What do you think about long-distance relationships?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by sunnysweet, Apr 27, 2013.

  1. macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2013
    #1
    My best friend broke up with her BF because they live in two different cities, about 3-hour long journey by train. Is there similar story around you? Do u think long-distance relationship can not last for long?
     
  2. macrumors 68000

    TyPod

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2006
    Location:
    And Yourself?
    #2
    I feel it depends on what stage they are in life. If they are young and in college I don't think it will end up working, if older and have a steady job I think it could end up working.
     
  3. macrumors 6502a

    DesertEagle

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2012
    Location:
    /home @ 127.0.0.1
    #3
    Long distance can be really hard. Talking on the phone (or Skype/Facetime) every day helps, but it's not the same. You want to be close to the one you love, which is probably why you're in a relationship in the first place.

    But 3 hours by train? That's nothing. I had one that was 10-11 hours by jet, in addition to transfer time. We didn't get to see each other very often, because of long flight and expensive tickets. After 2 years, we couldn't take it anymore, so then we got married and we've lived together ever since.
     
  4. macrumors 601

    satcomer

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Finger Lakes Region
    #4
    You should be asking service members. Most of them have long distance relationships all the time. :rolleyes:
     
  5. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Location:
    boston
    #5
    I think 3 hours by train is doable if ones schedule allows time for one to see the other person a couple of times a month. I think trips that involve flying are when it gets more difficult.
     
  6. macrumors G3

    Huntn

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Location:
    The Misty Mountains
    #6
    Long distance relationships are tough.
     
  7. macrumors G5

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
    #7
    Agreed. They are more difficult, but can work if the circumstances are right.
     
  8. bgd
    macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2005
    Location:
    SG
    #8
    I know several people in long distance relationships. All are struggling. While they can work it's not easy.
     
  9. macrumors 601

    Plymouthbreezer

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2005
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    #9
    Done the long distance thing. Twice.

    One time it was actual long distance (4+ hours of travel), and that was okay, for the time… What throws stuff like that off are circumstance changes for one of the involved parties. For example, going to college, changing jobs, etc. It also depends on how often you get to see the person. I’m a firm believer that you don’t necessarily needed to be in the same place all the time, but having a physical connection (not even just sexual… I’m talking like… the ability to chat face to face) is important to the long-term success of any relationship.

    Another “long distance” relationship involved only about an hour “commute” for either of us, but I was in college and she was still in high school. When you’re busy with something like school, an hour commute seems like too much effort.

    I’ve recently tried getting back in the dating scene, and over the past few months, have tried to be open to seeing people who didn't live in the immediate area. But, as a young professional starting my career, I don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to traveling to see someone. And when you start a new relationship, an added amount of effort is required. This may be a crappy attitude, but honestly, I think I’m just being realistic.
     
  10. macrumors 65816

    decafjava

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2011
    Location:
    Geneva
    #10
    It can depend, if the separation is "temporary" due to work assignments or school with the understanding the couple will live together again at the end of a certain period it is fine. A roommate from uni was studying translation in Geneva while her boyfriend/fiance was studying dentistry in the US. this lasted three years then she went to live with him and finish up her degree and start and finish a Master's over there-there had been many visits during the time however.
     
  11. macrumors 603

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #11
    My relationship with my wife began as a long-distance relationship. We were three hours apart (by car) and saw each other only on most weekends. Eight months later she relocated to live near me, and a year after that we were married.
     
  12. macrumors 68040

    twietee

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2012
    #12
    They're actually fine as long as one found the right partner. Had one myself for about four years and it worked out - couldn't even meet for over a month at times.

    But long term separations are only part of the problem since you get used to it somehow. Moving together and seeing each other almost all the time, well at least twice per day, is the next...:D
     
  13. macrumors 65816

    TheAppleFairy

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    Mar 28, 2013
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    岩手県
    #13

    With gas prices these days, I am glad I am married.;)
     
  14. macrumors G3

    Apple fanboy

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2012
    Location:
    Behind the lens, UK
    #14
    Only 1.5 hours by train (each) if you meet in the middle. I had a long distance relationship with my wife when we first started going out. After 3 months I moved as I couldn't bare to be without her. Still can't!:eek:
     
  15. macrumors 68020

    Liquorpuki

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2009
    Location:
    City of Angels
    #15
    I did long distance 2 1/2 years when my girl went to grad school in NY. Have a couple friends who did 4 years long distance when they went to med school and are now married.

    It's hard, most relationships will fail, and if you or her got the itch to cheat buried somewhere in the back of your mind you're gonna do it.

    That said a handful of people can make it work. Use a webcam when you can't make the trip, you guys both gotta make an extra effort to stay in each others' lives. Also gotta have a real connection with each other
     
  16. macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2012
    Location:
    California
    #16
    love will find a way, anything else will be in shambles.
     
  17. macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Darkplace Hospital
    #17
    Depends on the individuals. My girlfriend moved away for university which was 2 hours from my university (or 4 hours including the bus ride to the train station!), but it's nothing really especially if you're spending Fri night-Sun night or Monday morning. We did that for 5 years. If anything I preferred it that way. We could focus on work during the week and legally relax on the weekends.

    Whereas a friend of mine has a girlfriend in a different country. They were "together" for years but only saw each other recently. I think they've spent a total of 1 month together. I definitely couldn't do that especially when you have crazy timezones involved!
     
  18. macrumors 68020

    ugahairydawgs

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    #18
    In the end it depends on if both involved feel the relationship is worth it. My guess is, since they are now broken up, that they didn't.

    All relationships have a degree of difficulty and distance adds to that. Is it impossible with the distance? No....but it, like anything worth doing, requires some effort.
     
  19. macrumors 6502a

    WoodNUFC

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Location:
    Columbus
    #19
    The closest my wife and I were before we got married was a 3 hour train journey. Most of the time we were on opposite sides of the Atlantic. That includes the first 8 months of our marriage while we were waiting on US immigration.

    We have agreed that the distance wasn't the hard part, it was the time difference. It's much harder to have a relationship when one party is asleep and the other is at work.
     
  20. macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2008
    Location:
    KY
    #20
    I guess it all depends on just how HOT she is... :D Nah, in all seriousness, if you really care for the person, you'll find a way to make it work. My wife and I weren't REALLY long distance (about an hour apart), but it was far enough that we had to work through scheduling issues and such.
     
  21. macrumors 6502a

    comictimes

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2004
    Location:
    Berkeley, California
    #21
    It's doable, but difficult. Both parties have to agree that the challenges are worth it. My girlfriend and I were about 4 hours apart for 8 months (her working in New Jersey, me going to school in Massachusetts). We were able to see each other on weekends, switching off who was travelling, and talked most days on Skype or the phone. For the past year her job has had her travelling to LA Monday-Thursday (we live in the Bay Area, California now), and even with being able to spend 3 days a week together, you have to make sure to communicate and both be on the same page as to where the relationship is.

    So long story short, distance is tough but manageable. It requires lots of communication, and being very honest about your feelings and whether you both are able/willing to put in the effort necessary to maintain the relationship. I've always been able to see my girlfriend on weekends, or at least every other week, but I imagine for people further apart it's even harder.
     
  22. macrumors 6502a

    a-m-k

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2009
    #22
    I agree totally.... I just had to break away (not break up because the two of us lived too far away from each other and we never argued.) After all the stories you hear about certain relationships, I was EXTREMELY luck to have him in my life.
     
  23. thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2013
    #23
    It is a lucky thing to stay with our lover together through life. :)
     
  24. macrumors regular

    Keukasmallie

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Location:
    WNY
    #24
    Longingly....
     
  25. macrumors newbie

    AnnaBee75

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2013
    #25
    Long distance relationships are all right for a limited time. It gets tough when its time to level up in the relationship if they are not able to move in together. I know several people that had to end their relationships (after several years) because they couldn't move in together because of their work.
     

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