The "A" person

Discussion in 'Community' started by mymemory, Jun 24, 2004.

  1. mymemory macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #1
    Today I was talking to some one, a girl who works with human energy and those kind of things, in the spiritual side.

    In the conversation I discovered that in our lives there is this person with who we go deep in to their spirit more than the others. Most of the time is a girlfried who is particular special with who we became literally one.

    I decided to call that the "A" person. I had many partners in my life but just one has gone so deep.

    I wonder if you has experienced that feeling and if you actually had the chance to get together with that person.

    It seems is a link that does not happen twice in life.
     
  2. Applexilef macrumors regular

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    #2
    :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

    This is the "WTF Thread" of the month. I'm lost in here...
     
  3. Powerbook G5 macrumors 68040

    Powerbook G5

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    #3
    It seems like he is talking about a soul mate in so many words. Not really that "wtf" unless you didn't pay attention to the whole post. Many people typically fall into two camps, either believing that there is that one person out there that is like their second half, and the other being that there is no other person and the person you end up with or close to is just the product of chance. It's impossible to definitively prove which is realistic, I suppose it falls into the question of how romantic you view the world. If you found that second half, then all I can say is congrats for I know many out there who would envy what you have then. I know people who have gone most of their lives without ever meeting another person who could come close to understanding who they were. If you find someone who truly understands you, it is one of the best things in the world and really makes life worth living. I can only hope that others out there have had a similar fortune.
     
  4. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

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    #4
    i must say that i am one of the lucky guys who has found his soul mate or "A" person or whatever you want to call it! shes my dream and we are just so 'perfect' together, similar personalities and all that, ect ect.....but right now i think she wants to go to bed so i think i must go join her...
     
  5. blackfox macrumors 65816

    blackfox

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    #5
    I too am confused...this is what I make of what you've said...You had a metaphysical and perhaps existential conversation with a friend who deals with homeopathic medicine/metaphysical therapy and came upon the realization that either(I get confused here):
    (a) In your life at any one time there is usually a person with whom you share a deeper connection with, difficult to put into words, with which you share a natural affinity and closeness with as if you were interconnected beings.........or
    (b) In your life, you usually have over the course of your life run into the type of person mentioned in (a)...

    You then say that is usually someone you are involved in a romantic relationship with, although many times that has not been enough to qualify...then you ask if anyone can relate with this experience in theory or application...then (I get confused again), you seem to be asking if this only happens once in your life...am I close?

    I must say this begs for context...

    To answer...well, there are many people I have shared a special "bond" with, although that bond varies, and does not necessarily lead to romantic relationships...by their very nature, I cannot describe them in more detail, but among them are friends I have had from my past, with whom despite infrequent contact over much time and space, I still have no trouble interacting with as if we had seen each other yesterday. There have also been girlfriends, that follow the same path...There is also a girl whom I almost married, with whom I could say I truly loved and had chemistry with, but circumstances intervened...

    As far as how often such things may happen, it varies on the individual and circumstances...it may happen only once, or 100 times...I will say, that each experience is unique, and so happens only once, as both you evolve over time, and each new person is obviously different (and also evolving)

    Curious thread...
     
  6. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #6
    LOL, then listen because we are reveling some code of life here.

    The person "A" I describe is not "the" soul mate but could be "a" soul mate. Usually your soul mate is recognize as the person with you ends up with.

    In my case is what blackfox say in (a) a person with a very deep bond.

    Is good he mentioned friendships because I have too my friends from years ago and we are just connected, I mean: friends no matter what. As some one told me once: your family in life is not only the people that share your last name.

    But today’s meeting just trigger me this person, the one with who you have the deepest bond and you can actually tell what that person is feeling. Nor you cannot tell what that person is going to do but your intuition is very accurate and sharp. I can actually feel we are above earth when we are together.

    Last night I was actually downloading this song by Price called "I would die for you" and looking at the lyrics it was actually very close to what I was feeling between this person and I.

    Unfortunately, this person may not end up being your "soul mate", circumstances appear, cultural, social... it will require a huge level of faith, will and spirit from both to stay together. Blackfox was right here too.

    It goes beyond chemistry, beyond love. It feels just as you should be in contact with each other. No specific reason, no specific end. If both falls in love would be good but... it is a strange feeling. I wonder if that could happen more than once in life.

    I just wish I could feel this connection with a gilr in the future. In my personal history I felt it 11 years ago and no one have been able to go as close and as intense than with this person. We didn't have sex and it was not love at first sight. It just happened.

    It seems I would have to let this person go. We cannot have everything in life looks like. But I just hope I could go as deep or closer again, if not I do not see sense in maintaining a relationship on which I won't be my 101% committed. God will know what to do, this is his world.
     
  7. angelneo macrumors 68000

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    #7
    Let me make a guess. The person whom you have a deep bond with is not someone whom you can so called "be with" in a conventional sense? You and him/her are both restricted socially and culturally? I guess its true that the so-called deep bond can happen with almost anyone for no apparent reason at all. I guess for you is that if you dare to pursue this relationship. If you and the other party both feel the same way, why not? I might be wrong though
     
  8. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

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    #8
    let's say that there is just one person for you

    you may never find them

    1) they could be dead
    2) they could be married to someone else or in a relationship with them
    3) they could find your gender not to their liking
    4) they could be in a place inaccesible to you...north korea or cuba *looking from the viewpoint of a person in the us
    5) they may have a belief that soulmate or chemistry is a bunch of hogwash and when they see you, they may feel an attraction, maybe, but still play the field and choose sombody else in the end

    the only place where i can imagine that there was a soulmate, by default, was with adam and eve

    the next generation, of course, may have had more choices, but they would have been one's siblings ;)
     
  9. poopyhead macrumors 6502a

    poopyhead

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    #9
    However the whole idea of a soul mate pre supposes some idea of the supernatural and almost certainly the existence of a god or divine creator. As such, it seems unlikely that if a soulmate does exist that situations 1-5 would keep one from finding their soulmate.
     
  10. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

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    #10
    I have GOT to quit following this type of stuff at work. It's really messing me up :eek:
     
  11. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #11
    Angelneo: read again the post. It is not that simple.

    jefhatfield: Oviously is a person you meet and it was mean to happen like that. That person is not dead, or in Croatia. It is a person you already know.

    Poopyhead: Is no chemistry, it is a higher level experience. Chemistry is a human physical feeling. This is spiritual.

    I had a girlfriend for 4,5 years and I was not even closer to that. I was with this other person later on as well and even we had sex it was not as good as I had with my previous girlfriend but the bond was there. It was different.

    But that is in my case, I was wondering how many poeple have the same experience and how they are dealing with it. Looks like is more common than what I thought.
     
  12. Powerbook G5 macrumors 68040

    Powerbook G5

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    #12
    If you can find a person who makes you happy, fills your life with love and affection, and can understand you, I believe that is what matters. Regardless of whether or not there is such a thing as a perfect "soulmate", what it comes down to is have you found a person who makes you happy and gives you that feeling of being connected in some way or another. I am sure that there are many people out there that would be great for you, but if you can just find one of them, I think that is what really counts in the end and not whether or not that person was destined to be "the one".
     
  13. angelneo macrumors 68000

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    #13

    hmm... this is the tough one... the more you elaborate... the more complicated it seems..... I'm confused but I remember someone who says "What is simple is the truth". Hope you can find happiness soon. Maybe I'm mistaken but you sound rather downcast

    Edit: ok 2nd try, is it like for example, you are having this game of charade, your "A" person is signalling all the clues and with a snap of finger you can guess all the answers while the rest of the players dun even have a clue? (this sounds lame as an example but is this the kind of connection you are talking about? Something that make you feel that both of you are somewhat in sync spiritually or mentally....)
     
  14. rainman::|:| macrumors 603

    rainman::|:|

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    #14
    For once, i think i actually understand and agree with mymemory. There is one person for me, we were damn near telepathic. We rarely had to even speak when it was just the two of us-- our minds just clicked alongside each other, spiritual unity isn't quite right, but it's close. I dated him on-and-off, i'd have other boyfriends but when we broke up, i'd get back together with him. But, sadly, we are toxic for each other, and don't work as a couple-- indeed, even as best friends, we kept each other down. My partner now is the person I would call my soulmate, but our relationship isn't as deep-- which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I moved away from my "A Person" as you call it, because i was consumed with him when we were near each other. We've gone our separate ways, but we're still connected... i have little doubt that in 5, 10, 20 years we'll wind up living in the same city again...

    I've heard a lot of people talk about "the one", usually it's an ex that you just made magic with. But in a lot of cases, they weren't meant to end up together. It's a very confusing thing.

    Perhaps the bond is too intense, perhaps it's a fluke of an emotional attachment, too unhealthy and close to be a working romantic relationship. Great sex tho.

    paul
     
  15. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    #15
    I found my "A" person or soul mate. Have been happily married for over 31 years. :)
     
  16. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #16
    I'm glad I made my self understood on this one.

    Yes, looks like the relationship itself becomes some what demanding. I am glad for wlove who could make it.By the way, the "A" is a soul mate but a soul mate is not an "A" person. We have many incredibel people who collaborate with our lives, those are soul mates.

    I see the relationship like the Edens Garden or we can recall a line in The Matrix when Agent Smith say: we crated a perfect world and we lost many fields because their mind couldn't accept it. Like Eva and the apple (oups!)

    For some reason such level of perfections are not mean to last, there is something in the human nature that will sabotage the relationship, maybe by arrogant or by more lower level feelings like sex, money, selfishness, etc. Just very giving people can survive themselves and the reward is the best, literally the best gift in life. A couple that will just bring light to the room they are in. I have been there.

    This are the kind of things I have in my mind during the entire day. Is very frustrating when I have to deal with the dating scene here in NY. To give you an example I meet a girl that was turned onby the kind of cell phone you had (I'm talking 25 years old average). And another one who got very exited because her date watched the same tv shows as well. Just yesterday I was chatting to another girl and after the having fun making faces we went in to "deeper" topics and she came up with I was a bi-polar person! I mean, bi-polar people are days from killing themselves and spend half the day crying for no reason, etc, etc. She told me that because I was telling her I was disapointed with some silly thing with my roommate.

    If you compare the kind of things we are talking about here with the kind of people I find in the street...! Oh, God! but eventually everything comes out allright, that is another natural process in life just like the "A" person.
    :rolleyes:

    Thanx for your sharing.

    Pd. Now the question is: Can the "A" person be replaced? I think is possible. THis world is actually perfect if you take your time to see "the code".
     
  17. blackfox macrumors 65816

    blackfox

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    #17
    Ah...New York...like the song goes..."if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere..." This applies to dating, among other things...

    Perhaps NY is not the right place for you mymemory...
     
  18. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #18
    I'm fine here, this is the place I should be. I have so many things to learn about myself and being here is like looking myself on the mirrow and it feels good because I'm feeling better.

    I'm just cleaning up the atic, throwing away the grabage and clearing space for new things.... but this is a radical way ;)
     
  19. alxths macrumors 6502

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    #19
    well the ability to replace them sort of contradicts the meaning of the "A" person, doesn't it? Although i'd rather not believe such, seeing how i broke up with who i feel was me A person a year and a half ago... must.. not.. wallow..

    if the whole idea of a soulmate is that a specific person satisfies certain criteria that create a cerrtain state of comfort or 'nirvana' for us, then maybe the answer is to learn how to manipulate your criteria?

    although, part of me will be very vvery dissapointed if i end up feeling so strongly fora another person... oh woe is me :rolleyes:
     
  20. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #20
    You are write and that is my point in the question. Now we have to be clear with some things I am saying:

    1. There are many soul mates but "socially" and in advertising there is only one soul mate out there.

    2. This parson "A" IS a soul mate, let say the most important. But now that we are discovering and see how the things works the other question is: can we replace that person? of course that mean inner changings.

    In other words, taking that person away from our minds if the relationship didn't work and work around clearing that space for some one new.

    In theory this person "A" is one and only one, but that is the theory. In may case I believe I had the chance to replace that person because everything started with a huge amount of caring any way. But I didn't replaced it because of circunstances as well. The same cir****ances that can sabotage the relationship can conspire in the past to keept me with that person in mind.

    Let see dud, this is a life time learning. I'm willing to dump that person any way. I rather spend my mind in some one else.
     
  21. themadchemist macrumors 68030

    themadchemist

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    #21
    I think this is the distinction; correct me if I'm wrong.

    The soulmate idea suggests that there is someone out there who is perfect for you. You may never meet the person because of reasons that jefhatfield (whom I'm glad to see around after an apparent absence!) outlined. In that case, you simply will not have a soulmate.

    On the other hand, mymemory's intriguing "A" person idea is actually predicated upon having met the person. An "A" person is one with whom you establish a relationship that transcends conventional bounds. You connect on more than a physical and emotional level, but a spiritual one as well. So the way I would take it is that you may never find an "A" person. More importantly, that person does not exist as an "A" person without the existence of the relationship. Identification with the label is inherently tied to the existence of the "A"-relationship.

    As I said, this is different from the soulmate, whose qualification as a soulmate does not require an actual relationship.

    So, someone who qualifies as your soulmate, if you believe in that sort of thing, has the potential to be your "A" person, if the two of you meet and things work out. A soulmate represents potential, whereas an "A" person represents actualization.

    Aside from this, I've had some interesting conversations about soulmates. I don't particularly buy into the idea and this is probably because of a conversation I had with a couple of girls who did believe it. These girls argued vehemently that everyone has a soulmate, but admitted that you might never find yours. Then what's the point?! Of course, when you find your soulmate, "you know," so is it even worth it to have relationships when you don't get "knowing" feeling? Shouldn't you just drop everyone that doesn't qualify? Of course not, I would say, because you might be very happy with someone who isn't your soulmate. If you wait, you might never find this white whale of a soulmate. Of course, these girls argued that it's not about happiness. You might be terribly unhappy with your soulmate! In fact, the two of you might break up. You might end up hating each other. Or, you might struggle and suffer together. It sounds like it could be a very sad, poetic condition. Then, on what rubric do you judge that a person is your soulmate? Yes, yes, I know it's not a rational understanding, but an emotional, even spiritual one. However, why would you want to find your soulmate if you might be unhappy with that person? I think the whole argument makes sense coming from a theatre/writing major. After all, it's very melodramatic. However, it doesn't seem like a very useful concept.

    Under these constraints, a person doesn't have much incentive to seek out his/her soulmate, to wait for his/her soulmate, or really to bother with the concept at all. The concept, as cast by my friends, just doesn't seem very useful.

    I think that mymemory's concept, which requires that you actually know the person, is more practical. It's far less gloomy to imagine that someone you know is an "A" person than to imagine that there's 1 in 6 billion people who is meant for you whom you will never meet. I'd rather think upon the people I know or have known and remember the special connections that I have with them.
     
  22. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #22
    Ok, there are many soul mates, not just one. I hear that from Deepak Chopra(or what ever his name is) and it is actually true. We had (talking about girlfriends) our girlfriend when we were teen and she was an special one "for that moment of our life". And then we have another one later on.

    LIfe is full of soul mate even from the same sex. That doesn't mean homosexuality, that mean your friends you encounter during your life that for one reason becomes very special just like that. I came here to NY for example I meet a dude who now is my best friend here, just like that.

    A sould mate is not that "romantic" thing, we can have problems with them and actually brake up with that person.

    The "A" person is different. It is a soul mate but for some reason this person becomes something deeper than the rest. It depends on each person to realized this.

    About soul mates around the world without the chnace of meeting? soul mates are mean to be meet. They are this special people you have in different stages in life.

    About avoiding soul mates? they just happen, you do not create them. In the same way you may be flirting to some one and this person never pay attention to you or when you realize there is nothing in the relationship, you may be even see this very hot girl and... it is an ok for you. well, sometimes the opposite happens, that is the way lifes work.

    But people have to be spiritually stable for that. That mean, do not sabotage a relationship because this person does not have good credit or materials things. There is so much noise out there agains spiritual values.

    For example: I was at Yahoo Personals the other day and this girl was explaining she felt alone and no one undertand her. I got in touch with her via chat and we started talking. Everything went fine until she asked for my picture, then she said: you are not my type, and quit! I mean, where are the values of this person:

    1. We didn't talk about marriage.
    2. I was jus a new friend.
    3. Do I have to look certain way to be her friend?

    And that is what happening, people are getting so picky into material things (physical appariences, social differences, etc) that they are getting isolated. She could be my soul mate but her values are different.

    I do not say fysical apparience is not important but hey! is not the most for sure.

    Any way. sorry about my spelling. But I think person "A" can be replaced it.

    By the way, the drama in a relationship is part of life, it is actually part of the love language, it is not to be consider a traumatic or negative thing.
     
  23. criana macrumors member

    criana

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    #23
    This is quite the philosophical conversation.

    My own take. I agree you can have many soul mates in life. I have two best friends (same gender) who I go to when I need someone who knows exactly how I think.

    Now I married my soul mate (with the deeper feeling - opposite gender). It is one of those situations where he knows everything about me, and vice versa, and we could exist probably without talking, due to how well we know each other. Can't imagine life without him. And we happily balance each other out.

    A year ago, I met someone who was not my opposite but like me. The relationship I had with this person was far deeper, but was very toxic, and would not have worked out. I still keep in contact with this person, because of all the people in my life, they understood me the most.

    So who was the "A" person. I am still grappling with that question.
     
  24. mymemory thread starter macrumors 68020

    mymemory

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    #24
    The "A" person looks like is not that mandatory. Actually it depends on one to find that out. The discusion is actually about that, I just realized that such person exist for some people. It just happend, maybe is a friend from the same gender, I wouldn't doubt it because espiritually there is sex, sex is something physical.
     
  25. blackfox macrumors 65816

    blackfox

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    #25
    Interesting comments, madchemist...

    mymemory, as far as you comments about "replacement" of an "A" person, especially one you become romantically involved with...this is a deeply personal, context-related question. I have seen many people (including myself), suffer with with this...tentatively, I would have to say one has to move on, that it is the challenge and growth inherent in the (at times painful) integration and acceptance of the complexities of reality. As my ability to handle more complex and nuanced relationships increases, chances are that I will become more attractive to those who will know me, and more capable of dealing with relationships I find important or transcendent in a manner fitting...none of us lives in a vaccuum, although perhaps late-nights in our heads, we might like to think so...as time moves on, so do we, and everyone else...

    Also, mymemory, with reference to the girl you mentioned from Yahoo...well, obviously, everyone has a capacity for shallowness...it reminded me of a seemingly empirical fact, however...I have noticed that peoples' friends are all usually the same level of attractiveness as each other...with regards to my friends, this is certainly the case, with no-one being uglier than I, or more attractive (which would be impossible :D )...but it has not been deliberate...other groups of friends I come into contact with seem to follow this rule also...anyone else find validity to what I am talking about?...
     

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