Parent Looking To Track Teens Text Msg - How Do I Do It?

[steve knight]

If you're referring to being charged for it, Yes I would probably agree. Here in sweden though, it's quite common to send texts talking about "explicit" stuff such as sex etc but explicit pictures, even though its not illegal, is something the majority thinks that its something that shouldn't be tossed around, if you even have any of those pictures

but what about nude pics of your 14 year old daughter. or son. well the son pics would not get around much but node girls do. this is the problem with sexting. teens don't realize who will end up with the pictures.

 

[André M]

but what about nude pics of your 14 year old daughter. or son. well the son pics would not get around much but node girls do. this is the problem with sexting. teens don't realize who will end up with the pictures.

There's always going to be problems with a few pictures getting leaked, there's always a problem percentage with everything. But over here, again, 14 isn't an age to be suprised that most people have their first sexual experience. That doesn't make sending nude pictures okay though mind you

Hard to debate since we have very different laws when it comes to "you have to be X old to do Y" but as I said before, I doubt spying will add anything good to you and yours sons relationship if he ever finds out.

 

[Chase R]

If my parents ever did that to me I would not be happy. Don't do it, let the kid have a little privacy...

 

[4np]

My son has an Ipod touch with the free text download. My question is how do I get a record of these? I want to be able to monitor him from time to time just to be sure he is sending/receiving appropriate material and to keep him on the straight and narrow. If he knows I can check he might think twice, even if I ultimately don't.

Any device on your wireless network can be sniffed. For example, I have a linux server at home that also acts as a router (and fileserver, and webserver, etc). All traffic goes through the linux server and you can easily sniff the traffic.

If, for example, a computer (or iPod Touch) on your WiFi network is surfing the web (non https) you can clearly see all HTML content and the IP addresses of the sites visited. I regularly use this for debugging or reverse engineering purposes.

Not sure if you should spy on your kid (like people have replied before), but at least you can if you would want to

 

[spillproof]

Op if you are still reading this thread, MacDawg's advice was good.

Be a friend and be open with your kids. Be cool and casual, like you are talking to a friend. Tell them how you feel. Don't do formal family meetings, kids normally are annoyed by them and don't want to listen. My thoughs: Right after he is done texting, strike up a conversation about how his friends are. Then transition into texting.

... there are people out there that have the leashes on the kids really tight and their children choose to rebel.

So true. OP, do not spy on your child. It will break all the trust between you two if he finds out.

 

[tri3limited]

Personally I believe this is in breach of your child's human rights.

I'm 19 years old and find time and time again that the human rights of young people are taken from them because of their age and it's getting incredibly frustrating.

Try getting a job other than a paper round under the age of 16. Try getting a meaningful promotion under the age of 21. Try to stay at a hotel with 3 friends of the same age under 21.

This is the most under-discussed type of 'ism' there is and it infuriates me.

Monitoring your child's text messages... Quite frankly I find it pathetic! How can you justify going through their messages to 'help them.' If they're on drugs or involved in dangerous situations you'll have to ask yourself, as their parent in the first place, how you were so blissfully unaware of their situation.

 

[angelwatt]

Personally I believe this is in breach of your child's human rights.

I'm 19 years old and find time and time again that the human rights of young people are taken from them because of their age and it's getting incredibly frustrating.

Try getting a job other than a paper round under the age of 16. Try getting a meaningful promotion under the age of 21. Try to stay at a hotel with 3 friends of the same age under 21.

This is the most under-discussed type of 'ism' there is and it infuriates me.

Monitoring your child's text messages... Quite frankly I find it pathetic! How can you justify going through their messages to 'help them.' If they're on drugs or involved in dangerous situations you'll have to ask yourself, as their parent in the first place, how you were so blissfully unaware of their situation.

Those are horrible examples of violations of human rights. There's much more serious issues relating to human rights violations. You apparently aren't a parent.

 

[annk]

Why don't you tell him a little white lie? Tell him you will be checking up on his texting activity and that owning an iPod touch is a privilege and not a right. Doesn't really matter if you do check or not- as long as he thinks you are checking.

That doesn't have to be a white lie; if you think you might have a need to check, it's the truth - and I think it's a good idea.

I understand the OP's concerns well, being the parent of a teenager. Being a good parent means finding a balance that allows the child to grow, but also allows the parent to parent. Parenting is not a popularity contest, and sometimes we have to set down boundaries that kids would rather not have. Not only that, but sometimes events transpire that give us reason to think something might be going on with our kids, and we have to find out what's up. It's part of the job.

I told my son I would respect his privacy in regards to his computer and phone as long as I did not have reason to suspect he was lying or getting into something that could cause him or others trouble, or compromise safety. I made it clear I WOULD check whatever I felt necessary if I felt there was a reason to do so. I suggested he ask himself "how would I feel if my mom and dad read this?" before texting, writing, posting or downloading something. These are the terms he agreed to, in order to be given the electronic equipment he has.

To the OP - MacDawg is right, you're going to get a lot of responses from kids here. And of course they will see this as spying, violating rights, they'll comment on your parenting skills etc. You and I know better. Our job is to get them safely through this period of their lives, and this is one area we have to address.

Good luck.

 

[Cromulent]

but what about nude pics of your 14 year old daughter. or son. well the son pics would not get around much but node girls do. this is the problem with sexting. teens don't realize who will end up with the pictures.

14 is the age of consent in Germany and I believe other countries. It really is not that bad.

America is a surprisingly conservative country politically and socially.

 

[steve knight]

14 is the age of consent in Germany and I believe other countries. It really is not that bad.

America is a surprisingly conservative country politically and socially.

it's not a matter of consent, kids don't realize how their pictures or porn vidscan get around. It can really screw up someones life. the girl sends a pic to the boyfriend of the month. then they break up and he sends it to everyone. not a good thing at all.

 

[Jolly Jimmy]

it's not a matter of consent, kids don't realize how their pictures or porn vidscan get around. It can really screw up someones life. the girl sends a pic to the boyfriend of the month. then they break up and he sends it to everyone. not a good thing at all.

It's not exactly going to haunt someone for the rest of their life. Rather embarrassing I admit, but it's not the end of the world.

 

[Eyedn]

Making statements such as "Teenagers make mistakes" is a really stereotypical thing to say and one of many that just seems like you judge a book by its cover.

I can't really imagine being your child if you apply this same attitude to your own child, how much faith does it show that you have in your children. It also does no favors in showing how much confidence you have in your parenting skills if you have to resort to such "monitoring". By all means do what you like, it is just a shame.

Take my post with a pinch of salt because i am not a parent.

 

[Ashka]

Communication, consistency and age appropriate rules with consequences plus Google.
Keep yourself up to date with technology and pray..
A Parent is NOT a friend, a parent is a parent with a darn hard job to do well.
I wish you all the best.

My kids are grown and are bringing up their own teenagers.

 

[iPenguin]

When you find something, what are you going to do about it? Spying on him may seem easy, but will make the situation 100x worse when the shock of mom has been reading all of the messages and whatever he did "wrong" set in. If you want to see his messages, have him fork over the phone or tell him you may look through them from time to time. If he's smart, he will delete any bad ones before you would ever have a chance to lay your hands on them.

ETA: And if they are deleted, they are immediately limited to never getting out to ruin your child's life.

 

[clockworkorange]

As a teen, and having a father who works with internet security, there has been times where he has invaded my privacy and I have noticed it (Seeing the "Message Read" message even though I never read it... )

After discovering this, I began to look for ways to get things by (example: using portable self-contained irc programs for chatting).


It wasn't long before my dad figured it out, I then approached him, and we talked for like hours.



Moral: Talk with your kids, make them understand that while the web may great, there are still dangers that can ruin you.

 

[Queue Cumber]

I wish I was young again, when I, too, knew everything. Obviously becoming a parent makes you suddenly and inevitably dumber.

Moral of the story for you young'uns: As you are, so once was I. As I am, so shall you be.

 

[seb-opp]

Thats the best advice! Thank you so much. And I understand the need for privacy, but kids are making choices today that can ruin their lives. As a parent of a young teen (with two more not far behind), I want them to grasp technology and appreciate it and participate in it if it helps them socially, but there has to be a balance.

How old is your son/daughter?
It seems strange that you would let him/her have a device that lets you access the net and view pretty much anything, but not let him/her send texts on it. If an iPod touch was around when I was a 'young teen' Im sure I wouldn't have been allowed one partly because of this, partly because its an expensive and desirable item for a child to carry around.

In another of your posts you also suggest that kids today have more of a chance to ruin their lives than previous generations. I don't think this is true, surely teenage cultures in the past were just as 'dangerous' as today. What about the hippie culture where drug use was very widespread?

 

[Fishrrman]

RE:
"GREAT way to show a kid that they can be trusted with something. WONDERFUL parenting skills"

Old Russian proverb:
"Trust - but VERIFY"

- John