Valentine's Day Poem - Help?!

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Buschmaster, Feb 13, 2006.

  1. Buschmaster macrumors 65816

    Buschmaster

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2006
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #1
    This is what I wrote for my girlfriend just now, any ideas on improving it? I want it to be the best for her.:)

    -------------------
    No matter how bad it gets
    And now matter how far down
    You've always been the best
    To turn my mood around

    With a girl so pretty and nice
    I couldn't smile more
    You think I'd pay the price
    But loving you's know chore

    Knowing the hugs are free
    It's hard to put down in words
    But as long as you love me
    I know it could always be worse

    Everynight to fall asleep
    I crawl into my bed
    And I try to count the sheep
    But you just don't leave my head

    In the light or in the dark
    Beautiful all the time
    All the times at Lion's Park
    I feel complete sublime

    So on this Valentine's Day
    Know that I love you
    And know I want you to stay
    Right here in my view

    The very end I wanted to work in my arms in, or something like that, but couldn't find a way... need more Dew maybe ;)
     
  2. iSaint macrumors 603

    iSaint

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    #2
    Dude, if you wrote it, it's fine! Not many guys will take the leap of poetry. She'll love it.

    (just fixed a grammatical error, if that's ok)
     
  3. Buschmaster thread starter macrumors 65816

    Buschmaster

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2006
    Location:
    Minnesota
    #3
    Hey, it's poetry, grammar doesn't matter to me ;)

    Thanks for the compliment, though. She told me it was the best gift she ever got.:D She also mentioned that she cried, I'm amazing, she loves me, I never cease to amaze her, and yeah, these are all quotes!:cool:
     
  4. Qoxiivi macrumors regular

    Qoxiivi

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2005
    Location:
    London, UK
    #4
    I sent a girlfriend of mine this once along with a bunch of flowers.

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I know this because I used to hide in the bushes outside your house and stalk
    YOU!

    We're not going out anymore.

    Anyway, with regards to your poem, I have made some small changes:

    No matter how bad it gets
    And now matter how far down
    You've always been the best
    To turn my mood around

    With a girl so pretty and nice
    I couldn't smile more
    You think I'd pay the price
    But loving you is no chore

    Knowing the hugs are free
    It's hard to put down in words
    But as long as you love me
    I know it could always be worse

    Everynight to fall asleep
    I crawl into my bed
    And I try to count the sheep
    But you just don't leave my head

    In the light or in the dark
    Beautiful all the time
    All the times at Lion's Park
    I feel completely sublime

    So on this Valentine's Day
    Know that I love you
    In my arms I hope you will stay
    And be always here in my view
     
  5. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040

    Kwyjibo

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2002
    #5
    A great trick ... take a song that you like or know thats romantic but not very popular ... then translate it into a language you can speak but she doesn't know ... and read it to her ... she'll find it ultra romantic if its french for example.
     
  6. thedude110 macrumors 68020

    thedude110

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2005
    #6
    Louis Zukofsky would write Valentines poems for his wife Celia every year. He's one of my favorite poets, and this is one of my favorite poems ...


    A Valentine

    This
    is
    not
    more
    snow
    to
    fall

    but
    a
    gust
    of
    the
    softest --
    bending

    down
    the
    wood
    of
    gardens'
    branches
    into

    a
    girls
    and
    boys
    pastoral,
    old

    years
    not
    to
    wink
    looks,
    middle

    life
    to
    chase,
    it's
    musical
     
  7. FFTT macrumors 68030

    FFTT

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2004
    Location:
    A Stoned Throw From Ground Zero
    #7
    As Soon As I Close My Eyes

    As Soon As I Close My Eyes
    I Feel As Though You're With Me
    Feel The Way You Kiss Me
    And Hold You Through The Night

    As Soon As I Close My Eyes
    There Is No Longer Distance
    Between Us No Resistance
    As One We Are That Way

    Please Baby Don't Go Away
    Just For Once
    Why Can't You Stay
    I Need You
    Here With Me
    More Than You Could Know

    In The Night I Come To You
    Know You Feel It
    When I Do
    Hold Me There
    In You're Heart Girl
    When You're All Alone

    Never Hurts To Dream
    That One Day We're Together
    The Way We Are Together
    When You're There With Me

    As Soon As I Close My Eyes
    As Soon As I Close My Eyes

    As Your Lover
    And Your Friend
    I'll Be With You Till The End
    Holding You
    When You Need Me
    Through The Morning Light.

    Never Hurts To Dream....
     
  8. ibook30 macrumors 6502a

    ibook30

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Location:
    2,000 light years from home
    #8
    A very from the heart gift.

    Nice. Good luck - and happy Valentines day.

    I looked for a sampler poem from some of my favorite poets, and sadly, none do anything romantic (appropriate)- fer example, Sergei Yesenin :

    Life - a lie with charming sadness
    That is where lies her strength
    And with her rought hand,
    She writes the word of fate.

    Always, when I close my eyes,
    I say, "Touch your heart and see,
    Life - a lie, but even She sometimes
    Adorns a lie with joys.

    Turn your face to greying sky,
    Telling fortune by the moon,
    Calm, mortal, and do not ask
    The truth you do not need."
     

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