What comical emails have you received lately?

Discussion in 'Community' started by kiwi_the_iwik, Jul 29, 2002.

  1. kiwi_the_iwik macrumors 65816

    kiwi_the_iwik

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2001
    Location:
    London, UK
    #1
    Go on - give us all some examples of funny emails, or links to comical sites, that you've had recently.

    My brother, who lives in Australia, sends me the odd one-or-two.

    The latest one he sent me was a link to:

    www.ebaumsworld.com/coronas.html

    Check it out.
    :D
     
  2. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    in transit
  3. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    #3
  4. King Cobra macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2002
    #4
    >http://esu.lt/andrius/10/go.htm

    If the rabbit hat floppy ears like a big dog and didn't look so futuristic I would be laughing.

    What gets me laughing would be the all high time waster and the icon of absolutely tasteless crap :eek:

    www.stupid.com

    :p
     
  5. SilvorX macrumors 68000

    SilvorX

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  6. Rower_CPU Moderator emeritus

    Rower_CPU

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  7. teabgs macrumors 68030

    teabgs

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2002
    Location:
    behind you
    #8
    http://www.realultimatepower.net/


    When my friend had me go there I almost died laughing....its juts soooo funny! I cant read his "movie scripts" out loud cause I laugh to hard!
     
  8. iGav macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2002
    #10
    The Tube

    Anyone who has experienced first hand the magic of the London Underground will be able to sympathise with some of these......... it's a list of actual announcements that Tube train drivers have made to their passengers.


    *____Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller
    suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his
    backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

    *____Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your
    service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
    married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction".

    *____Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."

    *____During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the
    driver announced in a West Indian drawl 'step right this way for the sauna,
    ladies and gentlemen...unfortunately towels are not provided'.

    *____Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means
    that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
    bags into the doors."

    *____May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking
    allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a
    joint it is only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage".

    *____Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news
    is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great
    time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between
    Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

    *____Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a
    security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for
    the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time
    together. All together now.... Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall...."

    *____We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker
    Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me,
    so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that"

    *____This is a customer announcement, please note that the big slidey
    things are the doors, the big slidey things are the doors".

    *____Apparently, this train is no longer terminating at Barking, but
    is in fact, terminating here. I'm sorry about this but I too was under the
    impression that this train was going to Barking, but 'they' have other
    ideas. I mean, why tell me - I'm merely the driver..."

    *____We can't move off because some idiot has their f***ing hand
    stuck in the door"

    *____Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" [Pause ...]. "Oh go on
    then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home."
    Cue uproarious laughter from the whole station.

    *____To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the
    second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
    understand?"

    *____Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage
    these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
    registered charity, failing that, give it to me!"
     
  9. Rower_CPU Moderator emeritus

    Rower_CPU

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2001
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    #11
    Dude, I'm linking to there in my sig...I did for a while during the DGVPG capaign, too.:D
     
  10. dnte42 macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2002
    #12
    Be warned this article involves content of an adult nature dealing with inappropriate e-mail and Elmo.



    Dave Barry: Spam beats cafeteria food

    I understand there are still14 or 15 people out therewho are not on theInternet. Boy, are you missing out! Just this morning I had an experience that reminded me why the Internet is the most important technological advance for humanity since humanity figured out how to put cheese into an aerosol can.

    What happened was, I was going through my work e-mail, by which I mean I was deleting it. As you Internet users know, most e-mail comes from ''spammers,'' who are the mutant spawn of a bizarre reproductive act involving a telemarketer, Larry Flynt, a tapeworm, and an executive of the Third Class mail industry. Every day I get dozens, sometimes hundreds, of e-mails from these people, almost always trying to sell me one of four things: (1) pornography; (2) Viagra; (3) a product for the man who is not satisfied with his natural self and would like to increase, by as much as three inches, the size of his endowment; or (4) a low-interest mortgage.

    Why are there so many e-mail ads for these products? Does anybody buy them? Is there a town somewhere, called Spamville, where the men consume Viagra and pornography in bulk quantities, then lurch around in a lust-crazed frenzy, their huge artificially enhanced endowments knocking holes in their walls, so eventually their houses fall down, forcing them to purchase new ones, using low-interest mortgages?

    I don't know. All I know is, I spend about half of my time on the Internet deleting e-mail. Fortunately, that leaves me with the other half of my time available to accomplish a much more important task: trying to remember my password.

    The newspaper I work for, The Miami Herald, is owned by a large corporation that has a strict computer-password policy administered by people who were kicked out of the Nazi party for being too anal retentive. This policy requires us employees to constantly change our passwords, to prevent you outsiders from breaking into our computer system and reading our internal communications.

    For example, you might see the electronic bulletin board where reporters and editors discuss sensitive journalism issues, the main one being how bad our cafeteria is. Do you remember, maybe 15 years ago, when that giant barge full of garbage from Long Island was being towed up and down the East Coast because nobody wanted to take it? Did you ever wonder what happened to it? Apparently, to judge from the comments on our bulletin board, it's being gradually converted, ton by ton, into Miami Herald cafeteria entrees.

    But as I say, that information is classified. To keep you outsiders from getting hold of it, we employees are required to keep changing our passwords until, in a triumph of corporate security, we cannot remember them even with the aid of Sodium Pentothal. Many of us have to put a post-it note on our computer with our password written on it, along with the word ''PASSWORD,'' so we remember what it is. This is probably not a solid security practice, but if we don't do it, we will be unable to get into the system and carry out the important work of deleting our e-mail.

    So anyway, this morning I was at my home computer. I'd managed to log on and was deleting my e-mail when my 2-year-old daughter climbed into my lap and demanded to see Elmo. Elmo, like everybody else, is on the Internet, and if you go to his site, you can play the Laundry Game, where you help Elmo sort his laundry. This may sound pointless, but trust me, it's one of the more productive things you can do on the Internet.

    So the situation was this: I had a 2-year-old squirming in my lap, and a screenful of e-mail to be deleted. Somehow, trying to locate Elmo, I clicked the mouse on the wrong thing, and suddenly OHMIGOD, there it was, in color, a picture of four or five people, and what I believe was a very excited barnyard animal, all of them jaybird naked and engaging in some activity that, whatever it was, had nothing to do with obtaining a mortgage.

    I can't be more specific because I was frantically spinning my chair away from the screen and covering my daughter's eyes with one hand while trying to click the picture away, but as soon as I did MORE pictures popped up, and then more, covering the screen with explicit images of people and animals and possibly, at one point, Elmo. I finally had to turn off my computer to make it all go away.

    My point is, I could not have had this experience without the Internet. I want to thank everybody who made it possible, especially you spammers. Maybe some day I'll meet you in person!

    I'll buy your lunch.
     
  11. ShaolinMiddleFinger macrumors 6502a

    ShaolinMiddleFinger

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    Oct 12, 2001
    #13
  12. teabgs macrumors 68030

    teabgs

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    #14
    yeah man.....Ninjas are sweet. They rock hard all night long!!


    hehe
     
  13. job macrumors 68040

    job

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    #15
    Re: The Tube

    I miss the tube....:(

    Nice quotes though. :)
     
  14. Royal Pineapple macrumors 65816

    Royal Pineapple

    #16
    Re: The Tube

    is this some weird demented british version of 99 bottles of beer on the wall?;)
     
  15. iGav macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2002
    #17
    Re: Re: The Tube

    You wouldn't say that if you had to use it everyday.........:p :p :p The scary thing is the amount of people in London that don't appear to wear deodorant__... :eek: :eek: :eek: Eww....... :p :p
     
  16. iGav macrumors G3

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2002
    #18
    Re: Re: The Tube

    Nah... we sing the '99 bottles of beer' too... :)

    10 green bottles is just a similar thing........ goes something like this.....

    10 green bottles, sitting on the wall, 10 green bottles, sitting on the wall, if 1 green bottle should acccidentally fall..... There will be 9 green bottles sitting on the wall.......

    I'm sure you get the picture so I won't continue....... :p :p :p
     
  17. jelloshotsrule macrumors G3

    jelloshotsrule

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    #19
    works for me. weird... what browser?
     
  18. kiwi_the_iwik thread starter macrumors 65816

    kiwi_the_iwik

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    Location:
    London, UK
    #20
    Re: Re: Re: The Tube

    Hmmm - nothing like a swealtering-hot day on the District Line, being buffeted around next to a demented derro of a bag-lady, and a feral student who hasn't seen soap since he left home 18 months beforehand...

    "Mind the 'crusty bits' - sorry, I meant - Gap."

    Eeek.:eek:
     
  19. Rower_CPU Moderator emeritus

    Rower_CPU

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    Location:
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    #21
    It's not working for me either:

    PC - NN6, IE6

    Mac - IE5.2
     
  20. ShaolinMiddleFinger macrumors 6502a

    ShaolinMiddleFinger

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2001
    #22
    I'm using IE but now apparently it works....i guess it was just down for that day....it's funny though...great movie, too...
     
  21. Rower_CPU Moderator emeritus

    Rower_CPU

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    Location:
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    #23
    www.yourethemannowdog.com

    Still a no-go for me...
     
  22. Geert macrumors 6502a

    Geert

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    .be
    #24
  23. job macrumors 68040

    job

    Joined:
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    #25
    Re: Re: Re: The Tube

    When I lived in Surrey I would take the train into London with a few of my friends and we would spend the whole day in London. We used the Tube (and occasionally the bus) to go everywhere we needed to go.

    Then again....we never used it on a daily basis. :D
     

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