The Bible: A Survey

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Kalns, Dec 23, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Kalns macrumors regular

    Kalns

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    #1
    Coming Soon...

    There's a lot of misconceptions about the Bible. It's one of the most read and least understood books in existence. For this reason, I intend to write here a survery of both the old and new testament, showing the broader perspective of the story and the message contained therein. Hopefully it'll help to alleviate in a small way the plague of ignorance so prevalent in modern society.


    No Trolling Please. I intend this thread for serious discussion only.
     
  2. solvs macrumors 603

    solvs

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2002
    Location:
    LaLaLand, CA
    #2
    Good luck with that.
     
  3. Ugg macrumors 68000

    Ugg

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2003
    Location:
    Penryn
    #3
    Hmmm, while admirable, I can't help but feel that your interpretation will vary a great deal from other Christian interpretations. As has been shown time and time again, the bible has never been a one size fits all kinda book.

    Your interpretation is exactly that, simply your interpretation.
     
  4. TequilaBoobs macrumors 6502a

    TequilaBoobs

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2006
    #4
    oh oh sign me up pls!!

    im dripping w/anticipation to hear your interpretation!
     
  5. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #5
    Don't be rude. As much as kalns and I disagree, he is very well-intentioned. I also think he's a good person trying his best to understand his religion, the world and all the differing viewpoints about both. So why not offer an opinion on-topic rather than attitude?
     
  6. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Location:
    UK
    #6
    First you type this:

    And then this:


    I think this is a case of Mister Kettle meet Mister Pot.
     
  7. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2004
    Location:
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    #7
    Well...erm... what *is* the purpose of this thread? If we can't troll, what is the topic of discussion? Whether the bible is indeed the most read and least understood document in history? Whether Kalns is indeed the chosen one who will explain it to the masses? Pssh, Mel Gibson would at least release a 720p trailer. :D
     
  8. Kalns thread starter macrumors regular

    Kalns

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    #8
    My purpose is to begin this survey of the Bible by viewing it as a piece of literature rather than from a theological standpoint. Reason being, that there is in fact a broader story contained which is often missed due to the often significant amounts of time seperating particular books and the seemingly cryptic nature of some of the passages. To begin to understand the Bible you have to know the story it's telling.

    In short, the Bible is the story of God. Like any good story, this one has a villain. That being Lucifer, the most beautiful of all the angels. Now when I say angels, dispel any notions you have of those babies with wings. The Bible describes angels as towering beings with bronzed skin and the voice of a multitude. If given the command they were able to effortlessly level a city.

    Now before God created mankind, He had created the Angels. They dwelt with Him in heaven until Satan, who filled with pride, desired to overthrow the throne of God. He wanted to make the story about him. Swaying 1/3rd of the angels to his cause, a war erupted. Lucifer and the angels which had turned against God were cast down from Heaven, never to be able to return. Lucifer would become known as Satan. A new name for a new and wholly evil being. The angels who fell with him would become known as demons. They would serve to carry out the will of Satan against God's newest creation....man.

    And so it was that God breathed life into Adam and later Eve, beings made in His own image. Seeing this image and knowing how much God loved His creation, Satan resolved to do all he could to harm them in order to hurt God. If he couldn't go after the Father, he would attack His children.

    To be continued...
     
  9. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2004
    Location:
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    #9
    Now that Satan, there's a fellow I can like. :eek: ;) :D

    I do see this thread being banished to Gehenna...erm.....I mean the Wasteland. :eek:
     
  10. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Location:
    UK
    #10

    I'll stick to Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' trilogy. It's shorter and a far more enjoyable read.
     
  11. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #11
    So this Lucifer is beautiful with a sun-tan and can sing?

    How ironic would it be if his surname was Iglesias? :eek: :D
     
  12. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #12
    Which version is this? The Bible according to Kalns? Do we need another?

    What were the "messengers" of god doing before mankind arrived? There would be nobody to give any messages to.

    There weren't any churches, so that name wouldn't be on the list for a start.
     
  13. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2004
    Location:
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    #13
    Sounds like the beginning of the version of the Old Testament that would fit in with Jesus Christ Superstar. :D

    We should really let the gays overhaul the Bible instead. It needs more color and dance routines.
     
  14. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #14
    Sorry, I'm forgetting you're old enough to remember :D
     
  15. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
  16. Kalns thread starter macrumors regular

    Kalns

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    #16
    Though I started this with good intentions, I can see that it's a waste of time. The vultures are out in force and they choose to remain willfully ignorant. I'll save my time and effort for people worth my time and effort.
     
  17. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #17
    I'm surprised it took you so long. The whole premise of this thread is both condescending and dishonest. This is absolutely nothing to do with History.
     
  18. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2006
    Location:
    UK
    #18

    I'd need to borrow Vic and Bobs handbag for a suitable response.
     
  19. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #19
    So are you saying the only reason you started this thread was an attempt to convert us all to Christianity? How would you feel if I started a thread titled "You're all deluded. God doesn't exist". Would you not comment?
     
  20. Peterkro macrumors 68020

    Peterkro

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2004
    Location:
    Communard de Londres
    #20
    You'll be telling me Santa doesn't exist next.:rolleyes:
     
  21. savanahrose macrumors 6502a

    savanahrose

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2006
    Location:
    just this side of heaven, CHARLESTON SC
    #21
    Nice try Kalns. It doesn't look like you have any takers here.
    Have a nice Christmas.
     
  22. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #22
    Everybody knows he was born in March. Pisces through and through.
     
  23. calculus Guest

    calculus

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2005
    #23
    I think he had really bad luck. Born on Christmas day, died at Easter.
     
  24. Dont Hurt Me macrumors 603

    Dont Hurt Me

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2002
    Location:
    Yahooville S.C.
    #24
    I agree, little surprised how no one wanted to discuss it. I myself think the old testament is worthy of discussion. A lot of old history sprinkled with some fairy tales like the creation of the Earth and man. The fossil record cant be ignored nor can the Earths history thats recorded in the cores we pull up out of the ground. In this reguard old testament is nothing more then fiction, but in a historical context it records many events of the time like mans wars,movement and people of the time.
     
  25. Kalns thread starter macrumors regular

    Kalns

    Joined:
    May 16, 2006
    #25
    No, the reason I started this thread was to INFORM you, not CONVERT you. But you're all so damn paranoid about Christianity and alterior motives that you can't even look at the Bible in a literary way without acting like a bunch of whiny children. You see what you want to, and hear what you want to. You can see and yet you're blind. Your can hear and yet you're deaf.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page