Random Facts About…Jack Bauer

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by mac.head.high, Feb 23, 2006.

  1. mac.head.high macrumors regular


    Dec 23, 2005
    Los Angeles

    Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts. Let’s enjoy this new meme together shall we?

    1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.

    2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

    3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
    4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

    5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

    6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
    7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
    8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

    9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re ****ed.
    10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
    11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
    12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
    13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

    14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
    15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
    16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.

    17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack ****ing Bauer.
    18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
    19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”

    20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
    21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.

    22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

    23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
    24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
    25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
    26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
    27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer ****ing hates lemonade.
    28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

    29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
    30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…


  2. Heb1228 macrumors 68020


    Feb 3, 2004
    Virginia Beach, VA
    I'd seen this before but its funny the second time too. I love the lemonade one.
  3. zap2 macrumors 604


    Mar 8, 2005
    Washington D.C
  4. yoda13 macrumors 65816


    Sep 26, 2003
    That is pretty good, but I am a rabid 24 fan...:D
  5. Chundles macrumors G4


    Jul 4, 2005
    Jack Bauer is a pansy.

    Face Launceston and pray.

    Jack Bauer shot at David Boon. Boonie hit the bullet back at him with his mighty Gray Nichols bat and sculled a schooner of VB before Jack had finished squeezing the trigger.
  6. quigleybc macrumors 68030


    Jun 17, 2005
    Beautiful Vancouver British Columbia, Canada

    jack is death personified...he is the ultimate killer...he will hunt and kill all the terrorists....
  7. Chundles macrumors G4


    Jul 4, 2005
    Maybe, but Boonie killed all of them already by dispatching them to the cover boundary with his Gray Nicholls bat. Boonie never had a TV show made about it though, he just adjusted his box and got back to the business of smashing boundaries.
  8. yankeefan24 macrumors 65816


    Dec 24, 2005
    This was in the 24 discussion somewhere else on this site.

    I love 24. Where do you think i got the 24 in yankeefan24? Can't wait until Monday:D
  9. FSUSem1noles macrumors 68000


    Feb 23, 2006
    Ft. Lauderdale
    Jack is great, but he has nothing on Elisha Cuthbert.. :p

Share This Page