Strategies of Convincing?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Sathos, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. Sathos macrumors regular

    Jul 30, 2005
    Alberta, Canada
    I know I don't post here often, and I've never posted a thread, but now is as good a time as any to do so :p OK, so I have a question. Anyone have any tips on how I could convince my parents to allow me to live in residence for the first year of college instead of at home? I suppose I should give some background info. My parents have always been extremely protective. I'm in 12th grade currently, planning on attending a college about 15 minutes away from here. My parents want me to stay at home and drive to college every day. This seems logical, right? No rent, lots of costs are cut down on. However, I've been feeling really trapped and unhappy here lately. It's not the only problem, but one of the main ones. Yesterday a close friend mentioned he was worried about me having a breakdown. Earlier another friend was talking about breakdowns too when we were on this topic. I feel I need to get away, and living in residence, at least for the first year so I can have a break from this place, would be perfect. However, my parents don't want me to leave. And as my dad will be helping with tuition and all that, he has a say in this. If anyone has any advice to offer, it would be recieved with a lot of gratitude. :)
  2. Flying Llama macrumors 6502a

    Flying Llama

    Aug 4, 2004
    Los Angeles
    Find a cheaper and better University far far away... ;)

    But seriously, I know how the protective parents thing can be. Sorry, I never found a way to reason with them. :eek:
  3. haiggy macrumors 65816

    Aug 20, 2003
    Ontario, Canada
    Wow... that's weird. I'm in the same situation only I'm in Grade 11. My parents are really protective and religious... you know. They don't drink, either. So I think I am going to feel the same was as you in a year. There are 2 universities both a 5 minute drive away from my house though, not 15.. so it might be even harder for me to convince them.
    What makes me want to not live at home so badly is that I have a girlfriend in first year at one of those universities... and I'd like to not live at home (for obvious reasons :rolleyes: )

    But anyways, good luck with whatever happens. If you do end up convincing them let me know how you did it.
  4. devilot Moderator emeritus


    May 1, 2005
    Without really knowing you or your parents...

    I would maybe bring up how you feel but w/ a pleasanter spin on it perhaps. Tell them that you're thankful for how well they've raised you; for allowing you to feel safe and loved. Then say that it is because of that that you feel it would be wise for you to move into dorms (is that what you mean by 'residence?') while still being near to your home.

    If you feel threatened you're still close to home. If your parents get anxious, you're near enough to hopefully soothe their anxieties.

    Ultimately, explain that as part of the growing/learning (and parenting-- on their part) process is a need for you to grow/learn to be independent. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to gain mild independence while being close enough to home/family.

    Reassure them that you still love them and that your desire to move into the dorms isn't to 'escape' from them (EVEN IF IT IS! SHUSH!), but to allow for your self-to-be to develop. A chance to make new friends. A chance to prove to them that you can keep your own space in order. A chance to prove to yourself that you won't always need your parents by your side...

    Maybe some of this will be of help? I hope... :eek: Too bad none of this happened to me when I lived in the dorms. Hah!
  5. OutThere macrumors 603


    Dec 19, 2002
    Be completely honest in saying that:

    Living in a dorm with other people your age will broaden your horizons and give you an entirely new perspective and outlook on life (very true). Living away from home will also prepare you for the real world (however much college is not the real world), as you will have to learn how to manage your time by yourself, and you will figure out what works for you in your lifestyle. Learning how to live by yourself will also give you practice for life after college, when, we hope, your parents will be able to let go and allow you to move on in your life.

    You should make it clear that you love them and that you appreciate all they have given you, and that the best way they can support you for the future, is to allow you to go your own way and try new things. Hell, they might even like having some freedom for a change. :p
  6. MarkCollette macrumors 68000


    Mar 6, 2003
    Calgary, Canada
    You might want to start out living with your parents, but hanging out at friends' places. Work at improving your freedoms, without the blind blowing away of cash. Going to college is a big step in of itself, so it might be in your best interest to add on the distractions in bites, so your grades stay high. The key is, after you're already in school, start doing more of what you want. Don't ask, do. But be considerate and responsible about it.

    Once you've proven that first step, then moving into residence should be a lot easier. Plus, one thing you might not have though of, is that some residences in some universities have a several year waiting list. You might not even be able to move in, in your first year. You should check that out ASAP.

    Are you asking your parents to pay for residence? If so, I don't know how I could ever justify that. But, if you're paying for it yourself, then maybe that could fly.

    Maybe you could spend this summer proving your independence, so they'll be more comfortable with you taking bigger steps away, by the time you start college?

    By the way, out of curiosity, where in Alberta is this?
  7. ibook30 macrumors 6502a


    Jun 4, 2005
    2,000 light years from home
    This is good stuff ! Starts strong with "be completely honest..." and all that follows is gold.

    Clearly they care about you ( but disguise it with "overprotectiveness" ) so let them know this will be good for you. I am sure they are worried about loosing touch with you, so let them be in touch now,,, and then (when you go away). But consider finances, what they can pay for room and board and what you might have to contribute. Look into what room and board would cost (dorms and cafeterias are most affordable) and consider how you might help pay - without working so much that the education would suffer.

    One last thought- instead of convincing or selling them on the idea, work with them. They want what is best for you, and I am sure you do too- so with that common ground- see what can be done together. (sorry if I sound like mary poppins here....)

    Good luck! It is a noble endeavor!

    EDIT: One more thought - try telling them "Everybody on line thinks I should live in a dorm... " ( it won't work but everybody would get a good laugh!)
  8. Sathos thread starter macrumors regular

    Jul 30, 2005
    Alberta, Canada
    Thank you all for the advice! Yeah, I'm working hard to get scholarships so I can afford to pay for it. I'll try talking to them tomorrow about this. I actually had a chance tonight, but couldn't work up the courage :eek:
  9. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    Firstly, start off by telling them the benefits of living at home, and that you understand why it would be better to live at home. Show them that you have been thinking.

    THEN tell them that you want to leave. :p Getting an education isn't just about taking classes at Uni. Tell them that you want them to be memorable, and would love to live away from home. It's easier to meet people that way, and quite frankly, people who live at home during Uni usually miss out on too much. After 1st year, fine. Live at home. Its better to live away, but if you have to live at home, tell your parents that you think it's ok with you. However, tell them you want to leave for at least 1 year ---- your 1st year.

    So you live in Waterloo?
  10. Deepdale macrumors 68000


    May 4, 2005
    New York
    There's nothing quite like watching TV together in your dorm room. :)
  11. Deepdale macrumors 68000


    May 4, 2005
    New York
    I think Devilot's advice was very sound. How successful it will be with your parents remains to be seen once you discuss the subject together ... good luck.
  12. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
    My 2 cents - Sit down with your parents and tell them you've been thinking about living in the college dorms and I'd like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages with you.

    Of course, you have already thought of the advantages. You should be prepared to offer some disadvantages, allow them to comment first and have some rebuttals to the disadvantages you voiced.

    This might also be good for you. I know you're concerned about life in a college dorm but you've spent 18 years teaching me right from wrong and I think I'm ready to test those out. Good luck.
  13. Sathos thread starter macrumors regular

    Jul 30, 2005
    Alberta, Canada
    Well, I talked to my parents today. We've decided that I could possibly try living in residence for just one semester (which is an option at this college). I can live with that. I've decided to start accepting things more easily, not allow little things like possibly being stuck here bother me, among other things. Right now I feel like there's a huge weight off my heart, and I'm flying towards my future :) Thank you again, for all of your great advice!

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