Poetry Review.....

Discussion in 'Community' started by PlaceofDis, Feb 19, 2004.

  1. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Jan 6, 2004
    hey all, i write a LOT of poetry and its always hard for me to find people's honest opinions on what i write so i decided to share a poem with you all and i ask for your feedback - critial or not....just give it to me and if you all like it i just might post some more some day.........


    Burning candles ever so dim
    i think candle wicks
    should be the measure of a man’s life
    lets go, lets go
    the streets are dim
    lets walk the crowded alleyways
    hoping to be burned by candle wax
    falling from the gutters
    of bright white buildings
    lets go then
    & see how we measure up
    do we burn brightly?
    dismayed by thoughts of being discovered.
    no – let them not see us
    remain dark then

    i should have seen it
    swimming in the whitish blue of waves
    unfurled and curling by currents

    lets be alone in the dark

    Come now, do not be afraid
    for we are all together in this
    joined by one being

    Do come – those dark alleys beckon
    & i think i shall build a home there
    out of trash & dumpsters
    change is always present then
    i need that sort of mobility
    i need that sort of decay
    where do i roam
    to go? but below
    i need to hit rock bottom
    things can only get better then
    things will be better then

    i am Bob’s whinnying conscience
    i am Bob’s overactive mind
    i am Bob’s attempt at poetry

    i am drowning Bob
    so that he may live with the Mermaids
    floating & sinking
    a buoy for eternity
    in crystal clear bubbling fresh water
    surrounded by seashells & seaweed
  2. pseudobrit macrumors 68040


    Jul 23, 2002
    Jobs' Spare Liver Jar

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