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The Matrix - ReSeussed

Discussion in 'Community' started by GeneR, Jun 3, 2003.

  1. macrumors 6502a


    The following was found at the blog: Matrix Essays. I don't know if someone else posted this already (I couldn't bear to read The Matrix Spoilers thread anymore... sorry! :D) Anyway, it's pretty funny (IMHO). :D

    The Matrix: ReSeussed
    The following contains Reloaded spoilers

    The Matrix: ReSeussed

    by Tom

    (If "The Matrix: Reloaded" had been written by Dr. Seuss)

    I am the One and I am free.
    The Oracle is fond of me.
    I need that dude who makes the key.

    You only dream that you are free,
    Look all around -- causality:
    It's in the wine, it's in the steak,
    It's in this chocolate cake I bake.
    See yonder blonde? She sure looks fine.
    One bite of cake, and she'll be mine.
    Then in the restroom where we're meeting,
    You can guess what she'll be eating.
    So, goodbye.

    But I am free,
    And he is not the boss of me!

    He is a pig, she is a whore,
    I've seen this scene twelve times before.
    The tricks he's pulled, the lies he's said --
    I'll shoot his werewolf in the head!
    I'll fix him good for being sly;
    I'll give you the key maker guy.
    But first, a kiss to seal the deal;
    Just make me feel that it's for real.

    This bargain does have some appeal . . .
    OK, a kiss, and now we're through.

    I'm very cute, curvaceous too,
    Is that the best that you can do?
    It must be true, the things they say --
    The tabloid stories that you're . . .

    Let's try again, you are a hottie.
    Here's a kiss that's really naughty.
    (Trinity will hate this night.
    She'll bring it up each time we fight.)

    Now, that was better, way to go!
    I feel a tingle, head to toe.
    Let's have another.

    Back off, ho!
    Or taste a bullet from my gun.

    Too bad you're with her, she's no fun.
    Well, come with me, we won't get caught.
    I'll let you in my secret spot:
    A steamy, dark place down below,
    A tunnel deep in my chateau.

    Could this be symbolism?


    Come through this door and take a peek.
    This little guy is the locksmith geek.

    I've got the keys to every lock.
    I jingle-jangle when I walk!

    And can you get me to the Source?

    I have that key. Of course! Of course!
    I'm on your side, just don't take me
    Through airport gate security.

    (First published at http://matrixessays.blogspot.com
    This poem may be freely reproduced if it is unchanged and this notice is included.)

    Perhaps, people would be able to add to this? Hmmm. :D
  2. macrumors 604


    Ah, that's great. ahaha. Morpheus - 'coul that be symbolism?'. lol.

    This part was great too:
  3. Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    That's friggin great!

    Do they have any more - I'd love to see one of the Agent Smith discussions ReSeussed!

    Thanks for posting that here - definitely deserved its own thread.

    D :D
  4. macrumors 6502a


    I think that's it.

    Apparently the guy who has the Matrix Essays blog (see above link at original post) made that up. Or maybe someone gave it to him. I'm not sure.

    I wish there was more. I'd love to read the interchange between Agent Smith and Neo too. And even Neo and the Architect.

  5. macrumors 6502a


    Eh.. its not really in the style of Dr. Seuss. Kinda similar rhyming style, but the meter is all off. Not very good really.

    Sorry. :-\
  6. macrumors 604


    Very true, but still hella funny IMO.
  7. macrumors 6502a



    Oh, well... I think it's pretty funny that you made that comment, springscansing, since it makes sense that music people are going to see the flaws where everyone else won't. heh. :D
  8. macrumors 604


    It is really funny. :D
  9. macrumors 601


    LOL!!!! :D :D :D

    that's the funniest thing i've read since "goodbye to the Classic UI" - words to the tune of that "american pie" song. (not sure of the name....)

    we gotta find some more of this stuff!!:D

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