Suing Santa Claus

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by StarbucksSam, Dec 18, 2005.

  1. StarbucksSam macrumors 65816


    Nov 21, 2004
    Washington, D.C.
    I wrote this. Enjoy:

    Dear Santa,

    Though I understand that Christmas is a religious holiday, I am still displeased that you have decided to exclude others from your gift-giving. As such, I have contacted my attorney and we will be serving you shortly with papers demanding that you include Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and Atheist children in your holiday run this year. Pursuant to the City of Philadelphia Civil Code: Chapter 4, Section 5645, Subsection K, Clause 78, Part 4, "Discrimination of the basis of gender, race, religion, creed, or ethnicity is prohibited in all matters of public affair." As such, Non-Christian children in Philadelphia have filed a class action lawsuit and will be seeking damages of approximately 7.96 billion dollars from you.

    I am further obligated to advise you that the SPCA and the ACLU have filed a joint motion to free all of your elves. The SPCA is concerned that the elves are being mistreated and believes that the elvish species should be classified as an "animal", therefore reaping the benefits of animal protection laws. The ACLU concurs with the SPCA but adds that slavery has been outlawed since 1863 in the United States. The District Attorney in the City of Philadelphia agrees and is currently investigating whether or not to pursue charges such as mistreating an animal, holding slaves, uncivil imprisonment of another, criminally negligent homicide (yes, we heard about what happened to Winky last year!), and other felonies.

    Because I am not a fan of the way you ignored me as a child simply based on my religion, I have also notified the police in Washington, D.C. that your sleigh will be entering government airspace on the evening of December 24th. If you do indeed enter the air space near the White House, you can kiss Comet and Blitzen goodbye because they are going to be blown up along with your fat ass by missiles.

    Santa, all of this can be stopped if you will meet this one simple demand: Bring me the presents you owe me from the last 16 Christmases that you have passed over my house. If these demands are not met, you will likely serve quite a bit of jail time, thereby preventing you from serving your chosen children on Christmas Eve for many years to come.


    Abrahaam Chemelwitz
    Disgruntled Jewish American
  2. Golden_315 macrumors member

    Oct 20, 2005
    Grinch. Don't steal Christmas!! Santa is a poor bugger, he runs a nonprofit orgaization.
  3. Deepdale macrumors 68000


    May 4, 2005
    New York
    If Santa is represented by Alan Shore, consider yourself toast. :)
  4. watcher2001 macrumors 6502a


    Mar 9, 2005
    38° 12'47.72" N 85° 31'54.63" W
    someone is getting a lump of coal in their stocking this year:)
  5. MacFan782040 macrumors 6502a


    Dec 1, 2003
    Scranton, PA
    Made me laugh. With everyone sue happy in the world today, it wouldn't suprize me if somebody would sue like a mall Santa.
  6. dubbz macrumors 68020


    Sep 3, 2003
    Alta, Norway
    WTF?! Santa didn't give me any presents when I was a christian!

    Maybe I was the wrong kind? :confused:
  7. Koodauw macrumors 68040


    Nov 17, 2003
    What is it with people from Philly that hate Santa. You already booed him once, I doubt he's coming back to your area anyways.
  8. dmw007 macrumors G4


    May 26, 2005
    Working for MI-6
    My thoughts exactly. Although, since poor StarbucksSam never got anything form dear old Santa, coal might be a welcome improvement! ;) :)

    Awesome letter StarbucksSam, it was good for a laugh! :D
  9. dmw007 macrumors G4


    May 26, 2005
    Working for MI-6
    Come to think about it, I never got any either. :(

    Darn you Santa Claus. :mad: ;)

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