my sad story i can only tell you guys...

Discussion in 'Community' started by g30ffr3y, Jan 11, 2004.

  1. macrumors 6502a

    g30ffr3y

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2002
    Location:
    buffalo ny
    #1
    not as grim as the subject line may seem, but anyhow i have one hell of a conundrum...

    i have a job, at that job i have friends, some of those friends i hang out with outside of work... lets just call them A [female] B [male] C [female] and me G [male]... as odd as that may seem those are actually everyones first initials...

    now, A, B and G have been working together for a few years... A is totally all about G [me]... G has no interest in A whatsoever in any sort of way like that... this is an old tired record that has been going round and round for too long, but A is not any sort of horrible person so everything is just what it is...

    now A has a friend C who she managed to get hired at the vile workplace... G was warned way ahead of time by A that C has a boyfriend... certainly this is so that i would not turn my attention [ha] from A and was noted somewhere back in my memory for future reference...

    so... fast forward about a month of working and hanging out... B has been asking me what i think of C, but i usually just respond with a "she has a bf, so it isnt something i have an opinion on" which is a total lie since i hold C in the highest regards... but anyway... so i generally do not hang out with A and C without B just to cut down on any tension and relieve my own personal anxiety about the whole mess...

    friday... C had mentioned that her bf was gone for the weekend and she was just going to be hanging out watching a cat at his place all weekend if anyone wanted to do anything... emails go out, plans are made, but B has other responsibilities and sags out [sag=ditch] so i [G] am left to decided what would be best for me to do... so i go hang out with some friends and watch the hockey game [buffalo sabres actually won a game hooray!!!!!!!!!] all the while thinking about what i should do...

    when all was said and done, i convinced myself that i had no business going over to some girls bf's house while he was out of town to hang out with two girls one of which i totally dig [his girlfriend C] and one of which totally digs me who i cant stand [A]... then i get this voicemail later in the evening that B made it and they were just chillin if i wanted to stop by... at this point it was just too late, i had to work in the mourning and just wanted to get some rest...

    saturday... i am totally bummed out... i just has to convince myself that i was out of my mind to even think about someone elses girl in such a nice way... i was tired... i missed probably what wouldve been a good time... i was at work on a saturday... there was nothing to be happy about... except C that is who wasted too much of her time trying to find out what was wrong with me...

    as the day unfolded C and i got to talking more and more and she mentioned that she had some beer left from last night and was just going to watch movies and drink later that night... i pretty much had the same game plan... so... if you see where this is going... stupid me, who just that night prior did the honorable thing and tried to just bow out of the situation asks C if she likes gin... oddly enough she has never had it... that conversation didnt go much further...

    later in the day we talked and i opened the worm can again and told her if she got sick of drinking alone then... well... again it just sort of stopped...

    now im leaving for the day and on my way out i just sort of let her know again that she could give me a call if she wanted to... and surprisingly enough the response was along the lines of "yeah i ll give you a call later"

    so i go and do some errands... got the family guy seasons 1 and 2 dvd [best show ever on tv] go home and start watching them... around nine the phone rings, its C, she has rented some movies and asks me over... this is just G and C mind you... so stupid me turns off the cartoons, grabs the gin and gets to going...

    is this boring enough yet???

    i get there, get a short tour since i wasnt there the night before, she already has gigli playing which is quickly ignored by gin sampling [bombay sapphire, which she ends up liking believe it or not] and harmless conversation... realizing we missed most of the movie we turn it off and put on SWAT... again it gets ignored and this dudes dvd player is skipping the disc so we give up and turn on SNL... still just talking and drinking...

    i get a warning from C that alcohol leads to increased proximity... uh oh... note as a rule i demand a mandatory three feet of personal space at all costs at all times... did i say uh oh... so now we're closer and she decides to put on her pajamas which are nothing more than loose comfy pants and a fleece pullover... not a big deal... right...

    closer, closer, lots of hugs and cuteness... it eventually ends up in a conversation trying to assess what exactly is going on here... round and round we go... heres the basics... i like her, she likes me, she has a bf, we are in his house, he is out of town... the situation is impossible...

    back to gigli now... without being detailed... pretty much anything either of us wanted to happen could have happened... the green lights were on... it was all blatantly obvious... so stupid me resists and resists... the moral dilemma of it all tearing me up... i cant even kiss her... i cannot talk myself into being like that knowing that it was just this horribly wrong perfectly beautiful one time deal...

    so i beat myself up, we talk, i beat myself up, she tells me its ok, i beat myself up... nothing happens... four am it starts to be time to maybe leave... with no resolution the circle goes round and round... she tells me i can sleep there, i couldnt do it, but it took til six am for me to get up the will to just walk out the door...

    this is so terribly sad for both of us...

    so... i got about four hours of the worst loneliest sleep ive ever had... i had to walk out on a beautiful, sexy girl... ive been laying here going over this... finally i just decided to put up my sad story for the mac community...

    the bf comes back today [has been the bf for three years apparently]... nothing happened to regret, the only regret is nothing happened, but that wouldve done no one any good... monday everything will just be what it always was, im sure A,B,C and G will hang out again, C and G may hang out again... i wish she would call really...

    why cant things be easy... if i did the right thing not doing anything why do i have to feel like such crap... this sucks worse than gateway...

    i dont know what a response could be to this, but i just wanted to talk and i cant really tell anyone any of this because everyone is connected to everyone and this involves work people, would just be too messy...

    so, thanks for reading... im just going to lay hear...
     
  2. macrumors 65816

    tpjunkie

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2002
    Location:
    NYC
    #2
    ah, the old girl-with-a-boyfriend dilema...sorry i've got no solid advice here...im surprised that with drinking involved nothing ended up happening....it's been my experience that with some booze, the part where you said "anything that we wanted to happen could have happened" usually leads to all that ACTUALLY happening.
     
  3. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #3
    Before any one else starts ripping into you and calling you a dumbass or whatever, I'd just like to say that I know how you feel. I've actually been in that same position for a few months now, with a girl I've known forever that does nothing but complain about her bf and is usually willing to ditch him in favor of hanging out with me... Basically there's nothing I can do, so I just don't think about it. Luckily, I've met a few girls lately that have helped me take my mind off my predicament :) Nothing like waking up next to a beautiful woman to make you forget about your other troubles ;)
     
  4. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #4
    That explains last night! Or was it the night before? Ah hell, I can't even remember :cool:
     
  5. macrumors 65816

    tpjunkie

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2002
    Location:
    NYC
    #5
    sounds like you should stop by the "have u ever been drunk" thread ;)
     
  6. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #6
    ::glances at tpjunkie's icon::

    look who's talking?

    oh wait, i see you've already been there too :D
     
  7. macrumors 65816

    XnavxeMiyyep

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2003
    Location:
    Washington
    #7
    You did the right thing. If you hadn't stopped yourself, you could have ruined their 3 year relationship, and jeopardized your friendship.
     
  8. macrumors 68020

    Phil Of Mac

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    Washington State University
    #8
    She's doing it intentionally to play with your mind and try to start an affair with you. At least that's my call.
     
  9. macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #9
    why do you keep waiting for her to call,call her :rolleyes:. and your biggest mistake was not kissing her that night, if you had done that you would have for sure learned if she wanted you or not.

    iJon
     
  10. macrumors 68020

    Phil Of Mac

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    Washington State University
    #10
    iJon, your utter lack of morality never ceases to amaze me.
     
  11. macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #11
    well thank you phil, im the kind of guy who is going to make a move if im by myself with a girl who i can obviously tell she likes me. i dont want to sit at home on saturday night and i wonder if she likes me and hoping she calls me. thanks for you concer though.

    iJon
     
  12. macrumors 68020

    Phil Of Mac

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    Washington State University
    #12
    I was referring to the fact that you utterly ignored the SHAB factor.
     
  13. macrumors 68000

    Veldek

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2003
    Location:
    Germany
    #13
    Well, I've been in a similar situation years ago. I didn't want anything from my best girlfriend and she had a relationship that already lasted years (don't remember how much but more than three). She fell in love with me and we were drunk one evening being alone in her house. I couldn't do anything because she had a boyfriend (ok, I wasn't in love with her at this time, but anything could have happened though). I think me and you made the right decision. I would think if she was really after you, she would end her relationship with her current boyfriend. My best girlfriend did! We never came together, though I fell in love with her some time later, when she already was over me. I really think she should be the one to make the first step.
     
  14. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #14
    I think everyone agrees that the right course of action would have been to do something, except that there's one little problem: her boyfriend. The G-man just wanted to vent about how much it sucks to have morals, even when you've got the perfect opportunity literally sitting in your lap.
     
  15. macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #15
    thats true, morals are nice, but the only way that would stop me is if her boyfriend was one of my good friends, if its not then he has nothing to lose, other than getting his ass kicked.

    iJon
     
  16. macrumors 68020

    Phil Of Mac

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    Washington State University
    #16
    And that is what prompted my remark about your utter lack of morals.
     
  17. macrumors 604

    iJon

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    #17
    well there is two opinions here. either she is a ho and is sleeping around, or she acutally liked him and really isnt into her boyfriend anymore. its more of her not having morals then him, they both like each other, why wouldnt they go for it. yes i would feel more comfortable with her breaking it off wit her guy beforep pursuing men, but if i know its a lost cause and its gonna end when he gets back i would go for it, but please, keep me updated on how my actions are going, i love getting dating advice from macrumors.

    iJon
     
  18. macrumors P6

    wdlove

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    #18
    You are in quit a dilema. I congratulate you on acting so responsibly. There was nothing wrong with you hanging out with her.
     
  19. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2003
    #19
    I think you did the right thing, except to hang around like a sad sack all night. If you think she is a long term possibility, then starting off your relationship by having sex in her bf's house is not the way to go. Think you may wonder what is going on every time you leave town if you two did that?

    You've each said you have feelings for each other. If she thinks you are worth leaving her bf for, then she will and you'll be able to pursue her without any regrets. If not, then you'll have slept with her and now have to work with her, see her boyfriend every now and then, realize that it is a matter of time before A and B hear about the matter, and in general make your life less pleasant.

    Maybe she wants to leave the bf. People screw around when they don't have the guts to call it off and try to get the "relationship death penalty" by some egregious offense. Don't get involved in that kind of mess!
     
  20. macrumors 68000

    3rdpath

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    2nd star on the right and straight till morning
    #20
    having been in the same situation as you...and unfortunately, not behaved as wisely...i will say nothing good can come of this. any girl who would screw around on her BF ( and in his apt...) is bad news. she may be a beautiful, funny, charming brickhouse but she's lacking integrity. what she's doing to her BF...she will do to you.

    deep freeze this chick....and fast.:eek:
     
  21. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #21
    Exactly. What's to say that, even if she claims she'll never do it again, she wouldn't do it to you?

    Not many people talk about their problems anymore, but why not just ask her? Take her out on a friendly date if it'll make you feel better -- go out for coffee or something -- and just ask her about "the other night"
     
  22. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2003
    #22
    I haven't read every reply here,but it seems that most people believe that he should've made a move then. Which is just silly--she has a boyfriend and the man is making an effort to respect him and common morality. g30ffr3y, if she really does see something important between the two of you, she will leave her boyfriend for you. Otherwise, making a move on her before that happens would only be taking advantage of whatever is causing her insecurity right now(hormones, identity crisis, who the hell knows), which she would undoubtedly feel guilty for later on. I think you've made the right decision so far, just stick wiht it and it'll be better off for everyone in the end.
     
  23. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2003
    #23
    I just wanted to add to my post above... I think you did the right thing, BUT I don't think you did it out of any real moral sense.

    Time for some self honesty here. I think you knew it was wrong so didn't start anything, and kudos for that. But I also think you hung around until 6 am hoping that SHE would make a strong move so that you could rationalize it later that you didn't do anything wrong since you she made the decision to go outside the relationship.

    If that sounds mean, well, I was in a similar situation before (she did make the move) and in retrospect I wish I had the maturity to do the right thing and not abdicate responsibility to her.
     
  24. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Location:
    The Great Midwest
    #24
    That was the hardest thing i have ever tried to read.
     
  25. macrumors member

    fugeelama

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2002
    #25
    Boy, it sure is interesting to read the different views people have on this situation!
     

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