my vent letter.

Discussion in 'Community' started by scem0, Jul 14, 2003.

  1. scem0 macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #1
    I don't know whether it is appropriate or not for me to post this letter on MR. If it isn't then please delete this thread. I did not write this for the mac community - I wrote it for myself.

    The story -
    My mom left for Houston a couple days ago, which leaves me, my sister, and my father at home to fend for ourselves.

    My father is strongly against my computer oriented life style. He woke me up at 12:00 the morning after my mom left, much to my dismay. I had gone to bed only 6 hours before then.

    My dad made me stack wood and fill in holes with dirt. I hate labor like that. I don't mind working hard - but I do mind stacking ****ing wood. Let me make a brochure for the family business or some **** like that.... :eek:

    My dad and I don't get along - we don't NOT get along either though. I am a momma's boy.

    My mom is the only one in my family who understands me (well, my oldest sister understands me too but she is in college and has nothing to do with my story).

    I have a 'computer curfew' of ~12:00. But it is only as late as my parents are staying up. I am ****ing sick of going to bed at 12:00... So I snuck down to the computer and was on till 6:00 this morning.

    3 hours later my dad wakes me up trying to get me to ****ing swim. 1st off - I don't like to swim. I don't NOT like to swim, but there is no way I'm going swimming at 9 in the frickin' morning.

    My sister is also persistant at me going swimming - she is saying how I don't exercise enough, how I never go outside, etc, etc, etc. That is kind of detailed in the letter. I was saying 'no' very firmly. I am a very stubborn person - and I was not gunna budge. Everyone in my family is stubborn though and so my dad and my sister just yelled at me and annoyed me while I tried to continue sleeping.

    I have to deal with my family's crap about me and the amount of time I spend on the computer all the time.

    You can only imagine how annoyed I was... I was trying to fall back asleep while my sister was trying to wrestle me out of my bed (she was shoving me off with her feet. Her dirty feet all over my just showered body. There are a million other little things like that which helped get me to this point of anger and depression) while my dad threatened me.

    My dad got to the point where he said I would have 2 hours of labor outside if I didn't go swimming. I just plain WILL NOT put up with immaturity from my parents like that. I told him that I thought that him taking a bullyish stance was very childish and I don't think he got mad because he knew that I was right.

    I could not fall asleep or deal with my sister nagging me, her constant attempt to kick me off the bed, my dad's constant tug on the covers, and his threats and so I succumbed to her kicks and was allowed to be pushed off the bed. I ran downstairs and locked myself in the tv room to fall asleep on the couch. My dad was threatening again, but that isn't what got me out. I got out of the TV room because my grandfather was on the phone and today is his birthday.

    I wasn't really angry at this point. I was just annoyed to a point of anger. I was on the edge of a knife and I got tipped into anger when my dad started yelling out cuss words and storming out of the house blaming me for him being late to his haircut. He was keeping me from my sleep - I was not keeping him from his haircut.

    So then he left and I was explaining why I was so angry to my sister. I told he how if my dad gave me any crap when I got home I was going to run away. I obviously have nowhere to go, I was just (and am) planning to go across the street into the woods. It is about the safest place you could possibly go. We argued and argued, but I was beyond annoyance. She got pissed too and left to go to Barton Springs. I went to my bed and cried.

    I'm not ashamed to say it. I think suppression of one's emotions is immature. Crying is not childish. It does not make you weak. It is a healthy vent for your emotions.

    It was the first time I had cried in probably a year in a half. I've never really been a crier. But I was just so angry and so full of emotion that I was about to explode.

    I then proceeded to go downstairs to write a vent letter.

    It lacks proper grammar; thesis statements, ethos, pathos, and things which are supposed to be important to a letter; and it lacks a logical flow. I was just typing what was on my mind. And the last thing that was on my mind was tying going to instead of gunna (which I typed a lot in the letter).


    I have to put the letter in a seperate post because I have too many characters.
     
  2. scem0 thread starter macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #2
    The letter -

    I’m so pissed and depressed that I truly am on the verge of running away. If I get ANY crap when Dad gets home for ‘my actions’ then I am out… Not for long or anything. I will just be gone. I am so sick of Dad and Amanda and they just don’t understand me. The only one who begins to understand me is gone. I am so frustrated that my dad says I’m acting like a six year old when he is the one who is almost 50 and is adopting a bully-like attitude – do what I want you to do or I’m gunna make you do what you don’t wanna do. I can’t stand that. I can’t stand him, or my sister who sides with him even though I think she knows that I am doing nothing wrong. I haven’t been this pissed off for a long time, but this time I will not just sit around and let my parents try to make me something I’m not. I’m not a person who wakes up at 9:00 and goes to Barton Springs to take a ‘nice’ cold swim. I’m not the kind of person that likes to cut wood and then haul it around our property. I’m not the kind of person who wants to go to a concert every week. I’m not the kind of person that will exercise often. I am not a ****ing social butterfly, and I’m not gunna ****ing do things with people unless I want to do them! I am my own person. I think this song describes how I feel best:
    Take me for what I am
    who I was meant to be
    and if you give a damn
    take me baby
    or leave me
    I am going to stay up till ****ing 6 in the morning if that is what I enjoy. I am going to enjoy myself during the summer, while I’m still young, and while I can afford to do so. I’m so sick of my parents thinking they know what’s best for me. They have no experience with antisocial geeks! I think I know what’s best for me and if I don’t then its their fault because they never let me ****ing learn what’s right and wrong. I’m not a ****ing idiot! I’m not gunna do something that is going to hurt me! I don’t think people should rebel in every single way, especially not against there parents. But sometimes parents even make bad decisions. They don’t think I get enough exercise, yet I am the only fit one in the house, they get mad at me for bitching when they wake me up at 9:00. I am having serious problems coming up with why my parents thing that me staying up all night and then being on the computer all day is going to hurt me if I only do it during the summer and on occasional weekends during the school year. If I get fat or unhealthy – I’ll exercise. If I need a shoulder to ****ing lean on – I’ll contact my friends. If I need to ****ing go to Barton ****ing Springs and swim then I guess I’m in trouble because that isn’t going to happen. My Dad has started to adopt a stance of ‘It’s unimportant, c’mon Emerson – just wake up – it doesn’t matter – etc, etc, etc, blah, blah blah’ and quite frankly – that is a whole load of bull ****. If it’s not that big of a deal then why are you ****ing making it such a big deal. Now you may be thinking that I am making a big deal out of this – and that is absolutely correct. But this isn’t about waking up at 9:00 AM to go swimming. This is about tyrannical parents who don’t understand their son. They say that ‘my schedule is flip flopped’ but they are wrong – yes I sleep all day, yes I stay up all night – but that IS my schedule and it isn’t flip flopped. It’s exactly how I want it, and it isn’t a ****ing bad schedule for an anti-social geek like me to adopt during the summer or weekends. They act like I don’t talk to humans EVER……. What the **** is school then? What the **** am I doing all day in school? Sitting in a corner all alone never talking to people? I talk the whole ****ing time! When I am at home on the computer all day I don’t just stare at the screen blankly. I talk to my friends. I email people. I interact in a way that isn’t the social standard right now, but it will be in the future, and if they think it isn’t right then they are going to have to ****ing conform to the world because the world isn’t going to conform to them – and neither will I. Maybe I am just being an immature 16 year old brat. Hell – I wouldn’t be surprised. At least let me learn that on my own! Yes – I might get hurt emotionally – but as I said earlier – I’m not an idiot. I’ll learn from my mistakes. I am pretty damn sure that if I run away my dad will take away the computer. In that case I am going to leave again... The computer is my life – I am not going to deny that. If he takes away my life then he doesn’t get to see me – my life is gone. Yes, some may think having a computer be your life is sad… but I’m not ****ing them and the computer is my ****ing life whether I like it or not, whether they like it or not, or whether anyone likes it or not. I’m sick of going to church every Sunday. My Mom is ****ing forcing my head into the waters of Christianity and now I am struggling because I don’t want to ****ing drown. I’m not a ****ing goody-two-shoes Christian and if my mom can’t except that then I can’t help her – because she isn’t the one who decides my religion. She needs to realize that church is driving me away from God, away from Christianity, and away from the ****ing church. I don’t like that fact that many Christians would look down upon this letter because I’m not ‘respecting my parents’ – well **** them! I’m not going to respect something I disagree with. I respect my parents – but not their tyranny. I swear, If my parents don’t let me make any choices regarding my lifestyle/when I sleep/if I go to church/how long I’m not the computer/what I eat then when I go to college/when I move out of my own I will ****ing be exactly what they DON’T want me to be. If eating inorganically is so ****ing bad for you then let me eat inorganically for a week and suffer the ****ing consequences. Why are my parents mad at me for trying to an individual? If there is something wrong with my lifestyle then I will correct it. But if I never get to live my lifestyle fully then I will never know if anything is wrong with it. I see myself as responsible – especially when I look at myself compared to most other guys my age. Is there something wrong with my parents, or with me when I am the only person in the entire ****ing world with 2 curfews – one for coming home from social activities, and one for the computer? Is there something wrong with both of us? Probably. But as soon as I am able to make the decision to stay up all night I am going to ****ing make it, and I am going to do what I think poses no risk to me and makes me ****ing happy! And if it is so ****ing bad then I’ll stop. “You need exercise”…. Yes of course I need exercise. But it should be my decision when and if I am going to exercise. It is my decision whether I want to be ****ing fat or not!
    a tiger in a cage
    can never see the sun
    so don’t ****ing expect the ****ing tiger to ****ing know the ****ing sun isn’t ****ing purple, or that there is a world outside his cage at all!
    I added that last line, but the first too are from the same song that I addressed earlier. All I ask is that my parents leave me along and let me live my life. I won’t make ****ing stupid mistakes. I won’t ****ing jump off a cliff or anything. But I am going to stay up all night, I am not going to church, I am going to sleep till 4 PM. If a plethora of unhappiness ensues then I will ****ing start going to bed at 12:00 and start waking up at 9:00. But if that doesn’t happen then don’t ****ing get mad at me for doing what makes me happy! How much harm could come from letting me stay up all night, be on the computer all day, and eat unhealthy for just one summer?

    I am speechless. There is nothing more for me to say. Whether my parents choose to be tyrannical or reasonable is not in my hands – it never has been – hopefully it will be.

    ---

    Don't you just love how I got back my sense of humor at the end :rolleyes: ;) with the whole tiger thing?

    Well, that's it. If this is innapropriate then please delete it.

    I just posted all this to get an outside perspective because I am responsible enough to acknowledge that I am probably wrong on most of what I said. I respect and will listen to what y'all have to say.

    scem0
     
  3. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040

    Kwyjibo

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    #3
    I"m in a similar situation except
    a) I have a job
    b) I jog everday when i get up at 10:30 or 11
    c) I have a lock on my bedroom door ( key not one of those use a small screwdriver to open it) I installed it during one of my dads business trips and said i didn't realize it had the key and the old one lock me out twice even tho i didn't do anything.....story worked and now i have privacy....The worst thing he does is try and mow the lawn early...one of these days i'll call the cops with a noise complaint
    d) in lessthan 5 weeks I"M LEAVING FOR COLLEGE

    my suggestion is to goto a friends house for a coupel of days forget about them have a mini road trip ...whatever you want to
     
  4. scem0 thread starter macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #4
    I probably should get a job. I don't REALLY need one, but it would be nice to have a little extra money.

    Hmm where do they hire 16yo's.

    scem0
     
  5. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3

    jelloshotsrule

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Location:
    serendipity
    #5
    well. for once i don't find your rambling to be annoying.

    i can see where you are coming from on this. my mom is very weird, in that she always tells me "don't stay up too late" and wants me to do lots of stuff in the house, not because it needs doing, as much as she just wants me to be "productive"...

    mind you, i'm 21. ;)

    our situations differ because during your summer now, it's not so important to have a job per se, whereas when my mom gives me crap it is because i might need to be doing something with myself... however, in my case, being on my computer is where i actually DO stuff to get jobs or whatever... which is what can be a problem with my parents (mainly mom) not understanding that so much.


    i can't say i really can give you much advice. best chance is to have a talk with them rationally if possible. if not, then i don't know what to say...

    good luck
     
  6. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Location:
    in transit
    #6
    Re: my vent letter.

    You may be pissed right now, but the fact that you were up until 6 AM on your computer is your own fault.

    I'm not trying to be a dick here, but good grief man. It's simple physical labor. Why complain about it? Jesus, it's not like we can all sit on our ass and wait for the lawn to mow itself or the wood to stack itself. If your dad is making you do stuff like that, he may be trying to tell you something.

    [edit: Grammer I can do not. Mistakes fixing I must.]
     
  7. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3

    jelloshotsrule

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Location:
    serendipity
    #7
    Re: Re: my vent letter.

    that's assuming it's "wrong"... which i don't buy. it's not "normal" maybe... but that doesn't imply "fault" per se.
     
  8. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Location:
    in transit
    #8
    Re: Re: Re: my vent letter.

    I know. I don't really see it as right or wrong, but I do think it affected scem0, as he only had three hours of sleep when his sister and father wanted to wake him up. It was his decision to stay up, a decision that may have aggravated his already tense relationship with his father.

    Besides, no one wants to do anything if they've only had three hours of sleep. ;) :p

    scem0 - Sorry for the harsh post, but good luck with trying to repair your relations with your family.
     
  9. scem0 thread starter macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #9
    Re: Re: my vent letter.

    Well, I didn't complain about it when I did it. And I didn't reallly mind it all that much, but I wish my dad would have taken the fact that I did that work for him without complaint when I was telling him I just wanted to sleep.

    And I don't mind harsh comments. I deserve what I deserve. I might be acting immature. I just don't know :eek:.

    scem0
     
  10. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Location:
    in transit
    #10
    Re: Re: Re: my vent letter.

    It's cool.

    I can't think of anyone who would want to do anything with only three hours sleep. :)
     
  11. 3rdpath macrumors 68000

    3rdpath

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    2nd star on the right and straight till morning
    #11
    it's good to vent.

    i certainly don't know p. diddly about your home situation but i will say this:

    have you ever thought that your dad was aware that you aren't as close to him as your mom? maybe he's trying to share with you something that he enjoys...whether it's a swim or household chores, he's trying to interact with you.

    just a thought.

    and being fairly new to the parental duties i'll tell you this...it's not an easy job. and rejection from your kid, while very emotionally painful, doesn't change your perspective of what is right for your children. and regardless of your age you will always be their kid...you'll grow to appreciate this as you grow older.

    parents have much more important things to do than plan " how to make your life a miserable hell". and you should reciprocate in kind.

    you'll find that you'll get much more mileage out of a hug than a fight.
     
  12. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2001
    Location:
    VA
    #12
    Ok, well, as far as I can tell you're just venting because you have to live by someone else's rules.

    Your 16, your parents pay for much of what you have, feed you, provide you with a computer, etc. You're going against the grain because you want to run your own life. There's nothing wrong with that, but I think you should realize that until you're out of the house you'll either need to renegotiate your responsibilities or just deal with the situation until you're out of the house.

    Getting a job might work as well - show *productivity* and goals, besides, weren't you talking about making money to get a new G5? You've got all summer, I'd be doing what ever it takes.

    Also, as for the computer, sure its great to stay up late and live on your own schedule, but as above, unless you come to an understanding, if your at a different schedule than everyone else, well, sleeping till noon will only look like you're slacking - especially if your not supposed to be on the computer after midnight ;)

    Try and work things out and don't worry about being told what to do. Until you're in business for yourself, there will always be someone telling you what to do.

    D
     
  13. patrick0brien macrumors 68040

    patrick0brien

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2002
    Location:
    The West Loop
    #13
    -scem0

    I understand what you're feeling. When I was growing up I had tough parents to - even just about came to blows with my old man over physical labor as a matter of fact.

    But then when I was 17, I decided to use the physical labor to my advantage, and I found that not only was I getting in better shape, but I was burning off a lot of anger as well.

    Afunny result of that was when I was back home for a holiday from College, and was peeved about something - anything, I'd go out back and chop wood. When I came back in, I was calm, happy and a bit tired - just tired enough that I could often get out of cleaning the kitchen or something. :D

    My tips?:

    1. Try to turn every situation you find yourself in to your advantage. Can you develop a new skill? Can you burn off anger? Can you get a tan mowing the lawn?
    (this one helps a lot when you meet the 'big' world in a couple of years)

    2. You are right, letting your emotions out is very healthy, however, you don't have to wait for them to build to a cry. I foung that going outside and yelling "AAAAAAARRRRGGG!" at the top of my lungs worked wonders. And I didn't have to cry.
     
  14. tazo macrumors 68040

    tazo

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, Seattle, WA actually
    #14
    most any place if you are 16. fast food, grocerie stores, starbucks, mcdonalds, small time business offices....

    Scem0, altthough i skimmed your letter, that which I caught seemed well-written.

    Do not be afraid to vent your feelings around here, tiz' ok, and much more productive then doing so in the poli. forum ;)

    -tazo

    hey and if u ever wanna talk, pm me, i know what you're going through
     
  15. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Location:
    in transit
    #15
    Spot on. Getting a summer job was the best thing that ever happened to me. Two paychecks a month, and I've been more active than any other summer that I can remember. Relative financial *freedom* (barring house payments and food costs ;)) works wonders. It's great not to ask your parents for money all the time.
     
  16. tazo macrumors 68040

    tazo

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, Seattle, WA actually
    #16
    Unfortunately it is often impossiblle for young(er) teenagers like myself and scem0 to find work; it seems no one wants young(er) teenagers to work.

    Go figure :rolleyes: They could hire us for less, make us work longer, treat us like aholes, and we would still take the job.

    heh.
     
  17. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
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    in transit
    #17
    Eh? I got my first job one month after I turned 16. I went everywhere looking for openings. I was determined to find a job. For me, failure wasn't an option. I eventually found employment at a local McDonalds. Sure, it isn't ideal, but it was work and a paycheck nontheless. I used my earnings from McDonalds (a little over $1500 for two months of working Fri-Sat and the occasional Monday) to start a Roth IRA. The experience helped me to get my current job as a life-guard. I honestly believe that if you want a job bad enough, you'll find something.

    Sure they could. But it's better than not having a job, right?
     
  18. caveman_uk Guest

    caveman_uk

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2003
    Location:
    Hitchin, Herts, UK
    #18
    Parents don't usually want control they usually want respect and for you to turn out 'alright'. At the moment you do things that to them seem odd and they are trying to make you 'better' at least in their minds anyway. My brother was pretty nocturnal during his later teens to until he got a kid and now he's on more regular hours (though he's not fast in the mornings still ;) ).

    I completely see your point about them seeming to want to control your life but that sad fact is they do. They provide your money. You have to play along at least a little. Getting a job will demonstrate responsibility at least and get you some money. It is great not having to justify why you bought X Y or Z because you bought it with YOUR money not THEIRS. If you can get a later shift job that starts at midday or 2pm then you can get up late, work late then mess about til late when you get back. Over here they do evening restocking of supermarket shelves starting from when they shut (8pm). The pay rate is higher 'cos of the hours and you don't have to meet any idiot customers as the store is shut. Do they do that in the US?
     
  19. tazo macrumors 68040

    tazo

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, Seattle, WA actually
    #19


    That is my idea end of october, to mass apply anywhere that will take my application. I really want a new mac and not being able to get a job this summer was devestating.

    Then there is always the pproblm with, its a first job so you have no experience, and then all these 16 y/o jobs ask for experience. Augh.
     
  20. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2001
    Location:
    VA
    #20
    That's exactly it - the jobs are out there, you just need to look. Don't be too picky - take anything. When I was in high school and college I worked at a deli, grocery store, day camp councillor, life guard, pharmacy, grocery store, tree company, baskin's and robins, etc. Did any of this actually pertain to something I planned on doing as a career? No way.

    But I had a blast as a Boating Instructor at the YMCA day camp one summer, and got in the best shape of my life climbing trees all day, hauling brush and lifting logs.

    Avoid boredom and do something - even if its to make money or get you out of the house....good luck! :D

    D
     
  21. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
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    in transit
    #21
    Some stores (Krogers, H.E.B.) have graveyard shifts since they have late hours (i.e. open until 1AM or all night.) I don't think the pay is any different, but like you said, no one goes grocery shopping at midnight. ;)
     
  22. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3

    jelloshotsrule

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2002
    Location:
    serendipity
    #22
    yeah, caveman, the stores do that here in the US too... not sure if they'd take a younger person (ie, under 18 or so) for such a shift. but could be.... my friend was about 19 when he did just that...
     
  23. madoka macrumors 6502

    madoka

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2002
    #23
    I hope you save your letter. Read it again in 10 years and think back about when the worst thing in your life was not being able to sleep till noon and use your computer all night.
     
  24. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
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    in transit
    #24
    I've got something similar going on right now. I'm working as a life-guard and it's great. I'm outside, I've met new people and have gotten to know my co-workers better. When the pool 'closes,' we sometimes stay late and have our own pool party. I swim (sorry scem0 ;)) with some of the other guards and feel great. Sure, sometimes the work you have to do may not be that great, but sometimes the active experience of summer job works wonders on a person, both mentally and physically.
     
  25. tazo macrumors 68040

    tazo

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, Seattle, WA actually
    #25
    I think that is excellent advice.

    I don't think its really a matter of not looking for jobs as much as it is applying for jobs and not even being considered. I applied to the only two places near me that hire at 15.5, baskin robbins and safeway (grocery store). I applied 3 weeks ago, no call backs :(
     

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