I consider this a Crime Drama, as what Apple is doing is, to me, criminal. Here is the story of my MacBook Pro (RIP) and why I almost c***punched an apple rep. Once upon a time, a college student who had saved up a bunch of money for a shiny new laptop, decides to plunk down $3000 USD on a brand new MacBook Pro from his College Bookstore Apple Store. The college student is sold by the employees showing off the MacBook Pro, and so he decides to go all out and get the loaded version. He goes home, the whole way eyeing his new MacBook Pro in the seat next to him. He gently unpacks the MacBook Pro, making sure not to tear any wrapping or scratch his shiny, new $3000 USD investment. He boots up his laptop and is greeted to the wonderfully pleasant guide to set up his new computer. He even takes a few snapshots with his fun new built-in iSight. He makes sure to update all the software and install the latest firmware and updates to make sure his sound investment is up to snuff with the latest the tech world and internet has to offer. He smiles proudly at his shiny, new $3000 USD investment. But alas, the elation was not for long, when not one, but two aberrations appeared in his shiny, new $3000 USD investment. He began to hear a faint whining noise from the sides of the shiny, new $3000 USD investment that randomly changed in volume and frequency. And whenever he played an audio file on his laptop through his headphones, an audible click was heard before each file was played. Assuring himself that his shiny, new $3000 USD investment could not be at fault, he switched headphones. But alas, the same noise was heard. He then checked the forums on MacRumors.com, only to be greeted to "MBP whining", "whines on new mobo's", "why why why the whine?", etc. etc. Convinced that Apple, being the customer oriented and honest company that it is, already had a fix for the problem, he checked the software updater and website for updates. Sadly there were no updates. However he found relief in a slew of programs that claimed to eliminate the whining. Not content with the idea of having to run a program to ELIMINATE A NOISE on a shiny, new $3000 USD investment, he tried to ignore it. The college student was then swarmed with postings about windows on the mac, and boot camp, and millions of other fascinating stories. So, in an attempt to see what all the fuss was about, he installed Boot Camp and booted up a copy of XP Pro. "Meh," he thought, interesting, but useless. Then he noticed, or failed to notice, something. The whining. It was completely absent. He waited and waited, and ran different programs, but the whining refused to rear its ugly head. "My GOD" he said, "Running windows on my shiny, new $3000 USD investment eliminates the whine. Maybe I could just run windows permanently" He then realized that doing so would involve selling his soul, and so he immediately deleted the partition, to avoid becoming posessed by evil demon spirits that are a shade of blue and constantly recite "A fatal exception has occured, a fatal exception has occured." Cleansed of his sins, he decided to take the shiny, new $3000 USD investment back to the store to demand a refund for a defective product, as it was clearly defective out of the box. Told by the desk worker that only the manager can handle those issues, he was told to come back the next day when the manager would be working. So he waited......and waited........and waited. The next morning could not come fast enough. He felt odd as the excitement that poured through his veins was in many ways similar to the excitement he felt when he purchased the laptop......which made him sad........for apple. The next morning, the college student spoke with the manager and explained the problem and dropped the laptop off to have it looked at by the tech shop onsite as required by the store policy. Apparently the Apple Store is an Apple reseller, and not a store, therefore the return policies do not apply, something which the salespeople neglected to mention. The college student deems this acceptable, as it was partially his own fault for confusing store with reseller......and goes home for a day. The next day he is greeted to a phone call by a techie who claims he cannot duplicate the whining. He also was unaware there was a problem with the audio. Frustrated, the college student drags his headphones with him to the Apple Store and demonstrates the audio clicking to the techie. "I don't hear anything" says the techie. Convinced he isn't crazy, he decides to ignore the minor problem and focus on the major one. The laptop is unusually silent as the whine fails to manifest itself in all its evil glory in front of the techie. He goes back to the front desk and begins speaking with the manager, explaining the problem once again and how the techie didn't hear the noises, only to be interrupted with "oh yea, his hearing is terrible"....................... Frustration moves to Anger.......for employing someone with terrible hearing to check for AUDIO PROBLEMS. No, not Banjo Albums, AUDIO PROBLEMS. Are you hard of hearing? Frustrated with the lack of direction in regards to a resolution, he asks what is to be done. The manager replies that he has to go through apple to get a DOA certificate or to exchange a faulty product, and says that he could let me open a few more and test them to see if they have the problem. The student tells the manager that his suggestion is asinine and would only lead to them having to mark down a half dozen laptops. The manager says that he agrees, since there is a likelihood of the problem being evident in another laptop as well, since they were all ordered at the same time, and that they would then have to mark them all down. Basically regurgitating what the student had just told him. The student says he would like his money back then for a faulty product. The manager begins speaking with apple and while the student waits......30 minutes to be exact, the manager speaks with an applecare rep. When he returns, he explains that they will not DOA the product because it is considered an "easy fix". The student asks what this 'easy fix' entails. The manager explains that the student would mail the product to Apple and they would examine it, repair it, and mail it back to him. The student replies that "our definitions of easy must be quite different. Boxing up a 2 day old laptop, mailing it across the country to be fixed, then having it mailed back to me, is not what I consider within the realm of 'easy fix'. 'Easy fix' would be replacing some bad RAM, or reinstalling the OS." The manager looks appropriately puzzled and defeated. He hustles off to the manager room once again to speak with Apple. Returning another 30 minutes later with promises of being able to exchange the product for a different model, say a powerbook, he begins explaining the process. Having already filled his daily requirement of Red Tape for the day, the student indulges him regardless. He is instructed to speak with Apple tech support to get a case number, which they would use to return the product, and as a result give the student his money back. So the student obliges and calls tech support. The conversation is as follows: them - "Hello, welcome to Apple Tech Support, what seems to be the problem" College Student - "My shiny, new $3000 USD investment doesn't work as intended" Apple- "Could you be more specific?" C.S- "My shiny, new $3000 USD loaded MacBook Pro doesn't work as intended" Apple- "what exactly is the problem?" C.S. - "It whines at me. The computer makes a high pitched whining noise. Constantly. And everytime an audio file is iniated, including the volume buttons, an audible click is heard before each file is played." Apple - "Hmmm I don't believe we've heard of this problem befo--" C.S. - "COUGHCBULLSHCOUGH" Apple - "I'm sorry, what was that sir, I couldn't hear you?" C.S. - "sorry, had something in my throat." Apple - "Well we haven't heard of this problem before, but we can set you up with AppleCare support and have you mail it in to have us take a look at it." C.S. - "it's one day old. I would like to return it. I'm not going to mail a shiny new $3000USD investment across the country when it's 1 day old and clearly DOA." Apple - "Well we don't consider that to be DOA" C.S. - "DOA stands for Dead On Arrival, correct?" Apple - "Yes it does" C.S. - "I consider the motherboard making a whining noise and and audible click being played before each sound file, despite numerous reinstallations of the OS to be Dead-On-Arrival. Not working as intended. Broken out of the box. Kaput. I require a case ID so that I can return the product to the apple store i purchased it from at my college bookstore." Apple - "the college bookstores are not apple stores, merely authorized resellers. You will have to go through them." C.S. - "but they told me to go through you" Apple - "right, but you need to go through them. Is there anything else I can help you with." C.S. - "Yes, the whining has slowly driven me insane." Apple - "yes, well I'm sure the store will be able to help fix the whining" C.S. - "Broken laptop and no good audio make Karl go something something" (obscure simpsons reference) Apple - "excuse me?" CLICK. Having had enough of the run around, the tired college student decided to march to the bookstore and back again. Uphill. Both ways. In a blizzard. In April. Having gotten there, the manager asked for the case number. Not having one, the story began again.........as if by some nightmare. Realizing that it wasn't their fault, but Apples, the college student retained his composure and asked what could be done since he was being given the run around, and quite frankly, his legs were tired of running. Uphill. Both ways. In a blizzard. In April.