My First Resume -- Comments Welcome

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by bobber205, May 3, 2006.

  1. bobber205 macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #1
    Attached is my resumé.

    I am just about to graduate high school and the new town where I'm moving to has a couple of "Apple exp required or helpful" jobs available.

    I must take my shot at these jobs! I've been in Yearbook at my local high for two years, so I have some idea what goes into a publication.
    We used Indesign like the job classified said was helpful to have knowledge of.

    Please! Only constructive criticism. I'm only just starting out.

    Positive comments are also welcome. Of course. ;)
     
  2. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    #2
    First, you might want to remove all the personal ID info from it for our purpose. Protect yourself.

    Second, there is nothing on it after Various.

    Third, I like a traditional format similar to yours. I was a Dir of HR for a couple of years and found some formats made the info easy to get.

    Use numbers as much as possible. "How many students did you instruct on InDesign?" Find a way to make as much as possible Quantitative.

    MOST important, if you can't proof read your own resume, you will not get the job.
    Example
    The website won 3rd place, but in what competition? Local, Regional, National, Nieghborhood?
    Change "Excellent with Adobe...." with Experienced or Skilled using.
    OIT Freshman means nothing to me, other than you can not express to me your information, (Not wanting to be harsh, but want the point to get across that this has to be understood by someone that may know nothing of you, or your experience).

    And another one
    Efficiency of what? Staff bathroom breaks? Don't let brevity kill you, get the info to us, it sounds like you have a lot of great stuff for a High School kid, so show it off. Also make sure that the format is one page, your not a CEO yet.
     
  3. OnceUGoMac macrumors 6502a

    OnceUGoMac

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2004
    #3
    I second that. ;)
     
  4. miloblithe macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Location:
    Washington, DC
    #4
    I was going to say the same thing. Take off your address, etc.

    Also, don't open doors that you don't mean to open.

    "Worked under a very demanding teacher as a aide for all of senior year" makes it sound like you have trouble with authority.

    "Enjoys working ... learning on the job" makes it sound like you don't have experience.

    Overall, you've done a very good job, but I just think through how things might sound to others a little more and also think about how you might try to make the resume more clear in terms of things you have done. Unless you really want people not to know, I'd try to clarify the positions that you have had: yearbook, FBLA, teacher's aide. How long did you have those positions and where did you have them?
     
  5. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #5
    I'll take off the address.
    I'll replace it with something Bsey so it won't mess up the format.

    I'm glad you guys like the format btw.

    I haven't done "various" yet. I'm planning on adding my passion for computers
    and programming there.

    I'll take off the demanding part and I'll do all the others things you guys suggested.

    Thanks so much for the comments. I'll post again when I update it.
     
  6. Lyle macrumors 68000

    Lyle

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Location:
    Madison, Alabama
    #6
    Looks good overall. A few nitpicky things:
    • The period after "Nortonville" should be a comma.
    • "Excellent with Adobe InDesign and Photoshop" isn't quite right. Perhaps "Experience with Abode InDesign and Photoshop"?
    • The word "Fall" in "OIT Freshman in Fall of 2006" should begin with a lowercase "f".
    • In the Technology Experience/Photoshop section, the second bulleted item should read "... and placed them into spreads."
    • In the Technology Experience/Photography section, something's wrong with the wording of the first bulleted item. I think you need to remove the word "in"?
    • In the Technology Proficiency/Website Building section, the second bulleted item doesn't scan well. Consider re-wording it as "Started the office of FBLA webmaster and served in that position for two years".
    • In the same section, the third bulleted item: Was the name of the class "Basics of Website Building"? If so, change that item to read that way.
    • In the Technology Proficiency/Technology Management section, the first bulleted item should read "... an aide ...". Actually, this item sounded kinda funny to me in the first place and I'm not sure it belongs. That is, I'd never have an item in a resume that said I worked for a "very demanding supervisor". It comes across as complaining. ;)
    • On the second bulleted item in that same section, I'd just add a few words to the ending, e.g. "... troubleshoot technical problems".
    • I guess you're going to add some stuff under "Various"? I don't see anything there yet.
     
  7. gekko513 macrumors 603

    gekko513

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    #7
    Be ready to answer how this was measured:
     
  8. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #8
    I've updated it.

    Any more comments? I would love to apply for the job tomorrow.
    I am having two other people proofread it (besides my parents) today at school. (teachers of course)

    Thanks.
     

    Attached Files:

  9. UKnjb macrumors 6502a

    UKnjb

    Joined:
    May 23, 2005
    Location:
    London, UK
    #9
    Nice.

    One small point?

    should be
    Took action shots of students according to instructions
    No "in"!

    Good luck! :)
     
  10. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    #10
    A few small things your teachers can point out.

    But, what is OIT? I have no idea, and the person screening resumes may not either.

    Use "Enjoyed designing creative" instead of "creating creative".

    The last line does not read well.

    Try using an objective line at the top of the resume after your address, like "Seeking position X." Screeners often are trying to fill multiple positions and have a need to pigeon hole you for the open positions otherwise you may get lost cause it takes 30secs more to place you. AND yes it is true that it happens!

    Good luck, much better, could probably find more things to be quantitative but you now have some which is better.

    Once again (this is for all reading) if you brag about your proof reading and have a single mistake.....your out!
     
  11. Lyle macrumors 68000

    Lyle

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Location:
    Madison, Alabama
    #11
    Too bad no one proofread your post for you. :D
     
  12. baby duck monge macrumors 68000

    baby duck monge

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Location:
    Memphis, TN
    #12
    You could also make it "in accordance with," but that doesn't sound as good.
     
  13. stubeeef macrumors 68030

    stubeeef

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2004
    #13
    Oh I s**k at proof reading! Never would be able to do it. I have a cousin who is an author, and proofs astrophysics manuals, lord I think being a guinea pig for needles would be a better job.

    The thing is, if I can find a mistake then everyone else saw it too!
     
  14. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #14
    that's one of the first things with resumes...people don't like acronyms unless it's a really obvious one like CPA or MBA

    but ones that may seem obvious like DoD, EPA, JROTC, BSA, MCSE, PT, SCSI, or GAAP may not be appropriate even though in their fields, they are well known
     
  15. baby duck monge macrumors 68000

    baby duck monge

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Location:
    Memphis, TN
    #15
    Should be Office of Internet Technology (the field is known as IT). It's a fairly common acronym, but it never hurts to spell things out if there's any question about it.
     
  16. iGary Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #16
    Here you go - I didn't finish all of it, but I think you get the idea.

    Alex Wait

    A dynamic and energetic designer and developer with focused knowledge in the production of effective print communication pieces and dynamic Web sites.

    Summary of Qualifications:

    • Practical and in-depth experience with the Adobe Creative Suite.
    • Able to apply technological strengths to real-world projects and tasks.
    • Well-versed in the Macintosh OS X operating system platform and related software- and hardware-based topics.

    Relevant Experience:

    Year Book Supervisor “Insert School Name Here”

    • Design spreads for a national award-winning yearbook.
    • Proofread all layouts for grammar and punctuation errors to ensure accuracy.
    • Manage a staff of thirty students with use of InDesign.
    • Develop workflow enhancements for Adobe InDesign to streamline production schedule and cater program to publication’s unique requirements.
    • Utilize Adobe Photoshop to crop pictures, create custom images and retouch images for post-production.
    • Brainstorm ideas with clients for effective and eye-catching advertising pieces.

    I have it in Word if you want it...
     
  17. gekko513 macrumors 603

    gekko513

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    #17
    Never use acronyms in writing unless the acronym is the generally accepted and preferred name of something (IBM, AMD, TV, NATO) or unless it's a common acronym and you use it several places in the text. In the latter case, it should be explained fully the first time you use it.

    That's according to what I've learned, anyhow. Practices may vary.
     
  18. floriflee macrumors 68030

    floriflee

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2004
    #18
    I agree with that advice. It makes your resume more readable/understandable when glancing over it.
     
  19. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #19

    :eek: :eek: :eek:

    Wow. That's really good. And it kicks the pants off of mine!

    How much of that can I use?
     
  20. iGary Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #20
    Use it all - good luck on the job.

    I'd put whatever that next job was next under relevant experience and give it a job title.

    Good luck on the job. ;)
     
  21. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #21
    I would like the Word version of it so I can compare what you did to what I have done.:cool:
     
  22. iGary Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #22
    Here you go....
     

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  23. rdowns Suspended

    rdowns

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    Jul 11, 2003
  24. iGary Guest

    iGary

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    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #24
    *rolls around in mensch* :D
     
  25. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020

    bobber205

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2005
    Location:
    Oregon
    #25
    What about this?

    My dad thought it was kind of a mouthful. So I changed it to this: An energetic designer and developer with a focused knowledge in the productions of effect print communication pieces.

    Is that good? :D

    Should my references go onto another page?
    I include them right?

    Oh. And what are good Dimensions for my margins on my cover letter?
    One last thing for this post. ;)
    The technology director I worked under is one of my references. How should I point that out?
     

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