Mr. Dwyer and Me Part 1,245

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by iGary, Sep 9, 2006.

  1. iGary Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #1
    Don Dwyer is a sleestak that represents the Glen Burnie (redneck) district here in Maryland.

    [​IMG][​IMG]


    Some may be aware that I write this man frequently, and get letters back from his helpful staff.

    Additionally, he's failed to get a gay marriage ammendment passed and gets laughed at by most anyone with a brain.

    He's even gone so far as to try and remove a judge that said the Maryland law banning gay marriage was unconstitutional by impeaching her.

    I obviously don't like this man very much.

    Today, I pull up into Trader Joe's to do my weekly bit o' shopping and pull into a space next to a minivan with a "Re-elect Delegate Dwyer" bumper sticker.

    I originally wanted to put a tire iron through the owners skull, but decided that would be bad, so I went inside and bought my case of Smart Water, some wraps and some Cliff Bars. Oh, some yogurt smoothies too; I love those things.

    To my horror, I come out and this woman is loading her groceries in while I load mine. I couldn't help myself.

    "I noticed you had a Don Dwyer sticker on your van."

    "Yeah, we really hope he gets re-elected."

    "May I be so bold as to ask why?"

    "We really think he is protecting Maryland's values and families."

    (She took the bait.)

    "What's endangering Maryland's values and families," I ask.

    "The homosexual and liberal agenda."

    "Interesting, what's that agenda."

    "To change the definition of marriage, change our families, corrupt our children. "

    "Wow I haven't heard about this."

    "Exactly how do the liberals and homosexuals destroy families?"

    ( I can't believe she is dumb enough to still be talking to me at this point, but hey, she likes Don Dwyer.)

    "Homosexuals are deviant."

    "OK, you lost me, how does that effect your family?"

    "By changing marriage."

    "OK, you lost me again, how does that effect you?"

    "Well if they start marrying gays, then what next? Cat's?"

    "Well cat's can't give consent, so it would be pretty hard to get a cat to say I Do."

    "They spread that agenda to our kids."

    "Really, I have 40 members in my immediate family and among ten 18+ year olds, none of them is gay. None of them feel like I am a threat to their kids at all. In fact their kids think I rock."

    "YOU'RE GAY?"

    She then slams her van and burns rubber off into the distance of the parking lot like she's seen Jimmy Hoffa.

    Amazing.
     
  2. Jaffa Cake macrumors Core

    Jaffa Cake

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    Location:
    The City of Culture, Englandshire
    #2
    No doubt she wanted to get home straight away and compose a strongly worded letter to Mr Dwyer, horrified that one of those terrible, deviant homosexuals had infiltrated Glen Burnie. It used to be such a nice area...

    Amazing indeed.
     
  3. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #3
    Nice moves, Gazza. :D
     
  4. zap2 macrumors 604

    zap2

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2005
    Location:
    Washington D.C
    #4
    Yup...I've yet to understand how people think gays are taking rights away from others...I like how you played I cool, then shocked her at the end...very nice
     
  5. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2002
    Location:
    toronto
    #5
    well played, sir. buy her a t-shirt that says, "I talked to a gay person and I'm still straight."
     
  6. beatsme macrumors 65816

    beatsme

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2005
    #6
    people like that don't deserve the mercy of a quick death by tire iron :mad:

    unbelievable...
     
  7. katie ta achoo macrumors G3

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    May 2, 2005
  8. rdowns Suspended

    rdowns

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  9. fistful macrumors 6502a

    fistful

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2004
    Location:
    Socan
    #9
    Can you blame her? Homosexuality is contagious. You can catch it from toilet seats, door knobs, hell being in the same room as a homosexual can put you at risk.

    Hopefully she goes in to quarantine, permanently.
     
  10. yg17 macrumors G5

    yg17

    Joined:
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    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    #10
    I think she was worried you gave her a nasty case of homoitis....
     
  11. puckhead193 macrumors G3

    puckhead193

    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Location:
    NY
    #11
    Hahaha.... o no a homosexual :eek: run!
    good stuff, i never thought about smart water from them, is it a good deal?
     
  12. iGary thread starter Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #12
    Not really - a buck a bottle, but it's about 30% less expansive than most places. I need to buy a distiller. Once you drink good water, everything else tastes pretty bad. :(

    Imagine what this loony woman is telling her family tonight.

    Attacked, she was. :D
     
  13. Thomas Veil macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2004
    Location:
    Reality
    #13
    Well, now you know that she's already got brain damage.

    Even so: best story I've heard in a long time. Thanks for sharing. :p

    P.S. I'm straight. I'm not going to catch homo-cooties by talking to you through the internet, am I? :D
     
  14. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #14
    If she's spoken to them yet. I imagine she's been scrubbing herself rabidly in the shower ever since she got back from her hastily arranged Church visit.

    Well played that man :)
     
  15. pseudobrit macrumors 68040

    pseudobrit

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    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar
  16. balamw Moderator

    balamw

    Staff Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New England
    #16
    Did you mention that you are also a Republican? Her brain might just have exploded right there and then.

    Just goes to show that TJ's appeal crosses many boundaries, even if most of the people I seem to meet there are tree-hugging pinko liberals.

    B
     
  17. trebblekicked macrumors 6502a

    trebblekicked

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Chicago, IL, USA
    #17
    expect a boycott of trader joe's soon.

    it's fun blowing small minds, isn't it? :)
     
  18. iSaint macrumors 603

    iSaint

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    #18
    Was she missing any teeth?

    I ain't right...but, Gary sure is! :D
     
  19. aquajet macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2005
    Location:
    VA
    #19
    iGary turned me gay. It was all those dirty posts and seeing him on that airplane show. It was just too much gay for me to handle. :p
     
  20. MACDRIVE macrumors 68000

    MACDRIVE

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2006
    Location:
    Clovis, California
    #20
    You mean to tell me that homosexuals are actually out there roaming around on the earth? :eek: I need to start building me a bomb shelter. :p
     
  21. aquajet macrumors 68020

    Joined:
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    VA
    #21
    Roaming around, searching for marriages and families to destroy and children to corrupt and babies to eat.
     
  22. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

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    Apr 24, 2003
    Location:
    Colly-fornia
    #22
    Christ, first I find out Rob's gay, now you too? I had no idea. My world is really crumbling around me now. And my marriage... it feels so threatened suddenly. Keep that goddamn agenda away from my kid! These last few weeks before he's born are when he's most succeptible to catching the gay.


    Lol... I bet she thought gay men look like scary monsters, and she'd be easily able to spot them by their fangs and horns and hoofs.

    Of course, you could have helped her by showing her the clip of you on Airline...
     
  23. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2004
    Location:
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    #23
    I wish I could set my DVR to record back episodes of this series. :eek:
     
  24. stillwater macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2004
    Location:
    Rowley, MA
    #24
    Nicely done. Wish I could have seen that. I love confounding the ignorant and intolerant.
     
  25. iGary thread starter Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #25
    I think jsw has the segments mirrored somewhere.
     

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