What do you think of this poem

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by doucy2, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. doucy2 macrumors 65816

    doucy2

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    #1
    i have this poem due tomorrow for school
    what do you think of it


    Houses

    Different dull colors

    The same plain shape

    The same average size

    Same yards

    Same cars

    Same lives

    Are the people the same inside?

    Same plain houses

    Same ordinary people
     
  2. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #2
    why the double spacing??

    hmmm well you are asking an interesting question, which is always good, but when writing poetry or whatever, its more important to find the answer to that question. the repetition of the word "same" is a bit too much. its a good start though.

    what kind of class is this for? and what level?

    mind you i am a prolific poet and writer, i have a degree in English and am pursuing a higher degree soon in writing so sorry if i seem to come down hard.
     
  3. doucy2 thread starter macrumors 65816

    doucy2

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    #3
    no its good
    its constructive
    im a junior in high school
    its for basic LA not honors or anything
     
  4. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #4
    best advice i can give you is this:

    you ask the question "Are the people the same inside?"

    take that question, explore what it means and what implications it can have, what if all the people are the same? how did the come to be that way? its a beginning question that just begs to be answered and expolred more fully. now granted this probably isnt a huge project for you. but if you enjoy writing this is one of the best ways to look at why are you are writing a particular piece, what is the urgency behind it and why is it significant, and there you will find the interesting material that will answer the questions you ask.

    i hope that made some sense. :eek:
     
  5. doucy2 thread starter macrumors 65816

    doucy2

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    #5
    yes thank you for your input it was of great help
     
  6. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #6

    no problem and good luck. if you have any questions etc, feel free to pm me or whatever. glad to be of service.
     
  7. Demon Hunter macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2004
    #7
    I would say use more descriptive imagery. Good luck. :)
     

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