Should I be angry?

Discussion in 'Community' started by XNine, Sep 22, 2005.

  1. XNine macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #1
    So, long story short, live-in girlfriend loses job a couple months ago. Knew it would happen at some point, didn't save a lot of money. I've loaned her a few hundred dollars so far.

    Now today she emails me at work(she has a new job and will get paid on Oct. 7th). She says she will need more money to pay off her bills. Which makes the total that I will pay at the beginning of next month 1500 bucks. (instead of 850 for the whole month).

    Seriously. Should I be angry? Cos I am. I am furious. So much so I want to tell her to get out. Should I do this?

    I should have learned my lesson years ago wth my first live-in. ****!!!!

    I worked my ass off for this money. 70 hours a week for the past 5 months.
    And now it's all going to be gone. (I've bought some things with most of it, but wanted to save a few hundred for emergencies)....
     
  2. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    #2
    What if the tables were turned? Would she do it for you?

    Besides, she's got a new job. She's going to get paid and will repay you.
     
  3. jsw Moderator emeritus

    jsw

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    #3
    Excellent response.
     
  4. lopresmb macrumors 6502

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    Apr 29, 2005
    #4
    if you can't even get finances in order, makes me wonder about the whole live-in situation to begin with. Either its a business (she owes you money) relationship or not. And IMO a business relationship with a live in girlfriend doesn't sound like a very good idea for a lot of reasons.
     
  5. XNine thread starter macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #5
    Yes, yes she would, but she'd give me attitude and hell about it even after I repaid the debt. And I haven't been mean, not once about it. Not a single time.


    This repayment of hers will take months. And I mean months. Somewhere around 6 months. I'm usually not the type that gets pissed about money, I usually care less. It's just this relentless crap is putting me over the edge.

    Screw it. Blue, will you marry me? :)
     
  6. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    #6
    But I'm already spoken for. I'm running off to Vegas with iGary. :)

    Seriously though, ease up on her and give her a chance to make things right. Don't lose your temper — that's not going to solve anything.

    Put yourself in her shoes for a minute — asking to borrow money is never an easy thing to do. Just discuss your point of view calmly so she understands the difficulties that it is causing you.

    And remember, people rarely forget a favour. What goes around comes around.
     
  7. jsw Moderator emeritus

    jsw

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    #7
    Before you answer that, BV, know that I wouldn't bitch about loaning you a thousand bucks (or pounds).... ;)

    Edit: damn it. I forgot about that bastard iGary. Yeah, sure, "gay". Right.
     
  8. jsw Moderator emeritus

    jsw

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    #8
    Good people don't forget. Others don't care. Which one is she?
     
  9. AppleMatt macrumors 68000

    AppleMatt

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    Mar 17, 2003
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    UK
    #9
    Well no offense but if that's all it takes to become mad...is she really worth staying with? I'd give everything I own to 'the one'.

    She emailed asking for money which means either she's scared about asking you in person (so you've got to ask yourself why) or that she hasn't given it a second thought - she just assumes you're fine with it (she sees it as materialistic and not important in your relationship).

    If you're going to get the money back then I don't see the problem. It's the best way to save without spending it.

    I wouldn't be angry, personally.

    AppleMatt
     
  10. iBlue macrumors Core

    iBlue

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    London, England
    #10
    pardon me for being blunt but from the bits and pieces that you have said, she sounds immature, irresponsible, selfish, hypocritical and intolerant. a bad combo.

    did that piss you off (what i just said) or do you feel the need to defend her? if you tend to agree then maybe reconsider your situation with her. that first instinct is usually the right one.
    i dunno, just a hunch - something just doesn't sound quite "right" here.

    that said, if you are certain that she wouldn't welch on the deal then give it a go. but consider what sort of long term life you are going to have with a person who simply can't take care of her own. something tells me this is not the first time. if things just won't go anywhere with her, then it's just not worth your time or your money.
    my $.02 <- no pun intended.

    and of course you have the right to be angry, it's more a question of what to do with that i suppose.
     
  11. yenko macrumors 6502a

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    SouthWest-USA
    #11
    There' s.....your.....sign??

    Old Chinese Saying: It is a fool who ignores the obvious!
     
  12. XNine thread starter macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #12
    iblue, months ago I would have ripped off your face and worn it as a mask for saying what you said. But now???

    Now I'm home, and I told her I don't have the money to cover all of this in the bank (cos I don't, I will as of the 1st, though). She hasn't talked to me since. I ask her if hamburgers (I make really good ones) were okay. She shook her head yes. She won't even look at me.

    I think, perhaps, this is the last straw. I might end up on national tv tomorrow night. :(

    BV, thanks for the advice. It's a shame you're already spoken for. I know how to make ramen noodles 100 different ways.

    Everyone else, I can give you hugs too.
     
  13. CanadaRAM macrumors G5

    CanadaRAM

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    Oct 11, 2004
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    On the Left Coast - Victoria BC Canada
    #13
    I loaned a girlfriend $1500 to buy a car.

    She hooked up with another guy and they sold the car.

    That you could get p!$$3d about.

    Here's the question -- if you are a couple, is wrecking her credit rating worth saving your pride... ?
     
  14. Lau Guest

    #14
    I know I don't necessarily speak for every woman here, but even if I was trying to wangle money out of my boyfriend, I wouldn't get pissed off if he told me he didn't have it. It's more likely that I'd think "****! I must have really cleaned him out" and feel bad about it.

    The only possible reason I could think that she could be pissed off in this situation is that she suspected you from holding it back and being dishonest. But again, if I was in that situation I would think a) I'm hardly in a position to be annoyed, because he's given me so much, and b) if he is lying, why does he feel he has to? Because I'll take all his cash otherwise. :(

    Just what I'd think. But then I'm the kind of girl that wants to earn her own money. Does she expect you to support her? From what you said earlier, that she'd be ok about supporting you, that maybe isn't the case.

    I dunno. I actually feel quite annoyed about the fact that you seem to have been basically a Good Bloke and given her the money, and she has the gall to get annoyed, in spite of the fact I don't know you. :mad:

    Although, please don't end up on national TV. ;)
     
  15. eva01 macrumors 601

    eva01

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    #15
    i would not be with her, but thats just me cause i enjoy having a little money to myself on occasion
     
  16. clayj macrumors 604

    clayj

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    visiting from downstream
    #16
    I hate to sound like a prude, but this seems like a textbook example of why people perhaps should not live together before they're at least engaged.

    You're sharing a household (which I assume includes rent, groceries, and utilities), but your status with respect to each other isn't well-defined. If you were married or at least engaged, there'd be no question: The money each of you earn would go into a pot called "OUR MONEY". But right now, it's all voluntary.

    If you don't want to take a hit to cover her debt, I think the answer is pretty clear... you're not meant to be together.
     
  17. cgratti macrumors 6502a

    cgratti

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    Central Pennsylvania, USA
    #17
    Think twice before giving her ANY more money, she is your GIRLFRIEND, not your WIFE. There is a major difference.

    She can split tomorrow and you would never see a penny. If you have any doubts about how long you 2 will be together, dont do it. if you feel your relationship is strong and you will get married in the future, then by all means dont lend her the money, GIVE HER THE MONEY.

    Once your married there is no lending, it's all giving and taking. both of your cash becomes ONE.
     
  18. After G macrumors 68000

    After G

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    California
    #18
    If you want to get angry with her, you can use the fact that she emailed you, instead of telling you in person, as a pretext to lay out all the things you're angry about with her.

    But seriously, think about whether she's worth giving the money to before you blow your top. It is hard to find a job sometimes, I know from personal experience. She's going to pay you back anyway, so I wouldn't consider it a big deal.
     
  19. cgratti macrumors 6502a

    cgratti

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    Central Pennsylvania, USA
    #19
    How do you know she is going to pay him back, what if he dumps another $850 for HER bills and the next email he gets is a DEAR JOHN email...

    I would have to trust in the relationship 100% before I lent anyone that kind of money. Unless I was married like I am, then I have to ask HER for some money from my check... LOL
     
  20. Xtremehkr macrumors 68000

    Xtremehkr

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    Jul 4, 2004
    #20
    I would be wary of lending money to someone you haven't been with for years, or aren't married to.

    I've heard of far too many instances in where it has ended badly.
     
  21. XNine thread starter macrumors 68040

    XNine

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    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    #21
    You all raise very interesting points. Her and I have been together for over two years (our 2 year anniversary thingy I bought her an iPod and had it engraved with: An Anniversary iPod, Becuase iLove You.)

    So, I hope people don't think I'm this big ass**** who jsut cares about money. I don't generally care. It's just this time is a bit much and the way she's treated me lately feels like I'm just a money tree to her, and little else.

    So las tnight we hardly talked to each other, when she tried to talk to me finally I walked away and went into our bedroom. Started on a photoshop project, put on some head phones and just did that the rest of the night.

    This morning she was off to training, she left me a note that said "I love you."

    Women. Sorry, no offense to those women here. But why the mind games? Not even the devil himself could be this devious.
     
  22. Lyle macrumors 68000

    Lyle

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    Jun 11, 2003
    Location:
    Madison, Alabama
    #22
    Yup. I believe the relevant expression is, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?". It sounds like he's not getting the milk for free anymore.
     
  23. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

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    Jul 4, 2004
    #23
    Stalking away from her and putting your headphones on are mind-games as well. Sounds like you both of have a communication problem...
     
  24. greg555 macrumors 6502a

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    Mar 24, 2005
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    Canada
    #24
    I think you need to talk to her. Explain why you are upset and your
    concerns. You also may need to apologize for walking away when she
    finally tried to talk to you.

    JMO - Greg (married 15 years)
     
  25. mpw Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    #25
    Yeah, the difference is that if she were your wife she could split tomorrow with all your money, not just the $850 you gave her! ;)

    Sounds to me like your saying you don't think the relationship is worth $850, if that were me I'd have her settle-up her debts and move on to a girl who, a)You'd happily spend a million bucks on, and b)One that wouldn't expect you to spend a penny on her.
     

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