my girlfriend is acting weird...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Nobita, Aug 14, 2009.

  1. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
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    La la land
    #1
    hi all,

    in the past 2 days, my girlfriend has been ignoring me, i text her like three or four times and she did not replied at all, when i call her, she didn't pick it up. she only picked it up after the third/fourth time (and she said she's in the library so she can't talk). i have been together with her for about a year, and this is the first time (i think) that she ignores me like this...

    we had dinner with friends just now and she talks to her friends, but she didn't talk to me much. after everyone left, she just didn't say anything to me. i told her i love her but she just nodded (usually she'll say i love you too).

    i don't think there's another man. she said she's got so many homework and it is due very soon. i don't think that's a valid reason to not reply text messages and pick up my phone calls. has anyone got any idea what is happening to her? i'm really really sad and i want to be able to talk to her like before..
     
  2. Moderator

    maflynn

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2009
    Location:
    Boston
    #2
    Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with her to see if there's anything wrong. Sounds like she is disinterested in you and you need to take that as a sign that a discussion is needed.

    If she's ignoring you, and much of your attempts to communicate she may not be seeing someone but she could be looking end the relationship or something like that.

    The only way to get to the bottom of this is to talk with her, preferably in a neutral place, like a starbucks or a dunkin donuts, so things don't get out of hand.
     
  3. thread starter macrumors 6502

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    La la land
    #3
    I hope she's not trying to end the relationship, she once said to me "even if one day i hurt you, please love me again" and that was so sweet.

    I'll try to talk with her as soon as possible. I just asked her if she wants to watch a movie tomorrow, but she said she just want to finish all her homework at home. I won't go to her house, that'll make me look like an annoying bug. However i will talk to her as soon as i get a chance.

    But what's your guess? what wrong could a guy do that will upset someone that much? I don't think i did anything bad.
     
  4. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2002
    Location:
    New Zealand
    #4
    There's a good chance that you haven't done anything bad.
    That being said if she's not talking to you, its not good.
    She obviously has something on her mind.
    I think the easiest thing to do is to bite the bullet.
    Either call or text her and say that you're very much aware that she's been acting differently of late.
    Be very clear and ask if you can both meet up to talk it over and let her get it off her chest.

    Maybe it is only something trivial but do be prepared for the possibility that your relationship may be approaching the end of its term.
     
  5. macrumors 601

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    #5
    The bad news is that you could have (unwittingly) done anything of a million things…

    Best to talk it over.

    Good luck.
     
  6. macrumors 68040

    miniConvert

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Kent, UK - the 'Garden of England'.
    #6
    It sounds like she doesn't have much to say to you right now. You've been together a year, so you know her well enough to know that something's up. Don't jump to conclusions. Give her space. Send her a message/something you know she'll get and read asking if you can meet for coffee/whatever in a couple of days time. Give her space ;) Then talk it over in a couple of days when you meet and the air has cleared a bit, hopefully she'll be ready to let you know what's going on then.
     
  7. thread starter macrumors 6502

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    La la land
    #7
    i'm quite aware about this thing about women, they could have blame guys for something very trivial... i do hope that i didn't do something bad...

    i do though, still have faith in her that she really wants this relationship to go on and not to end now, i know her (i think) and she wouldn't end the relationship over something very trivial. if i have done something suck as picking up prostitute in a bar or cheating with other women, i could understand that it is a fatal mistake and she could end the relationship.

    having said that though, she does make me very insecure and sad that i go and ask random people in the internet (i'd really rather not). thanks guys for your support...
     
  8. Moderator emeritus

    SilentPanda

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Location:
    The Bamboo Forest
    #8
    She didn't head off to Europe did she? Good luck though... relationships can be a tricky thing. If things don't work out I'm sure in a few years when you meet the next one you'll be wondering how you ever dealt with this one.
     
  9. macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    Location:
    NH
    #9
    When she ultimately says to you "It's not you, it's me." just accept it and move on with your life.

    Sorry dude, but weirdness is a bad sign, especially if she's not communicating well about her weirdness.

    And there's a 99% chance it's really not you. It's her.

    Good luck.
     
  10. macrumors 68020

    brn2ski00

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    #10
    she's just not that into you
     
  11. thread starter macrumors 6502

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    #11
    That was really funny man... see how women could become... i'm glad we're blokes.

    Anyway, yes, I'm going to really ask her what is really been happening.
     
  12. macrumors 68040

    The Californian

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    Surfers Paradise
    #12
    How old are you two if you don't mind me asking?
     
  13. thread starter macrumors 6502

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    #13
    I won't say, but i've just finished uni and she's in her last year in uni. we came to uni straight after school.
     
  14. macrumors regular

    akutad

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Location:
    London, Ontario, Canada
    #14
    Ignore all the replies. My wife does that from time to time. Usually because I pissed her off without knowing. Have a heart to heart with her. Until than stop the worst case scenario thinking. I understand it's kinda hard before the talk.
     
  15. macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #15
    You won't tell anyone how old you are but you will come here asking for relationship advice in hopes that a pack of strangers can tell you what is wrong with a girl none of us knows? Ok then ... right-o.

    Your girl is done with you. Eventually she'll break up with you but in order to do that she needs to find the time to do it. Sure, you think it's a quick process, but if you're here getting all emotional about it then chances are she knows you're going to consume her with all of your pain after she does dump you. The time it takes for a woman to dump a guy who is over emotional can be rough. She has little time right now so breaking up with you is basically on her to-do list for when stuff settles down.

    I bet her hopes are if she treats you like dirt you'll just dump her. That is easier and that is what many men and women do.

    And whoever said that chances are you did something wrong, women can find 100 things a guy does wrong before he even gets up and showers in the morning. We're built to somehow detect the stupidest crap in the world. You get out of bed and somehow her hand is hanging off the bed which causes it to lightly tap the night table ... you're the jerk who purposely hurt her hand! Or you go to take a shower and the slight breeze that you feel when someone walks by you gives her a chill and now she's cold. You're the uncaring person that she is ultimately going to be pissed off at for the rest of the morning. The wind blows in another direction without notice, your fault. The milk is placed in the fridge label in, your fault. She takes a shower and soap is in her eyes, your fault. Shall I continue? Probably not. :)

    Unfortunately at your young age (guessing around 18), you feel deeply for this girl and when or if she dumps you it will be rough. You may even be back here talking about how your life is over. Bottom line, your life won't be over. Many of us have been there.

    Even marrying the wrong person and losing everything or being in a long term relationship and losing everything is not life ending. Even if it costs tens of thousands of dollars to get rid of someone, still not life-ending. Life feels over but trust me, healing happens and you move forward. Losing some girl you've known for a year, not totally life ending.

    Best of luck to you, really. It certainly sounds like she's just going to treat you like ass until you dump or or until she has the time to deal with the backlash of emotions you probably emit after she says goodbye.
     
  16. macrumors member

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    Location:
    The South, USA
    #16
    It sounds to me like it's the beginning of the end. Then again, most relationships don't last and most women usually treat guys pretty poorly. It's some kind of feminist power trip.
     
  17. macrumors 68030

    Iscariot

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    Toronteazy
    #17
    ask her, not us.
     
  18. macrumors 68030

    uberamd

    Joined:
    May 26, 2009
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #18
    I read most of your statement and immediately thought to myself "shes cheating." Then I read your statement saying you don't think she is. At any rate, this is never a good sign. Usually if its something you did (and obviously it cant be too serious since you don't think you did anything) they get over it in a day or two. In my experiences, a girl will get over it in a few hours. The fact that she has been ignoring you for much longer means something more serious is afoot.

    My guesses
    1. She is no longer interested
    2. She likes someone else
    3. Her cat died
    If she didn't have a cat or her cat is still alive then its between 1 and 2. School work shouldn't make someone not want their boyfriend for so long, usually the significant other helps them through stressful times, not hinders them.

    Sit down, ask her what the deal is, but don't sit her down and straight out say "What's his name? What does he have that I don't?" Do what needs to be done but do it the right way.
     
  19. macrumors member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2009
    Location:
    UK
    #19
    Seconding this. Women expect men to know what's wrong with them. If you haven't done anything wrong (or don't remember doing anything wrong) then it's likely she wants to move on (i.e., dump you).
     
  20. macrumors 603

    Joined:
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    #20
    Or, since I know as much about your situation as the other "advice specialists" on this thread... it's not about you at all, but something else in her life. Figure out what it is, and try to be supportive. Perhaps she is just stressed out at doing her exams, and wants to do well so that she can be successful in her career.

    Instead of worrying, offer her your support to get through the tough times.

    Be patient. Either its ending, or its not. There is nothing you can do about it. If its not ending, then by acting strong and confident you will show her your good side. If its ending, you will make it easier for both of you if you don't get all stressed.

    And for gawd's sake.... talk to your friends who actually know what is going on!! We are just strangers. You'd get better luck with advice in a local pub where nobody knows you ... Good Luck! Talk to some people who know you. Its not easy, and you need some supportive friends. Remember.... it may be nothing.
     
  21. macrumors 68040

    Unspoken Demise

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    #21
    Damn, I hope you had boxing gloves on, or those punches'll leave a bruise. You're comin' out swingin' today, aren't you?

    OP, listen to Jessica, for she is wise when it comes to honesty, but dont have a conversation with her already defeated. Stay confident, express your feelings, and wear a cup.
     
  22. macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #22
    I agree with both of these and I would add another things. since you only been together a year you might not of run into the thing I am going suggested.

    Some times they just get into that mood and want space. Hell guys get into that mood some times.

    I am a guy and i have been dating my GF over a year now and she done the same thing to me and that is she just wants some space. Nothing wrong she just needs her space. I am even worse and I go more often that I just shut down so to speak and just pull away for a little while. She has learned that if it is just a day or two I just in a space mood and let it go. If it gets to a week something is bothering me. It will have nothing to do with her but she knows something is bothering me.

    We as humans take out our frustrations the worse on the people we love. Believe me we do that. The past few days I have been in the target of my GF bad mood where she wake up grouchy and will just go off on something stupid and by stupid I mean really stupid like I left a shoe on the floor or a single speak of food on the counter top full fled yelling.

    All you can do is sit down and talk with her. Could be she just wants a little space and that will never change even if you do get married. Those I need some space moods will always come and go at random times.
     
  23. macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #23
    Wait wait I didn't find that bad. Was it bad? Speaking as a woman, I mean biologically I am one, I thought it was good thinking. Women will blame a man for just about anything they can. I am generalizing, I know. I may not be like that and there are others like me I am sure, but that's the majority I'm sure. She is probably buying time. That sounds harsh but so is ignoring the **** out of your boyfriend in a public place with your friends around. I would be embarrassed if I were him and embarrassing me is probably the worst idea ever.

    OP I did not mean to be harsh. UN DE has pointed out that I came out swinging but I was being very honest with you. You want to know what is up and frankly you're a stranger and so is she. We don't know what is what until we have both sides and then somewhere in the middle is the actual truth. I'm just saying really. I meant no harm.
     
  24. macrumors 68040

    Unspoken Demise

    Joined:
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    >9,000
    #24
    Your honesty? No, not harsh.
    Your words? Yes, a little.
    And I meant, OP, dont talk to your GF defeated, not Jessica.
    And Im sure he appreciates your honesty, but I guess I just feel like he didnt want to hear that, but like you said, hes a stranger, on MR of all places, asking us delinquents what we think...

    Oh, and harhar undies. *Middle finger* :p
     
  25. macrumors 65816

    barr08

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2006
    Location:
    Boston, MA
    #25
    There's only one solution here, man...

    Does she have a sister?
     

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