Single again...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by lamina, Jan 26, 2007.

  1. lamina macrumors 68000

    lamina

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    From Canada, living in Seoul
    #1
    How do you get over someone? And how long does it usually take?
     
  2. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
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    キャンプスワ&#
    #2
    It varies from person to person.

    Suggest that you get busy with some activity such as a hobby, sports, job, etc. to get your mind off things for a while.

    Good luck! :)
     
  3. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    Dec 27, 2002
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    Location Location Location
    #3
    Ever think about doing something mature, like lighting her photos on fire and using the fire to light a cigar?
     
  4. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #4
    it is different every time. The girl I dated before the one I am currently dating it took me months to get over her and I it was what sent me over the edge and cause me to fall into a major depression that I still recovering form nearly a year later and taking medication for. Also depending on if and how much you love her you may never fully recover from it. Even more so if she was your first love. It will be a huge changed in your life.

    A few things from that girl hit me pretty hard and I was still dealing with a few other huge blows to my system at the time her breaking up with about a month later dating some else kind of sent me in to a very fast downward spin and from there I took several other blows not related to that girl. So I pretty sure that help extent the recovery time. Now I am on medication for depression but I do suffer from a mild chronic case of it.
     
  5. applelabs macrumors member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    #5
    Looking on the bright side... you don't have to hide all your porn! :)

    And you can leave the toilet seat up!
     
  6. srf4real macrumors 68030

    srf4real

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
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    paradise beach FL
    #6
    I know it's cold, but tagging someone else real quick like always worked for me.:rolleyes:
     
  7. orangemacapple macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Location:
    Raleigh
    #7
    i fell in love with a girl over 18 years ago. didn't marry her though.

    not a day has gone by since that i don't think about her.
     
  8. Xander562 macrumors 68000

    Xander562

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2006
    #8
    Seriously the best thing to do is to find someone new, so THEY are what you are thinking about. Not the ex. I would have gone crazy if my current crush hadn't come along.
     
  9. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #9
    Oh I disagree with this one. Take your time. Get yourself used to being alone again and hang out with friends as much as possible. Give yourself some time to reflect on what went wrong, so that you know what you're looking for when that next person comes along.
     
  10. srf4real macrumors 68030

    srf4real

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2006
    Location:
    paradise beach FL
    #10
    Wise advice.:cool:

    A one nighter sure will help you let go quickly, but no emotional healing there...:D
     
  11. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #11
    Am am with you on this one. Jumping right in to dating some else is very unfair to to that person because you are still dealing with the the last person you dated. You are right it does make you forget about them quicker but when you finish getting over that last person a lot of the time you end up hurting rebound person. That person will care about you and a lot of time after the recovery you break up with the rebound and it just wrong to hurt that person.

    I have been on the receiving end of it and it truly sucks and is VERY VERY unfair. Hell it not going to help you grow at all and the same issues that cause the first relationship to fall apart will keep happening over and over again until you have an idea on what caused them.

    On top of all that it not fair to you yourself either because you do not learn from your past and then you will feel guilty that you just used someone else and that guilt you will never be able to dump and it also sucks. Something I learned the hard way after my first girl friend and I broke up. I end up dating some else before I was over her and yeah 2 weeks later I realized how wrong it was and I found out later that I really hurt her.

    Also it is good advice on getting used to being single again. You should never define your self though someone else. And if you are looking for someone else you will never really find what you want. Something I have learned over the years is you will find some one you will want ot start dating when you least expect it and not looking for it.
     
  12. lamina thread starter macrumors 68000

    lamina

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    From Canada, living in Seoul
    #12
    I've just been a wreck all day. And last night. That post about the guys dog dying just totally set me off at like 1:30am.

    I have the opportunity for a good one night stand, but I don't think I'm ready for that just yet... although she IS really really hot... an ex... nahh. She told me today that any time I wanted a cookie I was free to the entire jar.

    The really odd thing is, I was wanting to break up with her about a month ago because I had feelings for 2 other girls, as well as my :apple: (had to). I felt kind of bad because I had been talking to these 2 girls and hanging out with one. She's a pretty Asian girl (Vietnamese), and I really dig her. She teaches me math :)

    Anyway, you guys and girls are like my family. You helped me through my last breakup (along with a good therapist). I think this time around I'll be a bit stronger because of my past lessons.

    I'm embarrassed to admit that this second breakup is with the same girl as the first one. If you go into my Created Posts history you'll see. That is, if you have a bit of time on your hands.

    Thanks again all, I am enjoying reading these replies.
     
  13. siurpeeman macrumors 603

    siurpeeman

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2006
    Location:
    the OC
    #13
    i agree. being single among friends and time are what you need right now. it took me a long time to get over my ex, more time than i care to admit. but i did, and i'm ready to date again.
     
  14. islandman macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    #14
    Like others said, just take some time for yourself. Engage in a new hobby or revive an old one. Learn to be happy by yourself before dating again; it's the best thing that you can do for you and your future mate.

    Maybe get a new pet. Love it and train it. Pets can be a handful, but they end up being your best friends.
     
  15. Boxer macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2006
    Location:
    Overland Park Kansas
    #15
    Take some time to hang out with your buddies. I know that I love my fiance' a lot and we have a great relationship, but there are times when I wish I could hang out with the boys and go cause trouble again. So my advice would be to find somthing you like doing and do it to take your mind off of the breakup. Then go hang out with the boys. Eventually you will get over her and you may end up finding your next girl.
     
  16. iGav macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2002
    #16
    Okaaaaaay... whats the catch? she'd not riddled with herpes or anything is she?
     
  17. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
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    #17
    Tell the easy, desperate girl to keep her cookies.


    Stay away from all jars. Go on a diet for the next 4 months.
     
  18. lamina thread starter macrumors 68000

    lamina

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    From Canada, living in Seoul
    #18
    She's neither easy nor desperate. She's an old friend who knows what she wants. I couldn't picture her being this way with another guy, so herpes is unlikely.

    Not that it matters. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I am getting sick just like I did last time, can't eat or sleep. Good thing I'm unemployed at the moment.

    Edit: I shouldn't say herpes is unlikely, since apparently a LOT of people carry it. I don't wanna start a fact avalanche or anything, just saying that she's no hoe.
     
  19. zflauaus macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2004
    #19
    Or you can take the Battlestar Galactica method and take the cigar and burn a hole through the back of the picture. That looked like fun!:D
     
  20. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2002
    Location:
    キャンプスワ&#
    #20
    It is also unfair to your own self.

    To the OP, get to know yourself again. Be comfortable with who you are before you get out there again. Otherwise, you have a high probability to end up in the same situation again.
     
  21. Swarmlord macrumors 6502a

    Swarmlord

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    #21
    Depends on the circumstances which caused you to become single again. If it's because you grew apart or worse got screwed over, then it's pretty easy. If your significant other dies or moves away, then it can take maybe a year or even more.
     
  22. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #22

    and the joys of not sleeping and eating. Yeah ti sucks. Last year after the girl I was dating broke up with me and started dating some one else I sank into a major depression where I did could not sleep and I was not really eating and over that course of time I lost 4 lb (I am 6'4" and I was 154lb before I lost the weight so 4lb is not good). I was getting maybe 3-4 hours of broken sleep a night. I was tired and I remember crying because all I wanted to do was just get some sleep and I could not fall asleep. This went on for 2+ months so yeah it sucked.

    Something I wish I did early than I did was go get professional help. I went and got counselling and not long after that I went on an antidepressant and between those two I felt a lot better and I have pulled myself together and rebuilt my life from the pieces and yeah now things are going great nearly a year later.

    So sum all that up is do not rule out getting professional help of counseling and do not rule out going on an antidepressant to help you pull out of it. I will tell you antidepressants are not happy pills and will not make everything better. All then do is tend to take the edge off of you mood and make it easier to pull out of it and see happy things again.
     
  23. lamina thread starter macrumors 68000

    lamina

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    From Canada, living in Seoul
    #23
    When this happened to me last summer, I lost about 40 pounds (I was kinda fat from school anyway), and was diagnosed with depression. I refused to go on anti-depressants, because I have heard of a lot of trouble with those, and being a psychology major, I figured I had the tools to work through it without drugs. I did go see a therapist though, and she was very helpful.

    Then the girl who broke up with me came back for school. Totally brought me back to day 1 when she dumped me. 4 months of therapy and me taking up everything from astronomy (bought a telescope) to joining a gun club (hey, its fun) went straight down the *******. We ended up getting back together in mid-September. We broke up again on the 26th of this month.

    I definitely saw it coming. After she came back from Christmas break, we didn't see each other much. I had already begun to develop feelings for 2 other girls, one of which I was seeing quite often. She tutors me for my statistics course and she is in 2 of my classes. My ex had an idea that I liked her. We both shared who we had 'crushes' on...

    Anyway, the mornings are the worst part. I go to bed around 3 and wake up around 9. The split second my brain is booting up, I think to myself 'Some horrible catastrophe happened recentl.... oh yeah...' and so begins the day of depression.

    I can't eat much or sleep very well, but it's not nearly as bad as last summer, mainly because last summer she dumped me for another guy. That was the worst torture I had ever endured. She was 9 hours away with some 26 year old douchebag (she was 19). I would even vomit once in a while, especially while brushing my teeth for some odd reason.

    So yeah, I have a very supportive family, especially my mother, who can't help but cry when he 22 year old son (me) cries. I am going to see if I can hold out on the therapy, but if I don't see an improvement by the end of the week, I will definitely go back.

    Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'd love to hear more.
     
  24. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #24
    I can see why people do not want to go on them because of the stuff they hear but they really do help out a lot and a lot of times they take enough edge off to let you regain control. Also what ever damage the drugs will do to your body at most is going to be a hell of a lot less than what the depression does to you. Loosing weight because of not eating it extremely unhealthy and not sleeping as well.
    I have done my own fair share of research on long terms effects of it and the most common thing that came up was liver damage but that happens to be in all drugs that are taken long term is tat liver damage can happen. Mostly doctors just keep an eye on it and will pull you off when ti first appears so you liver can heal it self and get back to normal.

    As for other side effects that I personally had where short term. And what I had was debliating headache for the first few days when I went on it and then a few days of bad headaches after a dosage increase. After that I felt fine and do not feel a thing and I been on it for nearly 3 months now. And it really has made my life better in general. Just do not be closed minded about it at all and be open to try it. General treatment of antidepressant runs about 1 year and after that they take you off them.
     
  25. lamina thread starter macrumors 68000

    lamina

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2006
    Location:
    From Canada, living in Seoul
    #25
    Yeah, you're right, but so far I am doing not so bad on my own... Whenever I get really sad like this I absolutely refuse to drink, which I think is a step in the right direction.

    Right now I am keeping busy with my school and computers. And Wii. And my doggy.

    If I do decide that I need therapy and she recommends again that I go on A/D's, I will definitely drop you a line as to what you are on and how it has effected you.

    Thanks for the feedback.
     

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