Read This Post, And Help Me Out

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by muffinman, Feb 27, 2006.

  1. muffinman macrumors 6502

    muffinman

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    San Diego, California
    #1
    Okay. Basically, I have been constantly been in pain psychologically because of this. Please read this entry in my blog, and tell me what I should do. I usually write satirical and comedic posts, but this, is my first serious post. I've never talked about this in public, and it is a sensitive subject. I would appreciate your feedback on what I should do. Here is the entry.

    http://coloringwithnelson.blogspot.com/2006/02/first-actual-serious-post-i-have-made.html
     
  2. mrwildguitar macrumors regular

    mrwildguitar

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    #2
    Personally? I would slap that kid in the face.
     
  3. LethalWolfe macrumors G3

    LethalWolfe

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  4. WildCowboy Administrator/Editor

    WildCowboy

    Staff Member

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    #4
    Have you talked to your pastor/minister about this?
     
  5. Patmian212 macrumors 68020

    Patmian212

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    #5
    This might sound immature and might be quite hard becasue you described him as a small sea mamal, but sometimes an asswoppin is in order!
     
  6. nbs2 macrumors 68030

    nbs2

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    #6
    I only hesitate making a suggestion because part of me feels like having a sympathetic ear will do more for you than any "real action" that you could take. Sometimes venting makes things more endurable.

    My suggestion, however, would be to draw a line in the sand with your parents. Let them know how you feel at church, and that this causes you to feel more distant from God. If going to church puts you at a distance, your only alternative is not to go - and seek out another place to worship. If they refuse to understand, then perhaps you need to put a temporary hold on your attendance, and pick it up when you head to college. The other person to speak to would be the priest/minister/reverand. He is to watch over his entire flock. If one is being forced into distance by another, it is his job to make things such that you can draw closer to Christ rather than more distant. If nothing changes after you approach him, he will bear as much responsibility for your withdrawal as boat-boy.

    My one caution, is do not let boat-boy cause you to cease to believe. Anywhere you go you will find people that you do not get along with. You must learn to cope - remember that church is something for you and God. You may encounter the same problems at work. Do something, but as a (forum) friend, I hope that the "something" is one that benefits, rather than diminishes, you.
     
  7. muffinman thread starter macrumors 6502

    muffinman

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    #7
    Thank you. But still, how do I get rid of this problem?
     
  8. kretzy macrumors 604

    kretzy

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    Location:
    Canberra, Australia
    #8
    I think you're best option is to simply ignore these very hypocritical people at your church, go to mass/services and just pay no attention to them whatsoever. In a few years time, when all of the adolescent behaviour ends, you will end up the better person.

    I don't really know what else to suggest. Are there any other people you could be friends with at church, even if they are older or younger? Could you get one/some of your friends to come along with you or go with them to their church (presuming they go)?

    If none of this is viable, then perhaps consider giving church a break for a little while. While I don't go to church except for once or twice a year, I know that if what you believe in is strong enough, it doesn't matter if you go to church or not. There are other ways you can be involved in communities which reflect your beliefs and values, and which don't place you in an uncomfortable position.

    Just remember, be yourself, don't let other people dictate how you should act or feel. ;)

    *end of unusually serious (well for me anyway) and moral rant*
     
  9. 2nyRiggz macrumors 603

    2nyRiggz

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    Thank you Jah...I'm so Blessed
    #9
    Dude don't stop going to church, Don't let anything bother you as you go there to give thanks and learn about the heavenly father. Talk to your pastor etc.. dont let anyone stop you from enjoying church.

    I would tell you to slap the boy but that wouldn't be very nice of me:)


    Bless
     
  10. mcadam macrumors 6502a

    mcadam

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    københavn
    #10
    Oh man - why do you stay in that church. If you need a place to be in close contact with your belief, there must be someplace better than this. In fact anywhere sound better.

    Don't stand 2 more years of this. Who are you doing this for - yourself or your parents?

    Tell your parents and perhaps your pastor - that, for you, the atmosphere in that church is the exact opposite of what one ought to find. Because of that kid and because of the other kids who are following him. And therefore you need to find another frame for whatever qualities it is you are supposed to find in that church, but can't because of the situations. If they for practical reasons won't let you to go to another church, then stand up for yourself. Promise to study the Bible at home or something like that. And make them understand the reality that you are facing in church, and that you are serious about it.

    This is a fact I have often wondered about. And it points straight to the fact that for many people religion is a very superficial thing. If your church has become a space for such a superficiality, imho, it has lost its meaning completely.

    Or perhaps it's the Church of Job you're attending :rolleyes:

    A
     
  11. XNine macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #11
    If you're under 18, and I'm being all-too-serious here, kick the living piss out of him. Seriously. Some people only learn when you beat the living hell out of them. I think I was twelve, back when my parents forced me to go to church, and there was this pair of twins that always talked crap to me (they were from the ghetto, I was middle class).

    Well, one day one of them pushed me into these closet doors that were half open, what he didn't realize is that I knew there was a bat in that closet, so I pulled it out, I swung and got his forarrm as he frantically tried to block it. His brother just stood there in awe. I kicked the kid a couple of times and said "don't **** with me again!" And well, they didn't.

    I haven't been in a fight since high school. It's been about 8 years.

    When I did have to fight, I'd always walk up to the biggest guy there and lay him out, because the others would back down. Very rarely did I walk away from a fight losing.

    Sorry, violence may not solve everything, but sometimes its a very good option.

    The example you've given me is exactly why I don't go to church. Because a good portion of those people are hypocrites, and even the adults act like the children you've explained here.

    If you're not a fighter, tell the head pastor whats going on. If he doesn't do anything, take your time, belief, and money elsewhere.
     
  12. aquajet macrumors 68020

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    Feb 12, 2005
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    VA
    #12
    Ask your Pastor if you could say a few words to your Congregation immediately before the service. Tell the entire Congregation what emotions you feel as a result of S-unbae/ik's actions (although I wouldn't mention him by name), but of course keep it civil and don't get angry. Tell the Congregation that you pray to God that those who treat you badly for reasons unknown to you will wake up and realize how such actions cause great strife in your church life. Thank the Congregation, let the service ensue, and allow what you said to sink into their minds during the service.
     
  13. 2nyRiggz macrumors 603

    2nyRiggz

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    Aug 20, 2005
    Location:
    Thank you Jah...I'm so Blessed
    #13
    Onizuka we think alike sometimes.....don't think thats a good thing:p 2 crazies at macrumors

    The World belong to us.... or me


    Bless
     
  14. calculus Guest

    calculus

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2005
    #14
    I'd like to take a different line from the replies you've had so far - well you did ask. I can't see from your blog what exactly this person has done. I do see some quite judgemental and negative descriptions of them however. The only person whose behaviour you can change is your own. I don't want to deny your pain but please think about this. By the way some lovely replies highlighting those good old christian principles (by the way, before anyone gets upset this bit is meant ironically).
     
  15. floriflee macrumors 68030

    floriflee

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    Dec 21, 2004
    #15
    Wait... I'm confused....
    -Have you ever tried to confront him to find out why all the hostility?
    -Anything you did that offended him (and perhaps you didn't know about) that he's having trouble dealing with?
    -Have you tried getting on the good side of his cronies?
    -I know you said you've tried making friends, but what happend to not make it work out? What did he say/do?

    Frankly, I know there are people out there who are just bullies, but it seems like there should be some rhyme or reason to his madness.

    So here's my advice....

    First, violence and revenge are NOT the answer. I think that will only perpetuate hard feelings on both sides.

    Second, I agree with the comments about talking to your pastor. He should have some insight into this guy and his life that he may be able to use to give you some advice on how to handle things. The things you talk to your pastor about are said in confidence so he shouldn't blab to the guy or his family (without your permission) about what you have told him--in case you're afraid of that happening.

    Third, have you tried getting in with his "cronies"? Sometimes if going to the source doesn't work then going for the underlings can help. Just a thought....

    Lastly, it is up to you to take the higher ground and remain confident because these kinds of people will pop up throughout your life. You have to learn to deal with them. Easier said than done, but it has to be learned. What is it about the things that are said behind your back and to your face that make the others believe them to be true? What kinds of actions are you doing to perpetuate their belief? Unfortunately, in these kinds of cases the burden of proof is on you. Prove to them through your actions that what is being said just ain't so. If possible, and necessary, get one or two of them in an "outside of church" type setting where you can show them who you really are.

    Just a few thoughts that hopefully will help...

    Edit: I concur with calculus. The only one you can really change is yourself--you have no control over anyone else. You can only change your actions and your perspective. If you get lucky that will help others to change their actions and perspectives in the process. If not, at least you'll be happier.
     
  16. mcadam macrumors 6502a

    mcadam

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    københavn
    #16
    I'm seriously amazed by all the church people here who believe the solution is to beat the living whatever out of the kid :confused:

    Beating people up never solved ANY problems for me. Quite the opposite.

    A
     
  17. scem0 macrumors 604

    scem0

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    back in NYC!
    #17
    I disagree about the fighting, fighting should be a last resort. **** in his corn flakes.

    e
     
  18. XNine macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #18
    Well, you could always have the little bastard deported back to Korea.. ;)
     
  19. Apple macrumors 6502

    Apple

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    Location:
    Charlotte, NC
    #19
    Why dont you talk to him and just ignore him. I wouldn't tell the church leaders about it, just stay strong and keep believing in God. Maybe this kid is just a test God is throwing at you. So, I'd first just confront him and talk about it.
     
  20. floriflee macrumors 68030

    floriflee

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    Dec 21, 2004
    #20
    It sounded like he'd already tried confronting him. Even if he were some sort of test that doesn't mean he has to deal with it all by himself. He can use the resources available to him to try and sort this out, including church leaders. Aren't they supposed to be God's helpers? So, let them help, I say. :D
     
  21. ChrisBrightwell macrumors 68020

    ChrisBrightwell

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    Location:
    Huntsville, AL
    #21
    You really only have two options:

    1. Avoid the situation. Find a new church, attend a different service, change to a different Sunday class, etc. You might even consider not attending for a while, so things can calm down. If your parents aren't willing to take you to a new church, you may consider going to church with a friend from school or some other group outside of your church.

    2. Do something about it. Don't fight this guy, as he's not worth the consequences, but make some effort to diffuse the situation. If that means talking to the pastor, so be it. If it means your mom has to call his mom, that's fine, too.

    I'd start, though, by doing away with your personal insults toward him. Even in private. Equating him to a manatee and throwing a spotlight on his illegal immigration do nothing to help your cause. If nothing else, it brings you down to his level. This is your opportunity to act lilke an adult and to be the better man.

    That said, you've already made the most important observation: It's only two more years. In the grand scheme of things, two years is nothing. Sure, it may feel like a long time right now, but the ferver or applying to colleges and doing all the things that you have to do to graduate from high school will help make that time pass quickly.

    So, to me, it basically boils down to one question: How attached are you to your current church? If it's a big deal, I'd certainly do something about it. If you don't particularly care for that specific church, and this guy is doing his best to make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, just avoid it all-together and find a new home. Some people just aren't worth dealing with.

    Good luck.
     
  22. CompUser Guest

    #22
    Well this is what I would do.

    1) Ask him why the hell he's acting like a mofo to you
    2) If that does not work- what would jesus do- probably just ignore him
    3) If you can't do that you could always spread rumors about him back :)
    4) Kick the crap out of the fat lard
     
  23. Apple Hobo macrumors 6502a

    Apple Hobo

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    #23
    Get rid of him.
     
  24. nbs2 macrumors 68030

    nbs2

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    #24
    I apologize for not getting back to you right away. I was in a meeting all day.

    Again, I hesitate to act as if I know what is going on in your mind, but, I think you already have an answer, but need to be sure about it. From what I read, it sound like a lot of people at church look down on you. I can imagine what that can do to a person's confidence in their decisions as they relate to that group. You could be the most assertive person in the world and the head of your cohort of friends, but when you are minimized, decisions become hard to take.

    I could easily be misinterpreting you, so I will try to put myself in your situation. If you approach your parents with the ultimatum that your spiritual well being rests on getting away from this negative influence and they are willing to put your needs ahead of convenience, then your church problem is essentially solved, leaving the high school (that you would likely have to deal with they same way as I suggest at the end of the paragraph). If they do not, your pastor may have words of counsel for you or for the boat-child. He may even want to speak to the two of you together. It will be hard, as he dominates the relationship, but I would hope that if you pastor claims to be called to the service that he would be inspired enough to care for you. If neither your parents nor your pastor are willing to do anything, then I might suggest your best option is to say "screw these people." If the people at church cannot accept you, and people in HS turn against you, remember that it is two more years and that you will be on your way. The boat-child will probably still be in your home town working a job with his name on his shirt (Jeff Foxworthy is funny) while you are progressing in life.

    Always remember a few things - if going to church does not bring you closer to God, there is no reason to go. If you truly believe what you are being taught, I am sure that there is another congregation that teaches the same principles and interpretation. If you don't, take time to explore other churches - you may find one that speaks to your soul. Always remember that the gospel is perfect, people are not.

    I wish you the best of luck in confronting your problem. I leave you with something that has always comforted me.
     
  25. muffinman thread starter macrumors 6502

    muffinman

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    Location:
    San Diego, California
    #25
    Well first of all, im not really a big guy, and this guy is stronger. So physically hurting him is out of the question. Plus, I really want to solve this peacefully.

    Second, for those asking, "what has he done wrong to you?", re-read the entry. Basically, in simple form, he has made my life at church completely miserable

    Well, the cronies have "followed" his lead for years. And these people have grown up with each other. It is sort of hard for them to stop the whole thing. And his "cronies" are pretty much as bad as him.

     

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