the topic of marriage

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by acidrock, Mar 14, 2004.

  1. acidrock macrumors 6502

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    #1
    Some people have told me that they had gotten married to young, and when they got married again after being older it had worked better. A lot of my cousins are now married or getting married, we've had like four weddings in the last three years. I guess I feel left out but what are your experiences? Do you regret getting married young for those of you that have?
     
  2. darkblue macrumors newbie

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    #2
    Definitely not. I married at the age of 22, my husband 27 at the time and I have no regrets whatsoever. Of course there's the occasional tiff but that comes with every marriage and it's how you deal with it which makes all the difference.
    It differs from couple of couple I suppose, personally my man taught me a lot whilst we were dating and it felt very natural to marry then although I was still young, in uni and he was also completing a medical degree. :)
     
  3. Roger1 macrumors 65816

    Roger1

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    #3
    I've been married for almost 13 years marrying at the tender age of 24. Do I regret it? No. I love my wife and my two kids very much. Would I do it over again? YES :cool:
     
  4. idkew macrumors 68020

    idkew

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    #4
    i normally shoot in jpg, as for what i do with them, i just keep them in iphoto.
     
  5. bryanc macrumors 6502

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    #5
    Personally, I'm opposed to marriage at any age, but if you're determined to support that particular antiquated social construct, I strongly encourage you to delay as long as you can.

    Any individual will continue to change throughout their entire life, but the *rate* of change (generally) slows down as we age. So if you've found someone who seems to be your 'soul-mate' at the age of 17, chances are you'll both change so much by the time your 30 you won't have such compatible personalities anymore. On the other hand, if you wait 'til you're in your mid-late thirties before getting married, the person you're with will likely still be pretty compatible with you when you in your 60's.

    Cheers
     
  6. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    #6
    I got married in September 1972. My wife was 26 and I was 24. For us it was love at first sight. We have been happily married now for over 31 years. The choice to get married is an individual one. Marriage isn't meant for everyone, that shows in our abysmal divorce rate. No one should get married under social pressure.

    I have never regretted married for one moment.
     
  7. miloblithe macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

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    #7
    It's interesting that someone wrote in saying 24 is young for marraige. I'm sure there are some people who would consider that normal, or even old. I'm 30 and engaged, and will be 31 by the time July and marraige rolls around.

    acidrock,

    What ae are these cousins of yours? What age are you? You seem to have left that info out.
     
  8. fartheststar macrumors 6502a

    fartheststar

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    #8
    I got married at 24, been married 5 years and it's working great. My wife was 22 when we got married. I love my wife and it still feels the same as when we first got married. We're best friends.

    I think the biggest thing is to get married for the right reasons, because you love someone, not because it is 'the thing to do' or because everyone seems to do it. You also have to keep it fresh and new.

    I have a friend who's getting married this summer. He is already having problems. His fiancee is already complaining that they don't spend enough time together. He's responded by telling her "this is the way marriage is going to be". He's already "telling her" how their marriage will be based on the example he's seen growing up from his parents. He's told her "I will leave for work at 6 and come home at 6, have dinner and go to bed at 9". I'm NOT kidding. He's already working long hours now. She's starting to lash out because she wants more attention.

    Each marriage is different. Mine feels no different then when we were dating. That's the way it should be. Mind you, lots of folks change the way they behave when they get "married" for some reason.

    You can't expect yours will be the same as another one. You have to strike a balance between the two of you (who get married).

    And a few last bits of advice on marriage:

    1. Never go to bed mad.
    2. Once you say something you cannot take it back. Think first.
    3. Respect each other unconditionally and
    4. If you are upset at something your spouse has done, figure out if it's a man vs woman issue or a personality conflict. Men and women behave differently and I find over 95% of problems in a marriage can be explained by the differences between the two sexes. If you realize this you can take the "personal" issue out of the equasion and work together to work through these men/women problems. ;)
    5. Don't let kids monopolize your life to the point that your significant other is ignored.

    That's all of my advice.
     
  9. acidrock thread starter macrumors 6502

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    #9
    I did not per say, mean that I wanted to get married, just was courious about what people's thoughts were. I would eventually like to but I am waiting until I find the right person, the question is will I know it when I do. Well I normally didn't want to give my age out but I will this time, I"m 25 turning 26 later this year, and I am in college. Most of the cousins that are getting married are in there 30s I think, but I have one getting married this summer who is probably 25ish, (honestly I can't remember). For me it just feels so strange to have all my cousins getting married, and I'm not.
     
  10. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    #10
    There are some people in my high school who are already engaged. They are not even seniors yet. Of the four couples, 3 of them are juniors and one of them is a sophomore.

    Waaaayyyy too young to be getting hitched if you ask me. They haven't even seen what else is out there and already they are deciding to marry.
     
  11. darkblue macrumors newbie

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    #11
    That may be relevant to some people, and although it may not be such a strong influence these days, isn't having kids and starting a family still part of getting married? Marriage can be the best thing in the world and the more you delay it, the more you're missing out being with the person you love.

    Also delaying marriage means delaying kids (if you have any) and the biological clock keeps on ticking...no matter what advancement in technology says. You may be more financially stable as you get older yes I agree, but the odds of having healthy children are much better at a younger age. As you get older, the likelihood of disorders in children such as Downs Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy etc increases.
    So obviously there are pros and cons which have to be weighed up within relationships as it differs from person to person...and these decisions can be made ONLY within the relationship of the two people. :cool:
     
  12. Awimoway macrumors 65816

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    #12
    I think it's safe to say that the younger you marry, the better the odds are that you'll grow apart. On the other hand, I'm not totally impressed with the way educated classes do it in society today--marrying late and having one or two kids so damn late that the parents are easily in their 60s when the kids graduate from high school. Parents and kids best relate to each other, and the parents have more energy for the kids, when they are closer in age. Within reason of course. I'm not advocating teen pregnancies.



    Anyway, my wife and I married young. We met when we were 18, college freshmen. The moment I first laid eyes on her, I knew I would marry her. We waited until we were 22 to marry. It has been hell on our finances, because we had kids right away while still getting through college. But it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it. I would do it over again the same way. It would have been easier if we had waited to have kids, but it was the right time for them to come.


    However I think the whole concern about growing apart is silly. No matter what age you marry, both partners are going to change. If the only reason you married was because you like to watch the same tv shows or listen to the same kind of music, well that's not much of a foundation for a marriage. My wife and I can't stand each other's tv viewing choices. But it's irrelevant. We love each other. We've made a life commitment. We don't obsess over trivialities.
     
  13. Nanda Devi macrumors regular

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    East Lansing, Michigan
    #13
    It's funny you say that, because I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now (we've lived together for more than 5) and the main reason we're not married is because we know it will have no impact on our relationship... in other words, I'm in no way "missing out on being with the person I love" by not being married to him. We do everything together, share everything (expenses, credit cards, possessions, etc.) and we are best friends. While I'm not against getting married, and will probably marry him at some point, it does seem sort of pointless... especially because neither of us are religious, and marriage is usually a religious ceremony. If we do ever get married, it will be outside somewhere, not in a church.

    So I tend to agree with bryanc, that it's always best to wait, wait, wait! There is absolutely no point in jumping in to marriage.



    Who says you have to be married before you can have kids? It's really not a pre-requisite. However, on the subject of kids, I would say that not jumping in to parenthood is even more important than not jumping in to marriage. Because while marriage may not have much of an impact on your life, kids will change it forever. (I don't have kids, but I know that when I do have them my life will never be the same again, and that's why I'm going to hold off on that until I've done all the things I want to do in life that would be impossible with kids. I'm 27 now, so I'm hoping to be able to wait until I'm about 32 or 33. It is true you can't wait too long without taking a risk....)

    ND
     
  14. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040

    MongoTheGeek

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    #14
    In my high school there were girls having babies (I know at least one with more than 1) Old enough for sex is old enough for marriage.

    Personally I married at 24 to a 32 year old woman who is absolutely wonderful. Its been 6 years and still going strong. The important thing is commitment.
     
  15. carbonmotion macrumors 6502a

    carbonmotion

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    #15
    I didn't start having responsible sex till i was out of highschool... i think anytime you decide to become a responsible mature adult, is the time you should start having sex. Anytime after that you feel economically and emotionally stable enough for a child, you should have a baby...ofcouse im 19 what do i know?
     
  16. cr2sh macrumors 68030

    cr2sh

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    #16
    That's exactly right, because when I think of reasons why I should marry the woman I love.. it always comes back to me being determined to support (an) antiquated social construct. :rolleyes: :)

    I'm interested in wdlove's story of love at first site... tell us more please. Did you think within moments of meeting her, I'm going to marry this woman? Did she feel the same way? How long did you guys date? How long were you engaged? Was the courting an ideal relationship, as far as breakups or 'on again, off again'? :) :confused:
     
  17. virividox macrumors 601

    virividox

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    #17
    congratulations!!!
     
  18. WinterMute Moderator emeritus

    WinterMute

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    #18
    I very nearly got married in Uni, I was 21, it would have been a complete disaster, we stayed together for 5 or 6 months after the date, and it ended very badly (she stabbed me).... :eek:

    We didn't marry because the registrar needed 48 hours notice, so we had a pizza instead...

    I married at 31, and I think I was only just ready for it then, you really have to work at a marriage, especially when the kids arrive, and I simply wasn't ready at 21.
     
  19. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

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    #19
    Got married when I was 37 - been married a couple years now and I have no regrets and I'm looking forward to spend the rest of my life with her. It just took me a little longer to find my wife. No way to know, but if we had met 10 years earlier, I'd have laid good odds we'd still have been married. :D

    D
     
  20. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    #20
    An answer to an above comment, a lot of kids in my high school class got engaged and married soon after graduation. Then by our 5th reunion the majority were divorced. To me it was very sad.

    I'm not sure of the exact moment that I realized she was the one. This was completely out of character for me, but I ask her to marry me on our third date. My wife said that she right away also. She also said yes to that question on our third date. This was in February, after Valentine's Day.

    She was the type that called me every day. At the time I was in nursing school. When you are in love, that person is on your mind constantly. It started to cause me difficulty with my school work. So I took a great risk. I told her not to call and that we needed to not contact each other for awhile, sot that I could concentrate on my studies. Them after the end of finals we resumed like nothing ever happened. She said that she understood.

    Originally the plan was to get married in December of that same year. I was anxious to get married. Preferred to get the wedding out of the way prior to returning to nursing school. We had a honeymoon. Then stayed at her parents till our condominium was ready. School started before we moved.

    I look back in amazement at all that you have just read. It's like that was a different person.
     
  21. cr2sh macrumors 68030

    cr2sh

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    #21
    Thanks wdlove... something to think about.

    I met Kelly about a month ago.. within 10 minutes of talking to her I thought "I'm going to be best friends with this girl the rest of my life." I had a crush on her instantly, but thought she was way too pretty and nice and funny.. and amazing, to feel the same way about me. Two weeks later (after we had a discussion about the IRQ modem conflict on the old VIA Super Socket 7 chipset) I found out that she did... and though I'm 1800miles away from her this week.. she says I'm all she thinks about and its the same way for me. Love at first site.. who knows.. but I've never met a person who's made me feel this good about myself. :)

    ****.. way to postjack a thread with sappiness. :rolleyes:

    i hate putting 'hahahaha' in a post.. but that's hilarious. :D
     
  22. rueyeet macrumors 65816

    rueyeet

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    #22
    I know how you feel....all my friends are now getting married off, even the ones I never thought would find anyone who'd put up with them. It's wierd, everyone just pairing up, and me still here doing my own thing.

    Two things, though: I still have no intentions of marriage, and no one at present who could make me change my mind on that point. I like being single, and don't have the kind of patience and tolerance that contributes to a successful marriage. It just feels like everyone's going off into some other territory into which I know I don't want to follow...

    ...though, the second thing is that this is largely because most of them will be having kids, which is something I DEFINITELY don't want to do. (that patience and tolerance thing again ;) ) Kids really do change everything. I never feel out-of-sync with the childless married couples I know.

    I definitely think there's such a thing as too young for marriage, but don't think that's a fixed point--but then, neither is maturity, without some measure of which no one should get married. And if you want kids, it's probably best to not put it off so long that you're retiring right when you'll need to pay college tuition. Other than that, it's up to the couple involved whether marriage is for them or not.
     
  23. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    #23
    I really hope that you find the same lifelong companion in Kelly that I found with my wife. Your comments sound as though you may have found your soul mate. It's a coincidence that it only happened to us about 20 miles apart. We both lived in Middletown at the time. Please keep me informed as to how your life progresses.
     
  24. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    #24
    I don't know about that. If you are able to doesn't mean you should. A person, who, while physically capable of having sex, may not be mentally prepared for later repercussions, especially while still in high school.
     
  25. WinterMute Moderator emeritus

    WinterMute

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    #25
    Oh yeah, laugh a minute as I'm sitting in casualty having a pair of long-handled nail scissors cut out of my back.... :rolleyes:

    Seriously, I was often attracted to the wrong women, Steph was merely the wrongest of a long line of wrongness.

    I met my wife in Uni at around the same time, she was my best friend for over ten years before we both decided that we'd been looking in all the wrong places.... plus she hasn't stabbed me yet. :D
     

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