Waiting until marriage

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by P-Worm, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. P-Worm macrumors 68020

    P-Worm

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    #1
    There seems to be quite a few threads popping up about sex in the teenage years and it seems like nearly everyone here thinks that not only is it good and healthy, but those that think it should be kept until after marriage are somehow evil.

    I'm not here to try and convince you otherwise, but I merely wish to know how many of the members here feel that sex should be kept until after marriage. In my opinion, staying a virgin until you are married is probably the greatest gift one could give their spouse. It says a lot about how much you care for the person I think.

    Are there any others on the board that feel the same as I do?

    P-Worm

    *Please note that this thread is not meant to change other people's opinions on the matter. If your views are different than mine there are reasons for that and I respect that. I wish only to know if I am in the complete and vast minority, or if there are others that feel the same way. Please no flame wars.*
     
  2. Dros macrumors 6502

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    #2
    I guess I don't understand the gift aspect. I don't think a person is defiled by having sex, so what exactly is the gift? Not knowing how to do anything?
     
  3. balamw Moderator

    balamw

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    #3
    Precisely. How do you value the gift without anything to compare it to.

    Wait to know if you can tolerate living with/having sex with the person before committing to do so for the rest of your life.

    B
     
  4. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #4
    I don't think waiting until marriage is important, but I also don't think having promiscuos sex with tons of people when you're a teenager is good.

    The best time to have sex is when you're mature enough to know what it means to the other person and mature enough to take it seriously yourself.

    I think it is a good idea to use protection (condoms) until you are married, engaged, in a common law marriage, etc... Pretty much when you KNOW the relationship you are in is very long term and very serious.

    Agreed. Sex isn't a bad thing, so I don't understand why somebody is defiled if they choose to have sex before they are married.
     
  5. biturbomunkie macrumors 6502a

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    #5
    waiting until marriage? well, i lost that option since i was 14... :(
     
  6. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #6
    Waiting until marriage is so unnatural, really. Why do humans make sex so difficult? Are there other animal species that purposely add boundaries and rules to make things more difficult for themselves?
     
  7. vniow macrumors G4

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    #7
    I can't think of one good reason why should have waited for marriage. Therefore I haven't.
     
  8. Leareth macrumors 68000

    Leareth

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    #8
    I know this will be counterproductive
    how about if a person does not ever want to get married? or be in live-in long term relationships?

    I agree with the previous poster why wait till marriage but don't be promisciuous either. There are lots of people that are great dates and really fun to be around but the bedroom aspect is a total incompatability issue, why marry them before you try them ?
     
  9. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #9
    No. Sex is a wonderful thing, so you should do it with people you love. You don't have to be married to be in love, and you dont have to be married to have sex.

    I always saw this as more of an American phenomenon. I know people aren't as uptight about sex in the rest of the world, and I figured that meant less people waiting until marriage.
     
  10. Grakkle macrumors 6502a

    Grakkle

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    #10
    Of course sex isn't a bad thing - it's a wonderful thing, which is why it's special and shouldn't be shared with just anybody. Basically, it's the ultimate act of love, as I think most would agree, so to treat it as simply a physical act without taking into account the emotional aspect is a mistake.

    As for whether someone is "defiled" if they have sex before marriage - of course not. But if possible I think it's better to wait.

    So I'm squarely in the "wait" camp. This isn't due to any religious conviction - it's a conclusion I've reached through my own observation and thought. Most married people I know who've waited do have better relationships, cliche though it may be. Add to that the possibility of getting an STD, or transmitting it to one's partner, the likelihood - and in any sex between a man and woman there is the likelihood - of children, and the emotional stresses of many sexual relationships, and the balance is squarely in favour of waiting.

    At least it makes the honeymoon more fun. So, I plan to wait - though if I actually do is another matter entirely, as I clearly recognise.

    Absolutely. However, in any REAL love there has to be commitment, too. Marrying someone is a way of expressing a more intense level of commitment to your partner - hence, saving the sexual aspect for that more intense committed love makes sense to me.

    EDIT: I seem to have accidentally posted a fragment earlier.
     
  11. smueboy macrumors 6502a

    smueboy

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    #11

    I couldn't have said it better.

    :)
     
  12. n-abounds macrumors 6502a

    n-abounds

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    #12
    Well I'm gay and in America, so there's not a possibility of waiting until marriage.

    But I wouldn't wait anyways. It's something I want to do, and most marriages fail anyways so what's the point of waiting?

    And to the guy above^ Just because people who waited until they were married have better marriages doesn't mean it's because they waited. Correlation is not causation.
     
  13. balamw Moderator

    balamw

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    #13
    There certainly are places more uptight than the US, but they are few and far between in the industrialized world.

    Abstinence before marriage seems to be a relic of the days before contraception when you could not plan conception as we can now so you needed some other means to increase the odds of having your wife's kids be genetically yours as well. It also seems like a relic of the days of arranged marriages and dowries, but that's probably just me...

    B
     
  14. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #14
    I don't believe in marriage. Neither does my girlfriend. Neither of us are religous (both athiests), so we don't believe we need our love validated by a religious institution. Marriage does not equal commitment. Any relationship that both partners are serious about = commitment.
     
  15. Grakkle macrumors 6502a

    Grakkle

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    #15
    But correlation can lead to the discovery of causation. Examining the evidence - and I admit I could be mistaken - taking sex more seriously than it's commonly taken in modern culture (which usually means waiting until marriage, or at least significant commitment) does seem to make a very large difference in the success of a marriage.

    When other factors are more or less identical, it's not hard to pinpoint the aspect that's making the difference. And "respectful sex" if I can use the term, seems to be the difference.

    As for most marriages failing, that's not quite true - it's more like 50% in North America at least. If and when I marry I want mine to be one of the successful ones. Divorces are costly, both financially and emotionally, and I'd prefer to avoid one if possible.
     
  16. n-abounds macrumors 6502a

    n-abounds

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    #16
    Well marriage can be just a governmental institution, not just a religious one. But I agree, I don't think a piece of paper should be all that keeps you together. Although I can't get a marriage, I doubt I ever would.
     
  17. spicyapple macrumors 68000

    spicyapple

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    #17
    Why Wait for Sex?

    I've bookmarked this website in the past, but seems appropriate to this discussion. Sorry for the Christian bent, but when it comes to sex... I don't prescribe with secular views.

    "People are dying of emotional starvation...I would like to identify seven lies that our society is making about sex. The truth is that sex outside of marriage is not all it's cracked up to be. There is no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow."

    The seven lies.

     
  18. n-abounds macrumors 6502a

    n-abounds

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    #18
    I do believe we've crossed the 50% threshold in America at least...and that's most.

    And I agree with your first part as well. But it's not a "lack of defilement" that makes for better marriages. It's just likely that these people came from good, respectful families that settle their arguments. But it's not like waiting until marriage would flip a switch and make you a better spouse.
     
  19. Grakkle macrumors 6502a

    Grakkle

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    #19
    Right. If a marriage certificate is all that's keeping a couple together, something is seriously wrong. That shouldn't be the purpose of marriage at all - to keep together two people who oughtn't to be together anyway.
     
  20. QuarterSwede macrumors G3

    QuarterSwede

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    #20
    We are on a different plane than animals so you can't compare the two. Also, there are some animals that do mate for life ... quite a few actually.

    Why do people always think Americans are behind the "rest of the world" when it comes to things of this nature? Personally I think it makes no logical sense as to why you would want to have sex with everyone you care intimately about. Most of my friends that have done that are either worried about STD's or have terrible relationships with their ... lovers. People in serious mature relationships usually realize sex is not nearly as important as the civilized world makes it out to be (it's over hyped, over used, over done). The actual relationship is what is important.

    I'd say it's just you since the Romans, Greeks and Egyptians, in essence three biggest cultures, used forms of contraception. It's a very, very old concept.
     
  21. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #21
    I don't see how there is a link between alcohol and drugs.

    I've never had alcohol in my life, I've never done drugs in my life, and I do very well in school. It's ridiculous to assume there is a link between sex and druge use. :rolleyes:
     
  22. Ugg macrumors 68000

    Ugg

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    #22
    Arent' you just setting yourself up for a massive guilt trip if you don't wait?

    I think waiting until a person is emotionally ready to deal with sex is good, but it's obviously going to vary from person to person.

    I'm troubled by the gift idea as well as the unreal expectations that a 20 something is going to have on his or her wedding night.

    Waiting is good, waiting for religious reasons or in order to bestow a gift on someone is bad.
     
  23. BigPrince macrumors 68020

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    #23
    Not to sound a prude or asexual here, but why is sex so important?

    Personally I think its over ratted. I rather go out and have a fun time doing something cool.
     
  24. smueboy macrumors 6502a

    smueboy

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    #24
    I'd like to make a distinction between sex before marriage and teen sex. I don't agree with having sex too early (emotionally), as many people do. But i also don't agree in waiting for marriage. As it5five nicely puts it, the partners make the committment not the piece of paper, and part of making that committment is expressed in the act of love.

    Moreover, it's an integral part of a mature and loving relationship, and waiting years until the honeymoon would lead to expectations and uncertainty that don't seem necessary to me.

    And nevermind the sexual tension that must exist in a relationship that exists for years without sex (assuming a normal level of attraction that is part of such a relationship). :rolleyes:
     
  25. vniow macrumors G4

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    #25
    Er, sex is having a fun time doing something cool.
     

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