duct tape, and vote Republican.
     
  3. IJ Reilly macrumors P6

    IJ Reilly

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    #3
    Rumsfeld: "What I have said is a fact -- that there is snow in a number of locations in Iraq."

    Cheney: "Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has snow making capabilities."

    Bush: "Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of snow."

    Rumsfeld: "We know they have snow. We know they have active programs. There isn't any debate about it."

    O'Reilly: "All this snow is nothing more than a brutal attack on me by the National Weather Service and the ACLU, because I have always been against snow. They're wrong and they're gonna hurt America
     
  4. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

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    #4
     
  5. dotnina macrumors 6502a

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    #5
    Sorry all, I don't mean to distract from the thread, but I have to say this is one of the most hilarious things I've read in a long time! :D:D:D

    I would contribute, but I have no wit whatsoever. ;)

    Keep it coming! :D
     
  6. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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  7. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #7
    zell miller: U.S. forces armed with what? snowballs?!?

    .....

    now who wants to photoshop-up (i just invented a verb) bush on an aircraft carrier in front of a Sidewalk Cleared sign?
     
  8. Thanatoast macrumors 6502a

    Thanatoast

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    #8
    Alberto Gonzales: The torture of suspected rain-dancers and weathermen in order to receive weather-related intelligence, ie) forecasts, is fully justified and does not violate the Geneva conventions.

    Cheney: We can't let the next warning of a blizzard be storm clouds above an American city.

    John Stewart: The government raised the weather alert level to "white out" today. Apparently, they were surprised to find that when walking through a snowstorm....uuuuh yougetcold.

    Colin Powell: As you can see in this satellite imagery, Saddam has definitely developed snow making equipment.

    WMD Search Teams: Saddam's snow making equipment consisted of one garden gnome, a watering pot, and an air conditioner.
     
  9. Thomas Veil thread starter macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

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    #9
    Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, AKA "Baghdad Bob", former Iraqi information minister: "There is no snow. That is an American lie. And if snow attacks us, we will see its stomach roasting in hell!"

    George Bush: "I understand shoveling. Shoveling is hard work. I wake up every morning thinking about shoveling."

    National Guard officer, 1972: "All right, men, everybody grab a shovel and get out there!! Wait a minute; where the hell's Lt. Bush???"

    9/11 Commission: "There was probably no way for anyone to know that it was going to snow."

    American soldier: "Sir, when are we going to get plows that work?"
     
  10. Thomas Veil thread starter macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

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    #10
    By the way, I think that one wins. :p
     
  11. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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  12. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

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    #12
    Tom Ridge: Wrap your house in plastic to keep the snow out. Make it airtight.

    Kofi Anan: There is nothing wrong with the snow for food program.
     
  13. Mike Teezie macrumors 68020

    Mike Teezie

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    #14
    LMAO.
     
  14. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

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    #15
    If you don't like the weather, you can go to England and wait.
     
  15. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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  16. IJ Reilly macrumors P6

    IJ Reilly

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    #17
    England is the only place I've ever been where "changeable" is regarded as a legitimate weather forecast.
     
  17. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

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    #18
    Al Franken - "It's all a lie, I can prove it! There is no snow, I have havard educated people doing research on it now, and can prove it is a lie"

    Hillary - This storm is all a conservative conspiracy to make me look bad!

    Krugman - " It won't make past 3", it is all figured wrong."

    Carville - (said yelling loudly) "this is a bunch of Malarky, it proves that Republicans can't make snow, Democrats would have had twice the number of inches of snow in half the time.

    Dan Rather "there is no snow storm, we have the memos to prove it. Don't listen to those PJ wearing Blogger weathermen."

    Arianna Huffington - AAAAHHHHHHHH IT'S SNOWING, AAAHHHHHHHHH!

    Lawrence O'Donell - Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar Liar
     
  18. Thomas Veil thread starter macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

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    #19
    Charlton Heston: "They'll take my shovel when they pry it from my ice-cold, dead hands!"

    Zell Miller: "I wish we lived in the days when I could challenge you to a snowball fight!"

    Howard Dean: "It's snowing in Massachusetts and California! And Ohio and Oregon! And South Carolina and Oklahoma! And California and New Hampshire! And North Dakota and Ohio! And all the way to Washington! YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

    Bill Clinton: "Say, that weather babe has some big hooters, doesn't she?"

    National Weather Service: "Sunny and warmer tomorrow. Highs in the low 80s."
     
  19. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #20
    woo-hoo!
     
  20. Zaid macrumors 6502

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    #21
    Rummy1:
    Reports that say that it's snowing are always interesting to me, because as we know, there is known snow; there is snow we know we know. We also know that there is known unknown snow; that is to say we know that there is snow that we do not know about. But there is also unknown unknown snow -- the snow we don't know we don't know. Then of course there are reports of rain ...

    Rummy2:
    Simply because you do not have evidence that it is snowing, does not mean that you have evidence that it doesn't snow.

    Rummy3:
    We know for certain that either it is snowing here, or it is snowing somewhere else or its not snowing at all.

    Rummy4
    We know where the snow is. The snow is north of here, east, west and south somewhat.

    I could just do this all day ...

    Blair:
    We have information that it could be snowing in 45 mins
     
  21. solvs macrumors 603

    solvs

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    #22
    Sorry, but if you're going to make jokes about Liberals, you may want to get better material. The Moore ones above are pretty good, and there's all sorts of stuff you could say about Clinton. Plus, you might want to throw a couple of Neo-cons in there so as not to look biased.

    -

    Bill Clinton: I did not make snow angels with that woman. Well, I did, but only because I was under stress. And I thought I could get away with it. (everyone who accuses him has to resign because they all made snow angels too).

    John Kerry: Well, I supported the snow, but then I didn't because... (long, boring speech that contradicts itself a bunch of times and goes way off track that just keeps going on and on, despite the fact that he made his points awhile ago... then he starts talking about Vietnam).

    Dick Cheney: Snow :grumble: :grumble: snow. If Kerry is elected, it will snow all the time. There's nothing wrong with giving Halliburton a no-bid contract for snow shoveling. F*** you.

    Teresa Heinz Kerry: Shovel it!

    John Edwards: As a lesbian, I'm sure Mr. Cheney's Daughter knows all about snow.

    Alan Keyes: This is all the fault of the homosexual heathens like Dick Cheney's Daughter.

    Lynn Cheney: He is bad man. A very, bad man. (Edwards, not Keyes)

    Colin Powell: We thought it wasn't snowing, we made a mistake. (I shouldn't have aligned myself with this administration, I'm getting out while I can)

    Condi Rice: I believe it was called "Snow Determined To Fall Within the US". Can I have Powell's job?

    Don Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales: Sometimes, when it snows the Constitution and Geneva convention don't apply... even if we're just telling people it's going to snow again after a big storm.

    Donald Rumsfeld: Now I'm an old man, so this is going to take me a second, I have to think about it. Sometimes it snows. Next question. (now watch me pretend I support the snow shovelers)

    George Bush: I know there's an old saying in Tennesee, might be in Tennesee, it was in Texas. Snow on me once, snow... can't snow on me again. Snow never stops thinking of ways to hurt the American family, and neither do we. I'm not sure where the snow is, and to be honest, I'm not real concerned. My Cabinet assures me that there is no snow. God told me so.

    Bush Cabinet: The President tells us there is no snow, and we believe him. Resistance is futile.

    Karl Rove: Mwahahahaha!

    Tony Blair: Wait... it turns out Iraq had no snow, no ties to the snow, Bush's numbers don't go down, he actually gets re-elected... and yet my approval rating is in the loo? Maybe we should have followed Polland's lead.

    Richard Clarke: I told them it was going to snow. Nobody wanted to listen to me. Even while I was jumping up and down screaming it. Now it's snowing. Buy my book.

    Al Gore: I invented the snow shovel.

    John McCain: It is snowing, but I support the President for the greater good. I hope. (I don't know why I'm still supporting this guy... I should've been a Democrat)

    Arlen Specter: All I said was that it might snow. I still stand behind the president... (for some reason)

    Tom Daschle: All I said was that it snowed. I still stand behind Kerry... (for some reason)

    Rudy Guiliani: September 11th.

    Michael Moore: I wonder what Bush was thinking about while it was snowing. Maybe he was thinking about his family's ties to Santa Claus. Maybe he was thinking that it was all his fault while he was on vacation for 3 months. Buy my movie. It's an editorial, that means I can make stuff up. What? I used to be in the snow, but now i'm rich, so I can still pretend that I'm cold. I love American, but the American people are fat and stupid. Where's my sandwich? Pay attention to me!

    Dennis Miller: I got tired of Democrats telling me it was snowing and then taking all my money. Remember when I used to be funny when I made fun of everybody? Remember?

    Jerry Falwell: It's only snowing because of the homosexuals and abortions.

    Ann Coulter: The problem is that Liberals don't understand what snow is and will do anything to bring Bush down. They must be against the snow shovelers... and God. Plus they hate America.

    Rush Limbaugh: It snowed while Clinton was President. I blame the femi-Nazis. Where are my pills.

    Sean Hannity: I've heard from reliable sources, that there is no snow. I'm not going to tell you who, it's just a fact. You can't make that stuff up.

    Alan Colmes: I'm not so sure about that, but, um... we'll be right back.

    Bill O'Reily: I haven't made up my mind yet on the snow. Even though I have. I'm turning your mic off. Falafel?

    Chris Mattews: It's snowing. Ha! (after Zell Miller threatens a snowball fight).

    Bob Novak: Just because I released the name of a snow shoveler because her husband is a weatherman, doesn't make me a traitor.

    Tucker Carlson: Why am I wearing a bow-tie? I'm a grown man.

    John Stewart: Just because it's snowing, doesn't change the fact that you're a dick. And it is snowing. I can't believe I follow a show about puppets making crank calls, and I'm still the only guy who can admit it's snowing. Why did I have to stop smoking now? I need a drink.

    Colin Quinn: I don't really know anything, but I'm going to give my opinion on this anyway. What were we talking about? Oh yeah... (incomprehensible rambling).

    Al Franken: I know it's snowing, and the world is going to Hell, but like most celebrities, I'm just going to talk and preach to the converted and support shmucks who I support only because they aren't the other guy instead of actually doing something. At least I'm kinda funny sometimes.

    Howard Stern: It's snowing, Bush is a ****, here are some lesbians.

    My Sister: It may be snowing, but I still voted for Bush because I think he's cute and Kerry is ugly and weak, and if he's elected it will snow. :rolleyes:

    Thank you, and good night.
     
  22. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    #23
    <applause>
     
  23. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

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    #24
    Always a critic, noticed no one said anything bad about anyone elses, should have expected it here. I must of hit a cord with you, sorry I didn't mean to hurt your sensitivities Solvie.
    I figured moore was overdone, clinton too. didn't have as much time to devote to it, I will try and live up to your expectations later.
    I didn't throw any neo cons in for the same reason I didn't hit moore and clinton, way overdone. I was unaware of the rules.

    Happy New Year!
     
  24. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

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    #25

    :rolleyes: Who cares? He gets an "A" for effort
     

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