So Where Do the Friends go after HS?

Discussion in 'Community' started by CubaTBird, Dec 10, 2004.

  1. CubaTBird macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2004
    #1
    I see everyday these "friendships" in my highschool. I see these friends that are really "friends" and then i see the "manipulated" friends. Or people who use other people to their advantage then drop them once they don't need them anymore, which happens quite often at my high school. Then their are the casual friends that are the "hi, bye" friends. You see them one semester in a class, then you don't see them ever again untill that one random rainy day you bump into them and say "hi, bye" once again, for a brief time. I am currently a senior in high school, and fairly popular btw, how did you guys deal with this towards the end of your high school years? Did you all just go your own ways or did you still keep in touch with your high school friends for years after? My point is, should their cell # still be in my cell even after high school is over, and for that matter their im address? I mean, most of my friends are quite "casual" if you will.
     
  2. scem0 macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #2
    I don't think I'll keep contact with most of my friends next year at college.

    There are only a couple people I'll keep tabs with (about 4), mainly because I'm going out of state. I don't have any friends just for the sake of social benifits. That is kind of sick, and doesn't end up benifiting anyone in the long run. I'm not going to maintain contact with most of my friends because I've never been that close to most of them. Not for any particular reason, I just don't get close to people that easily. I feel bad saying this because I genuinly like a ton of people at my school, but It would be ackward to call most of them when I'm living in San Francisco and they are still in Austin, or who knows where. I've always felt accepted in high school, but I've never felt like I've fit in, if that makes any sense. Lots of people are nice, and I like them, but I don't find them compatible for long-term friendships. The 3-4 that are I will definitely keep up with.

    But you do see people who keep their friends because of alterior reasons. Shame on them, they need to look at life a little less myopically.

    scem0
     
  3. LethalWolfe macrumors G3

    LethalWolfe

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #3
    Make new friends at college. Run into your "old" friends when you are home on breaks (summer, xmas, etc.,). If you have any "real" friends keep in touch w/them.


    Lethal
     
  4. 7on macrumors 601

    7on

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2003
    Location:
    Dress Rosa
    #4
    meh, college friends are awesome

    HS friends suck.

    That's my general conscious. ;D
     
  5. Macaddicttt macrumors 6502a

    Macaddicttt

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2004
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    #5
    I'm a freshman in college and I find that it has been really good to keep in touch with high school friends. If for nothing other than to have something to do when you're home on breaks. But I have a close group of friends back home, and even though I am here in Washington, DC while they are mostly somewhere in California, it has been worth it to keep in touch. I don't know how close you are to your friends in high school (it doesn't sound like you are too close...), but when I get back with my high school friends it feels like old times. It's as if we never missed a beat. If you have any real friendships now in high school, hang on to them.
     
  6. Les Kern macrumors 68040

    Les Kern

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2002
    Location:
    Alabama
    #6
    School was a stop on the through life. I have 2 very close friends from that time, the rest are still available in the yearbook if I wax nostalgic. Move along... nothing to see here...
     
  7. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2001
    Location:
    VA
    #7
    I only talk regularly with one of my friends from HS - and its been over 20 years since graduation (cringe).

    It all depends on you and your friends, though. Also if you stay in your home town....I left the area, so I haven't really seen many of them since.

    D
     
  8. Apple //e macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2003
    #8
    who do you hang with nowadays that you went to kindergarten with?
     
  9. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #9
    the most popular girl, class president, homecoming queen became a lesbian and that explains why my buddy could not get a date with her...our star quarterback became a gardener cutting golf course lawns...the congressman's kid, not a top shelf high school student, went on to became a physician...the overweight redhead girl in ap classes became a phd astronomer...the ques geeky girl in chem class went on to get her phd in chemistry...the stoner troublemaker who looks like keifer sutherland became a cop and now resembles "jack bauer" from 24...the brainy valedictorian became a paint contractor...the popular athletic redhead cutie became a 250 pound math teacher...the two cowboy buddies went into drywall...the aspiring kid whose dad was a successful fine artist settled for being an animator...another artist kid became a graphic designer...our english nerd girl went on to get her master's degree...the surfer bully became a fireman and used his own funds to help a person who lost all in a fire...the computer nerd kid became a real estate agent...the kid who spent a year in japan started a very successful translation business...the heavy metal kid who got into pety theft used his smarts to be a apartment complex owner...many beautiful girls became dumpy by age 30 and looked less attractive at 40 and many dumpy looking girls in high school ended up gorgeous in their middle age

    generally speaking the more good looking and popular kids who liked to drink and do some recreational drugs got lesser jobs over the next 20 years after school and the less social, picked on nerds went to get advanced college degrees and make decent money...some people have the best years of their life in high school and others peak socially/financially later in their 20s and 30s

    i am quite sure this is a very common overall trend in america

    how did your high school acquaintances fare after 20, 30, or even 40 years?
     
  10. Macs R Us macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2004
    Location:
    Here on My Mac(s) in my house in the USA!
    #10
    I (being a high school student too) know that the friends you have in high school usually do stay friends, this however is good in many cases... Now as for the "real" ones always keep in contact with them... I see it that most people only have about 3-8 "Real" friends (unless something odd like my self ((a nerd)), and such)... Try to seek where they will be going after high school and drop in once or twice to see how it is going for the "hi/bye" friends... Also a word of good advice stay away from the people who do drugs and everyone is there friend... But keep the real ones...

    Just what I think...
     
  11. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #11

    i only know of one girl i knew from kindergaten (actually since age 2 or 3) and she is the only one still in the area...she has a french restaurant in the larger, neighboring town around here and i still have not gone there

    she was so beautiful in grade school and high school but she prematurely wrinkled and looks well into her 50s instead of early 40s...it could be genes or the hard, hard work of owning a restaurant and doing everything there six days a week, or seven days a week...i didn't take such a rough road in life and many think i look to be in my early 30s, but inside i feel early 40s all the way ;)
     
  12. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040

    Kwyjibo

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    #12
    well, with thefacebook and chances are the people you don't see all that often will slowly be phased out of your life, and you will change as a person, those people will no longer seem appealing.
     
  13. Apple //e macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2003
    #13
    restaurants are crazy hard work, i sold mine as soon as a buyer showed up. ....

    my point had to do with things that may have well been another life.....

    i only know one person from highschool that i have his contact info for. its impossible to communicate now, and we know it. we barely send xmas cards (e-ones, at that). time has changed us all.

    just hold on to the memories. i think theres a word fer that-----nostalgia<-- thats it.................
     
  14. MacAztec macrumors 68040

    MacAztec

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2001
    Location:
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    #14
    Where do you get these views from? That hasn't what I have seen happen. The drug addict low lifes stay that way. Those who lead others and are popular seem to get the better jobs.

    What you said is just something that old people say to younger people. "dont be mean to that nerd because he will be your boss one day"

    no, he wont.
     
  15. Spymit007 macrumors regular

    Spymit007

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2004
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    #15
    I have made no lasting friendships in college (granted I still haven't finished yet). The friends that I did make during my freshman year ended up stabbing me in the back. Not living on campus (not my decision - college doesn't guarantee housing past your first year) has prevented from having an active social life.

    In high school, I did not find a "clique" to hang out with until the very end of senior year. It was bad timing. We all said that high school for all of us would have been so much more memorable and awesome had we found each other sooner. Out of this group of 8 or so, I have kept in close contact with 2 of them. They both live very far away from me but we keep in touch through phone calls, IM, and visits. I can see myself staying close with these 2 friends of mine for the rest of our lives.
     
  16. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #16
    what i have seen is the general trend of a small high school in a rich, mostly white area in northern california and it was about the high school kids i knew from 1978-1982

    there are always exceptions and some popular partying pre marital sex big men and big women on campus do go on to become successful, get good jobs, and stop drinking, partying, and doing drugs

    some nerds who got great grades decide not to go to college but drop into a life of meth addiction and while they were accepted to a great university, they fell into the easy, fast life of a felon

    yes, anything can happen and it does...the general trends i have seen is from my little sheltered rich corner of a resort town in the usa...i am most happy for the druggie who went on to become a clean cut respectable police officer...at our 20th, most of us were shocked (and happy) to see that he cleaned up and stayed out of trouble with the law by becoming the law ;)
     
  17. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2000
    #17
    evolution and opposites

    people are constantly changing and nobody stays the same...i can't change time, but time can change me ;)

    people from teen through 20s and 30s usually make a major life shift in behavior and attitude...underachievers in academics or underachievers on the dating scene often, and usually, turn the tables in their next decade or two as adults

    you will see, before your 20th hs reunion, that many slackers have turned into hard working citizens...you will see drug users get clean and become doctors and nurses and drug counselors...you will see hot high school chicks gain weight and sadly lose their looks...you will see hs ugly ducklings turn into gorgeous middle aged people

    it is human nature to have variety in life and the nerd rarely courts good grades and huddles behind coke bottle glasses in the library and the jock rarely keeps in shape and holds a macho attitude into his 30s and 40s...life would be too boring if people stayed exactly the same

    since i live in the southern most tip of silicon valley, the nerd, if computers or engineering was their thing, is more likely to be your boss and the boss of millions of americans...so it doesn't surprise me that bill gates or steve wozniak didn't become linebackers in college or join the wwe...nerds get laid less...that's for sure, but all those hours not getting laid and studying physics, chemistry, and calculus often leads to a good college, and that often leads to a good job, and a good job is usually a faster track to management...at least in computers/engineering in silicon valley

    i guess there are parts of the nation where partying, looking like brad pitt or britney spears, doing meth, pounding six packs, getting laid a lot at raves, and shagging copious amount of poon-tang leads to popularity, social leadership, and great financial success in that community, but not where i am from
     
  18. iElvis macrumors member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2003
    Location:
    Wellington, New Zealand
    #18
    Having just finished High school and moved countries, I've dealing with that right now. Its actually pretty simple, thanks to the internet. You'll quickly learn who are your real friends, and those are the ones you stay in touch with. It will probably just be a few people. You may even be surprised by who you keep in touch with.

    If you have any really close friends, you'll probably talk to them on the phone occasionally. I've kept everyone's numbers, but over time I'll probably get rid of most of them. With screen names, I usually take those off my list if I don't regularly talk to them. Speaking of which, I should probably clean it out sometime soon.

    With all that, you may not talk to them everyday. In fact you probably won't, but you will probably talk with them enough to stay in touch.

    And don't forget you'll be making new friends once you get to college.
     
  19. Awimoway macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2002
    Location:
    at the edge
    #19
    Close friends may stay close friends. By sheer coincidence, casual friends might become good friends but are otherwise likely to rapidly cede from memory.

    I'm a nerd who was a nerd then who is working for popular people who were popular then. But results vary.

    I had one really close friend then, and he re-became a good, close friend when I moved back to my hometown a year ago. If I had stayed away, I would have lost all ties to this place I grew up in.
     
  20. Macs R Us macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2004
    Location:
    Here on My Mac(s) in my house in the USA!
    #20
    Humm... I would not be to sure about that, it seems the "nerd people" (my self included), end up being the one most focused on there goal, and are technical... This is not to say all nerds are that why... Some just don't fit in, but still live good lives... I have been the "biggest nerd" for such a long time it does not bother me, as it probably dose not to others as well... I do have to say the people with things like ADD/ADHD will succeed too. Since, the can focus on one thing for a long time and can in some cases be narrow minded, that get certain things done... Doctors said I had mild ADD (seems they say that to everyone :) ), but combined with the nerd traits this has lead to my success in learning about things such as Foreign Languages, Programming, Sales, etc... The people at my high school all thought I was wasting my time investing money I had in stocks, but I know when to invest and get a good sum of capital (approx.: $3,400 - USD), it like other things the nerds can just pick-up on things that interest them, and things they find neat... You would be amazed, what he said it true in many high schools in the US... I don't sell computers for the money, I do it because I like computers, and I am fairly certain that is how it was for others as well... The people who are nerds in most cases are the ones who are the most caring, kind, willing to help, and such... But at the high school level people can't seem to understand that... You are right this is not always true nerds don't always become rich, and "be your boss" but there are MANY statics to back me up on this... Well anther way of thinking of this is that the people who are popular had 4 years of fun, and will still leave normal lives. Even smart people don't always pass classes and such, simply because they hold no interest in school... Well, I don't what to write to much and ramble so I will leave it at that...
     
  21. timnosenzo macrumors 6502a

    timnosenzo

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Location:
    ct, us
    #21
    If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. I'm still friends with 85% of the people I hung out with in HS. We're good friends and keep in touch on a regular basis. I don't thin kit crossed any of our minds whether or not we would stay in touch.
     
  22. scem0 macrumors 604

    scem0

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    back in NYC!
    #22
    And where do you get your views from?

    I agree that a drug addict will most probably not be as successful in real life.

    But I disagree that popular people are more likely to be famous. Leaders? Yes. But popularity and leadership are two different qualities that I see no correlation between. I see more of a correlation between passion and leadership. I see more a correlation between courage and leadership.

    You can be popular for a lot of stupid reasons, and most people are (at my school at least). You can be popular for having money, having 'cool' parents, for being on the varsity basketball team, or for being stupid. Yes, you can be popular for being stupid. There is a guy at my school who isn't completely mentally sound. He isn't to the point that they put him in special ed, but you can certainly tell that he is... different. He thinks he can sing and dance, but needless to say, he can't. This guy is super-popular, because people like him to do 'high-kicks' and to sing for them, neither of which he can do well.

    It's very sad, and very sick. People enjoy his company so they can make fun of him. And it only furthers the problem. He's like one of those people who try out for American Idol, fully thinking they can sing, but who can't sing a lick. This person I'm talking about is kind of like William Hung, but more snobby, and without the good attitude.

    So, I think you get my point. I see the true leaders as not being popular. I don't think nerdy people, or quiet people are more likely or less likely to be leaders. I think the strong, the eccentric, and the steadfast people are more likely to be leaders.

    scem0
     
  23. LethalWolfe macrumors G3

    LethalWolfe

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    #23
    Although I'm still in loose contact w/the clique I ran w/in HS (which is fairly simple sense we are all in our mid 20's now and 95% of them still live w/in 10 miles of where we grew up), but it's the friends I made in college that I prefer to hang out w/and stay in touch with. As other posters have said people change and the friends I made in college share many of the same desires and aspirations that I do. Where as most of my HS friends do not.

    I don't think you should automatically write off everyone you knew in HS, but I would focus more on meeting new people at college, than in keeping in touch w/your HS crowd.


    Lethal
     
  24. mymemory macrumors 68020

    mymemory

    Joined:
    May 9, 2001
    Location:
    Miami
    #24
    I am 29 and let me tell you that one of those "casual" friends could be your next wife in the future... life is really tricky, just keep the doors open because you may end up in a place where some of them may be your new best friend or who know. Keep their numbers in a book too, every one and how to contact them.
     
  25. dotnina macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2004
    #25
    Being just a few years out of high school, I have to say that I'm surprised how many people who were in poor standing suddenly get things together. It's like overnight they kicked whatever alcohol / drug / petty thievery habits they had.

    I'm also surprised at how many just disappear, never to be heard from again -- not by you or anyone else. I think this is mostly a deliberate act, though it quite possibly may result from the frequent number of moves and address changes and lost address books that seem to persist in your early 20s.
     

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